


One Girl with Ten Brothers

by DiamondDollDark



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon-Typical Behavior, Everyone is Genderbent except the parents, Family, Genderbend, Genderbend Loud House, Humor, One-Shots, Rule 63
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 159,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24223942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondDollDark/pseuds/DiamondDollDark
Summary: Read about Linka Loud and how she survives the chaotic yet amusing adventures of her life with ten brothers! A series of one-shots, both originals and rewrites. Yes, same story on FF.net, now on AO3.2/22/21: I'M SO SORRY THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY NEW SERIES IS TAKING LONG! I've been so busy with college! But I WILL update soon!
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. Us, Overprotective Nah?

Linka Loud is just like any other fifth grade girl, minus the immense number of siblings she has. She has a lively personality, has a best friend who is trustworthy and does what she thinks it's best for herself. Unfortunately, she is one of the unlucky few who is bullied at school. Her bully is known as being the toughest kid in school and randomly chooses targets for the heck of it; the bully seems to take delight in bothering Linka the most.

On Monday and Tuesday, Linka had suffered the classics. From the whoopee cushion prank to the "Kick Me" notes taped on her back. But there were times where the bully got real creative.

On Wednesday, her regular clothes were missing when she had finished gym. She had to spend the rest of the in her sweaty gym clothes. When school was over, she found that they took the place of the American flag high upon the school flagpole.

On Thursday, she had received a "love note" from a boy in her grade requesting her to meet him in the gym for a "confession". When she arrived at the rendezvous point, a can of garbage was dumped on her head and she was made a fool in front of the bully, the very boy who the "love note" was addressed from, and all of his friends.

On Friday is where she drew the line. She was on high alert for her bully but when she opened her locker, five or six rats escaped from there and scurried across her red ballet flats. Causing her to let out a blood curdling, high pitch shriek. Followed by the mocking laughter of all the kids in the hallway.

"That's it!" Linka cried to the heavens. "I'm sick of this crap and I'm not going to take it any longer! It's time to end this!" She stomp off to have a little chat with the bully.

* * *

"So what did you say?" Claudia McBride, Linka's best friend, ask after Linka told her what had happened before school ended as they walk to Linka's house.

"I said to meet me in front of my house at 3:30 this afternoon so we can finally end this."

"What are you going to do?" Claudia asks worried that Linka might do something drastic.

Linka stop in her tracks and so did Claudia. "I'm just going to settle this like an adult and use my words. Bitter and angry words that is. In the form of a speech, as soon as I write it."

"Looks like that bully use bitter words of their own." Claudia point to a post-it note stuck to a wad of chewed up gum on the right side of Linka's hair. Linka removes the note.

"Lame-O." She reads. "That is the laziest insult I've ever heard!" Claudia, being the lovable weirdo that she is, goes up on her tippy toes and smells the gum on Linka's head.

"Watermelon Lime? That bully's got taste."

"Better get rid of this thing before my brothers find out and make this situation ten times worse by getting involved. No pun intended."

"Why not let them help you? Your brothers give great advice, especially Loki. He told me that my true self scares people. He's so honest, that's one of the many things I love about him." Claudia swoons with hearts in her eyes. Linka playfully rolls her eyes.

"Readers, I love how Claudia's so innocent. The poor girl has no idea what it's like to live with ten overprotective brothers."

* * *

_At a family barbecue, Linka brought the lighter and spatula to the grill. "Woah, woah, woah. What are you doing?" Lynn called after her._

_"I want to man the grill." She answered._

_"You're gonna burn yourself. Let me do it." Her brother said as he took the items away._

_"But-."_

_"Just let your big brother do the hard work while you wait for the food baby sis."_

* * *

_"Loki, can you drive me to the arcade?" She asked the oldest on the couch._

_"Why?" He asked not looking up from his phone._

_"I'm meeting some friends there."_

_He put his phone down and turned sharply to her. "Do I know them? Where they live? Who's their parents? Are they girls? They better be all girls, Linka!"_

* * *

_Linka laid there on the couch with an ice bag on her forehead and wrapped in blankets. A few minutes before, the twins had wrestled her and forcibly made her use the items as if she was a stubborn patient with a fatal disease. Loki came in to take her temperature. Levi used a dangerous looking ray that only a mad scientist like him would carry to take her x-ray. Luke and Lane wrapped her in bandages but they basically mummified her from the waist up. Loni had made her chicken noodle soup but clumsily spilled the hot soup on Linka's lap. Luke and Lane came back with the bandages, completely mummifying her from top to bottom._

* * *

"That last one was all because I said "I think I have a stomachache"."

"Well you better get that gum out, you don't want to look stupid when you face that bully."

"I have never looked stupid." Linka retaliate. She tried using her fingers but quickly decided against it.

"Try peanut butter." Claudia suggests.

"Chunky or smooth?"

"Definitely smooth. Chunky would ruin your hair even more."

"Alright. Thanks, Claud."

Linka went into full stealth ninja mode when she entered, as an attempt to avoid any run ins with any of her brothers. When she saw that the living room was clear except for her baby brother, Leon, with his toys, she let out a sigh of relief. Looks like her chances of being in the middle of an overprotective "brornado" are less than ten percent.

She shushes her baby brother when he giggles at the sight of her. Linka steps on one of his squeaky toys and freezes at the sound. Leon imitates her shushing and she frowns annoyed. She managed to reach the kitchen and open the fridge unnoticed until her older brother Luke shows up beatboxing. In a panic, she put her whole head in the bottom tub of the fridge.

"What's up, sis?" Luke greets her.

"What's up, bro?"

"Killer way to chill out, sis. Would cramp my style but hey, you do you."

"Huh? Oh yeah, totally killer. That's just me, Little Miss Creative."

"Right. Yo, get me some pudding."

After some mindless grabbing and reaching, she grab a cup of pudding and drop it in her brother's hand.

"Thanks. Stay cool." He says walking away.

Linka removes herself from her position and finally spots the item she was looking for. Only to find out that it was empty.

"What's with you people and putting empty containers back in the fridge?!" She exclaims, throwing it over her shoulder and causing a crash. She didn't care; she just slam the fridge door close. "Now what?"

"You're really gonna criticize the chick for wearing cargo shorts on the date?" Says Loki, walking in the living room, on his phone. "You need to cut it out." His response were an unlikely source of inspiration.

"Cut it out? Perfect." Linka whisper to herself. With one quick trip to her parents room, she steal some scissors and makes one step up the stairs. But Lane was descending so Linka quickly leans the right side of her body against the wall.

"Hey, Lane." She says causally.

"Hey, Linka. What do you think of this joke? You're so skinny, that I could use your body to row a boat."

Linka frowns. "That wasn't funny."

"Oh well, insult-comedy routines aren't for everyone." Lane smirks as he walks away.

Linka scurries up the stairs and to her room, temporarily forgetting the rule that you're not supposed to run with sharp objects. She was an inch away from her doorknob when her mother demands her to take out the trash. "There's never five minutes to myself around here." She grumbles bitterly.

So with the scissors in her pocket, she went to collect the garbage then goes out the kitchen door outside. A second after she place the bag in the can, Loni calls out her name. She physically face-palm. I should be used to my brothers popping up out of nowhere but this is ridiculous, she complained mentally. Linka put the trash can lid on the right side of her head.

"Linka! Have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere."

"Nope, did you put it in your charger that's on the lamp stand table next to your bed?"

"You're a genius." Loni says in awe. "What's up with that hat?" He gestures to the trash lid.

"Oh, this little thing? It's the latest fashion craze. As a man of fashion, I thought you knew."

He stammers, caught off guard, then scoffs. "I knew that Link, I was just testing you." He lies.

Linka rolls her eyes. "Of course you were." With the trash lid on her head, Linka runs off, leaving Loni to stare ideally at the other trash can lid. Linka discard the lid when she reach her bedroom door once more. Taking out the scissors, she wish silently for no more distractions.

"Greetings and salutations, elder sister." Levi says behind her, scaring her. "You appear to have a soft, cohesive substance made with Polyisobutylene and sweeteners in your follicular area."

"Levi, speak English."

"You got gum in your hair." You can fool all of the Loud brothers but nothing gets pass the little scientist.

"Let me explain-"

"By being of average intelligence of your age group, it is obvious that you didn't place it there yourself. Hence, the only logical conclusion I can come to is that someone is bullying you."

"Levi, please don't tell." She beg. "I don't want all of our brothers to get involved."

"Don't worry. I don't have room in my brain for this kind of hogwash." Which is a scientist way of saying "ain't nobody got time for that".

He leaves her alone with that. She sighs with relief, as if a huge weight has been lifted off of her. She enter her room and cuts off the sticky substance that has been annoying her this afternoon. Not even a second later, she hears the words "oh hell no!" ring out throughout the house and the stampede of footsteps ascending into hallway. Lynn kicks open her door with his nine brothers behind him. Minus Leon and Levi, they all looked outraged.

"You're being bullied and you didn't say anything?" Lynn says, pissed.

"Levi, what the heck man?" Linka scowls at the four-year-old.

"All I said was "I don't have room in my brain for this kind of hogwash". So, I removed your secret and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain apparently has ample room."

"Thanks." The very boy says. Then he understood what Levi meant. "Hey!"

"So someone is bullying you." Luke states.

"Of-of course not!" Linka denies.

"Then explain that." Lane points to the wad in her hand.

"It's my gum." She clarifies. To prove her point she put it in her mouth and pretend to enjoy it. "With hair on it!" She spit it out in disgust. She look back at her brothers. "Ok, so my bully put gum in my hair. It's not a big deal, really!"

"Linka, it's a huge deal!" Loki says. "We can make this better."

"No, you cannot! You'll-"

"You should rat on her to the school principal!" Lexx interrupts her.

"What's the principal gonna do? Suspend her so she can came back for revenge?" Loki accuses. "Nuh uh, you gotta be personal. You should literally post an embarrassing video of her on the school website."

"With my insult comedy routine, I'll have the little brat crying for her mommy!" Lane adds.

Lynn moves his body in semicircular motion and kicks Linka in the shoulder. "Roundhouse kick, a Kung Fu classic. That's how you'll defeat her." He explains as Linka holds her shoulder in pain. He then drags her into the hallway and tackles her. Once he's on her back, he pulls her head back.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Lynn, stop!"

He lets go on demand. "That's called the Camel Clutch. Another good recommendation." He says as he gets off her back and Linka stands up.

"Boys, I don't need your-"

"You should begin with the classic "you're so dumb" jokes. For example, you're so dumb, you tried to put Skittles in alphabetical order." Lane says.

"Oh! I know, I know!" Lexx says. "We'll invite her to play video games and make her use the broken controller! Woah… I am so evil!"

Lynn made an atypical pose behind Linka. "What are-" before Linka could finish her sentence, Lynn does a Sweeping Kick at her ankles making her fall again.

"Ha! Bet you didn't see that kick coming! I invented the part with the pose myself."

Linka stands up annoyed. "Look, I don't need this!"

"Fine! I'll handle this myself." Lynn walks down the stairs fuming.

"What you need to do is this!" Luke says before crashing his cymbals together in her ear. "That brat will be deaf for a week!"

"Ugly jokes are good too." Lane adds again. "Like, you're so ugly, when your mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!" The poor girl couldn't hear her comedian of a brother because her ears were still ringing.

When she comes to a minute later, Lynn comes back with a plump girl that he's dragging by the collar. An unsuspecting pedestrian that was about to have the fury of the Loud brothers unleashed upon her.

"Boys! I found her!" The boys wasted no time ganging up on her.

"I'm going to explain this the simplest way that I can for someone as dumb as you. Nobody bullies our sister except us!" Loki makes clear in a vicious tone toward the girl. Leif grabs Linka's hand and spits out the gum he was chewing onto her open palm.

"Give her a taste of her own medicine, Linka!"

"Eww.."

"Fine, I'll do it!" Leif tries to take it back but Linka snatches her hand back.

"Stop! This chick's not my bully. Although thanks to you, she probably will be in the future." The plump girl growls at her with fists clenched.

"Whoops." Lynn says. "Are you still here? Get out!" Lynn demands then he pushes the random girl down the stairs, no real damage done to her. "And don't you even think about bothering our sister!" He screams as she runs out the front door. She won't be passing by the Loud house anytime soon.

"Unbelievable!" Leif exclaims. "One more second and perfectly good gum would have been wasted on her!" Leif takes the gum from Linka and chews it.

"I'll find another girl." Lynn says.

"THE BULLY ISN'T A GIRL!" The boys look at their sister, confused.

"Is it a teacher?" Loni asks.

Linka sighs in defeat. "It's a boy."

The boys share a surprised gasp. Now to those reading this, you might probably assume that the boys are overjoyed that a boy noticed their sister. Because the chapter is similar, if not, exactly the same as the episode so far. But what kind of brother, any kind of brother, would be ecstatic over this kind of news?

After a moment of shock, all of them except Levi, go ballistic. They scream battle cries at the top of their lungs, even Leon is screaming. It's like the only way to express their ire is to behave like angry gorillas (Lynn reduced himself to pounding his fists on the floor and Luke is banging on his chest). Once they calm down, they surround Linka.

"Normally, I don't have time for inane emotions but …THIS TWERP WILL PAY!" Levi shouts, pounding on his chest then joins his brothers.

"Linka! Why didn't you tell us a boy had the audacity to put his hands on you?!" Luke exclaims, disgust and venom is his tone when he said the word "boy".

"He sounds disgusting!" Lexx adds with hate in his voice.

"The hell is happening?" Linka says confused.

"What a boy should never do in his life is pick on a girl! It makes him look like a stupid misogynist! That's a man who hates women. And we don't tolerate that in this house!" Loki explains.

"Just give us the name Linka, and we'll make the kid wish he'd never been born." Lars speaks for the first time during this whole scene and all ten boys go into gorilla mode again for a short time.

"No way! I'm not letting you guys murder the kid. I can handle this myself. I'm gonna meet him today and show him who's the bigger person here!"

"You need to show him who's boss!" Loki exclaims.

"A boy respect a girl who fights back. It's actually good that he's coming over. You'll show him that you're not going down like a pussy!" Lynn adds.

"Lynn's right. You need to fight him." Loni says the thought that's on all the boys' minds. Leon is thinking that too from the way he kicks the air in Loni's hold.

"What?!" Linka screams.

"Fight him! Fight him! Fight him!" The boys chant rhythmically as they circle around her. For Linka, it's like the "bronado" watch has become a "bronado" warning and she's in the middle of it. She escapes to the bathroom for safety but her brothers' chants are still heard. She pulls out the walkie-talkie from her pocket.

"Mayday! Claudia, do you copy?!"

"Roger." Her friend answers. "Well it's Claudia not Roger, but you know what I mean."

"My brothers have gone off the deep end! They said the only way to get the bully to leave me alone is to fight him!"

"Hmm.. I don't know Linka, maybe they're right."

"My brothers are never right! Their overprotectiveness blocks all their common sense!"

"Well, think of it this way. If you beat someone at their own game, then it's over."

"Yeah but…wow, you really think if I fight him, my school life will be back to normal?"

"Only one way to find out. Good luck Linka." Claudia ends the conversation. Linka takes a deep breath and slams open the bathroom. "SHUT UP!" She yells over the noise, her brothers obey.

"Ok men, let's show this little boy who he's messing with." All ten of her brothers scream with excitement this time, glad to hear that their sister agrees with them.

* * *

Her watch beeped signaling that it's 3:30. "It's showtime. Lexx, scrunchie." Lexx hands her an orange scrunchie and Linka ties her shoulder length hair up into a ponytail. "Leif, gauze." Leif wraps the gauze around Linka's hands.

She cracks her neck and glares at the front door. "Let's do this." Linka stomps to the front door, listening to her brothers' words of encouragement.

"Remember what I said, sis."

"We're proud of you, little sister."

"Aww, our little Linka..."

"… is all grownup and off to kill somebody."

"We should all wear these hats at that kid's funeral. These are the latest fashion craze." Loni adds, pointing to the trash can lid on his head.

Once Linka's outside, the boys move to the living room window. Linka makes the first move and slaps him across his face. Before he had time to react, she punches him in the jaw with all her strength. The Loud brothers cheer from the window. The bully wastes no time to react as he punches Linka in the face, causing Linka to fall down. The Loud brothers suck in a sharp hiss. The bully runs away, holding his jaw when he's a safe distance from the house.

Linka stomps back inside and upstairs with a left black eye, listening to her brothers words of apology; still angry at the bully.

"Sorry sis, our bad."

"I'll get some ice for that shiner."

"X-ray machine. Stat."

"You did pack a good punch."

"Well, there's always next time."

"SHUT UP!" She yells at the top of the stairs. "Every time you guys stick your noses in my business, you make things worse!"

"We can catch him for you!" Luke suggests.

"No! No more violence! No more of your solutions! NO MORE OVERPROTECTIVE BROTHERS!" She stomps to her room and slams her door shut.

* * *

"Ugh, god damnnit! I should have never listened to them! Why did I in the first place? They're always wrong. Now that bully's going to make my school life a hundred times more worse!" Linka complain to the ceiling as she's lying in bed. Suddenly, she hears a sharp whistle from outside and a rock is thrown into her room from her small open window. The rock has a note. A note with a phone number on it.

_No one's ever had the guts to stand up to me before, Lame-O. I respect that. Here's my number. Text Me._

The fact the words "text me" are underlined means the kid is serious about his request. Linka smiles to herself. Another object with another note is thrown. A raw steak.

_For your eye. Sorry about that._

_\- Robbie Dan_

This is the first time the boy has given her his name. She has just known him as some unnamed rude ass. Linka peeks out her window and gets at this Robbie Dan. He's a Hispanic kid with a baggy purple sweater, jeans, and a spiky hairdo. He's holding an ice pack to his jaw. He gives Linka a small wave then dashes away.

"Well readers, for once my brothers were right. But don't tell them that!" She holds the steak to her black eye. Lynn carefully opens the door with an ice pack.

"Hey sis, how- where did you get that steak?"

"Uhh.. Charlie got it for me!"

"Nuh uh! She's sleeping in her doghouse!" Lynn steps closer to read the note still attached to the steak, then he reads the note on the rock. "Robbie Dan? Is that the bully who just punched you?"

"Yes, but he obviously apologized."

"He had the nerve!" He roars. "The audacity! To just give you this after he disrespected you on our property!" The note is clutched tightly in his right fist.

"But you said a boy will respect a girl after she confronts him!" She attempts to take back the note but he holds it up, out of her reach.

"I meant he'll respect you because he knows you're capable of fighting and will never bother you again! Not to flirt with you!" His disgusted tone really enunciated that last sentence.

"I gotta tell everyone else. GUYS! YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS!" He yells and runs out of the room. Holding Robbie's note in the air.

"LYNN! GIVE THAT BACK!" Linka yells, hot in pursuit.


	2. Twice as Hard

Linka grabs her pop tart as soon as it comes out of the toaster. "There's nothing like waking up to a beautiful Saturday morning, readers." She says after one bite. "I did all my homework last night and that means freedom to do what I want when I want." She finishes with another bite. Loni enters the kitchen searching for something. 

"Missing something, Loni?" 

"Yeah, I'm looking for Linka." Loni answers with his back turn to her, opening the top cabinets. 

Linka raises an eyebrow. "You mean me?" 

Loni turns around. "Oh, there you are, Link! Come on, I need your help!" He grabs her arm and drags her upstairs to his room, disregarding the fact he made Linka drop her breakfast on the floor. "I just finished this suit for men and I need a model." The older boy explains once they're in his room. He holds up a cerulean suit with a matching bow tie. 

"But if it's made for men, why do you need me?" 

"Because it's your size. None of the other boys are going to model for me. Now go into the closet and change but don't rip the fabric!" 

She rolls her eyes and did what she was told. After that, she stood on a stool her brother always made her stand on when she models his clothes. "Very nice." He walks around Linka, examining the suit on all sides. 

"You did a good job, Loni." She compliment. She wanted to make her time here shorter. 

"I know! It just screams "gazillion dollar man"!" 

"Gazillion is not a number, Loni." 

"Wow, did I just invent a number? I'm going to be the world's first male fashion designer/math wizard!" Linka had to hold her own arm down to stop herself from physically face-palming. "Can I go now?" 

"Oh, sure. Like, thanks a gazillion, Linka!" She let out an annoyed growl. In her regular clothes and the suit returned, she leaves and walks in the direction of her room. 

"Now to enjoy some well-deserved me-time." The door to Lane's and Luke's room opens and Luke peeks his head out. 

"Linka, I need help, not just anybody's." 

Linka stops in her tracks and faces Luke. She scratches her nape. "Well, I was-" 

"Doesn't matter if you have the time or not. Walk this way." Damn it. She trudges to the rockstar and comedian's room. 

"Check it sis, I wanted to do something more than love letters to Sam so I wrote a song." 

"Aww, that's cute!" Linka says in awe, sitting down on the carpet. 

"Don't call it cute. Just listen and tell me what I can fix." Luke picks up his acoustic guitar and sits in front of her on Lane's bed. 

* * *

“ _Helpless_." Luke finishes after five minutes of playing. Linka gives him a round of applause. 

"Ok, few notes: your first verse had the most emotion but when the second verse came you kinda fell back on it. The whole song should be a build up of emotions with the last verse as the strongest. If you like this one, don't hold back." 

Luke picks up his notebook and pencil to edit his lyrics. "Awesome! I can't wait for Sam to hear this. He's gonna love it!" 

"Did you say "he"?" 

"Uhhhhhhh…. Blimey! Do you hear that?" He exclaims in his British accent to escape from that awkward moment. "Sounds like our brother Lane is calling you, love!" Out of pure coincidence and dissatisfaction on Linka's part, Lane opens the door. 

"I wasn't calling her but yeah, I do need her." Linka stands up and follows Lane out, leaving Luke relived that she didn't push that question further. 

"So what do you need?" 

"Funny business is booked for three birthday parties today and I need my assistant now more than ever." He explains, walking down the stairs. His clown gear and props were in the living room. 

"Three birthday parties in one day?" 

"Which is exactly why I charged extra. Now let's get _jumping_ and _spring_ into action!" He laughs while holding up two pairs of jumping shoes with springs. "Get it? They're part of the act." 

* * *

Linka and Lane left the house around 9:00 am and it was 2:00 in the afternoon when they arrived home. Linka came home with scratches on her face and tree branches and leaves in her hair. She throws the spring shoes she's holding in a corner of the house. It was her first time wearing them so she was unbalanced and uncoordinated and hit a tree. Three times at all three parties. 

"I would make a joke about your fails but I'll _leaf_ you alone." Lane laughs heartily at his own pun. Linka stomps upstairs to the bathroom to clean up. Lynn was waiting for her outside the door. With boxing gloves on his hands. 

"Hey, Linka!" He greets once she opens the door. "I need a sparring partner to help me train for my boxing tournament on Tuesday. You're it." 

"Can't it wait? I've already helped three brothers today!" 

"And now you're helping a forth. See how that works?" He holds up an extra pair of boxing gloves. 

* * *

"Oh come on, Link! Best 30 out of 35!" Lynn screams after his sister when she quit and limped back inside. The athlete is a rough and dedicated player; they practiced from 2:30 in the afternoon to 6 in the evening. Three and a half hours of being beaten mercilessly by the thirteen-year-old boy. She lay face down on the living room couch. 

"I'm so tired. Is it too much to ask for no more demands?" She asks herself, voice muffled against the cushion. 

Loki walks in holding a smelly, smiling Leon. "Linka, give Leon his bath." 

She screams into the cushion. 

* * *

The next morning, Linka grabs a pop tart from the toaster like the morning before. She looks right and left constantly to make certain that she is alone. When it's safe to say she is, she sighs in relief.

"As you have read, Saturday was a disaster. But Sunday means I have another chance to relax." She says, optimistic. 

"So you know how the walls on my side of the room are chipped?" Lars asks monotonously behind his older sister. She shrieks in response; as does everyone he sneaks up on. 

"Yeah?" 

"Well, Lynn allowed me to paint my walls black so I need your help." 

"Why don't you ask Lynn?" 

"Do you not know your own brother? He'll just turn the chore into a paintball tournament and get nothing done. Besides, you're a girl, you like everything to be perfect." 

"That's a stereotype!" 

"Take it as a compliment. The paint cans are in the garage." Lars leads a fuming Linka to the garage then into his room. After two and a half hours of painting (Lars had the nerve to make them do a second coat), Leif let himself in. 

"Hey Linka, you busy?" 

"We just finished. You can have her." Lars answers as if he's talking about a toy he's not using anymore and handing it to the little handyman. Leif takes his sister by the hand and leads her out the room. Linka glares in Lars's direction but he just shrugs and smirks. Leif let go of her hand when they reach the garden in the backyard. 

"So, I told mom I would do the gardening today, but the thing is…" 

"You only agree to it so you can play in the mud." 

"Right! So you can plant these roses and daffodils and all those girly flowers while I supervise." Leif hands her rubber gloves and a sun hat. Then he walks to the left of the garden where he prepared a little mud puddle already. Linka's left eye twitches as while she put on her gardening gear. 

* * *

“Finished." She says breathlessly as she plants the last rose. She had to give her mother credit for the previous work she had done in the garden. Bending over, digging, planting, and watering in the hot sun; it was unbearable. What was worse was that Leif was no help whatsoever. He rolled around in the mud the whole time and made mud pies, mud angels and threw mud at Linka's back. 

"Thanks for nothing!" Linka says to Leif as she throws off her gloves and hat. Leif smiles smugly. She goes inside and in her room to change into a new shirt. She flops on her bed, her tense muscles melting against her comforter. She closes her eyes for a nap. Her dream world is the only place where she is free from demanding brothers in this house. 

The bliss is rudely erupted by the door slamming open, courtesy of Lexx. 

"Linka, I need you to do my hair." 

"Lexx, in case you haven't noticed, I was in the garden with no help from Leif. And before that, I was painting Lars's room. I'm tired. I'll do your hair later." Linka turns so that her back was to Lexx. But the little prince is not having it. He jumps on the bed and yanks the blankets off of her. 

"If you don't do my hair right now then by this time next week, everyone in Royal Woods will be reading your _published_ _diary!"_

Linka sits up. "How did you get ahold of my diary? Matter of fact, How did you know I _have_ a diary? I'm really private about that!" 

"I have my ways." 

"Whatever. I know you're bluffing about the published thing." 

"Do you really want to try me?" His tone in that sentence was so icy that Linka freezes on the spot. She jumps off the bed and plastered a fake smile on her face. 

"Come along, little bro, I'm gonna make you look so nice." Lexx smiles pleased and walks in the direction of the bathroom. Linka asks God in her head what did she do that made Him give her such demanding brothers. 

* * *

Lexx swagger out the bathroom with his recently washed and dried haircut. "Oh, just so you know, I didn't know you had a diary but now I do, sucker!" Lexx says over his shoulder. Linka curses under her breath as she angrily cleans up her mess in the bathroom. 

Levi enters the bathroom. "Linka, I request your services." 

"Levi, can't you see I'm busy right now? I'm sure whatever you need can wait." Linka states through gritted teeth. She throws the shampoo and conditioner bottles in the bathtub. 

"Negative. This could be another breakthrough and I'm not going to miss that opportunity just because my elder sister is being intransigent. Come." Levi grabs her by the hand and pulls her into his room. Leon giggles from his crib at the sight of her. She smiles but that vanished when she looks at the giant ray that's pointed at a bench with belts. Levi pushes her onto the bench and straps her in. 

"What the f-, I mean, hell?!" 

"I invented this machine to make one indestructible. Incapable of broken bones, head injuries, etc." 

"Why am I always your go-to guinea pig?" 

"Linka, it's a scientific fact that females respond to physical pain better than males; you are the gender that gives birth after all. Now, let's do this." He flips the switch. 

* * *

Levi's right, it _was_ painful. But it didn't make her indestructible, it made her skin glow green. Levi said the side effect should wear off in a matter of minutes. She marches out of there and into her room again where she collapses on her bed, a tired glowing green mess. She looks at the clock, it's 9:00 pm. Curfew was an hour ago. Her entire weekend wasted by taking demands from her burdensome brothers. 

"In a family this big, there's always someone who takes you for granted, readers. And that's my brothers. My brothers don't care if I'm worn out or just finished a request from another, they only need me when it's convenient for them. I'm overworked and underappreciated!" Her skin stops glowing after she said that. "It's a miracle that Leon is not that." There's a knock on her door. She let out a frustrated growl. She opens it and on the other side is Leon pushing a storybook about the alphabet across the floor. He crawled over here just so his sister can read to him. 

"'Tory! 'Tory!" He cries. 

"I spoke too soon." 

* * *

After the reading, Linka got ready for bed. She was asleep for fifteen minutes or so when she hears the sound of an engine. She lazily opens her eyes to see she wasn't in bed. She wasn't in her room. 

"W-what's happening?" She says, scared. She woke up in a moving car. 

"Relax Linka, I moved you while you were asleep." Loki, in the driver's seat, answers. Linka immediately recognized that she's in the passenger seat in Vanzilla. 

"Why are we going out on a ride on Sunday night?" 

"This isn't a ride, it's an errand. Bebe hit me up talking about next week is our eight week-iversary and she sent a gift in the mail for me. Now I have to buy her something and send it to her new address so she can get it on time or I'm literally a bad boyfriend!" 

"Are you joking? Then why am I here?" 

"Because I need a girl's opinion on what kind of gift I should get her." 

"This is ridiculous!" She sulks in her seat. 

"Aw, you'll get over it." 

* * *

"Loki moved me when I was sleeping and made me go shopping for Bebe for two hours!" Linka complains to Claudia as they were walking to school on Monday. Claudia hums in response with her nose in some pamphlet. "And it's not just Loki, it's all my brothers! It's like because I'm the only girl, they think I'm willing to wait on them hand and foot! If I could go one day without that crap, that would be perfect! I'd- Claud, are you listening?" 

"Oh sorry Linka, I was looking at this brochure for an all-girl camp my moms recommended for me this weekend." She holds up the brochure. 

"What?!" Linka snatches the pamphlet from her hand. 

"Couldn't you just asked for it like a sensible human being?" 

"Bonfires? Activities? A lake? No boys allowed? Claudia, this is perfect! A whole weekend away from my annoying brothers." 

"And if you'll be there then I'm definitely going! We can be roommates and stay up all night doing what _we_ want to do!" 

"I gotta tell my parents!" She takes a picture of the brochure with her phone and walks in the direction of her house. Claudia clears her throat to stop her. 

"Right, I'll tell them after school." 

* * *

Linka stood in front of her parents' house in her sky blue dress. She always wore that dress when she wanted to convince her to let her do something. With a few words of encouragement to herself, she knocks on her parents' door and let herself in. 

"Mom, dad, can I talk to you?" 

"Sure, sweetie." Her mother answers and closes her book. 

"Let me guess, you want our permission to do something?" Her father says from his desk. 

"How'd you know?" 

"Why else would you wear that dress?" Maybe she has done this too many times. 

"Ok… This weekend there's this girls' camp happening and I want to go. It's totally safe, there are adult counselors and I'll be with Claudia the whole time. I promise!" She takes out her phone and opens the photo she took this morning and hand it to her mother. 

"This _does_ look legitimate." 

"How much will this cost us?" Her father asks. 

"Don't worry, I'll use the money Gram-Gram gave me my past birthdays. Please, please can I go?" She drops to her knees. The couple look at each other and at the same time say, 

"Alright, sweetie." 

* * *

Linka's week couldn't have begun better. The permission slip she got from Claudia the next day signed and the money she planned to pay with is in a safe place in her room. On Friday is when she'll be leaving; her mission is to survive the week without going insane! She didn't tell her brothers yet and she asked her parents not to mention her trip in front of her brothers because she wanted to surprise them. So she took every single demand to avoid suspicion. 

"Mom told me to clean the bathroom, you do it!" 

"Shine my shoes!" 

"Help me re-string my ax!" 

"Inflate these whoopee cushions!" 

"Wash my jockstrap and my uniform!" 

"I need a word that rhymes with "fail" for my poem! Besides wail." 

"Hand me the TV remote!" 

"Play Just Dance 2017 with me!" 

"Help me with my lab experiment!" 

"Blanky!" 

"MAKE US DINNER!" 

That was just Tuesday. When she was close to punching a brother in the face, she would take deep breaths and tell herself _it won't be long now._ When she found a few minutes to herself, she packed her suitcase. 

* * *

Friday afternoon, all her brothers were home from school and in the living room. She expected the McBrides to pick her up any time soon. Linka causally walks into the living room with a big smile on her face. She goes behind the TV and unplugs it, ending the game Lynn, Luke, and Loki was playing. 

"What the hell, Linka?! Turn that back on!" Loki demands. 

"No. I call an emergency sibling meeting." 

"Now?" 

"No Loni, two weeks from now. Yes, now!" 

All the Loud brothers groan as they make their way up to Loki's and Loni's room. Loni grumbled something about Linka didn't have to be rude about it. Once every boy was seated, Loki uses his sneaker as a gavel and bang it against his desk to initiate the meeting. 

"I hear by call this sibling meeting to order. Levi, will you read us the minutes from the last meeting?" 

Levi reads off a sheet of paper. "Item number one: when it was brought into light that the secret admirer letter was addressed to dad and not Luke, Luke responded with-" Linka takes the paper, crumble it up and throw it over her shoulder. 

"We all know what happened. Anyway, I called this meeting because I have an announcement. I'm going away to an all girls' camp this weekend and I will be leaving this afternoon." The room is filled with questions and accusations. Loki bangs his sneaker multiple times. 

"Order! Order! Linka, you can't just tell us you're leaving for an entire weekend at the last minute. How did you get this past mom and dad?" 

"You know how good I am at persuasion." 

"But Linka, we need you here! Who's gonna dance with me?" Lexx complains. 

"Who's gonna be my sparring partner? These guys?" Lynn gestures to his brothers. "Nuh-uh." 

"Funny Business could be booked for another birthday party this weekend!" Lane adds. 

"Dude, Sam loved the changes I made to the lyrics!" Luke says. "How can I write more emotional songs for him without you?" 

"Did you say "him"?'" Leif ask. 

"This isn't about me!" 

“ _This_ is exactly why I'm going away!" Linka exclaims. "You guys and your stupid demands have overworked me last weekend and this week. I'm sick of being treated like a maid and being taken for granted!" 

"We do not take you for granted." 

"Really Loki? Then tell me this: when was the last time _any_ of you ask a brother to do your bidding or did it yourself?" The Loud brothers look lost in thought. 

"Exactly." From downstairs, her father screams "Linka, the McBrides are here!" 

"Meeting adjourned." Linka race to her room to get her suitcase, permission slip, and money from her hiding place. She goes downstairs with her brothers right behind her. Claudia is at the door. "You ready for this Linka?" 

"Totally ready!" 

"Fine, go ahead Linka. We could last a weekend without you." Loki says, bluntly. Claudia sees her longtime crush, stutters his name, bleeds from her nose then faints; normal stuff. 

"Don't be salty boys, maybe our time apart will teach you something." She carries her stuff and her best friend to the McBrides' car. 

"We'll show you!" Luke screams after her but his sister ignores him. He slams the door shut. "You know we're screwed, right?" He says to his brothers. 

"We don't have to be. Why can't we ask each other to do our demands?" Loni suggests. 

Loki raises his eyebrow at him. "Loni, you really want to spend a weekend doing what your younger brothers tell you to do?" Loni takes a moment to think about it. 

"Luke's right. We're screwed." 

* * *

Saturday morning, Levi called all his brothers to his room. He claimed that he had the solution to their demands not being done because of Linka's absence. In his room was another rectangular machine with a computer and double metal doors. There are two giant metal rods at the top. 

"I've invented this machine in the case one of you… didn't make it through one of my experiments. The computer scans one's DNA and through the metal doors comes an exact clone of said person." 

"You invented a cloning machine in case one of us dies because of you?" Lane question. 

"It made sense in a way." Levi says sheepishly. 

"Oh, I see where this is going. You want to create a clone of Linka, just so our requests can be fulfilled and we won't bother each other about it." Loki accuses. 

"Ding. We have a winner." 

"That is literally bogus, Levi. There have to be some laws of nature and humanity broken because of this." 

"Fine, we don't have to do this. But remember Loki: none of us will do the laundry or shop for "Babe" with you when you ask us. Where will that leave you?" 

"… Let's do it." 

"Good. Everyone wear those protective goggles and I'll retrieve the DNA." Levi points to a crate of goggles. Once all ten brothers have goggles on, Levi takes out a rather disturbing item from his plastic bag labeled _"_ _Linka's_ _DNA"_. 

"Is that her underwear?" Lexx asks. 

"Her dirty underwear, yes." 

"Ewwww!" His brothers exclaim, disgusted. 

"Oh give me a break! I couldn't find her hairbrush!" 

Levi holds up the underwear to a red glass ball on the computer and a red light scans it. A few codes punch in and switches turn on, and the rods give off megawatts of electricity. Flashes of light brighten the room and electric noise buzz in everyone's ears. The doors open on their own. The boys gasped at the same time. Inside is an exact replica of their sister, only naked. Levi quickly acts and throws his blanket around her. 

" 'Inka!" Leon cries happily. 

"Correction Leon, a clone of Linka." Levi says. 

"I can't believe that work!" The twins say together. 

"Someone say something to her." Lars says. 

"Uhhh. Hello, Linka number two, our original Linka has gone away for the weekend so you'll be taking her place. So, take out the trash." Loki tells the clone. 

"Sure. Just let me put some clothes on." The clone says. 

* * *

The original Linka was sitting around in a circle with Claudia and five other fifth and sixth grade girls. They were getting to know each other, giggling and gossiping. 

"We have an hour of free time. Linka, you have any bright ideas?" A sixth grader asks her. 

"Me? You're asking me for an opinion?" 

"Well yeah, your brothers don't do that?" 

"No, not really. I say let's play Cops and Robbers with our water guns." The rest of the girls squeal and went in different directions to get themselves ready. Cops and Robbers is an intense timed game of tag that she used to play with her brothers all the time. Speaking of which, she wonders how they're doing. 

* * *

That afternoon, the boys were in the living room, talking about the clone. 

"I don't know what I was tripping about, this clone is the best idea ever!" Loki says positively. 

"Yeah, she's not afraid to get her hands dirty! She helped me make mud pies!" Leif says. 

"She came to my séance and even writes poetry." Lars says. 

"I've finally found a sparring partner who can keep up with me! Good thinking, Levi!" Lynn praises while messing with his little brother's hair. 

"I am also surprised that this is going so well. Normally, 3 out of 5 of my experiments fails." The clone walks into the living room after she had cleaned the bathroom. She plops on the couch and changes the channel to "The Dream Boat". 

"Ugh, not this show! Linka, change the channel!" Lynn demands. 

"No. If you don't like it then you can f*ck off." She answers calmly. Every boy turns his head sharply towards her. The fact that the clone cursed out loud wasn't shocking. It was the fact that she swore in front of the younger kids. 

"Excuse you?" Lexx says, appalled. 

"I just finished all the work you guys wanted me to do. I'm tired and I need a break." 

"Why don't you-" Linka glaring interrupted Loki. 

"I said if you don't like it you can piss off. Let your little sister relax for once. God damn." 

* * *

The rest of the day went terribly for the boys. The clone stopped doing them favors and believed that she really is Linka. She hogged the TV and the bathroom. What's worse is that gross attitude: 

"Like I care what you have to say! "Cause I'm the oldest", my foot!" 

"How in the world is someone so stupid? Like, did mom dropped you on your head or were you born that way?!" 

"You're just a wannabe. You know that right, gaywad?" 

"You think you're going places with your comedy but you ain't!" 

"You wanna start something, then let's start something, Lynn!" 

"Next time you scare me like that I will slap the darkness out of you, am I clear?" 

"I can't stand your little prince act! Like, grow the hell up would ya?! Don't even get me started on your manipulative nature!" 

"You smell like shit all the time and you don't care? And you wonder why no one likes you!" 

"Get off your high horse and stop speaking like you're better than everyone else! Or am I speaking too simplistic for you, smart ass?" 

"I'm busy Leon, go ask Loki to read you a story." 

The real Linka would have never treated her brothers like that. 

* * *

The campers all gathered around a bonfire, eating s'mores. Today, Linka had gone swimming, danced, made necklaces, and all that camp jazz. She even learned how to French braid from one of the girls in her cabin and found other girls who liked Ace Savvy and video games as much as she does. No one made her do stuff she didn't want to do. Yet, that doesn't soothe the tightening pressure she feels inside her. 

Claudia comes up to her. "Ready for thirds, Linka?" 

"No thanks, I couldn't choke another one down." 

"Hey, you alright? Today was an awesome day and we still have one more day of camp left, so why do you look sad?" 

"It's nothing really! It's just…" 

"You miss your brothers?" 

"Not just miss them, Claudia. I have this weird gut feeling, something wrong is going on in the Loud House. And maybe it's because I left. I know they drive me crazy but they're still my family." 

Claudia put her arm around her best friend and pulls her in for a side hug. "Linka, you have not been wrong about your family yet. And if you feel something wrong then I can only imagine the situation your brothers are in. The situation Loki is in. Tell you what, I'll call my moms tonight to come to pick you up tomorrow morning." 

"You're a good friend, Claudia." 

* * *

Early Sunday morning, Loki summoned a sibling meeting and they made certain that the clone had no business in it. "Okay I think we know why we're here, Levi's clone is out of control. Living with her is like..." 

"Going down the highway to hell!" Luke adds. 

"Exactly!" 

"It appears to be a malfunction in her DNA coding," Levi explains. "It made her think that she's really Linka and cause her to develop that disrespectful attitude. My bad." 

"What were we thinking in the first place, a clone to replace Linka? We got ourselves into this mess!" Lynn says. 

"Now I see what our Linka was talking about you guys. We _do_ take our sister for granted." Lane adds to what Lynn said. 

"You're totally right, bro. It's chaos without her here." Luke says, sadly. 

"Sigh. It's cause we're so used to having her around. We never stopped to think what she was feeling; we never cared." Lars adds with melancholy. 

"I miss her!" Lexx and Leif say together, trying not to cry. Leon begins to cry in Luke's hold, missing his only sister as well. The musician rocks the baby in an attempt to calm him down. 

"I think we can all agree that we don't appreciate what Linka has done for us enough. We'll tell her that but is there a way to get rid of the clone?" Loki asks Levi. 

"Of course there are ways, but with dire consequences. Like for example, charges for murder. Since the clone is technically human." Levi explains. 

"Okay, does anyone have a _rational_ idea?" 

"Oh! Oh! I know, I know!" Loni excitedly waves his arm back and forth. 

Loki face-palms. "Fine, Loni?" 

"We freeze the clone! Like Jimmy did to his clones in that episode of "Jimmy Neutron"!" Loni suggests. 

"Oh, that used to be my show!" Lynn says. 

"It was rocking!" Luke comments. 

"Actually, that's not a terrible idea," Levi says. _"_ Cryogenically freezing the clone will cause her to lose brain function over time. But no one will ever know but us. I have the tank we can freeze her in in the garage." 

"Alright, all in favor of freezing the clone say "aye"." 

"Aye!" "Poo poo!" 

"Motion carried." He bangs his sneaker against the desk. Just then, the clone comes in with a molecular blasting ray from Levi's room. "What's this about freezing me?" Somehow they should have known she would eavesdrop on them. 

* * *

The boys were forced to march out of the room; like the Native Americans on the Trail of Tears. They then sat in the living room with their hands on their heads. "It's cute that you guys think you're so smart! Banning together to destroy your sister? What would mom and dad say about this?" 

"How dare you call our parents "mom and dad"? You're not our sister! You're just an experiment!" Lexx shouts. 

"Linka number two, as your creator, I command you to stand down!" Levi demands. 

"Ah, but-but! Keep talking if you want to be blown to smithereens." She cocks the ray to show how serious she is. 

The sound of a car pulling up in the driveway catches everyone's attention. A girlish voice says "thank you!" A key opens the front door and the original Linka stares dead in the eyes of the copy of herself. 

"What the hell?" They both say. 

"Linka!" The boys scream at the original, overjoyed. 

"Guys, can someone explain what happened?" The original asks. 

"Oh, Levi created this clone of you so someone would meet our demands. But she's rude and crazy!" Loni explain. 

"What? I'm gone for two nights and you guys replaced me with a clone?" 

"That's right honey, you've been replaced." The one with the ray points it at the original. "So why don't you scurry on outta here? It's all taken care of." She says in a frighteningly sweet voice. The Linka at the door raises her hands in a surrendering stance. 

"I could do that." She answers. "Or…" 

She turns her body in a semi-circle motion and kicks the ray out of the other Linka's hand. It pays to have a brother who knew material arts. The one by the door tackles her copy and both Linkas went tumbling down. Screaming, wrestling, and pulling each other's hair. The boys got out of their surrender pose and surround the girls. Levi picks up the ray. 

"Freeze!" Both girls stop and get up. 

"Don't shoot Levi!" They both say at the same time. 

"I'm not going to shoot. I don't want to be charged for murder." He lowers his ray. "Give it up, clone! You're no longer needed in this household." 

"You heard the man, time to go! What?! I'm not the clone! You are! STOP TALKING AT THE SAME TIME AS ME!" 

The boys are completely dumbfounded. They can't distinguish between the two. Why couldn't Levi put some kind of marking on the clone? 

"Like we needed this situation to be _twice_ as hard!" Lane jokes. "But seriously, if we're not careful we could destroy the original by accident." 

"You think we don't know that?!" Lynn exclaims. 

"Let's try this again. Which one of you is the clone?" Loni ask. 

"She is!" They point to each other angrily. 

"I got nothing." 

"Perhaps we can run some personality tests, ask insightful questions that only the original can respond correctly, or-" The Linka on the left interrupted Levi. 

"Or you could hear me out. Guys, during my time away, I was thinking about how unfair I was to you. I shouldn't have left. It was a really selfish thing to do and for what? Cause you asked your only sister for help when I'm the only one who could. The point is I'm sorry, truly deeply sorry." That Linka looks to the boys hopefully. The Linka on the right was biting her knuckles. They know Linka can be as meaningful when she wanted to and was afraid that they would choose that Linka, the clone, over her. 

But the boys were not buying it. 

"PILE ON THE FAKE!" Leif yells. The boys all jump and tackle the clone to the ground. Leon even helps by hitting her in the face. The Linka that was nervous a moment ago, is now in shock and back away a few feet from the scene. 

"Damnit! I thought that sappy stuff would work on you sons of bitches! Let me go!" 

"That's the clone alright! Lynn, knock her out!" Loki tells the athlete. Lynn pinches a spot in her neck, a pressure point. She slowly loses consciousness. Leon waddles to the original Linka. "'Inka! Mah 'Inka!" Linka picks him up and cradles him in her arms. The rest of her brothers stand up and face their only sister. 

"Holy smoley! But, how did you guys know?" Linka ask. 

"Come on, do you expect us to expect you to apologize when this whole calamity is clearly our fault?" Levi says. 

"Guys…" 

"We all thought about you said, and you're right little sis, we _do_ take you for granted," Luke says. "It's just that, there are things that a big brother.." 

"Or a little brother," Lars adds. 

"Can only count on his sister to do." Lynn finishes Luke's sentence. 

"We didn't realize how lucky we are to have you until we tried to replace you." Leif says. 

"Yeah, you're like the scale that keeps all the siblings in balance." Lexx says. 

"Yes we need you here, but we shouldn't try to push you past your limits." Lane says. 

"Come to think of it, we barely thanked you for what you've done. So thanks a gazillion Link!" Loni gushes. 

"Gazillion is not a number, Loni." Lynn accuses. 

"Now it is, I invented it." 

"The point is," Loki says, wrapping it up. "We're sorry we drove you away and that we made you feel like a maid instead of our sister." 

"Wow… Thanks, guys." Her brothers gather around for a group hug. 

* * *

Lynn and Leif carried the unconscious clone to the garage and put her in the tank Levi mentioned earlier. The rest of the boys rolled out the tank to Vanzilla and Loki drove to put it in a storage unit, that Levi rented out under his father's name, with the little scientist. They wouldn't have to worry about that clone for a long time. Or at least until they had a better plan to get rid of it. 

Sunday night, Linka was sitting in her room, reading a comic. This is the first time she got to relax in the Loud house in a long time. Her door opened to reveal all ten brothers. 

"Hey Linka, we planned to watch "The Lion King" before bed. Want to join us?" Leif asks. 

"Or do you want to stay here, _lion_ around?" Lane laughs. "Haha, get it?" 

"The choice is yours, little sis." Loki says. This is a first; the boys are asking, instead of telling, her to do something. 

"Sure, I'll join you. And let me make the popcorn too." 

"You don't have-" 

"I want to. Cause I know how much you guys love the way I make it with the caramel, butter, and all that jazz." 

"Thanks, Linka!" They say altogether. They close the door behind them. 

"Like I said before readers, in a family this big, there's someone that takes you for granted. But I'm thankful that I have brothers who realized that and are appreciative. Maybe they won't be all the time but at least I'm not bombarded by demands again. I'm glad I cut my trip short, who knows what could have happened if I didn't come back early?" She shivers at the thought and makes her way downstairs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I see those skeptical looks; the clone is definitely gone, if they took the real Linka then the ending would have been different. In addition, on the TV show, a common Easter Egg is that Luna makes references to songs in episodes. I did the same thing for Luke and there's 4 of them in this chapter. Leave a review of what you think the quotes are in the story and what songs are they from. 


	3. Who's the Fairest One of All?

It's lunchtime at Royal Woods Elementary School. Linka was telling another story about her and her brothers to Claudia and two other classmates. 

"So when the third secret admirer letter arrived, we thought it was for Luke because the admirer loved "sweet sounds and all things British". It requested to meet in a British café but when we got there- hold on, I feel one coming." 

"What's "one"?" Claudia question. 

Linka let out a loud and low belch. "That's one." Linka laughs. 

"Ewww, Linka! Where're your manners?!" A girl named Riley Spokes says. 

"Even I found that gross and I live next to a barn." The other girl, Leah, adds. 

"What's wrong a girl who's comfortable with her body?" 

"Oh Linka, of course, you would use that as an excuse to be gross." A girl from the table next to them walk up to Linka. She had blue jeans, a jean jacket, a pink t-shirt, and pink ballet flats. Her brunette hair was straight and shoulder length and her bangs were held back with pink flower hair clips. 

"What are you going on about, Heather?" Linka sneers. 

Heather smirk. "I'm saying that it's no surprise that you're a gross ruffian because of you live with ten brothers. I mean, I have two older sisters and I grew up to be a young lady. You're nothing like that!" 

"My behavior has nothing to do with my brothers! Does it?" She says, contemplating. 

* * *

_Lynn Sr. came home from work. "Hey, kids." He greeted the Loud siblings in the living room._

" _PILE ON DAD!" Linka shouted. The father gave out a loud shriek and ran out the door. All the Loud siblings (with the exception of Leon) were faster though. They all tackled their father in the front yard. Laughing as he groaned in pain. This happens on a regular basis._

" _Say Uncle, Daddy!" Linka said._

" _Uncle! Uncle!"_

* * *

_Lynn snorted a loogie and spat it out. It landed in the trash can in the kitchen; a great distance from the dining room table._

" _That was awesome! How did you do that?" Linka said next to him._

" _It's all in the nose and the mouth. Do what I say: you really got to snort. Hack up all those boogers. Swirl it around with your tongue and get it into a slimy ball. Take a deep breath but don't sallow. See your target, aim, and FIRE!" Linka spat out her loogie but it missed the trash can and landed to the right of it on the floor._

" _You missed,_ _but not bad for a beginner." Lynn said._

* * *

" _Hey Loki, let's arm wrestle! Loser does the laundry." Linka challenged her older brother, elbow resting on the coffee table._

" _You're not going to win," Loki said, setting up his arm. The second Linka locks hands with her brother's, Linka pulled out a spray bottle full of water and sprayed his face. While he was distracted by the water in his eyes, Linka slammed his hand on the table._

" _Haha! I win!"_

" _Ugh, you little brat! You cheated!"_

" _Street rules, bro! Now wash them drawers!"_

* * *

" _Come on guys! Let's go to the park!" Leif shouted from the opened front door with his skateboard. His brothers came from different directions with their own skateboards, bikes, and roller blades. Lexx came from the kitchen in his green jeep with Leon strapped in the passenger seat in his booster seat._

" _Where's Linka?" Lexx asked._

" _TRY AND CATCH ME, LOSERS!" She called from the top of the stairs. She hopped on her own skateboard and rolled down the stairs at full speed and out the door. The boys literally had to jump out of way. Once she was outside, she made a right._

" _Woah! It's like she's going off the rails on crazy train!" Luke commented._

" _Savage! After her boys!" Lynn shouted and they followed Linka on their own wheels._

* * *

_At a sibling meeting, they were discussing how to spend their day off from school._

" _How about we go to the mall and check out the spring sales?" Linka suggested. Her brothers jeered and complained. "I'm just messing with you guys. Let's go to Dairyland then Gus' Games and Grub!"_

_Loki chuckled. "It's nice to have a sister who thinks the same way as her brothers. All in favor of Linka's idea, say "aye"."_

" _Aye!" They all said._

* * *

_The other night, the boys were in the living and nothing good was on TV. Luke and Linka ran down the stairs excited to share something with their brothers._

" _Dudes! I've finally done it!" Luke screamed._

" _Luke, calm your ass down and tell us what exactly have you done." Lane said._

" _Alright little sis, show them what you've got." Nothing could have possibly prepared the boys for what happened next. Linka hovered her right hand over her mouth and began to beatbox. Luke taught Linka to beatbox. Luke then started to rap, freestyle._

_Took all week but I can say it was worth it_

_Our little Linka can beatbox, better believe this_

_Yeah, keeping up with me and makes up the rhythm too_

_Reminds me of a little white Phillipa Soo_

_Let's make a game out of this_

_Turn off the TV, turn down the lights_

_Let's have a Loud House Freestyle Rap tonight!_

" _Whoooooooo_ _!" The boys shouted in agreement._

* * *

"Ok. So maybe I am a bit of a tomboy because of my lifestyle. But that doesn't make me less of a girl." Linka state. 

"Uhhh, yeah it does! If you don't like girly stuff then you're the same as a disgusting boy!" Heather points at her and laughs. All the girls in the cafeteria (that also means the gingers mentioned before) except Claudia, laugh along with Heather at the Loud girl. 

* * *

At Linka's locker, Claudia tried to reassure her best friend. "Don't let Heather get to you Linka, I'd always thought your tomboyish attitude your most unique personality trait." 

Linka slams her locker shut. "That's the problem, Claudia! My tomboy attitude has made me less of a girl! Growing up, living with all those boys have turned me into one. Come to think of it, my _room_ is more feminine than me!" 

"You are far from a boy." 

"At this school, I'm very close to one. But I can change that! I'll prove to Heather and all the chicks at this school that Linka Loud can be as girly as she wants to!" 

"Linka, you don't have to be-" Claudia is interrupted by the principal's voice on the intercom. 

"Attention Royal Woods Elementary girls, grades first through fifth. The "Miss Prim and Perfect" pageant is this coming Friday. If you are interested in participating in the pageant, the sign-up sheets are in the guidance counselors' office." The announcement ended with that and Linka's face lights up. 

"Claudia, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" 

"We forget about this girly stuff and play video games at my house?" 

"No, I'm going to enter the pageant! It's the girliest event in the world! And my ticket to being accepted as one of the girls here." 

Claudia sigh, knowing she's not going to get through to her best friend with rational talk. "Well, if you're going to enter the pageant, you're going to need a pageant coach. That's me." 

"Wow, you're a pageant girl?" 

" _Was_ a pageant girl. When I was seven. But I got suspended for seven years because Camille Jackson broke her leg after falling down a flight of stairs. People thought I pushed her." 

"Why would they think that?" 

"Because Jackson told them! She always had it out for me! And-" Claudia stop, takes a deep breath to end her spiraling. "Sorry about that. Anyway, I'll come over to your house after school and I'll teach you all I remembered from being a pageant girl." 

"Okay!" Linka then runs in the direction of the counselors' office. 

* * *

Coming home from school, she's greeted by the sound of nine brothers playing floor hockey upstairs. At the top of stairs, she almost fell over because of Leif but then he grabs her by the blouse and brought her to balance. 

"Sorry Link. You wanna play?" 

The tomboy in her would have loved to play floor hockey while she waited for Claudia. But she's trying to be more girly, so why not start now? 

"No thanks, I rather not." She says in a polite tone. "I'll be in my room. When Claudia is here, could you send her up please?" Her brothers look at her questionably, a Loud is never polite around siblings. 

"Okay?" Loki answers. 

"Thanks, big brother." She walks to her room and closes the door behind her. 

Claudia comes into her room with two plastic bags after an hour and a half. "Ok Linka, this took a lot of thought and a lot of digging around in my closet but I've found the perfect dress for you!" Claudia takes out a long red dress with gold sequins in the back area from the plastic bag. "And here are your shoes." Black open toe pumps she takes out from the other plastic bag. 

"Try on the dress." Claudia commands and looks the other way to give her friend some privacy. Linka tries on the red dress and the black shoes. She didn't feel comfortable in them. "I can't see my feet. What if I trip?" 

"You'll be walking like a model, you won't trip. Now hold still while I do your hair and makeup." She takes out a box full of makeup and hair products. 

"Makeup? I didn't sign up for this!" Claudia brushes her hair with a detangling brush and plugs in her flat iron. When she's done, she sprays her with the hairspray. "Ew! It smells like princess farts!" Claudia ignores her complaints and uses lipstick, eyeshadow, eyeliner, and blush. She replaces the orange hair clip in Linka's hair with a red one. By the end of it, Linka couldn't believe that's her in the mirror. With her hair completely straight, no cowlicks and dolled up. 

"Wow, I look awesome!" 

"You look girly, now time to act like it. Let's go outside, we're going to need a bigger runway." 

Outside in the driveway, Claudia explains to Linka how a pageant works. "First is the evening gown/introduction. You sashay down the catwalk, introduce yourself and say one interesting fact about you, curtsy and sashay back. Like so:" Claudia sashay down the driveway. "My name Claudia McBride and I enjoy volunteering my time at my local animal shelter." She curtsy to an imaginary audience and sashay back to Linka's side. "Now you try." 

Linka imitates Claudia's sashay clumsily. "My name's Lin- oof!" She trips on her heels and falls on the pavement face down. 

"We'll work on that." Claudia says. 

* * *

"Next is the interview. A judge will ask you a question and you answer it to the best of your ability. But the thing is that they want you to sound all sweet and innocent. Let's pretend I'm the judge." Claudia clears her throat. "Now Linka, what can our local school systems do to better the education of our students?" 

"Well, less homework would be good and…" she would have said something else but she had an itch on her butt so she scratch it through her dress. 

"Linka, what the hell?!" 

"What? Men scratch their body parts wherever they are!" 

"Well knock it off! It's not very girly. Answer the question." 

"Maybe less homework and teachers to realize not every single student thinks the same way and do something about it." 

"Perfect!" 

* * *

"Lastly and the deciding factor is the talent competition. What can you do?" 

"I can beatbox. Luke taught me how to." 

"Impressive but not beauty pageant worthy. Hmmm… I know! What about baton twirling?" Claudia gets her backpack that's been under a tree and takes a pink baton out of it. She throws it the air with her left hand and it lands in her right. "It demonstrates hand-eye coordination and grace." 

"That is the most basic crap I've ever heard. If it was on fire then we have something." 

Claudia frowns. "Linka, I am doing this for you. And all you're doing is talking back. In case you've forgotten, today's Thursday so we only have today to do this. Do you want to prove Heather wrong or not?" 

"Yes, yes! I'm sorry! I promise Claudia, I'm going to be the girliest girl in there! Let's practice." Linka takes the baton and throws it in the air but it bonks her on the head when it comes down. "Ow!" 

Just then, all ten brothers walk out the front door and up to her. Lynn is holding a basketball. "There you are sis, we were looking for you. Wanna play ball? It's teens vs. the little kids!" He says as he spins the ball on his fingers. 

"Claire, do you mind holding Leon while we play?" Loni says to Claudia, little Leon in his hold. 

"My name is Claudia and I'm afraid Linka can't play. She may break a nail." 

"What kind of lame ass excuse is that? And why is Linka in a dress and wearing makeup?" Loki asks. 

"That can't be Linka! She would never dress up like that!" Loni exclaims. 

"They going to know sooner or later, Linka." Claudia whispers to Linka. 

"Fine, I'll tell them." Linka responds. She faces her brothers. "The truth is… Claudia is training me for a beauty pageant tomorrow." 

"A beauty pageant?" Loki repeats. Then all ten laugh loudly at her. Linka flushed red out of anger and embarrassment. 

"And pray tell, why would you enter a beauty pageant?" Levi asks. "Those events are an ignominy. Converting young females back hundreds of years into stereotypes." 

"Yeah, even I don't approve!" Lexx says. "Even though if there was one for boys, I would be a shoo-in." 

"It's my only chance to prove I can be girly." 

"Since when has being girly or not has been an issue for you?" Lars asks. 

"Since people say I'm a gross ruffian because I have ten brothers." 

"Linka, we're the biggest family on the block. Of course, there's gonna to talk about us." Lane says. 

"People at the high school criticized that we're constantly bullying you because you're the only girl. Which is true but those people think we don't love you. But you learn to go your own way and ignore them because they know half of the story." Luke explains. 

"That's easy for you to say, you're guys! You're expected to be as gross as you want and not care what people say. Well, it's different for me! I don't want people calling me a disgusting boy! It's embarrassing!" All her brothers look at her disapprovingly. 

"You care more about what your peers say about you than what we say? Your brothers?" Lynn accuses. 

"The same brothers who accepted your tomboy personality and never questioned it once?" Leif adds to the accusation. She didn't answer that. Linka cast her glare down as if the ground is the one to blame. 

"That's a low blow, Link." Lars comments. 

"Come on, guys. Let our _girly_ sister get back to her training. Our opinions don't matter here because what do we know? We're just a bunch of _disgusting boys_!" Loki sneers. He burps loudly on purpose afterward. The boys turn around and walk back to the house. Leon blows a raspberry at the girls behind Loni's back. The door slams behind them. Claudia, who was standing awkwardly the entire time, turn to her best friend. "Linka, are you alright?" 

"Yeah, let's get back to work." 

* * *

The two girls practiced the baton routine until Linka was confident about it. Afterward, they went back to square one with curtsying and then the interview. After a couple of hours, Linka was walking tall and proud in her pumps. 

"That's what I'm talking about, beauty queen on a silver screen! How do you feel?" Claudia asks. 

"Prim and perfect." 

"Awesome! I got to get home while there is still light out." Claudia grabs her backpack and goes down the sidewalk. "You're going to do great tomorrow!" She calls behind her back. 

"Thanks for everything, Claudia!" Linka calls back. She walks back inside. She ignores the disappointed stares on her brothers' faces. 

* * *

The pageant will start a half hour after school has ended. Linka walks with Claudia to the community theater where it was held, with her duffle bag that holds her pageant attire. When they enter through the backstage door, they see girls younger than them, girls older than them by a few years, all over the place as they get themselves dolled up. 

"Wow, half the female population at school must be here, minus the kindergarteners." Linka says. 

Claudia takes a deep breath. "Ah, the sweet smell of backstage of a beauty pageant: hairspray and desperation." She says with nostalgia. 

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the butch girl?" Heather says walking up to Linka, already dressed up. "What's someone like you doing in a place like this?" 

"Well if you must know, I'm participating today." Linka says back. Heather let out a dry chuckle. 

"You know you don't belong here. You're just going to make a fool of yourself because of your tomboy nature. But I'll gladly stay around and watch the fireworks." Heather turn sharply so that her hair smack Linka's face. She then sashays away. Linka raises her fist in anger but Claudia holds it. 

"Ah but-but, if you hit another contestant then you're immediately disqualified. Forget about that brat and change into your dress. Remember what I taught you and you'll do great." 

* * *

"Ladies and Gentlemen, live from the Royal Woods Community Theater, it's the Miss Prim and Perfect pageant! I'm your hostess, Danielle Dufran, let's meet America's little sweethearts!" 

Dufran exit stage right. As she was exiting, half the contestants from enter from stage left and other half stage right. They all faced in, profile to the audience and a hand on the hip. Girls walk down the cat walk, introduce themselves and sashay off stage the same way they entered. The order went a girl on the left would go then a girl opposite of her goes after and so on. As girls introduced themselves, Linka started to become self conscious. 

"My name's Rebecca Stevens and I'm a varsity cheerleader." 

"My name's Aaron Joseph and I enjoy reading to little kids with special needs." 

"My name's Nichole Jones and I've appeared in two commercials for kids' toothpaste." 

"My name's Heather Williams and at Royal Woods Elementary, I'm secretary of the Student Council." 

It's Linka's turn. She gulps and does her best to sashay down the catwalk, she nervously thinks of something that made her stand out.

"My name's Linka Loud and I love Ace Savvy!" 

On the outside, she was smiling but inside she was cringing, she smile and wave as the audience is clapping and walks offstage. Claudia was waiting for her with a water bottle. "Well, you do love Ace Savvy and it's a unique fact, but why you'd say that?" 

"I panicked! All these girls have done amazing things and I wanted to stand out!" Linka exclaims, she gulps down her water. 

"Linka, breathe! It's not over yet! The interview is next, go and knock them dead!" Claudia pushes her back onstage. 

* * *

"Miss Loud, do you think we live up to our values of equality here in America?" The hostess asks. 

"Uhh… well…" Linka is biting her lip and shifting her weight from one leg to another because that itch is back. Claudia was behind the teaser, mouthing the words "don't scratch". Linka holds her arm down and gives her final answer. 

"Of course not! In the last decade alone, we have had police brutality against people of color, hate crimes against homosexuals and immigrants from other parts of the world denied access to the U.S because of the actions of a few violent groups of people. Most of the time, the immigrants are nowhere near related to the violent people. How can we call ourselves equal when we, as Americans, still stereotype and racial profile each other? At the same time, Americans see this happening and decide to watch and comment on the drama on social media instead of doing something about it! But I applaud those who are _active_ and are making changes, so the future will be better for future generations!" Linka curtsy and walk off stage with that. 

"Linka, what happened to "sweet and innocent"?" Claudia demands. 

"Don't be blame me, blame the question. Being girly should not mean being ignorant! I watch the news too, Claud!" 

Heather walk in between the two friends. "Linka, I saw two of the judges giving each other shocked looks when you told them your answer. It appears they understand that you don't belong here. But hey, thanks so much for trying. I'm a shoo-in compared to you." Heather laughs at that and walks away. 

"You joined a pageant to impress girls like that? Standards have dropped." Linka and Claudia both jump at the new voice; a monotone little boy's voice. 

"Wait a minute, Lars?" Linka question. She looks over his shoulder to see the other nine. "Guys, when did you get here?" 

"We got here five minutes after the thing started. Just in time to see you introduce yourself and hear your answer." Loki explains. 

"We wanted to see if you could pull this off." Leif says. 

"Really? You guys came to see me? I thought you didn't approve of me being girly." 

"We don't. We still think this place isn't you. Yet, we'll always be there for you, whether or not we like it. We _are_ family." Loni explains. 

"But if we're embarrassing you with our rugged manliness then just say the word." Lynn crosses his arms. 

"No, no, you're not." 

"You guys better go back to your seats. The talent portion is starting soon." Claudia says. 

"Ok. Break a leg, little sister." Luke says. 

"Linka, don't listen to Luke. Don't actually hurt yourself." Loni adds after Luke's statement. Luke rolls his eyes at the ditzy blonde. The boys turn on their heels to leave but Linka stops them. 

"Guys wait. I appreciate you guys coming out to support me. And I realized now that I shouldn't be stressing over what some brat says about me. You guys have always treated me the same, no matter what I do. A family's opinion is more reliable than a peer's. And to be honest, being a tomboy is much easier than being a stereotypical girly girl." 

"Glad to hear that Link. So you ready to forget this whole pageant thing and go home?" Lexx asks. 

"No. I have a better idea."

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, up next, we have Linka Loud and her fabulous baton twirling." Dufran announces. Linka enters stage right in her regular clothes, no makeup, her hair has cowlicks again and she's holding Leon in her left arm and a wireless microphone in her right hand. What's more of a shock is that the other Loud brothers are following in a line from oldest to youngest. Loki has a wireless microphone as well. 

"Sorry Danielle, but there's been a change of plans." Linka says into the microphone. "For my talent, I'm going to have a freestyle rap with my brothers. Remember guys, pass down the microphone. You ready?" 

"Yeah!" They all say together. Linka starts off with beatboxing. Leon helps his sister by blowing raspberries rhythmically. 

_Loki:_

_My name is Loki Loud, I am the oldest_

_I'm the leader, I'm the strongest, I'm the boldest_

_I hear my siblings whine, they say I'm mean all the time_

_But I'm the only one who keeps these A-holes in line_

_Loni:_

_Hey I'm Loni Loud, I'm a man of style_

_If you show me a spider, I'll assure ya I'll go wild_

" _But_ , _he's so dumb!" Why all this shade on the street?_

_I'm the sweetest m_ _utha(you know!)_ _you will ever meet!_

_Luke:_

_The name's Luke Loud, I'm the most_ _rockin_ _'_

_If music's a religion, I'm the top prophet_

_I'm the example of passion and dedication_

_With a_ _tude_ _like this, I never take a vacation!_

_Lane:_

_I'm Lane Loud, I'm the comedian_

_I go a mile to bring laughter then I start again_

_Yet, I'm not just all fun and games_

_I'm your worst nightmare on April Fools' Day!_

_Lynn:_

_Lynn Loud Jr. I'm dedicated too_

_I won trophies for every sport, about thirty-two_

_When you talk about my siblings and it's crap_

_I'll be waiting outside with my baseball bat!_

_Lars:_

_Last name Loud, first name Lars_

_People talk to me like I'm a martian from Mars_

_Even though, I'm spooky and dark all the time_

_I can write much better plus I can rhyme!_

_Leif:_

_My name's Leif Loud, the lil' handyman_

_Is something broken? I'm there with tools in my hand_

_I love being muddy and digging through the trash_

_Yeah I know I'm gross, GET OFF MY FREAKING BACK!_

_Lexx:_

_My name's Lexx Loud, Leif's my twin_

_But you wouldn't have guessed cause we're polar opposites_

_I wanna be an actor; I'm the spoiled lil' Loud_

_But if you make me mad then crap is going down!_

_Levi:_

_I am Levi Loud, I'm the mad scientist_

_I'm smarter than you and I'm the second youngest_

_I've taught colleges, "your future's bright."_ _I’m_ _told_

_I've gained success at four years old!_

"Luke, take over the beatboxing!" Linka says. The microphone is quickly passed down to Luke and he does what he's told. 

_Linka:_

_Last but not least, there's Leon Loud, our baby brother_

_He watches all the drama from the side in wonder_

_I know that one day, he'll blow us all away_

_Yo lil' Leo, say hey!_

_Leon:_

_HEY!_

_Linka:_

_Welcome to the Loud House_

_It's a madhouse_

_One girl and ten boys_

_Nothing brings me more joy_

_Yes, I'm the tomboy, people have shit to say_

_But my bros wouldn't want me any other way_

_They know this pageant's not me and yeah, they're right_

_The last thing I wanna be is a stereotype_

Linka drops the mike and Luke follow suit. The audience roars with excitement and applaud, some were giving a standing ovation. The Loud brothers looked like they were having fun up there. They were doing little dance moves when it wasn't their turn and whooping in between raps. The family bow and walk off stage. 

"Great way to _rap_ it up, Linka!" Lane laughs. "Get it?" He says when they're backstage. Claudia hugs Linka tightly. 

"That was amazing, Linka!" 

"Thanks, Claudia! Sorry I didn't do the baton routine." 

"Forget that! That rap was more creative than anything I could have thought of." 

* * *

At the end of it, all the girls are back on stage. Linka is the only one who is not dressed up. 

"In all my years of hosting this pageant, I have never seen a contestant so different from the rest. And she does not mind one bit!" Dufran comments. "The winner of the Miss Prim and Perfect pageant is… Linka Loud!" 

Linka smiles so wide her face cramps. She knew she had won because of what she _truly_ is. After Dufran crowns her, the Loud brothers come running back onstage, along with Claudia. Loni and Loki lift her up on their shoulders. 

"Thank you, thank you! I learned today that a girl doesn't have to be pretty and perfect just to prove she is one. There are many other personalities than girly, you know? I couldn't have done this without my brothers! And my best friend, Claudia!" Her brothers and Claudia cheer louder and lift her higher as they walk out the front doors. Heather was already outside fuming. She had left the theater in a fit the second she heard that Linka won. 

She gestures Loki and Loni to put her down. They did and Linka walks up to the mean girl smirking. "Why are you mad, Heather? The better man won today." 

"Oh shut up, Butch!" 

Linka rolls her eyes. "Readers, now that I don't have to worry about being girly anymore, I can go back to doing this: Claudia, take Leon for a minute." Claudia gently takes Leon from Luke's arms. 

"Now… PILE ON HEATHER!" The rest of the brothers whoop as she and them dog piled on Heather. She screams as she went down. 

"Guys, dutch oven Loud House style!" Loki tells them. They then proceed to fart on her. 

"Say, uncle!" Linka demands in the mix. 

"UNCLE!" 

Once the gas clear, they get off of her all at once and go in the direction of the parked Vanzilla, Claudia and Leon following. They all laugh at Heather. You could say she got what she deserved; one should never mess with a Loud. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, Claudia has two low pigtails tied with blue hair ties and there's a blue bow on the right side of her hair. She has a yellow dress with a blue collar and a blue belt around her waist. She has purple hoop earrings and wears black Mary Janes. 
> 
> Credit to a Fanfiction Guest named Jonesy for the suggestion. 
> 
> Edit: I'm glad some of you got the iCarly reference I did with Claudia at the beginning. 
> 
> Edit 6/13/18: A fact given to me by sthompson1 from Fanfiction, Linka means mannish in Hungarian. This chapter makes more sense than I'd intended. 


	4. Study Muffin

Linka was walking home from school with Claudia. The past two weeks, Linka's has not been doing good in school, grade wise. She was holding a test she had failed today. 

"I don't get it, Claud. I used to think that I'm a good student. I like to believe that I am. But lately I've been given Cs and Ds, and now a F!" 

Claudia takes the test from her hand and examines it. "Oooo, and a frowny face. That's embarrassing." 

"If this keeps up, I might fail fifth grade and get left back!" Claudia gasps and grabs Linka by the shoulders. 

"Linka, I don't ask that much from you but please, you have to do something about this! If I go to middle school without you, I might fall into the wrong crowd and wear revealing clothes and start littering!" Claudia imagines herself a year from now hanging out with the "bad" crowd, wearing only a bra and miniskirt and has cornrows in her hair. She opens her locker and dumps all its contents on the floor. Claudia shudders visibly at that image. 

"Don't sweat it, girl. I got a plan." 

* * *

That plan was to have Levi tutor her. Unfortunately, it wasn't working. 

"I'm sorry Linka but my tutoring schedule is booked. I have Geography with Lars on Wednesdays, Global History with Lynn on Thursdays, Finger-Painting with Leon on Fridays, etc. etc. you get the point." Levi explains as he throws Linka his calendar of this month that is completely filled with red Xs. "Being the genius in the family is both a blessing and a curse. Though scientifically, neither is real." 

"But Levi, you're my last hope! Help a sister out!" She says desperately, on her knees at this point. 

"Why don't you help yourself to the community college? I heard through the tutoring grapevine that the students tutor for extra credit." 

"Great idea, Lee!" Linka gets up and runs off. 

"Loki, you're five minutes late for Calculus! We're burning daylight, move it!" Levi calls out into the hallway. 

* * *

After searching online for the community college front office's phone number and a phone conversation, she's told that a tutor is free this afternoon. An hour later, the doorbell rings. Linka opens the door for a curvy 20 year old woman. She has on a tan miniskirt that exposes her long, hairless legs. The blue cardigan and pink v-neck shirt she's wearing hugs her chest a little too well. She has dark brown medium length hair and brown eyes. She has no makeup on but she wouldn't need it for her flawless heart shaped face. 

"Pardon me, but is this the Loud residence?" She ask, her British accent thick in her speech. 

"Yes, you must be my tutor. I'm Linka." Linka hold out her hand. The woman takes it and shakes hands. 

"I'm Hazel. Quite chuffed to meet you." 

"Uhhh.. the chuffed is all mine. Let's go into the dining room." 

"Thank you so much for doing this, Hazel. I have a big multi-subject test coming up and I really have to pass." Linka says as she's putting her books on the table. 

Loki comes into the room, talking on his cell phone. "Man, you should have seen the fight in the cafeteria today. It was-" he stop talking and drop his phone at the sight of Hazel. Captivated by her beauty. "Bah. Bah. Bah." He stutters. 

"Loki, are you alright?" Linka ask her oldest brother. 

Loki backs up with his eyes still on Hazel. "Uh, yes. I was going into the kitchen for some chicken breasts. I mean, a tall drink of water. I mean, damn girl! Dang it! Ugh!" He accidentally walks into the wall. Hazel sees he hasn't picked up his phone since he entered the room. She kneels in front of him and hands him his phone. 

"Excuse me, sir? You dropped your mobile." Loki face her and, in adorkable way, sighs in a way that's similar to a goose call. 

Leif comes running in with a hunting net in his hands. "I heard a goose! It's mine!" He exclaims. He drops his net at the sight of Hazel. "Bah. Bah. Bah." Leif stutters and blush. 

"I heard a sheep." Loni walks into the room with a facial mask and cucumbers on the eyes, uncharacteristically not manly. He removes the cucumbers from his eyes and sees Hazel. 

"CRAP! MY FACE!" He runs off to clean up. The other brothers (with the exception of Leon who is out with his mother for the day) walk into the room to see what the fuss is about. They too blush and stutter "Bah. Bah. Bah." at the beautiful Hazel. 

Loni comes back with his face washed. "Ok, before you guys start, there is nothing wrong with a man who wants his skin to be as nice as possible!" 

"I think it's admirable that a man cares enough to take care of his body." Hazel says. 

"Thanks, Miss… Bah. Bah. Bah." 

Hazel straightens herself. "Anyway, I'm Hazel, Linka's tutor. It's very nice to meet you all." 

"Hah. Hah. Hah." They all try say her name, smitten. 

"Could you guys leave? We're trying to study here!" Linka says, annoyed. 

"It's a free country, Linka!" Lexx retorts, walking up to Hazel. "We can do what we want." He blushes standing next to Hazel. 

"I want to stand here!" Leif switches spots with his twin and blushes next to Hazel. 

"The hell you are!" Lexx retorts. 

Luke steps up and pushes the twins out of Hazel's way. 

"Give her some space, guys!" He scolds the little boys. "But seriously, I am in love with that accent of yours." Luke compliment in his own imitation of a British accent. "Know any good bands?" 

"Well, I love the works of The Rolling Stones and Queen. Since my youth." Those are two of Luke's favorite bands as well. 

"She's mine!" He yells in his regular voice. Lynn grabs him by shoulders and pulls him back hard so he fall back. "No she ain't!" 

"I saw her first!" 

"Back off!" 

"Get out of the way!" 

The boys fight their way closer to Hazel until she's cornered. "My, very spirited boys. A lot of you." She says nervously. Willa, their pet bird, whistles and lands on Hazel's shoulder. Chris (short for Christine) the cat and Charlie the dog are rubbing or clawing against her legs. "Uh, a bit cheeky aren't we?" Linka takes Hazel's hand and pulls her away from the crowd. 

"Come on Hazel, let's go somewhere where there's more room." She drag her into the living room. 

"How shameful. I'm sorry about my brothers. They're not usually like this." 

"It's no bother, hon. As the youngest of five kids, I understand how rowdy siblings can get. Your brothers seem like exciting young men. If I may ask, what are their names?" 

Linka is about to tell the names of her brothers but was rudely interrupted. The brothers pop into the living room introducing themselves and talking all at once what is unique about them (and why she should want that brother). Linka push all of them out the front door. 

"Wait, this is our house!" Loki says before the door is slammed in their faces. 

"Well, that's that." Linka says. 

"Uhh, Linka?" Hazel points to the living room window. The boys are shoving each other and breathing heavily on glass, wanting another glimpse of Hazel. Lane even has his video camera recording. 

"Quit pushing!" 

"You're blocking my view!" 

"You're blocking my Hazel!" 

Linka turns red with anger and forcibly pulls the curtain. "Again, I'm sorry about-" Linka is interrupted again, this time by a periscope coming out of the chimney. A blue eye is scanning Hazel. Linka shoves the periscope back up the chimney. 

"My eye!" Lexx cries out in pain. 

* * *

"Why don't we study in my room? It's quieter." Linka suggests, ascending the stairs with Hazel. Lynn Sr. was walking through then gasp at the British girl. 

"Brilliant!" Hazel says. 

"Cheerio! Pip pip and all that rut." Linka's father greets in a British accent then hugs Hazel. Hazel understands where Luke gets the accent from. "Lynn Loud Sr. I did a merry college semester in merry old England. So many memories." He hums God Save the Queen and continues hugging her. 

"Ah, yes. Cheers." Hazel says, awkwardly. Now, Lynn Sr. doesn't want Hazel like his sons want Hazel. Rather he wants Hazel as a close companion because of her British roots and the country is a big part of his life. Right now, it's like Lynn Sr. is the high school dork going out of his way to impress the popular kid Hazel. 

Loki comes and gently holds Hazel's face. "Hazel, I lost something under my bed and I literally need someone's help." He takes her away from his father's hold and to his room. Linka follows, irritated. 

In Loki's and Loni's room, Hazel lifts Loki's mattress above her head. "Oh here it is. My…gym bag!" He grabs the first item he lays his eyes on in the mess under the bed. Hazel gently lowers the mattress. 

"Beautiful _and_ strong. Do you work out?" Loki asks, flirtatiously. 

"Well, I did do a spot of crew in fifth form." Hazel admits. 

"I like _all_ your forms." Loki sighs like a goose, like he did earlier. Linka rolls her eyes next to him. Levi enters the room and takes Hazel's hand. 

"I need to borrow Hazel. I'm tutoring Lexx." The four year old explain. 

"Are you kidding me?" Linka cries out. 

Hazel smiles. "Happy to help. What's the subject?" Levi look back at her with the creepiest smile. In Levi's room, Lexx was waiting with his notebook. The prince's face brightens when Hazel walked in. Levi gets his pointer and with it, he pulls down the v neck and part of Hazel's breasts is shown. 

"This part of the female is called the mammaries. Otherwise known as boobs.” Levi explains, enjoying this. So is Lexx, he smiles wider and writes down notes. 

"What the-?!" Hazel cry out embarrassed and covers herself with her cardigan. 

"Now, if you'll turn around, I'll point out the Gluteus Maximus." In a blink of an eye, all of the other boys come into Levi's room with cameras and notebooks. 

"Really? B-but boys, this is most-" Linka enters, disgusted by all this. 

"Alright. Alright. Class dismissed." She escorts her tutor out of there. While her back is turn, Loki takes a picture of Hazel's butt with his phone. 

"Nice." He smirks at the picture. 

"Hazel, do you have an inhaler? Cause you got _ass, ma_." Lane says. Despite the fact the joke was inappropriate, Hazel gives a little giggle. 

"Oh, did you hear that? She has a sense of humor! My kind of woman!" 

* * *

"Sorry about the change in scenery but it's the only way we'll get any privacy." Linka explains as she and Hazel climbs the stairs to the attic. "It's pretty dark but there's a lamp right here." She turns on the light then both she and Hazel jump at Lars's presence. 

"Hi Hazel. I wrote a poem about you: Hazel. Beautiful hair and eyes. Maybe the most beautiful in this world. Pretty cool for a living girl. Hazel." Lars recites. 

Lynn Sr. is back with a six feet tall fur hat. "Ello love. Pick this up at the Ye Old Buckingham Gift Shop." 

Lexx comes unexpectedly and pushes Lars, Linka, and Lynn Sr. to the side. "EVERYBODY OUT!" He casually walks to Hazel's side with a steak in his hands. A raw steak. "A romantic dinner for me and Hazel." 

Hazel stares oddly at the meat. "Darling, I don't think this is properly cooked." 

"Well, I don't know how to work the oven so I used the microwave. I do what I can for you, _darling.”_ He repeats the same word flirtatiously and chuckles. 

* * *

"Ok, I highly doubt that anyone will bother us here." Linka says to Hazel in the doghouse. It's an odd place but Hazel needed to be away from the family. She wouldn't say it out loud but they are scary. The girls hears slurping from their left and see Leif drinking water from his labeled dog dish. 

He looks up and laughs sheepishly. "Oh, hi Hazzy." He crawls closer to her and rest his head on her naked leg. 

"Dudes! She's in the pooch pad!" Luke yells out. 

"Oh no you don't! I was here first!" Leif yells back. All at once, the other brothers, Lynn Sr. and the pets try to squeeze their way in the doghouse. Leif tries to push them out. 

Hazel is now showing fear. "This again!" In all that commotion, the doghouse is destroyed into pieces. 

"THAT DOES IT! FAMILY MEETING!" Linka demands. "Back in a jiff." She says to the poor woman. 

"Oh, take your time love. I need time to heal." 

* * *

"You guys are outrageous! The minute a beautiful woman with an accent shows up, you all go completely gaga!" Linka scolds her family in the living room. 

"That's an exasperation!" Loni denies. 

"Exaggeration! Know your vocabulary, Loni! And what are you wearing?" Loni is wearing a blue t-shirt with Hazel's face on it and in bold yellow letters it reads #WCE (in slang terms, it means Woman Crush Everyday). 

"I went to that custom t-shirt website and made it. I ordered shirts in small, medium, and large." His brothers look at it in awe. 

"This isn't about some competition on who gets Hazel. This is about me so close to failing fifth grade! So from now on, Hazel is off limits!" The boys complain and leave the living room disappointed. 

"Now boys, you heard Linka." Lynn Sr. says. 

"That means you too, Dad. You scare Hazel with your British friendliness." The dad too walks away disappointed, along with the pets. Willa poops on Linka's head out of anger. 

"Gross!" 

* * *

Linka leads Hazel to her bedroom and closes the door behind her. "Sorry that took so long but now we can get back to business." Linka sits on her vanity set chair and Hazel on her bed. 

"Very well. Let's start with mathematics." Hazel picks up Linka's textbook and points to an equation. "See if you can solve for x." 

Linka writes down her answer and show it to Hazel. "Is that right?" 

"Well done! Now to Social Studies." She picks up her history textbook. "During World War II, who were the initial Allies and Axis?" 

"Ummm... The Allies were Great Britain, France and later the United States. And the Axis were Germany, Italy and Japan?" 

"Smashing! Shall we try Earth Sciences?" 

* * *

After an hour, Hazel tells her, "Linka, you're wonderful in all your subjects. Even surliest art." 

"It's weird. I thought I needed so much help." 

"It's all in your head, love. There's no reason you shouldn't be getting top marks on your exam. Well, I guess I'm done here." 

"NOOOOOOOO!" The Loud brothers, the father and the pets all burst into the room. 

"Goodness! Are all American males like this?!" Hazel exclaims. The intruders all creep closer to her, smiling wide. "Careful! Not the hair!" Hazel crawl out the door then runs for her life. 

"Boys! She's getting away!" Their dad calls out. Soon, the male Louds and the pets are chasing Hazel down the street. Hazel sped away on her bike with the giant wheel at the front. She hears the brothers scream after her: 

"Just one night together! I'm at the age of consent!" 

"I'm good looking, you're good looking, what else do you want?!" 

"Wanna whole lotta love!" 

"Can I get some pictures?!" 

"Baby, what's your number?!" 

"I'll be eternally loyal to you!" 

"I can make you happy!" 

"Marry me!" 

"Just think of what we can accomplish together!" 

If you were a pedestrian witnessing this, you would wonder what that poor girl do to deserve this. 

* * *

The next afternoon, Linka sulk into the living room filled with nine of her brothers. She was tightly grasping a paper in her fist. 

"How'd the test go, sis? Did you pass?" Lynn ask. 

"NO! I got another F!" She throws her test on the ground and falls face down on the carpet. Lane takes a look at it. 

"Oooo, and a frowny face. That's embarrassing. I'll just _bust_ out my cell so I can call Hazel." He laughs while standing with his cell phone in his hand. "Get it?" The brothers then physically fight for the phone. 

"I'm calling Hazel!" Leif screams. 

"No! Me!" Lexx retorts. 

"Let _me_ call Hazel!" Loki demands. 

"I don't know what's worse: you guys are _still_ fighting over Hazel or that I received another F when I thought I knew all the answers." Linka says, voice muffled against the carpet. She sighs. "Mr. DiMartino will have no choice but to fail me." Her brothers freeze in place. 

"Pause. Mr. DiMartino?" Lynn question. 

"Yeah. He's been our substitute teacher ever since Mr. Johnson broke his leg riding a mechanical bull." 

"Dude, no wonder you're failing. Mr. D is so smoking. Girls go completely gaga around him." Luke explains. "But who can blame them? He's tall, he speaks French fluently and he's got these muscles that are noticeable in any shirt he wears. He-" 

"Alright Luke, dang! You're making me uncomfortable." Lexx interrupts. 

"Shut your ass up! DiMartino is a sexy man." 

"Even Bebe nearly failed because of him." Loki says. "Of course, that was before I came into her life. Or she never would have noticed me." 

Linka sits up. "But I couldn't have went gaga over him. Could I?" 

* * *

_Mr. DiMartino is a six feet tall man, who was born and raised in Lyon, France before he emigrated to the states. He usually wears black trousers, black dress shoes, and a pink dress shirt. He has pitch black wavy hair that complements his chocolate brown eyes nicely. A tan complexion and, as Luke described him, he is muscular._

" _Hi Mr. DiMartino." A boy said in the hallway, walking past him; having no trouble speaking to him. But Linka stuttered at the sight of him and accidentally walked into an opened locker._

_In his class, every girl brought him something. Apples, heart-shaped cards, fruit baskets. Linka put more thought into her gift, a container of macaroons. DiMartino was far from the general "lazy substitute". He taught his class review for the test as well as French conjugations. But the girls were too smitten to actually pay attention to the lesson._

_So during Linka's test, when Mr. DiMartino walked pass her and said, "You have one hour to complete the test. Eyes on your own paper." Linka bubbled in a heart on her scantron with the words "Mr. D" at the bottom in a lovesick trance._

* * *

"Holy smoley! I _do_ go gaga over DiMartino! Just like how you guys were around Hazel." Now all the boys are wearing Loni's custom made Hazel t-shirts. 

"You ain't got nothing on us that says we do." Loni denies. "By the way, if Hazel and I got married and decided to have kids, I want a daughter to spoil with clothes and stuff." 

"Oh Loni, you're delusional." Levi shakes his head. "Because _I'm_ going to marry her and our progeny is going to be a boy. Who'll be a genius just like his old man." 

"Planning your future kids? Should I get some coloring books for you little girls?" Loki sneers. 

"All of you are just mad cause she wouldn't want any of your ugly asses in bed!" Loni retorts. 

"All of you would not be suitable sexual partners for Hazel. Especially you, Loni." Levi says. That tiggered another fistfight between the boys. 

"Take that back!" 

"She didn't give you a chance!" 

"She didn't give you one either, jackass!" 

"Who you calling ugly, butthead?!" 

"How the fudge do you know what sex is?!" 

"Guys, focus!" Linka calls out. "I don't wanna be held back. Claudia could turn into a litterbug who wears skimpy outfits!" The boys stop fighting again and look oddly at their only sister. 

"It made sense when she said it." 

"Can't you get Mr. DiMartino to let you retake the test?" Lane asks. 

"But as long as he's anywhere near me, I'm still going to fail!" 

"Then the solution would be to remove him from your field of vision." Levi answers. "Observe." He takes the phone they were fighting for earlier and opens a picture of Hazel. He chuckles fondly at it but quickly clears his throat. He walks up to the oldest brother. 

"Loki, what is Bebe's full name?" 

"Roberta Alejandra Martinez-" Levi shows him the picture and Loki sighs like a goose. 

"Roberta Alejandra-" Levi shows it again and Loki sighs again. 

"Roberta-" Picture. Sighs. 

"And now to delete." Levi says. 

"NOOOOO!" The other boys beg but it was too late, Hazel's picture is deleted. Loki physically slaps himself back to reality. 

"Roberta Alejandra Martinez-Millie Louise Santiago Jr." 

"It's as simple as that." Levi says to Linka. 

"Got it." She runs off to her room for some last minute cramming and to process a plan to get Mr. DiMartino out of her sight. 

"Don't worry guys, I have more pictures of Hazel saved in the cloud." 

* * *

The following day, Linka request to retake her test, in her locker. "Thanks for giving me another chance Mr. DiMartino." 

" _Je vous en_ _prie_ , Linka. It's good to see students go out of their way to receive good grades. Here you go." Mr. DiMartino slips the test through the locker slot. "You have one hour to complete it and keep your eyes on your own paper." He laughs at his own joke. 

"Gosh and you're funny too!" She gushes. With a headlight and her pencil, she got to work. After an hour, she hands her test to Mr. DiMartino back in the classroom. Later in the day, she goes and tells Claudia the good news. 

"Claud, look! An A+ on the test!" 

"That's awesome, Linka! So, you're not going to fail fifth grade?" 

"Nope. But it means I'm going to be spending a lot of time inside my locker." They walk together to class. "Here it goes, better shield my eyes from our teacher's blinding handsomeness." She says as she opens the classroom door. 

"Thank you, Linka." A different male voice that belong to her original teacher, Mr. Johnson, says. He's in a wheelchair for now. "See class, that's how you welcome a man back to his position." 

"Ah yes, Mr. Johnson. Brilliant." Linka says awkwardly. 

* * *

Linka and Claudia walk outside for gym class. "Now that Johnson is back, my troubles are over." Both girls stop in their tracks when they see Mr. DiMartino in a red t-shirt and white shorts; his muscular upper body is displayed perfectly. 

"Bah. Bah. Bah." They both stutter. 

"What happened to Coach Pacowski?" A boy next to DiMartino ask. 

"Mr. Johnson ran over her foot with his wheelchair so I'll be your substitute for gym class until she recovers." He blow the whistle. "Ok, everybody do four laps! _Allons-y_!" 

Claudia and Linka were distracted by DiMartino while they were running and hit a pole. Along with three other distracted girls. 

* * *

That evening, Linka heard the doorbell. She opened it and Hazel was on the other side. 

"Hey Hazel. You must be the bravest chick I know. Coming back here after what my brothers have done." 

"Hello Linka. I'm sorry for the intrusion but I think I've misplaced my purse here. I've been looking for it everywhere since I left." 

"Of course. It's up in my room. I would have bought it to you sooner but I didn't want my brothers to find it then make a big deal about it and fight over it." Linka explain and let Hazel in. They walk upstairs to Linka's room. She retrieves a pink purse from her drawer and gives it to her. "There you are, love." 

"Thank you, love. So how was the test?" 

"Oh great, I aced it. You see, the thing was-" 

"Hazel? You're back?!" Lynn shout with joy after he exits the bathroom. His outburst cause his brothers' bedroom doors to open and all to ogle at Hazel. 

"Crap." Hazel mutters under her breath. 

"You might wanna run." Linka whispers. 

With her purse strap around her, Hazel hurries down the stairs, jump over the railing halfway down and dashes out the front door. 

"I love it when they play hard to get!" Lynn comments. He and his brothers (remember Leon is not present) race downstairs and out the front door, hot on Hazel's tail. They shout claims on her and for her to come back: 

"She's mine!" 

"She will be _mine_!" 

"No way! She obviously came back for me!" 

"No, me!" 

"Don't leave me, baby!" 

Linka is still upstairs, shaking her head. "My brothers are more thirsty than Tishbe when Elijah proclaimed there would be a drought." She jokes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The ending is an allusion to the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 17-18 in the Bible.


	5. Chore and Peace

Linka begins her Saturday morning by emptying the trash can in her room into a trash bag. 

"It's chore day at the Loud House, readers. And taking out the trash is my job. And in a family this big, chores can get pretty intense. But we survive it because we all do our fair share." Linka proceeds to all her brothers' rooms and collecting their trash. When she enters the bathroom, she finds Loni with his arm stuck down the sink drain. His job is removing the hair from the sink drain. 

"Hey sis… This is awkward." 

"Of course, it wouldn't kill to lend a helping hand." She turns to her brother. "Alright Loni, let's get you out of there." 

"No, I got it!" 

"Do you really?" 

"… No." 

"Ok," Linka grabs his forearm. "You're gonna feel some slight discomfort and…" she yanks her big brother's arm out of there. Both stumbled back a few steps. 

"Ow! Thanks Link. I was trying to do my chore then my arm got stuck and-" 

"Don't stress about it. I got you." Linka put her skinnier arm and smaller hand down the sink drain. Within seconds, she pull out the wet ball of hair out of there. "Gross!" She quickly throw it in the trash bag. 

"Thanks again Linka!" Loni says, walking out. 

"No problem!" She dumps out the bathroom trash can into the bag and carries it out the room. Before she made her way downstairs, she walk by Lexx. 

"Hey Lexx, how's making the beds?" 

"Oh great. I just made mine. I'm trying to beat my record." 

"What record?" 

"My time record; make all the beds in the shortest amount of time. Last week was five minutes, I like to see someone beat that." 

"I'm sure anyone can make all the beds in under five minutes." 

"Care to make that a challenge? I bet you two dollars, you couldn't make all the beds in under five minutes." 

"Not interested." She begins to walk away. 

"What? Afraid to lose to your little brother? Chicken." Lexx imitates the sounds of a chicken. Linka drops her garbage bag by the stairs. 

"Oh you're on, princey!" Lexx take out a stopwatch from his pocket. "Alright, you'll start with Leif's bed and don't forget mom's and dad's. On your mark, get set, go!" Lexx starts the stopwatch and Linka runs to Lexx's and Leif's room to make Leif's bed. She then makes each of her brother's bed and her own as quickly as she can. She didn't forget her parents' bed downstairs. When she's done, she runs back to Lexx. "Time!" 

Lexx halts the stopwatch and tells her, "Three minutes and fifty eight seconds! Well aren't you the little roadrunner?" He hands her the two dollars from his pocket. 

"Thank you my good man. That wasn't so hard at all." She says smugly. She picks up her bag and descends the stairs. Loni poke his head out from his room and gives Lexx a thumbs up. Lexx returns the gesture with one hand and cover his mouth with the other hand to contain his laughter. 

* * *

Downstairs, Leif comes up to her with a pooper scooper. "Open says me." Linka opens her bag wide and Leif dumps the waste into it. 

"That was a special present from Charlie. Here's a delivery from Chris." He drops a little bag of Chris's waste in it. He then put on rubber gloves. "And air mail from Willa." Their pet bird come flying in and drops a poop pellet into Leif's hand. Leif takes off and throws away that glove. 

"What about Gina?" Linka ask. 

"Taught her how to use the toilet." A splash from the bathroom is heard. 

"Oh no, Gina fell in again! Hang on Gina, Daddy's coming!" He runs up the stairs. Linka was about to turn to the kitchen then she hears Luke's "Agh, damnit!" from the other side of the living room. He's rapidly flipping the switch on the vacuum but it won't start. 

"What's wrong with the vacuum, Luke?" 

"The piece of crap is broken I think!" He says the line in his imitation of a British accent. "I'll just grab Leif's tools and fix it myself." Luke walks out the front door and in the direction of the garage. Linka takes a look at this broken vacuum. 

"Did he try the unplug it and plug it back in method?" Linka does just that and the vacuum turns on. "Got it! … Eh, I'll do half the area and leave Luke the other half." She says and moves the vacuum around. Mindlessly, Linka does more than she intended to do and vacuums the whole living room. Luke comes in with the tool box the moment after Linka turns off the vacuum. 

"What the-" 

"Yo Luke, what took you so long? I got the vacuum working again, you just had to unplug it and plug it back in again. Anyway, I did a little vacuuming for you." If "little" means the whole damn chore then yeah, she only did a tiny bit. But Luke didn't mind one bit. 

"I owe you, little sis." 

"Don't mention it." She smiles at the rockstar, grabs her trash bag and makes her way to the kitchen. Once Linka is completely out of the room, Levi walks out from his hiding place in the chimney. He and Luke share a high five. 

* * *

Entering the kitchen is entering the battle field in the middle of war; Lynn and Lars are fighting when they're supposed to be washing the dishes with Lane, who's not here. 

"Take that back, Spooky!" 

"No. Just because you're older than me doesn't mean you're always right. And that doesn't mean I have to listen to you." 

"You wanna start something?! Because I ain't afraid to throw down!" 

"Nothing between me and you but air." Lynn tackles his younger roommate and their argument turns into a full blown fistfight. Lane enter the scene from the back kitchen door. He takes a huge step back, he's almost trampled by the fight cloud as Lynn and Lars take it outside. 

"What the hell happened?" Lane ask a just as confused Linka. 

"I don't know… I just came to get trash from the kitchen and Lynn and Lars just started fighting!" 

"Did they had to pick today to tear out each other's throats? I am not washing these dishes myself!" 

"Why don't you talk some sense into them and I'll get started on the dishes?" This was a difficult task Linka just offered to do. Thirteen people's many dirty dishes look like several skyscrapers in the sink. 

"Ok, if you in _dish_!" He laughs. "Get it?" Lane jokes causing Linka to groan. Lane goes outside and Linka takes over a forth chore. After a hour and fifty minutes of washing, drying and putting away dishes, Lane comes back dragging Lynn and Lars by their arms. 

"You're lucky Mom and Dad didn't catch you guys not doing your job." 

"Whatever." Lynn and Lars mutter together. 

Linka collects the kitchen garbage. "Next time, don't get distracted from your chore." She says in a pure sense of irony. She carries her heavier by the minute bag down to the basement. As she's descending the stairs, Lane, Lynn, Lars laugh behind her back. 

"That fool." Lars comments. 

* * *

Loki's job is to do the laundry yet he's doing a crappy job at it. He's shoving white and color clothes in the washer like it's no one's business. Linka collects the trash from the basement then sees the error the oldest is doing with a flabbergasted expression. Leon, from his position on top of the dryer, laughs at her face. 

"Loki, what the actual fudge?" 

Loki turns to his sister with one eyebrow raised, "I'm doing the laundry?" 

"You have to separate the colors from the whites. You're going to ruin everyone's underwear like that!" 

Linka moves her brother out of the way and takes every article of clothing out. "Let's start with the whites." She pluck the white clothes from the pile quickly and put it in the washer. 

"I believed the way I was doing it saves time. It-" he's interrupted by his cell phone ringing. "I gotta take this. I'll be back Linka!" He calls out as he's ascending the stairs. Linka sighs "I'll just finished this load while he's gone. He was doing it wrong anyway, right Leon?" Leon just laughs at her. 

Three hours later, the whites, colors, and dark clothes are washed, dried and folded in their baskets. Loki descends, "Wow Linka, you did this all by yourself?" 

"Yep, no thanks to your method." 

"Yeah, that was pretty stupid. I'll bring these baskets up." 

"Anyway, I should be going." Linka takes the now larger bag of trash up the stairs. She push it up the stairs in a struggle. When she close the door behind her, Loki doubles over in laughter with Leon joining in, of course the baby doesn't understand the deeper meaning of this. 

"This is literally genius! She has no idea!" 

* * *

Back in the living room, Levi sitting in on the couch with a clipboard and has a headset on. His job is to organize the bills, not surprisingly for the residence's genius. 

"Linka, I require assistance. These bills are inconceivable." Certified genius or not, Levi is a kid and he's allowed to ask for help from his older siblings. With that mindset, Linka takes a seat next to her little brother and takes a look at the clipboard of bills. 

Later, Linka is wearing the headset and says on her call, "I want that charge removed Janice. I don't think any one in this family bought a car in Saskatchewan." She's been on her call organizing the bills for a hour. Levi is sitting there looking on. "Uh huh. Uh huh. Ok." She hands Levi back the items. "That should take care of that." 

"Much appreciated." 

"No problem." She drags the heavy trash bag out the front door. She didn't the smirk on Levi's face. When she reach the trash can in the curb, she gasps in horror because the weight from the bag has torn a hole in it and the trash has been scattered everywhere. 

"Damnit." 

* * *

Linka walk back to the living room sulking. All her brothers were watching TV, they were very relaxed after this day unlike their sister. 

"What took you so long, sis?" Luke smirks. 

"I had a little problem with the trash. I'll be in my room." Linka walks up the stairs. 

Lexx laughs to himself. "Oh man, she is clueless! She has no idea we tricked her into doing our chores!" Luke covers Lexx's mouth quickly. The boys all stare wide eye at Lexx because Linka wasn't upstairs yet. _This_ time, Linka heard what one of her brothers said behind her back. She runs back to the scene, furious. 

"What?!" 

"What? Lexx didn't say anything." Lars denies. 

"You all tricked me?" 

"Well you see-" 

"Tell me truth!" 

The boys all look at each other. Since there wasn't any other way around it they say together: "Yeah, pretty much." 

"And we would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for my big mouth twin!" Leif shakes his fist at Lexx, to which Lexx responds with a sheepish grin. 

"So the fight between Lynn and Lars?" 

"Staged." Lynn, Lars and Lane say together. 

"Lexx and his record?" 

"There was no record but I knew you couldn't stand losing to your little brother." 

"Luke, you couldn't turn on the vacuum!" 

"Levi messed with the wiring, dude. He was in the chimney controlling it with a remote." Levi takes out said remote and with a flip of the switch, the vacuum in the corner turn on. He turn it off with the switch. 

"Loni, your arm was stuck!" 

"That wasn't acting, my arm was actually stuck down the drain." 

"Loki?" 

"I had Luke call me to get me out of there. I hate doing the laundry. What? You thought I didn't know the difference between white clothes and colored clothes? Who do you think I am? Loni?" Both he and Loni laugh at that statement. 

"Wait… Hey!" Loni exclaims. 

"Levi?" 

"Even the smartest get lazy." 

"The only chore you haven't done was mine. Which I don't see as a chore but more of a hobby." Leif says. 

Linka's fists clenched. "I can't believe you guys all deceived me like that!" 

"Sheesh, can I get a cup for all this whine?" Lane laughs at his own joke. 

"Deceived is such a strong word." Lynn says. "I prefer to call it, "making you do the chore we don't want to do"." 

"No matter how you look at it Linka," Loki says. "The chores are done. If it wasn't for somebody doing it in whatever circumstance, the balance in this house will literally open up a can of worms." 

"What's wrong with that? Worms rule!" Leif says. 

"Where's the balance in this?! I'm pulling the weight of eight brothers!" Linka cries out. 

To which nine of her brothers respond with: "Tough titties!" 

They all mockingly laugh at her. Linka stomps up to her room and slams the door shut. "God, I have such A-hole brothers! Readers, you read all this, why didn't you tell me something was up?!" She paces her room, irked. "Would literally open up a can of worms huh?" She repeated Loki's words. "Fine! Let's see how they deal when they can't use me to do their work." Linka takes out poster board paper, markers and tape. 

* * *

Two days later is another chore day. Yes, with thirteen people and four pets, the house gets dirty really fast. Linka surprises and annoys her brothers when she's holding a sign with a no symbol over a trash can. "One, two, three, four! I won't do your stupid chores!" She chants. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Loki asks. 

"I'm on strike until you guys start doing your own chores." 

"Ha! You think a strike will make us do our chores?" Lane says. 

"Well someone has to do it. And it ain't going to be me. Five, six, seven, eight! Garbage Day will have to wait!" 

"What am I supposed to do with all this poop?" Leif asks, holding up several sacks. 

"Nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Take that poop out by yourself!" 

Loki groans in exasperation. "Will you please stop talking in chants?" 

"Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen! Get back to me when you clean!" That cause all her brothers to groan in exasperation. 

The Loud parents watch from the sidelines. "So I heard the boys tricked Linka into doing their chores the other day." Lynn Sr. says. "Think we should intervene honey?" 

"No, we should let the kids figure this out themselves. They might learn something." Rita response. 

"Well in that case," Lynn Sr. pulls out a 2000 jigsaw puzzle box. "Time for old jigsaw Loud to get back in the puzzle game." 

"I remembered we agreed to never call you that again." 

* * *

Every hour, more trash is piling up around the Loud house and still Linka won't budge. In his room, Lexx was practicing his song for his audition in three days. The Royal Oaks Community Theater is presenting a Dr. Suess musical and are looking for young kids like Lexx. 

" _I'm alone in the universe. So alone in the universe. My own_ \- Ow!" He slipped on a banana peel. His room is filled with garbage like all the bedrooms. 

"What do I want? A fair share of chores! When do I want it? Now!" Linka chants in the hallway. "What do I want? A fair share of chores! When do I want it? Ow!" She says after Lexx throws the peel at her. 

In Luke's room, his roadie Cheryl, a burly woman of British descent, is helping Luke with his amps as he rocks out on his ax. 

"So, what you think Cher?" 

"It stinks." His roadie says bluntly. 

"Way harsh, dudette." 

"Not your song. Your room. Cher's gotta blow." Cheryl leaves the disgusting house. 

Linka is still in the hallway. "Think it through, don't be rash! Do your job or live with trash! Think it through, don't be rash! Do your job or live with-" Luke gets irritated and throws his drumsticks at Linka but she shields herself with her sign. 

"Ha! Missed me!" Then Luke throws the rest of his drum kit, not missing her. 

Loni goes to the bathroom to take a shower but finds the bathtub is filled with garbage. "What the hell?!" 

Linka appears next to him. "Aw, I'm sure it's not that bad." 

"Are you blind, woman? There's trash in the bathtub!" 

Linka face palm, vexed that Loni doesn't get sarcasm. 

* * *

That night, Linka overhears the meeting her brothers have in Loki's and Loni's room. 

"You can't expect a prince to live in this filth!" Lexx says. 

"This goes pass all our limits of disgustingness. And I should know." Leif says. 

"I totally agree." Lars says. 

Loki comes to a conclusion. "Boys, it's time to put matters into our own hands." 

Linka face lights up. She believes that Loki meant the others are going to pull their own weight around. She whisper chants, "Hey hey. Ho ho. Tomorrow the boys do their own cho-res. Good thing they're giving in, cause I'm all out of rhymes." 

* * *

The next morning, Linka wakes up and checks her drawers. Only to find no clothes. Confused, she goes downstairs. 

"Loki, didn't you do the laundry?" 

"Ha! Talk to the sign, sister." Loki holds up a sign with a no symbol over a washing machine. 

Linka is shocked. " _You're_ going on strike?" The other boys gather around and hold up no symbol signs over a picture of their respective chores. 

"We're _all_ going on strike until you end yours!" Leif exclaims. 

"So say goodbye to clean laundry, hair-free drains, vacuuming, clean dishes, made beds-" Loki says and Levi finishes for him. 

"And a house with electricity and running water." On his call, he demands, "Janice, is it? Cut the power and the water. We're going off the grid." 

Linka turns red with anger. "That's not how strikes work, you dumbass crackers! How can you go on strike when you didn't do work in the first place?!" 

"BECAUSE WE JUST DID, SO TOUGH TITTIES!" The brothers say like a chorus. 

"Take it away, Luke!" Loki points to him. 

_Luke:_

_I said, chores! Huh! Good God,_ _y'all_

_Boys:_

_What are they good for?_

_Luke:_

_Absolutely_

_Boys:_

_Nothing!_

_Luke:_

_Say it again!_

As the boys sing their parody, the parents watch on. "Now do we intervene?" Lynn Sr. asks. 

"Let's give them more time. I'm sure the kids can resolve this on their own." Rita says, having full faith in her kids. Some may call it cowardice or laziness. 

Lynn Sr. pulls out a 3000 piece jigsaw puzzle box. "Sweet! Who's up for round two? Jiggy Loud's about to do a pizzy up in this bizzy!" 

"Really?" 

* * *

The next day, the third day of Linka's strike and the second of the boys'. She gets up to find something suitable to wear, of course there isn't any. She demeans herself by wearing a garbage bag for a dress. 

Outside her room, Lynn was kicking around a hairy ball. 

"The hell is that?" 

"A bunch of hair from the sink drain. Makes a great footbag." 

Linka rolls her eyes and walks past Lynn. She goes to check on Loki. 

"Hey big bro. You must going insane without cell service now that no one's paying the bills." 

"I don't need cell service. I found a new way to text Bebe." In his hands is Willa with a love note attached to her left leg. "Fly away, my messenger!" Willa does so toward the closed window. She crashes against it and falls down. 

"Pathetic!" Linka laughs. 

"It's not pathetic. Phones crash all the time." Loki opens the window for Willa and she flies off. 

Linka checks on Levi. "Pretty dirty in here. Must be a pain in the butt to get any work done." 

"Au contraire. The garbage and my chemicals fused creating a scientific breakthrough." From the trash on the ground, a creature made of garbage comes alive. "I call her Homo Trashilius, or Trashie for short." The creature fiercely roars at Linka and she books it out of there. 

" _Now_ should we interfere?" Lynn Sr. asks a third time. 

"I said we shouldn't the first two times and I'm saying we shouldn't again. Besides the house has... looked worse." Rita says. Leon crawls to her with a chip bag on his head. "Come here sweetie," she picks up Leon. "We'll ride this storm out." 

"Round three with Jiggy P?" He asks with a 4000 piece jigsaw puzzle box. 

Rita walks away from him. 

* * *

The following day, the state of the house is revolting! It smelled worse than a gas station's bathroom or a skunk's spray. There's a couple of rodents scurrying around and cockroaches in every corner. Just the sight of it can make one puke their lunch out. Everyone's gross and smell of B.O and crusty underwear! It's intolerable, it's unbearable yet the Loud siblings' will is too strong. Damn them letting it get this far! 

Linka wakes up to a _raccoon_ licking her face. She jumps out of bed, terrified. The garbage makes a squish sound beneath her feet. When she gets out of her room, she sees Lynn has been engulfed by his now enormous hair ball. 

"Someone help! My footbag is out of control!" 

"This wouldn't have happened if you guys did your own work!" 

"First end your stupid strike!" Lynn yells back, shaking his fist. Linka goes downstairs only to be greeted by a the door slamming open and close. Courtesy of a furious Lexx, covered in trash, who's back from his audition. 

"Lexx, how did the audition go?" 

"How do you think it went?! I didn't get in the show! The way you present yourself is a big part of an audition and I showed up unpresentable and stinky. Like I had an option! My B.O made the director faint for crying out loud!" 

"Sounds like karma for tricking me and going on strike for no reason." 

"I'll show you karma!" Lexx chase his sister around the house. Loki watches in amusement. The doorbell rings and he answers it; Claudia is on the other side with Willa in her left hand. Loki widens his eyes in horror, there's nothing worse for the average teen then sending a text (or note attached to your pet bird) to the wrong person. 

"Loki, Willa brought me your "text". Normally, I bleed from my nose, turn into a robot then faint when I'm around you. But this has given me the courage to say… I love you too!" 

"What?!" 

"Don't worry, I broke the news to Bebe. Poor girl collapsed crying but a sweet football player is consulting her." Claudia puckers her lips up for a kiss. 

Linka appears next to Loki, out of breath. "Finally lost Lexx." 

"YOU STUPID BRAT!" Loki screams outraged and chases Linka up the stairs. Trashie pulls an Audrey II and has grown life size. She picks up the two and end their chase scene. 

"Trashie, bad!" Levi scolds the monster. "No, not you Janice." He says on his call. 

"Levi, what have you been feeding her?!" Linka screams. 

"It's not rocket science, genius. Her name _is_ Trashie." 

Trashie roars again but stops when a baby's cry is heard in the hallway. 

"Great job Linka, you made Leon cry." Loki scolds. The Loud siblings and the trash creature go into Levi's and Leon's room to calm the baby in his crib. 

"Shh. There there, Leon. It's gonna be alright." Linka pulls away the blanket to reveal that raccoon from this morning. Everyone jumps at the sight and Leif catches the animal with his hunting net. 

"Poop _and_ animal control!" He chucks the animal out the open window. 

Linka looks on with horror. "So if the raccoon was in the crib, WHERE'S LEON?!" The siblings digs through the trash in the hallway in a desperate and frantic attempt to find their baby brother. 

"We'll never find him in this mess." Lars says. 

"We have to clean up!" Linka says. "This strike is now over!" She declares and breaks her sign in half. "Who's with me?!" 

"We are!" Her brothers say altogether and follow their sister's example. 

"This time, we do our own chores!" Luke exclaims. 

Levi returns to his call. "Janice, how soon can we get back on the grid? 24 hours? What if I throw in a muffin basket?" Janice obliges and the lights immediately come back on. 

"Everyone split up! I'll keep searching around!" Linka demands and the other brothers go in different directions. Lexx races to all the bedrooms upstairs and shakes the blankets frantically on each bed; maybe Leon was tangled in the sheets is his thoughts. After he does that, he spreads it out on the bed neatly. Leon's not in any of the bedrooms. 

Lane, Lars and Hairball Lynn report to their station in the kitchen, where it's covered sink to floor in dirty dishes. "Alright, I'll wash. Lars, you dry and Lynn, you put away." Lane says. 

"Got it." Lars says. Lynn responds with a thumbs up then Luke comes and vacuums the hair off of Lynn. 

"Thanks!" 

"No prob!" Luke proceeds to vacuum the rest of the house. Lane washes dishes, Lars sighs heavily on them to dry and it is thrown to Lynn to which he catches and puts it away. They do this at full speed. Leon is not in the kitchen. 

Loki goes into the basement and is smacked in the face with the stench of dirty underwear and clothes. He gags, "Ugh, why does dad has this much underwear? Focus Loki, this isn't the time to back down. We'll find you, baby bro!" Loki loads the washing machine then the drying machine with colors and whites, separately. He folds every single article of clothing. When he's done, a Claudia in the hamper surprises him. 

"Hey babe. Should our pairing name be "Cloki" or "Lodia"?" 

"Bebe and I are back together." 

Every ounce of confidence is gone and Claudia returns to normalcy. She bleeds profusely from her nose, talks like a robot and faints. Leon is not in the basement either. 

The brothers gather in the living room when their chores are done. "I vacuumed the whole house and no Leon!" Luke says. 

"Poop control is done but no Leon!" Leif says. 

Trashie checks under the couch. "No baby." 

"Then he could only be under all this trash!" Lexx exclaims. 

"Step aside," Linka comes into the room with a box of trash bags. "I got this." At full speed, Linka collects all the trash. She flings many trash bags and Trashie out the front door. The house is left spotless. 

"Well, we done all our chores and still no Leon." Loki says. 

Linka is close to crying. "This is all my fault." 

"No, no it's not. It's ours." Lars gestures to the boys. Guilt is sketched on their faces. "This is where our laziness gets us." 

Familiar laughing is heard from a distance. 

"His innocent laughter, I can't get it out of my head!" Loni screams, pounding his head with his fists. 

Linka looks to the side. "Wait Loni, look." He and his brothers turn to their parents and see the only reason they cleaned the house. 

"Leon?" They say altogether. 

"Have you guys had him the whole time?" Linka asks. 

"Of course. You didn't think we leave him in that mess did you?" Rita answers. 

"We're proud of you kids for sorting this out on your own." Lynn Sr. holds up a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle box. "Now, who wants to do a puzzle with J to the Iggy?" 

"Heck no." The siblings respond, embarrassed that their father still uses that nickname. 

* * *

Later, Linka takes the broken pieces of her sign out to the curb. "Readers, my brothers and I have learned a very valuable lesson. Doing your fair share creates harmony among others and in your environment." She feeds Trashie the pieces. 

"Hey Loud!" Ms. Grouse, the Louds' next door neighbor, calls from her window. "Don't bother, there's no trash pick up this week. The garbage workers are striking for more money!" 

"Hold up! They get _paid_ to take out the trash?" 

Not much later, the Loud siblings are in the living room, with new signs, on strike again! This time, they're striking for a common reason. 

"One, two, three, four! Give us cash or no more chores!" They chant over and over again to their parents. As before, Rita, Lynn Sr. and Leon watch from the sidelines. 

Déjà Vu is really annoying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The first half of the chapter is loosely based on avatarbending's first chapter in " Linka Loud present you: The Loud House" on Fanfiction. I liked it and got permission to use their interpretation. 


	6. So, It's a Date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested by four people from FF.net: femi ogundiya, Jonesy, BlueKat12345, and ajjr12. I'm never gonna do Save the Date

"So, you'll be gone for the whole weekend?" Linka asks sadly on the walkie-talkie with her best friend.

"Affirmative. I haven't seen my cousins since I was a little kid. Plus, it's New York, Linka! How cool is that?!" Claudia answers, ecstatically.

"Yeah, that is awesome! I guess I can handle being friendless for one weekend."

"Stop acting like a privileged brat. You got ten brothers and you know other people than me." Muffled voices on Claudia's end. "My mom's calling me. We'll meet on Monday."

"Okay, bye." Linka disconnected the call. She sighs heavily, "What am I going to do this weekend? I already see my brothers enough as it is and hanging out with Claudia is a regular occurrence." Linka is a very active girl. Maybe it's because of the lifestyle she lives in, or maybe it's because she's the "woman with the plan", but she always has something to do.

Suddenly, her hand-me-down laptop chimes; a video call request. She accepts it and a familiar Latino-American boy's face appears.

"Robbie Dan?" She question, excitedly.

"You better recognize, Snow White." She shakes her head at the nickname but couldn't hold back the chuckle.

Robbie Dan Santiago from the first chapter. He was Linka's bully but over time, the two have grown a bond after Robbie Dan left that note following their fight. Texting and calling each other; closest friends despite the fact they live in different states currently.

"So, what's up with you?"

"I have some news."

"They found your biological parents, the grumpy old trolls?" Linka snickers.

"Watch it, Lame-O! Anyway, guess who's coming back to Royal Woods for the weekend?"

"What, you?!"

"Yes, me!"

"Couldn't be!"

"Then, who?" They both laugh at that exchange in dialogue. "But for real. Bebe, my  mom and myself are coming back."

"Robbie Dan, that's awesome! Loki's gonna lose his shit when he hears Bebe's coming back."

Down the hall, a shrill yell is heard from the oldest Louds' bedroom. "Babe, that's literally the best news ever!"

"Sounds like he already knows." Robbie Dan chuckles.

"We got a lot of catching up to do, though! When you come, let's hang out all day together! There are some new restaurants I would love for you to try, maybe go to the arcade, maybe there's-"

"Linka, are you basically asking me out on a date?" He asks in a teasing voice.

"What?! I-"

"My God, this is so sudden. Our first real date together, alone. What a tale to tell our children." He bursts out laughing. Linka is as red as a tomato.

"Shut up!"

Robbie Dan takes a few deep breaths then says "But yeah, let's go out when I come back. Saturday good?" Linka nods.

"Perfect. Smell you later, Lame-O!"

"Not if I smell you first!" She ends the video call. She contemplates. "Did I really just ask Robbie Dan out?"

* * *

"Did Linka really just ask me out?" Robbie Dan asks in his room alone.

Bebe knocks and lets herself in. "So, what did Linka say to you?"

"I'm still unsure about it but… Linka ask me out on a date when I come back."

Bebe sequels and hugs her little brother. "Don't second guess it, bro! We all know that she  _ liiiiiikes _ __ you!"

Robbie Dan shoves her off. "Shut up, Bebe!"

"Hey, little homie, don't get so upset. She likes you, you like her, nothing can go wrong! Maybe Carlo ( genderbent Carlota) will lend you some clothes!"

Robbie Dan slaps his forehead at his sister's meddling.

* * *

At dinner time in the Loud house, Loki tells everyone at the grown-up table about Bebe's visit. "That's wonderful news, sweetheart." Rita says.

"Yeah! Like, send our love to our future sister-in-law!" Loni says. He didn't mean as a teasing phrase but the other three brothers laugh. Loki waves them off, too thrilled about his girlfriend's visit.

"So, I guess that means Robbie Dan is coming too. Are you excited, hon?" Rita asks her only daughter.

"Oh yeah, I asked him to go out with me when he comes back." Linka answers.

"Like a date?!" Loki exclaims. His brothers spit out their drinks onto their food and exclaim in anger against the idea.

"It's nothing romantic or anything! I haven't seen him in forever. It's more of a "catch up thing". She did the air quote thing with her fingers.

"I don't care what you want to call it! My little sister is too young to be seeing boys!" Lynn screams.

"Especially that rude, gross, and annoying kid, Robbie Dan!" Luke adds. After Luke said that, the five younger Louds enter the dining room.

"Linka and Robbie Dan?" Lexx accuses.

"Oh, heck no!" Leif screams.

"Guys, get off my freaking back! You always do this, overreact to every little thing I want to do. I'm a young woman, I don't need anyone's protection!" The Loud siblings all break out in arguments.

"That is enough!" Lynn Sr. demands to cease the calamity. "Now, I'm not crazy about the idea of Linka on a date but I do respect her privacy. And believe me when I say this, nothing matters to a woman more than her privacy." Linka and Rita both nod at that statement. "I don't want any of you boys to bother Linka about this anymore. Am I clear?"

"Crystal." The boys say together.

"Good. You're all excused."

* * *

Loki summoned an all-brother meeting in the garage; too risky to do it in his own room. Once Luke, the last brother to arrive, uses the remote to close the garage door, Loki pounds his sneaker against the table of power tools. "Thanks for coming on such short notice, men. I think we all know why we're here."

"Yeah, the "date" situation!" Lars answers.

"And this is Robbie Dan we're talking about! That kid used to bully Linka!" Luke adds.

"I will not stand for this blasphemy!" Levi shouts.

"Then pull up a chair!" Lane laughs at his joke. "Get it? But seriously, I'm pissed off."

"We all are. So what are we going to do about it?" Lexx asks.

"We do it the old-fashioned way: we follow Linka and Robbie Dan around and put an end to it!" Loki answers.

"Oh sure, Loki. Linka's not going to notice her ten brothers following her around!" Lynn accuses.

"Not if we're careful. Hell, I'll even convince Bebe on going on a double date. We did it once before. You guys will be there in the background, striking when the moment's right."

"Alright, large and in charge, let's do this!" Lane shouts. The brothers scream in agreement and high five each other.

"And remember, this is all to protect Linka from a greedy boy's hands." Leif adds.

"Yeah, screw boys! They're selfish, stupid good-for-nothings!" Loni exclaims. His brothers look at him like he had grown a second head. Leon even facepalms himself.

"We're moving past that." Loki announces.

* * *

Saturday morning came; the Santiagos arrived late Friday night. The doorbell on the Loud house door rings.

"I'll get it!" Linka yells out. She's wearing a long white skirt, her usual blouse, and orange flats. She has on pink nail polish and her hair has been straightened with a flat iron. Her appearance is all done by her mom.

On the other side of the door are the Santiago siblings. Bebe in her regular clothes. Same old green plaid flannel over a white blouse. Blue jeans that exposed her ankles and brown ballet flats. And finally, white earrings and a green hairband to pull her look altogether. But Robbie Dan is in a purple v neck t-shirt, a black jacket, jeans and purple Nike shoes.

The kids look at each other up and down and say at the same time, "Wow, you didn't pick out those clothes, did you? My mom/my cousin did." They laugh and perform a handshake they created together.

"Good to have you back, R.D."

"Good to be back, Lame-O."

Linka then hugs Bebe. "I missed you!"

"Missed you too, Little Loud." She says, hugging back. Loki descends the stairs. Both teens laugh happily and run towards each other. They embrace each other in a short make-out session.

"I can't remember the last time I physically held you, babe!"

"I know, Loki Bear! It's been ages!" Behind them, their younger siblings feign puking out their breakfast.

"Well, while you two enjoy each other. Robbie Dan and I are going out."

"Wait, didn't Loki tell you?" Robbie Dan asks.

"What?"

"It's a double date, little sister. Like that one time." Loki answers. "Hell, Babe and I will even pay for your meals."

"Come on Linka, it'll be fun!" Bebe adds.

Robbie Dan put his hand on Linka's shoulder. "Plus, they'll be so distracted by each other, that they won't bother us." He whispers to her.

"Alright. Let's do it." Linka finally says. Loki grabs the keys to Vanzilla and leads everyone out. Linka shoots her older brother a warning glare before they get in the van.

* * *

Later, the two pairs of siblings stood in front of a Moroccan-Japanese fusion restaurant. On a side note, what's with Royal Woods' obsession with fusion restaurants? If someone can explain, please do. Cause the author sure as hell can't!

Once inside, they all were greeted by two men. One wearing a Djellaba and the other a Kimono. But surprise surprise, its two of the Loud brothers: Lynn and Lane.

" _ Ssalamū _ _ ' _ _ lekum _ __ and  _ Konichiwa _ _.  _ Welcome to  Fuyumi Chagou's Moroccan-Japanese restaurant!" Lane says.

"We hope everything is to your liking today." Lynn adds.

Linka's eyes widen in shock. "What are you-" she was cut off by Loki, who slaps his hand over his mouth.

"Don't mind her, gentlemen. Thank you." Loki says politely as if this is his first time meeting the two. Lynn and Lane bow respectfully and open the doors to the dining room for them. Robbie Dan is the last one to enter because Lynn trips him on the way in.

"My apologies, dude." Lynn says, hiding a smirk. Lane chuckles at him as well.

They find a table and Linka whispers to her brother. "Why are Lynn and Lane here?"

"I think I would know if my own brothers were here, Linka." Loki answers, not looking up from his menu. Linka growls frustrated.

"So Robbie, you never mentioned what the school is like over there." Linka turns her attention to him.

"It's about as ghetto as you can imagine." He casually leans in and rests a hand on her shoulder. "In fact, there was this one time…" Loki finds and makes eye contact with Leif in his hiding place. He does a quick finger gun pointing toward Robbie Dan's mouth. Leif uses his slingshot to fling a green substance into his open mouth. Robbie Dan's hands fly to his throat as he chokes on the burning substance.

"Bro!" Bebe dashes behind her little brother and performs the Heimlich maneuver. He spits it out right onto the floor. Bebe pours him a glass of water and he gulps it down.

"What the hell was that?!" He yells once he catches his breath.

Linka looks closer at the green stuff. "Wasabi?"

"Yeah, I remember my first time trying that." Loki says.

The four received their food and things seem normal. Bebe and Loki were practically eating from each other's hands.

"Man, this food's excellent! What's it called again?" Linka asks.

" Kefta Tagine-Soba . Something between  Kefta Tagine and  Tenzaru Soba." Robbie Dan answers. "But sis, come on, we're in public. Use some silverware."

"You're just jealous!"

"Of what?!" The Louds laugh at them. Some music both kids are familiar with plays from the restaurant's ceiling speakers.

"Aw yeah! Come on, Snow White!"

Robbie Dan takes her to the center of the dining room. They actually were comfortable dancing together even though there were in a public place. Some people coo at the young couple. Luke sneaks into the back room and finds the main radio. He switches to something else but it's another song that the kids  know. They don't mind one bit and keep dancing. Luke changes it again and it's the same techno and pop crap kids love to listen to. This happens several times.

"What the-?! Aw, screw it!" He rips out the radio from its outlet and smashes it onto the ground.

"What the hell? Someone should look into that." Robbie Dan says as he and Linka walk back to their seats. Before Robbie Dan got back to his seat, a waiter (Loni) "accidentally" spills a cup of water on his head and he keeps walking.

"Oh my god! Are you alright?" Linka asks, sneaking a glare at Loni.

"Yeah. Hey mister! The least you can do is give me a towel!" Robbie Dan sneers. Loni comes back with a towel. A hot towel.

"Sorry, here you go!" He throws it in the young boy's face and scurries off.

"Holy shit! Why do you even have this?!" Robbie Dan rips off of his face and hisses at the pain. "I'm done here. Can we go?"

"Yeah, service here is messed up! Where do we go next?" Bebe asks, taking out her wallet.

"I heard the fair is opened today." Linka says.

"Sweet! Let's go." Loki says. Linka grabs her brother's arm.

"But first, can I talk to you for a minute?" Loki gulps but obliges. They go to the waiting room area.

"You need to stop right now." Linka bluntly says.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb! The tripping, the wasabi, the music, the water and the hot towel! I know that's you and the other guys' doing! Where are they, anyway?"

"You called?" Loki and Linka both jump at Lars' voice. The other eight are right behind him.

"Crap, she knows." Loni says.

"All of you need to calm your tits and give me my space! It's just Robbie Dan and he's a chilled guy."

"Well, we don't trust him." Lexx says.

"Yeah!" The other guys agree.

Linka pinches the bridge of her nose and inhales sharply. "Please stop before you completely ruin this day. I mean it!" She turns back to Loki. "Let's go back to them." Loki and Linka walk back to their table.

The rest of the boys look defeated then Luke's phone chimes. "It's a text from Loki.  _ It's not over yet. We're meeting at the fair."  _ He reads. The brothers give each other a knowing look and nod.

* * *

At the fair, Linka and Robbie Dan spilt up with Loki and Bebe to go on the roller coaster. At the same time, Lexx and Levi were at the main control of the said roller coaster where the guy who is supposed to control it was knocked out. Not that they knocked him out, he's catching a few Zs.

Levi smiles evilly. "How fast do you want it to go?"

"Enough for him to blow chunks!" The little prince answers, wickedly. Levi nods and turns the speed dial from 2 to 6; dangerous and guaranteed barf-worthy. The boys scattered off and the ride starts. The passengers were legitimately scared for their lives. Robbie Dan looked green in the face and Linka shallowed her food down twice.

When it ends, Robbie Dan and Linka wobbly walk away. "That. Was. Insane!" Linka says in horror. "But hey, I would do that again! What do you think, R.D?" He responds with barfing in front of her shoes. Linka jumps away from the puke. "Ahh, sick dude!"

From behind a tent, Lexx and Levi fist bump each other.

* * *

"Sorry I almost puked on you."

"It's cool, dude. What we need is a change in scenery." Linka points to the haunted house. "Let's go over there!"

"Really? It's not too creepy for you, little girl?" Robbie Dan smirk.

"Lars Loud is my brother. Come on!" Linka takes his hand and pulls him toward the haunted house. They take their seats in the coffin-shaped cart and the ride begins. Above them, Lars is hanging upside down from the ceiling railings along with three of his bats from his bat colony.

"Everyone, attack at my command." He tells his pets. He points at Robbie Dan and screams "Now!" All three bats come flying down and attack the boy. Freaking out Linka and the other passengers as well. The ride had to stop abruptly and Robbie Dan ran through the building with the bats chasing him.

"Haha, wicked." Lars says from his hiding place.

* * *

Thankfully, the bats stopped chasing once he was outside. Linka catches up to him. "Robbie Dan! Are you ok?!"

"Do I look ok?! I was chased by actual bats! What's up with today?!" Linka takes his face in her hands and checks his neck for bites.

"Well, not one of them bit you so that's something good."

"Get off me!" Robbie Dan pushes her hands away.

"You gotta admit, that was pretty cool."

"Whatever. Let's check out the games." They stroll over to the fair games section and stop at the "test your strength" game.

"Step right up, boys and girls! Think you're strong enough? Ring the bell and win a prize!" Says the man behind the booth (Lane).

"Man, I would love to win that Orca." Robbie Dan points at the stuffed animal.

"Then by all means, show me what I'm working with." Linka put a $5 bill on the table.

"They didn't call me "the toughest" at Royal Woods Elementary for nothing!" He picks up the hammer and slams it down on the cushion at the bottom. He makes the bell ring on his first try.

"A winner!" Lane shouts and gives Robbie Dan his Orca.

"Great job, R.D."

"It was-" The toy explodes with no warning and pepper dust emerges. It gets into Robbie Dan's eyes and both kids sneeze constantly.

"It's in my  _ achoo! _ eyes! I can't  _ achoo!  _ see! What the hell?!"

"I'll lead you to  _ achoo! _ the bathroom!" Linka takes Robbie Dan by the hand again and leads him to the restrooms. Lane burst in laughter once they were out of earshot. Once Robbie closes the door behind him, Loki and Bebe come up to her. Bebe is holding her boyfriend's hand with her left and carrying a giant stuffed bear with her right arm.

"Hey, little sister. How's it going?" Loki says.

"Well, let's see. Robbie Dan puked, was chased by bats and his stuffed animal exploded pepper into his eyes. So yeah, it's going peachy!" Linka answers, sarcastically.

"Kid can't catch a break today! Sounds like a nasty string of bad luck." Bebe says.

"You can say that. But it's too coincidental to be bad luck. I mean, an exploding pepper stuffed animal? Doesn't that sound like one of Lane's original pranks?" Loki sweats nervously.

"Deny everything, Loki!" Loni's voice rings out from his hiding place.

"Damn you, Loni!" Lexx scolds.

Loki exhales as a sign of defeat. "Jig is up, guys! No use pretending anymore!" He calls out. From said hiding space, Lexx, Loni, Levi, Leon came out. Leif comes out the trash can he's been hiding in. Lane and Luke walk toward the scene, dressed as people who work at the fair. Finally, Lars and Lynn catch up. Lars has his bats on his shoulders and is holding an umbrella over them.

"Aw man! I didn't even get the chance to put hot sauce in his  slushie !" Lynn complains.

"I told you guys to stop messing with Robbie Dan!" Linka says, furiously.

"What?!" Bebe and, coming out from the bathroom the moment Linka said that, Robbie Dan.

"So, everything that happened to me today, that was you guys?!"

" _¿_ _Qué putas_ ?! Why would you torture my little brother like that?!"

"Cause Linka's too young to be going on dates and seeing boys! She's only eleven!" Loki clarifies.

"We're her brothers! We're not supposed to like the idea of Linka with boys. Besides, This isn't the first time we've acted protective." Lars says.

"So, that gives you the damn excuse to pull that bullshit on me!" Robbie Dan yells at them.

"Who are you yelling at?!" Leif yells back.

"I'll put you in a stranglehold!" Luke threatens and cracks his knuckles.

"Oh my god, enough!" Bebe screams.

"Honestly, you guys are being irrational." Linka begins. "You know, I appreciate you guys looking out for me but sometimes I just need my own space. How am I supposed to grow up and be independent if you guys keep treating me like I can't protect myself? I know Robbie Dan and he's a good kid."

"And, in all honesty, I understand where you guys are coming from," Bebe speaks up. "Trust me, no matter what, Robbie Dan is still my little brother and I'm not too thrilled about him growing up so fast. However, my brother's a kind, responsible kid. He's the last person to hurt someone he cares about." She points to Linka. She blushes and Robbie Dan looks down in embarrassment.

"Damn sis, why don't you write a book about it?"

"Well put, Bebe. Do you guys understand?" Linka asks.

The brothers all share a glance. "Yup. We're sorry, Linka." Loki says. The brothers say words of apology.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to him."

Robbie Dan taps his chin in thought. "Well, you guys aren't off the hook just yet. But I know one way for you guys to earn my forgiveness."

* * *

The five oldest Loud brothers are in individual tanks of the game where you throw a ball at the target, the trapdoor under the person opens and they go underwater. Robbie Dan throws one at Luke's target and he sinks.

"Bullseye! You're next, Lane!" The same thing happens to the comedian.

"I guess you can say I'm back and  _ wetter _ than ever!" He laughs. "Get it? But seriously, this is embarrassing." He says as he swims up and back into place.

On the right of the dunk tank, the younger Loud brothers, minus Leon, are in a head hole mural with targets around their heads. They're having water balloons thrown at their faces. Bebe, with one arm holding Leon, throws a ballon at Levi.

"Awesome!" Bebe cheers. Leon laughs alongside her.

"This is highly incommodious." Levi complains.

"This is a much better punishment than snitching to Dad!" Linka laughs happily. She throws a ball at Loni's tank and a balloon at Leif.

A couple stops walking to stare at the watery torture the boys are going through. "That looks fun, can I have a turn?" The girl asks.

"Uhhh, sure." Robbie Dan hands the ball to her.

"What?! That wasn't part of the deal, Rob- AHHH!" Lynn screams as he gets dunk.

"I want to play the water balloon thing!" The random guy says. He picks up a water balloon and throws it at Lexx.

" Ughhhh ! Why the hair?!" He cries.

Soon, more and more people were coming over to dunk or splash a Loud brother for free.

"Isn't this a little overboard?" Linka asks Robbie Dan.

"No. If I was charging them, it would be overboard. This is all part of my satisfaction."

Linka rock back and forth on her heels. " Soooo , besides from all my brothers' bull crap, did you have fun today?"

"To be honest, I'm glad we got to hang out together. You make me feel right at home in Royal Woods. Ugh barf, I sounded so cheesy!" He rolls his eyes.

Linka blushes and laughs. "That is so cheesy but you know I'm all about that."

"We should do this again sometime, Lame-O."

"What? Just the two of us?"

" Nooo , with my extended family! Yes, only me and you!"

Linka grabs his hand and gently squeeze it. Robbie Dan looks the other way so she wouldn't see him blushing.

"Yeah, I'd like that."


	7. Back in Black

Friday afternoon,  Linka was in the living room just finishing up half of her model of the solar system for her science project.

"There you go Earth, right next to your brother, Mars." She says as she rotates the model. "Uh oh, watch out for Jupiter. I  _ gas  _ you can say he's up to no good." She chuckles to herself for pulling a Lane.

"Hey,  Linka ." Lars greets from behind his sister, holding a container of a red liquid.  Linka gets so scared that she falls backward in her chair. The chair knocking the container out of Lars's hands and splatters all over her project.

"Gross! It's all over my project!"

"Relax. It's fake blood. Sigh, unfortunately."

Later, Lars is mopping up the blood and  Linka is using a blow dryer on her textbook. Lars examines some of his blood between his fingers.

"Hmm, needs more molasses. That will give it just the right amount of ooze." He says then goes into the kitchen.  Linka rolls her eyes then hears the doorbell ring. She opens it for her project partner, Riley Spokes . A red-headed, freckled young girl with her hair in a low ponytail. She’s dressed like her male counterpart. Beside her is her identical younger sister. She is also dressed like her male counterpart but her hair is in a high ponytail.

"Hi, Riley."

"Hey,  Linka . My parents are at work so I had to bring my little sister."

"No problem. Make yourself at home, Roxy."  Linka addresses the younger girl.

"Thanks, girl."

"Did you bring Ur-anus?"  Linka asks Riley.

"Never leave home without it." She answers, taking out the little planet from her backpack. Levi overheard the conversation from the top of the stairs and was annoyed.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Levi mutters to himself. "The correct pronunciation is  yurr - en -us,  Linka !" He yells out. Lane walks up next to him.

"Levi, there's no reason to be  _ butthurt  _ over a planet!" He laughs. "Get it?"

"Unfortunately."

Linka facepalm herself and Riley stifles her laughter with her hands. Roxy blinks her eyes in confusion.

"I don't get it."

"I'll explain when you're older." Her sister responds.

* * *

Back in the living room, Riley and  Linka are working on the project while Roxy tries to entertain herself catching and throwing a baseball. Lars steps out of the kitchen with a bottle of molasses.

"Gasp." He says when his eyes are on Roxy. To him, this girl is beautiful. "Oh…" His chest hurts from his abnormal quick heartbeats and his head is reeling. He doesn't notice that he dropped his bottle of molasses. The girls look up at the spill but Lars disappears, leaving a trail of molasses covered footprints leading into the living room.

"The hell?"  Linka questions.

* * *

Roxy is watching the Louds' TV. Lars pops his head out of the chimney and says "Sigh." Roxy looks over there and sees nothing. She shrugs and tells  Linka , "I  gotta pee."

"Bathroom's upstairs and down the hall to the left."

As Roxy makes her way to the bathroom, Lars peeks out from the vent. "Sigh."

Roxy turns around sharply. "Hello?" She calls out to no one.

* * *

Roxy decides to jump rope outside. Lars shows up in the doghouse and watches her. "Sigh."

Again, Roxy turns around and Lars is replaced by Charlie, dragging her butt. "Freaky house." Roxy says and continues playing. Lars is in his room and watches her from his window.

"Sigh. I know she's not really my type but she's so- what's the word my brothers use? … "hot"." Lars picks up his vampire bust. "Don't worry Edna, you'll always be my undead soulmate. But until we're united, it would be cool to hang out with a girl that isn't my sister."

A moment of silence gives Lars his answer. "I should just go and talk to her? Thanks for understanding." He says as he pats Edna.

* * *

"Ok, what do they have here?" Roxy says as she scavenges the fridge. She spots Lars's container of fake blood. "What's this?" She takes it and closes the fridge.

"That's my fake blood." Lars answers behind her. She screams and throws the container in the air, then it spills on her head.

"It's my new recipe. Tomato sauce, molasses and cocoa powder." He pulls on Roxy's shirt and feels the blood. "Hmm, now it got the ooze but not the splatter. Hi, I'm Lars." He holds out a bloody hand toward her.

Roxy is stunned for a moment then runs away from him in the direction of the bathroom.

* * *

Roxy emerges from the bathroom washed up and comes face to face with Lars holding an orange blouse. "Thought you might need a clean shirt." Roxy backs away from him as he walks toward her and explains. "Just to be clear, it's my sister's. I would never wear something so hideously colorful." Roxy ends up falling down the stairs. She's unfazed by the fall and books it out of there.

Riley notices her sister's sudden disappearance. "Was that Roxy? Sorry Link, you'll have to finish the project." Her ginger friend leaves the house and goes after her sister.

"Groan. I'm such a dork." Lars says solemnly on the couch.

"What happened?"  Linka asks as she sits down next to him.

"I tried to talk to Roxy but every time I do, she runs away. What am I doing wrong?"

"What are you talking to her about?"

"You know, blood, bruises. I didn't get the chance to show her my new embalming kit." He explains as three bats from his colony amassed on his head.

"No offense Lars, but a girl like her wouldn't be interested in all of that."

"Then what  _ is _ she into?"

"I don't know her that well but she seems like a regular and normal kid."

Lars contemplates those two words. "Regular and normal? Huh, regular and normal…" He repeats, going upstairs.

* * *

That night, a pissed off Loki slams his door open. " Lexx !" He calls out into the hallway. "Where the hell is my gold chain necklace?!"

Lexx opens his bedroom door. "I didn't take it again if that's what you're implying. But someone  _ did _ take my cologne! I bet it was  Loni !"

Loni emerges from the bathroom. "One, I think that Axe cologne smells like crap so it wasn't me. And B, I like to know who stole my blue tuxedo, Loki!"

"Why the hell would I have your tux? I told you it was a bad idea to buy that piece of trash in the first place!"

"You're just jealous of my style.  So give me back my tux!"

"That's  _ my  _ scent! I can't have people associate it with  you buttheads!"  Lexx yells in the middle of them. He turns around and holds up his hands to cease the arguing.

"Hold on, I smell my cologne."  Lexx sniffs the air and the scent leads him to Lynn's and Lars' room.

"Lynn!"  Lexx screams. "I swear to God if you're using my cologne to cover up the stink of your hockey pads…"  Lexx slams the door open and the three blondes gasp at the sight. Lars was wearing Loki's chains and  Loni's tuxedo, and spraying himself with  Lexx's cologne.

"Dude, what is this?" Loki asks, curiously.

Lars gulps nervously. "I-I-I thought if I was more "regular and normal", Riley's sister Roxy would be interested in me. Sorry I took your stuff, guys. I understand if you're mad."

Loki and  Loni look at each other in disbelief.  Lexx leaves the room quietly. "Damn right we're mad!" Loki says. "Mad you didn't call us to help you!"

"Yeah, man! We've been wanting to do something about your image since like, your birth!"  Loni adds.

Lexx comes back with a book. He opens it for Lars and  it's pages and pages of male fashion models with Lars's face on them. "I've been working on this Lars vision journal for years! Until now, it was just a fantasy."

Loki calls out to the hallway. "Guys!" The rest of the brothers peek their heads out from their respective rooms and Lynn comes upstairs. "We have a code LL-221 and this is not a drill!"

"What?! One of us has AIDS?!" Lynn exclaims.

"No, dumbass! That's 220! 221 is Lars is finally ready for an image change."

" Ohhh ." The rest nod in acknowledgment and brought out different clothes, shoes, accessories and hair products.

"Have you guys done this kind of thing before?" Lars asks as all his brothers surround him.

"No, but it's all trial and error. What could go wrong?" Loki answers.

"Wait-"

"Hold him down!" The brothers do that and create a dust cloud with clothes, accessories, etc. The result is Lars is dressed as a football player.

"Too  jocky ." The brothers decide. They do another trial and it ends up with Lars dressed in the 50s "T-bird" outfit. His hair had an immense amount of hair grease.

"Too greasy." They try again and this time, Lars is dressed as a certain boy in a green hat from a small mountain town in Colorado.

"Too Jewish-y." Fourth time's the charm. This time when the dust cloud cleared, it revealed Lars with blonde hair. He's wearing blue jeans, a dark violet t-shirt, black Nike sneakers with pink laces, and a dark violet baseball cap that's backward.

"Too… awesome!"

Lars looks at himself in the mirror. "Hmm, nice job guys." Fangs, his pet bat, lands on his head. "What do you think, Fangs?"

Lexx swats his hand at the bat. "Shoo! Shoo! First thing's first, no more bats." He demands. He then adds faux gold rings on Lars's fingers.

"Yeah, and do not talk about mortality," Luke says.

"Or death,"  Loni says.

"Or ask for her blood type," Leif says.

"Or suggest visiting a cemetery for a first date." Loki says.

"And make sure you make her laugh." Lane says. "Jokes are a good icebreaker, like this one. Why was Samson the best comedian in the Bible? Because he brought the house down!" He laughs heartily.

"Samson, best comedian, brought the house down." Lars repeats back to him. "Got it."

"Oh, and flex the guns. Girls dig strong boys." Lynn adds, flexing his own bicep.

"If all else fails, try my patented chocolate spray. Scientifically proven to attract eight-year-old girls." Levi explains and sprays some on him. The other brothers cough in disgust at the stench.

"Gag." Lars says with no emotion.

"Note to self, go lighter on the dark chocolate."

Chris suddenly attacks Lars and he screams in his monotone voice, running out of the room, passing by  Linka and her completed project. Fangs fly after Lars and he almost made  Linka drop her project.

"Am I crazy or did I just see Lars with blonde hair?"  Linka asks, confused.

"You saw exactly that, little sis," Loki says. "We made Lars regular and normal for Roxy."

"AKA, Lars' future bae."  Loni says.

"Oh, so I'm not the crazy one here. Guys, this looks like this is not going to end well if Lars has to change who he is."

"If you're going to preach to us "be yourself if you want someone to like you", don't bother." Levi says. "That's what females are taught, but they still hold a high standard for males."

"You just get Roxy back here, sis." Luke tells her.

"How?"

"Get Riley to bring her!" Lane demands. "Don't you guys have more work to do on your solar system?"

"No need. All finished."  Linka holds up her project. Lynn smashes it with his hockey stick.

"Not anymore." He says with smugness.

"Lynn! What the f-"

"Hey! Watch your language! And stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your little brother!"

* * *

The next evening,  Linka and Riley glue their project back together in the living room, Roxy nearby.

"So, the dog did this?" Riley asks, suspiciously.

" Uhhh , yeah! Bad Charlie!"  Linka shakes her fist at the dog in feign anger. Charlie drags her butt against the carpet in frustration. Lars is coming down the stairs, but his too-big sneakers made him slip. He quickly regains his balance and stood tall with, as his brothers call it, the three C's: calm, cool, and collected.

His brothers, minus Loki, watch from the top of the stairs eagerly. Roxy doesn't seem to notice him.  Loni signals Lars to tap on her shoulder.

Lars does so and says, "Oh my god, Roxy. It's so great to see you again."

"And, who are you?" Roxy asks, confused.

"I'm Lars."

"Oh, sorry. I… didn't recognize you."

Loki enters the house on the phone with  Bebe , who's not so discreetly, on speaker phone.

"Aww babe, I thought you be here last night!" He acts like he's upset. "I already bought two tickets to mini golf."

"Sorry Loki Bear, I had to work the night shift at the bodega. Why not give the tickets to another young couple?" She said that sentence like she's reading a script.

"Great idea! Who's interested? Lars?"

"I was supposed to meet my friends at the arcade but whatever." Lars responds, acting along.

"Oh! Maybe you should invite someone Lars's age so it would be less awkward."  Bebe suggests.

"You're free, right Roxy?" Loki asks.

"Well…"

"Great!" Loki goes back on his call. "Thanks, babe. We're all set. Bye!" He hangs up. "I'll be your driver, guys." He says to the two eight-year-olds. "I promise to be out of your way."

"Don't forget the keys!" Levi reminds him. He throws the van's keys and a small plastic bag at him. Loki catches the two objects.

"Thanks!" Loki and Lars eagerly leave with a confused Roxy.

"Any of you other boys looking for a date?" Riley asks, flirtatiously. The boys look at each other annoyed.

"Riley, catch." Lane says and throws her a water bottle.

"Why did you give me this?"

"I figured you could use it more than me cause you're  sooo thirsty!" The boys holler at Lane's joke and laugh loudly going upstairs.

* * *

At the mini-golf course, Hole-In-Wonderland, Loki opens the small bag that Levi gave him, a set of earpieces with a microphone and the receiver.

"So, I'll be at the next hole over if you need me." Loki explains. He slaps the side of his brother's head, inserting the receiver in his ear and walks away. Roxy walks away to retrieve their putters.

"Lars? Lars? Can you hear me?" Loki says into the microphone.

Lars holds his ear. "Loki? You could have told me you put a headset in my ear." Lars tucks the wire down his shirt.

"Whatever. Just follow my advice and remember, regular and normal."

Roxy comes back with two putters. Lars steps up to take his turn. Loki sees this from his spot and says "Lars, throw away your shot. If she thinks you're bad at this game, she'll get closer to help you."

"Oops." Lars says as he tosses his putter away, after hitting Roxy in the shin with it.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"Uh… I thought… My biceps must have had a muscle spasm." Lars flexes his arm with a nervous grin while Roxy looks on confused.

* * *

At the next hole, it's Roxy's turn. "Maybe we should be  more subtle ." Loki says. "Compliment her after her turn." When Roxy hits her ball, it  flys everywhere in the course.

"Ooh, great shot, Foxy Roxy." Lars compliments.

"What? I totally shanked it! My ball went down a rain gutter!"

"Ha  ha . Ha  ha . You're so funny, reminds me of a joke."

"A joke?"

"Yes. Umm.  Uhh …" Lars suddenly forgets the Samson joke Lane told the night before or any of his jokes for that matter.

"Don't worry, Lars. I've lived with Lane longer, I'll think of something. Just repeat after me." Loki reassures. At his own hole, he  putts his ball a little too hard and the ball hits a squirrel in a tree. It screeches and chitters angrily. "Did I just hit a squirrel?"

"Did I just hit a squirrel?" Lars repeats.

"A squirrel?" Roxy asks.

The squirrel runs down its tree and creeps toward Loki. "Nice squirrel, I don't want any trouble."

"Nice squirrel, I don't want any trouble." Lars repeats. The squirrel jumps on Loki's chest and he screams out swear words; words that his brother is repeating to his date.

"Oh fuck! Get the fuck off of me! Shit! Ow, stupid bitch! Ow!  Motherfu cking cu nt ! Lars, don't repeat any of this!" After that last sentence, Lars covers his mouth with his hand while Roxy blinks, dumbfounded.

"Wow. What was that?"

"I-I'm sorry. I-"

"Never mind. I don't even want to know." Roxy continues with the game, Lars follows behind her, embarrassed.

* * *

Roxy and Lars make it to the haunted hole. "Lars?"

"Loki?" Lars answers, turning away from Roxy and holding his ear.

"The good news is the earpiece is not damaged. The bad news is that my shirt is literally torn up." Loki's shirt is torn into pieces and there's a little blood drawing from the scratches on his chest.

"Well, now Roxy thinks I have a sailor's mouth."

"I'm sorry. What hole are you at?"

"The haunted hole."

" Ohhh , The creepiest hole in the course! Perfect! Be her comfort. Tell her "if you get scared, I'll hold your hand"."

Lars walks up next to her. "You know Roxy if you get scared-" he stops in mid-sentence when he sees a special casket. He walks up to it.

"Whoa. The  Freilich 2000 with crushed velvet interior. I've only seen these in catalogs." He opens it and prepares to get in. Loki sees this from his hole one over and jumps over the barrier between the two holes. Loki runs up to his brother and pulls him back.

"Lars, no, no, no! Regular and normal." He whispers those last three words. He successfully pulls Lars back but didn't see Roxy next to them. Lars accidentally hits Roxy who lands inside a coffin, screaming all the way.

* * *

The Loud brothers were hanging out in the living room, waiting for their two brothers. When Loki and Lars enter, they're eager to know what happened.

"Tell me everything! Tell me everything!"  Lexx shouts.

"Did she say she likes you?"  Loni asks.

"No, she did not say that. I'm pretty sure she never will." Lars says, depressed, taking his sneakers off.

"Lars, wait." Loki begins. "We're sorry we pushed you too far." The brothers agree and apologize.

"We got a little carried away when you said you wanted to be regular and normal like us. But you're neither of those things. You're Lars Loud; the Gothic boy who pops out of nowhere and owns a colony of bats. You're fine just the way you are. And if a girl doesn't think so, then she's not worth it, man."

"Sigh. No need to apologize. I know you guys only wanted to help and I thank you. Now, I'm going to go sit in the dark. That always cheers me up." Lars head upstairs.

"Well, lesson learned: you can lead a Goth to normalcy but you can't make him change." Loki says to his brothers.

Linka finished her project for the second time and overhears Lars as she passed by his room.

"Well, Edna. Roxy doesn't like me as myself. She doesn't like me as a regular and normal boy. She just doesn't like  _ me _ ." He explains. "Sigh. I was so stupid to think it could work with a mortal." He pulls his coffin from under his bed and gets in.

"Poor kid."  Linka grieves.

"Fangs, bedtime." Lars calls out for his bat. It  flys into his room, startling  Linka and dropping her project.

"Damn it."

* * *

Sunday afternoon, Riley and  Linka finished fixing their project for a third time at Riley's house.

"There we go. Now, all we have to do is keep it far away from  _ your  _ house and we're set." Riley explains.

Roxy enters the room, covered in blood.

"AHH! ROXY! YOU'RE BLEEDING!" Riley screeches then faints.  Linka stands horrified over her partner's state and Roxy's appearance.

"Don't worry, girl. Riley faints all the time." Roxy reassures.

"Ok but, dude! Are you ok?!"

"Oh, yeah. This is fake blood." Roxy shows her a container of fake blood.

"Why would you have fake blood?"

"I saw Lars make it at your house and I got inspired. In all honesty, he seemed cool before he decided to go blonde. Anyway…" she walks off.

"Hmmm."  Linka says, getting an idea. She grins as she pushes the project on the floor, breaking it. " Ooops ."

Riley wakes up. "What- what happened?"

"Uh… you fainted and broke our solar system."

"Perfect! Just perfect!" Riley says, annoyed.

"Don't worry, we can fix it at my house. I have an extra Jupiter."

" _ Your  _ house?"

"Like our project is any safer here!"

"Good point. Come on,  Rox ! Let's roll!"

* * *

Linka and Riley repair their project for the fourth time. "Done! Form a protected perimeter." Riley commands and the fifth-grade girls link arms around their project.  Linka notices Lars go into the kitchen, back to his usual Goth self. He discreetly walks past them, trying to avoid Roxy.

Linka smirks. "Hey, Roxy, can you get us some sodas from the kitchen, please?"

Roxy shrugs and goes into the kitchen. Lars puts in another container of fake blood in the fridge and closes the door. Roxy was behind it. And in a true stroke of irony,  _ he's _ the one who gets scared.

" Gah ! Oh, hey."

"Hi. You changed hair back." Roxy says, holding some sodas.

"Yeah, I wasn't feeling the blonde. I tried to be regular and normal but I'm more comfortable being myself."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Yeah. Well, see you around. Wait, you are? But the first day we've met, you kept running away from me. I thought I scared you."

"To be honest, I thought you were too cool for me. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I ran.  Gah , I'm such a dork."

They both turn their heads away, blushing. Lars broke out in a wide grin. Him, being too cool for someone, just the way he is. It was a nice thought.

"So, hey, my coffin's collection in the attic.  Wanna check it out?"

"Ok. Just as long I don't have to get into one." She offers Lars one of the sodas.

"Deal." He takes one of the sodas. He looks back at his sister and gives her a thumbs-up,  Linka nods back.

"Can we stop? I feel faint." Riley pleads.

* * *

Monday morning,  Linka and Riley carefully bring their project to the school campus.

"Easy. Easy. Ah! Watch the pothole!" Riley says, paranoid.

"Riley, we spent all weekend on this. We're not going to break it again."

Roxy and Lars appear behind them, holding a container of fake blood. "Hey, guys." They say together. Both girls jump in the air, startled by their younger siblings' greeting. Fortunately, not dropping their project.

"Phew. Nice save, Link." Riley says as she high fives  Linka .

"Sorry, we didn't mean to scare you." Lars says.

"We just want to show you we nailed the fake blood recipe." Roxy says.

"We even add in some popcorn kernels for brain matter." Lars opens the container, picks up some kernels, and holds out his red hand to the fifth graders. The sight causes Riley to faint, dropping the project and destroying it.

"Damn it."  Linka says, exasperated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by BubbleGuppiesFan96, PretzelSticks, and One Nutty Author from FF.net. 


	8. Frog Fiasco

Lexx enters his room and lays down on his bed. He feels a lump on his back when he does so. He jumps off and yanks his blanket off, and finds a frog.

"AHHHHH!" He yells. His twin hurries into the room.

"Lexx! What's- Oh there you are, Hops." Leif walks over and picks up his pet frog. "Little rascal was hiding from me again. Thanks for finding him."

Lexx's right eye twitches. "Leif, lately your dumb frog has been invading my personal space. Two days ago, he was in my bath. Yesterday, he tracked his muddy feet on my homework and pooped in one of my capes. Today, he's in my bed!"

"Hey! Don't call my best friend dumb! Hops don't do all that out of spite. This is his room too and he wants to spend time with his roommate. Ain't that right, buddy?" Hops ribbit and stretch his tongue out on Lexx's cheek.

"Aw, sick! Ew! Ew! Ew!" He runs out of the room screaming about scrubbing his face off.

"What a wimp. You're gonna learn to appreciate Hops one of these days, Lexx!" Leif calls after him. Hops ribbit in agreement.

* * *

The Loud siblings were currently having lunch in the living room when their mother walks in.

"Leif, it's the 15th."

He spits out his juice in shock. "The 15th?!"

"What about it?" Loni asks.

"Leif has a doctor's appointment this afternoon." Rita answers.

"Yeah, the only bad part about it is the needles!" Leif shudders and holds his arm.

"Wow, that sucks dude." Lynn comments.

"Wait, while I'm away, who's going to watch Hops?" Said frog pokes his head out of Leif's overall pocket.

"I'm sure one of your siblings will watch over your pet frog, sweetie." Rita says.

"I'll let Hops choose. Hops, who do you want as your pet sitter?" Hops jump out of the pocket and onto the head of Lexx.

"Gross!"

"It's decided! Lexx, you'll watch Hops while I go to the doctor's."

Lexx takes Hops off his head and holds him at arm's length. "I don't wanna!"

"You don't have a choice, bro. Hops chose you so he's your responsibility. Who knows? Maybe your attitude toward him will change during this."

"Yeah, this can easily turn into a Lexx and Hops bonding chapter." Linka says.

"Why did you say "chapter"?" Lexx asks.

"No reason."

* * *

"He's fed twice a day. I already fed him today so you can only feed him once. And you already know he tends to wander off." Leif says to Lexx from Vanzilla's window.

"Yeah, yeah. Got it." Lexx says. Still frustrated about his responsibility.

"Thanks, Lexx! I'll see you later. Bye, Hops!" Leif waves from the window as his mother pulls out from the driveway and drives down the street.

Lexx shuts the front door behind him and makes his way up to his room. "I don't know why you chose me when you know I don't like you." He put Hops in his tank. "But since you did, I'm the boss. And what I say goes! And I say, stay in your tank until further notice. Disobey me and there will be severe consequences." Lexx warns the frog and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

That's probably the worst decision he made today because Lexx didn't put the lid on the tank.

It's even worse since there's an open window behind it.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Lexx comes back to the room. "Alright frog, I got the core of my apple to give you. I know you prefer flies but-" Lexx gasps at the empty tank with no lid on it.

"Did I forget-?! So he must have-! Crap!" In a panic, Lexx check under his bed and Leif's, search his closet and tear apart his drawers.

"Hops! Come out this instant! This isn't funny! Dang, he could be anywhere!" Lexx peeks his head out into the hallway, when the coast is clear he begins searching Lynn's and Lars's room. He searches their drawers and under their beds. He picked up Lars's vampire bust to look behind it when Lars comes up behind him.

"What are you doing with Edna?"

"Gah! Oh, I was just... admiring her from an angle. She looks great in this light."

"Edna despises the light."

"Riiiight." Lexx backs away slowly then books it to Levi's room. He knocks over some chemicals as he looks around his desk.

"What in the world?!" Levi exclaims when he enters his room.

"Sorry, little bro. I'll clean it up later." Lexx continues on his way, ignoring the explosion at the scene.

In Luke's and Lane's room, Lexx crawls his way in as Luke was practicing his drums and Lane was writing in his joke notebook. As he's on the floor, Luke hits him with his drumstick.

"Ow!"

"Lexx?" Luke looks down at him.

"Hey. Love the drumming, bro."

"Looking for something, Lexx?" Lane asks from his bed.

"No. I mean, yes! You see, I have an audition coming up and- and I need a song. Yep, that's it!" He looks around desperately and spots sheet music. "Ah! _It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday_! This will do! Bye!" Lexx runs out of the room.

"That was weird." Lane says.

"A day in the life." Luke comments.

In Loki's and Loni's room, Lexx finds something green under Loni's bed. "Ah ha!" He pulls it out but it's a green stuffed bear.

"What the-"

Loni looks down at him from his bed. "Oh, I see you found my old stuffed bear from when I was your age, Forest. Get it? Cause he's forest green. I don't need him anymore so you can have him." In his frustration, Lexx screams and rips the bear's head off then he stomps out.

"What was that for?" Loki asks.

"He must prefer emerald or spring green." Loni answers.

Lexx paces the hallway. "Where else could he be? The bathroom!" Lexx kicks the door open; Linka was using it.

"AHHHH!" She shrieks.

Embarrassed, Lexx covers his eyes and reach for the handle. "Sorry, Link! I didn't- I-I- Sorry!" Blindly, he stumbles back into his room. "Hops, where are you?"

Linka slams his door open and behind her are the rest of the Loud brothers. "Alright Lexx, it's bad enough you're snooping around your brothers' rooms. But invading my space, what's wrong with you?!"

"You never appreciated Edna before." Lars says.

"You have destroyed my workstation!" Levi exclaims.

"And screw that audition excuse! What's up?" Luke demands.

"Ok! Ok! Earlier, I went to go feed Hops but he was missing. I've been looking for him!"

"You literally had one job!" Loki shouts. "How could you be so irresponsible? What about Leif?"

"Yeah, if he finds out about this, he'll go _hopping_ mad!" Lane laughs. "Get it? But seriously, you messed up, Lexx."

"Was he in his tank?" Linka asks.

"Yes! But I kinda… forgot to put the lid on." Lexx points to the empty tank.

"Uh, I'm no frog expert, but I don't think that window is supposed to be open." Loni points at the open window.

"Window?" Lexx runs over to it and pokes his head out. Surveying the wide backyard. "Son of a biscuit! You guys have to help me find him!" He begs his siblings.

"Why should we? This is your problem!" Lynn says.

"Hey, if I go down, you're all going down with me! Don't make me mad and just do it!" His siblings flinch at his harsh tone and follow him out. Only because they know what happens when Lexx gets mad.

* * *

The Loud siblings call out for the frog; leaving no stone unturned in their search.

"Hops, you under here?" Loni says as he looks under a stone.

Leon makes eye contact with Hops, who's behind a tree. He laughs and makes grabby hands in his direction. "Froggy!"

Linka looks in the same direction as Leon. "Good job, Leo! Come here, Hops!" The frog hops away as Linka walk toward him. "Guys! Don't let him get away!"

The brothers hear their sister's demand and begin their cat and mouse game with Hops. Loni was on his tail but lost his footing and trips. Hops goes between Lane's legs and jumps on and off of Loki's head. Lars and Levi both dive for the frog but they both miss and collide heads with each other. He was fast for a frog.

"I got him!" Lynn screams. He grabs Hops with his bare hands but he slips away from his grip. "Damn, he's a slimy mofo!"

"Technically, it's mucus." Levi corrects him.

Lexx looks at his hands in realization. He couldn't slip away from his grip when he had gloves on. "I got him!" Lexx proceeds to chase Hops around the backyard and into the front yard, his siblings behind him. Hops escapes onto the open road.

But he was unaware of the upcoming truck.

Linka's eyes widen. "Lexx! Watch out!" Linka grabs Lexx from under his arms and lifts him up before he could take a step forward. Lexx now sees the truck.

"Wait! STOP!" The driver, deaf to the little prince's pleas, unknowingly runs over his twin's pet frog.

" _OOOOOOH_!" Everyone screams and cringe at the scene. Lane covers Leon's eyes. Loki runs toward Hops, pick him up carefully, and runs back to the group. He gently places Hops on the grass. Hops is badly damaged. His once green head is now purple with bruises and red because he's internally bleeding. His body is marked with tire tracks. His leg twitches and that's the last movement he made.

"Le-Levi?" Lexx asks the scientist softly. Levi kneels in front of the frog. He checks for a pulse. Levi looks up and shakes his head.

"This can't get any worse." Lexx grimace. Of course it can, because at that moment, Vanzilla pulls up and parks in the driveway. Leif opens his car door and jumps out.

"Guys? Why are you outside, huddled together? Looking guilty and depressed?"

"Leif… it's Hops." Linka answers.

"Hops?! What happened?!" Leif pushes his way to the front. He gasps and drops to his knees at the sight of his frog. "WHO DID THIS?! LEXX, DID YOU KNOW?!" He demands, tears threatening to fall.

Lexx rubs his arm. "I-I put him in his tank and forgot to put the lid on. He got outside and he got hit by a truck." Leif starts hyperventilating and lets the tears fall freely. He desperately feels for a pulse.

Rita runs over. "What's going on?!"

"Hops got ran over." Loki answers.

"Hops! Hops! Buddy, it's Leif!" He begs the empty shell of the frog. He does the Heimlich Maneuver and even mouth-to-mouth resuscitation . "Come on, Hops! Stay with me!"

"Leif…" Linka says.

"You can't die! You're my best friend! I was thinking about how you were doing the whole time at the doctor's office!"

"Leif…"

"We had our whole lives ahead of us! A bunch of time to play, jump in the mud and eat crickets! Please, Hops! Wake up!"

"LEIF!" Linka yells. "He's gone."

Leif pulls away from his pet. He looks at his hands, spatters of blood on it. Toward heaven, he screams his heart out.

" _NOOOOOOOOO!"_ Then he has a hysterical breakdown. Tears and snot dripping down his face. His muscles contracting with every sob. It was a very unsettling sight to bear witness to.

Leif slaps Lexx's hand away when Lexx reaches out to comfort him. "Don't touch me! This is all your fault! I trusted you and look what happened!" Linka pulls him away from Lexx. Leading to Leif to cry into her shirt, staining it.

"Lars, we're gonna need you to plan a funeral." Loki tells him.

"I'd be honored. I keep an assortment of caskets on hand." He says as he pulls out a brochure for a business he owns called "Lars's Lament".

"Were you thinking shoebox? Or for a little more money, mahogany?"

* * *

The sun sets over the Loud house and the cool wind blows. Hops' body is in an open shoebox in a hole in the backyard. The Loud siblings and the parents all gather around with lit candles in their grasp. The Louds' four pets following with their heads down. A small detail to note is that Leif kept a far distance from Lexx.

"Hey, son. I'm sorry to hear about your frog." Lynn Sr. says. "I understand what you're going through; I too lost a pet at a young age. We're all here for you."

"We're all gathered here to mourn the untimely passing of Hops the Frog. A great companion and a beloved pet." Lars says, commencing the funeral.

"And a hero," Linka says. "Because of him, my class didn't dissect our frogs. Thirty frog lives were spared."

"Even though, we weren't as close to him as Leif was," Loni says "he was always there for him. And we loved him for it." The rest of the brothers agree with him.

"All of you except Lexx." Leif whispers.

"Leif, I-"

Lars shuts him down. "Lexx, please don't argue right now. Leif, is there anything you want to say?"

Leif tries to come up with a sentence but all that comes out of his mouth is choked sobs. Lars nods in understanding.

"Your sadness says a thousand words. As we commit Hops to the earth, Luke, a little burial music, please?"

"Say no more." Luke hands his candle to Lane and walks over to his electric keyboard that he brought out for this occasion. It's connected to an extension cord that is plugged into an outlet in the kitchen. He plays a somber melody and sings:

_There are moments that the words don't reach  
There is suffering too terrible to name  
You hold your loved one as tight as you can  
And push away the unimaginable_

_The moments when you're in so deep  
It feels easier to just swim down  
Leif's smile turned to a frown  
He learns to live with the unimaginable_

As Lars buries Hops' shoebox, Leif turns around and hugs Linka, unable to witness his pet frog's burial.

* * *

Later that night, Linka goes to her room for bed but sees Lexx there in his pajamas. With his toys, awards, a suitcase of clothes, blankets, and a pillow.

"Lexx, what are you doing here?"

"After the funeral, Leif kicked me to the curb. Threw my stuff out into the hallway. I didn't want to sleep on the couch, so I'll be bunking with you until further notice."

"Dude…"

"Don't worry, Link. If I know Leif, and I do, he'll mope around for a day or two then he'll go back to normal. Now, come on, it's bedtime." Lexx climbs into the bed.

Linka, uncertain about Lexx's mindset on Leif's mourning, follows suit.

* * *

Lexx couldn't have been more wrong; Leif fell into a grave sadness and remained like that for a week. His routine was to wake up, go to school, and go back to his room to mourn. He would watch the short movie he made about Hops with tears. Or lay in his bed with blankets up to his chin and the lights off. He barely talked to his siblings or do any of his other hobbies. He was never in the same room as Lexx. Over the week, his siblings have dropped numerous hints to simulate Leif's old personality.

"Hey, Leif. Vanzilla broke down again. Wanna help me fix her up?" Loki asked.

"You're seventeen, big bro. You can fix it without me."

"Leif, the rain has subsided and the mire, or as you would call it, the mud, is at acceptable conditions for sport and/or play. Care to come outside?" Levi asked.

"Hops and I used to play in the mud together."

"Um, Leif? The toilet's backed up." Lynn told him.

"Ugh! If this is some trick to make me get out of bed, it's not gonna work! Leave me alone!"

"I'm dead serious."

"Oh. Go tell that to Dad."

* * *

Friday night, the siblings meet up in Loki's and Loni's room to discuss Leif's behavior.

"This is terrible, guys," Loki says. "It's been a week and Leif is still crying over his frog."

"There's only room for one depressed Loud, and that's me." Lars says.

"I saw him watch a cockroach scurry across the kitchen and he didn't even pick it up and eat it!" Lane recalls.

"If only there was something, a pill of some sorts, that will simulate his mood with just one swallow." Loni says.

"Uh dude, you just described a drug." Luke tells him.

"Specifically MDMA, Methylenedioxymethamphetamine. Street name, ecstasy." Levi explains.

"Oh. Why don't we find some of that and give it to Leif?" Loni suggests.

Lexx enters the meeting room. "Folks, I have the solution for Leif's depression."

"What can you do? You're the cause of all this." Loki reminds him.

"Just hear me out."

"Fine, Lexx has the floor."

Lexx moves to the front of the room. "Now, reminding Leif of being a handyman or being muddy isn't going to bring him out of his rut. We need to remind him of his love of animals. Show him there are more animals out there. Which is why Dad and I are taking him to the zoo tomorrow!" Lexx holds up a brochure of the Royal Woods Zoo.

"Why didn't we think of that? That's genius!" Lynn exclaims.

"Indeed. Godspeed, Lexx." Levi says.

"That's probably not a good idea." Linka says. "The idea that Leif will just get over all of this isn't either. He lost someone near and dear to him. He doesn't need us to problem solve this."

"Linka, this is going to work. Trust me." Lexx reassures her.

"And if it doesn't, we still have the ecstasy suggestion." Loni says.

"My sweet Lord. Loni, stop talking." Luke demands.

* * *

Saturday afternoon, the twins are in Vanzilla with Lynn Sr. is driving.

"Lexx, where are we going? And why did you blindfold me?" Leif demands.

"Let's just say I have the solution for your sadness."

"From the guy who's responsible for Hops' death, I doubt it."

Lynn Sr. parks the van. "We're here! Leif, you can look."

Leif takes off his blindfold and looks out the window. "Surprise!" Lexx screams.

"The zoo? I never thought I say this but I don't wanna be here."

"Yes, you do!" His twin tells him. "We're gonna have some fun and bring back your love for animals. Let's go!" He grabs his arm and pulls him out of the van with their father trailing behind.

They spend about two hours walking around the zoo. Lynn Sr. and Lexx exaggerated their interest in the different types of animals. They stopped for lunch and had those cheesy, spicy nachos Leif once said he loved. Leif didn't crack a smile the entire time.

"Can we go home now?" Leif asked when they've finished the alligator exhibit.

"No. We saved the best for last, son." Lynn Sr. tells him. He and Lexx take Leif to the amphibian exhibit. They show him a pond filled with frogs, hopping around. Leif's eyes widen and his breathing hitched at the sight.

"See Leif, there is plenty of fish in the sea or frogs in the pond. No need to cry over just one." Lexx says. Leif runs out of the exhibit with tears in his eyes, he furiously wipes them away. Lexx and Lynn Sr. chase after him. Lexx catches up to him, grabs his shoulder and forcibly turns him around.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you?! Why would you show me healthy frogs when you know I'm not over Hops?! That's messed up, man!"

"I'm trying to help you feel better."

"This doesn't make me feel better, this makes me feel worse!"

"Hey! I'm just trying to solve-"

"I don't need you to solve my problems!"

"Trying to solve your grief, you baby! I don't understand why you're mad!"

"Of course you don't, Lexx. You never will because all you care for is yourself! You never had someone taken away from you. My pet frog is dead because of you, and a trip to the zoo won't fix that! I loved him with all my heart! Sorry, we're not all selfish little pricks like you, who loves one thing for a week and moves on to the next like that!" Leif snapped his fingers when he said "that".

Lynn Sr. steps up. "Leif, don't yell at your brother!"

"No, it's ok Daddy." Lexx says, glaring at Leif. "Let's go home." They walk to the van in silence. The silence continues the ride home, with Lexx and Leif sitting in different rows.

* * *

Leif and Lexx both march up to their different rooms and simultaneously slam the doors shut. Linka jumps at the sound.

"What happened?"

Lexx sits down next to her. "The zoo plan backfired! If anything, he hates me more! He called me a selfish prick and that I'll never understand what he's going through."

Linka combs his hair with her fingers. "No offense Lexx, but he has a point."

"Offense taken. What do you mean? All I wanted was to solve his problem!"

"That's your problem, Lexx! You think someone can just go back to the way they were with quick answers. People sometimes need to grieve and feel what they need to feel. And the best way to help them through that is not with methods of moving on. It's being there for them, being sympathetic and talking through their feelings. Even if you don't fully understand their grief."

Lexx let his sister's words sink in and sigh heavily. "I just want my brother back."

"Then take my advice. And maybe start tomorrow because he's pretty pissed right now."

* * *

Sunday morning, Lexx reluctantly opens Leif's door with Linka behind him. Leif sits up from his bed.

"What do you want?"

Lexx takes a deep breath before speaking. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I try to pretend to know what you're going through but I don't. I know you're mad at me, but please, let me be there for you."

"We're going to the park and get some ice cream. You should come with." Linka says.

Leif rolls out of bed. "I'll go… for the ice cream."

Under the hot sun at the park, Linka hands her brothers swirly chocolate ice cream cones. "Thanks, Linka." They say simultaneously.

"I'll be on the bench if you need me. You two stay safe." Linka says and walks away.

"Come on, Leif. I wanna show you something." Leif raises his eyebrow but follows Lexx. He leads him to a pond. A very special pond to Leif.

"Lexx, this is-"

"The pond where you met Hops? Yes, yes it is. And you think I don't listen to you." The twins sit on a bench nearby.

"You and Hops had some history, huh?"

"Oh, a bunch. The first day I met him, he gave me these big sad eyes when I was about to leave the pond. I couldn't say no to him, so I brought him home and kept him for almost a year. We would have cricket-eating contests and he can drop a mean baseline. My school pictures looked a thousand times better with him in it."

"I bet you and him had plenty of adventures."

"Yep. I'll never forget the time when we went on that frog rescue mission with Linka. Hops saved them all. He was a saint. I could never find another as trusting or as kind." Tears drop on his ice cream and he licks it. "My ice cream is salty."

Lexx put his hand on his shoulder. "It's ok to cry, Leif. I'm sorry I caused this. I did try to save him. You didn't deserve to have him taken away from you."

"We- we were best friends..."

"I know. It's so sad." He pulls him in for a side hug. Leif wraps his arms around him and cries into his shoulder. This is their first physical interaction since Hops' death. They stay like that for ten minutes, ice cream melting in their grip. Then they turn their gazes to the pond, in a comfortable silence, finishing what's left of their ice cream.

"Hey. Lexx?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for doing this."

"Anytime, bro. Let's find Linka and head home." The twins get up and walk side by side to find their older sister.

* * *

Yet, they still entered different rooms when they got home. "How did it go?" Linka asks once she closes the door of the linen closet.

"I took him to the pond and he told me his memories of Hops. I let him cry on my shoulder for about ten minutes. He thanked me afterward."

"That's good progress."

"Yeah, you were right." Lexx says as he climbs on the bed. "I should have just been there for him. I only hope we can be cool again someday."

"Yeah, you snore really loud in your sleep."

"Hey! I thought I was over that."

Linka and Lexx were both caught by surprise when twenty minutes later, Leif came into the room and said, "Linka, can I have my roommate back now?" There's a sweet and powerful tone in the word forgiveness.

Lexx bounces off the bed and stands in front of Leif. "Are you serious?"

"Yep. Hops was a good pet but you're a great brother."

Lexx lets the tears well up in his eyes as he and Leif hug. "I missed you, man! You're the best!"

"I love you, Lexx."

"Back at ya."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Linka says, touched by the brotherly love. "Come on, I'll help you move back in, Lexx."

* * *

The little prince was finally reunited with his twin. However, Lexx has some unfinished business to take care of. So, when everyone went to bed, he sneaked out of the house to the backyard. With flowers in his grasp. When he reaches Hops' grave, he places them on it and looks towards the heavens.

"If you're up there, Hops, I wanna say I'm sorry. Like, really sorry. I hope you can forgive me like Leif did. But I want you to know that I _do_ appreciate you, I appreciate you caring for Leif. I just regret that I didn't say this to you while you were alive."

Lexx goes back inside. Back into his shared room with Leif for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song parodied here is "It's Quiet Uptown" from Hamilton: An American Musical. Originally written by Lin-Manuel Miranda. 


	9. 11 Louds a Leapin' (Part I and II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Like a traditional Christmas story, the narration is going to rhyme. This symbol, -/-, means a flashback is in between. 

The Loud House is decorated with lights and inflatables all around. 

And all the Loud kids are running up and down. 

"It's Christmas Eve, readers. That's what all the hubbub is about." Linka says in her room, as she gets dressed in her winter clothes. "And there's no better time to be in the Loud House." 

She steps out to find her scarf, but Leif has snatched it. 

She pulls it off of him, causing him to spin into the bathroom laundry basket. 

Meanwhile, Luke with his guitar, works on this year's Christmas song. 

Sadly, whatever he sings, comes out wrong. 

" _Christmas time is totally rad. I want those gifts or I'll be sad!_ Aw, come on!" 

"Having trouble with this year's Christmas song, Luke?" 

"Sis, I'm stuck like Santa in a chimney. Ooo, that sounds good! _I'm stuck like Santa in a chimney! Been an angel all year, so_ _gimme_ _,_ _gimme_ _,_ _gimme_ _,_ _gimme_ _!_ Ugh! Bull crap!" 

A Lane in reindeer antlers pops in. 

To spread some holiday humor, so be ready to cringe! 

"I'll say! Those lyrics make no _frankincense_! Hohoho! That's one!" He clicks on his counter. 

"I have to bunk with this." Luke walks away, annoyed. 

"My Twelve Puns of Christmas are off to a great start. I only have to come up with eleven _murr_! Hohoho! that's two!" 

Lane laughs heartily, proud of the gift of humor he possess. 

Leon walks in and blows a raspberry, not impressed. 

Loni comes upstairs. He's wearing a plaid suit, red and green. 

A perfect Christmas outfit must be worn for the stylish teen. 

"Hey, Link. What do you think?" 

"It looks awesome! But where did you get the fabric?" 

"Has anyone seen my plaid Christmas tablecloth?!" Rita calls from the living room. 

Loni shushes Linka and walks into his room to try again. 

Loki walks out, on the phone with his girlfriend. 

"Don't stress about buying something special for me, Babe. I mean yes, it's our first Christmas together and I already got something for you. And if you do come up short, I'll probably never let you live it down. But, no pressure." 

Bebe is at the mall, in a toys section. 

She's stressed and worried, what a way to begin vacation. 

"Yeah. No pressure, Loki Bear." She hangs up. 

What, in this mall, is "boyfriend-material" to buy? 

All she think of now is to drop to her knees and cry. 

* * *

  
Back in the Loud House, Linka is looking for winter boots 

To match her winter suit. 

She pulls out a pair, but they are her mother's. 

Another pair, but they are one of her brothers'. 

"Oops. Sorry readers, this is going to take a while." 

As she prepares to jump into the shoe pile, 

Lexx rushes in with a really creepy smile. 

"Hey there, my lovable big sister! Allow me to dive into that pile of smelly footwear and retrieve your winter boots for you." 

He says with a bow. 

Unusual behavior for the boy in the crown. 

He jumps in the pile and finds hers easily. 

He puts her boots on for her, and gives compliments shamefully. 

"There you go, mademoiselle! Two big sister boots! Boy, these are stylish!" 

"What do you want, kid?" 

"To get a huge haul from Santa!" He confess with an evil grin. "A blind person can tell you that I am no angel. So, if I'm going to get on Santa's nice list, I have one day to undo twelve months of naughty!" 

"You're wasting your time." Levi tells him, candy cane in his mouth like a cigar. 

Levi wheels in a white board with equations and such. 

Scientific proof why the belief in Santa is a bust. 

"Factoring in sleigh speed, time zone changes, and reindeer bathroom breaks, it is scientifically impossible for this so-called Saint Nicholas to deliver gifts to the one, maybe two billion qualifying children. As you can see, X equals no freaking way." 

Lexx glares at the smug boy in specs. 

Doing his best to keep his temper in check. 

"You're lucky I'm being nice right now!" 

"Levi, you can't just walk up to a person and be a smart ass. Telling someone their beliefs are "illogical". Linka says. "We don't want a repeat of last Christmas." 

-/-

Last year, in a church of the Deity, 

Levi explained to mass all things wrong with the nativity. 

The Louds aren't exactly allowed back, if you catch my drift. 

After Levi's lecture, they were certainly not missed. 

-/-

In the living room, Gina is in a Santa hat and bell as she tread. 

Charlie's sleeping by the tree, sugarplums dancing in her head. 

Chris plays with the Christmas lights, enthusiastic. 

While Willa flirts with the partridge, made out of plastic. 

Rita is hanging the family's stockings in a row. 

Yet there's no room for everyone on the actual chimney, you know. 

"All I want for Christmas is a bigger fireplace." 

Lane stands next to her. "Say again, Mom? I can _holly_ hear you! Hohoho! That's three!" He clicks on his counter. 

Leon pops out of his stocking and blows a raspberry. 

He thinks that Lane's puns are anything but merry. 

"Leon, why are you _stocking_ me?" He picks up his stocking. "Hohoho! That's four!" 

Around the corner, Lynn and Lars are on their own mission. 

Finding their presents from their parents in ambition. 

Lynn lifts up the dresser and Lars checks under it. 

"See anything?" 

"Nope." 

Lynn drops it and stretches in exasperation. 

But they're not done there; is that selfishness or dedication? 

"Looking for your presents, huh? Have you checked Dad's underwear drawer?" Linka suggests quietly. 

"This girl asked have we checked Dad's underwear drawer." Lynn rolls his eyes and walks away. 

"Linka, please, this isn't the first time we've done this." Lars walks with the athlete. 

Linka smells something delightful from the kitchen. 

Lynn Sr. is cooking a number of dishes. 

He walked all around the kitchen, eyes in a glimmer 

Preparing the Loud Family's Christmas Dinner. 

"Dashing to the stove-" He sings but stops at the sight of his daughter. "Hey sweetheart! You're just in time! I need a taste tester for the pièce de résistance…" Lynn Sr. holds out a pot and opens the lid. "The figgy pudding!" Smoke comes through the open window. 

"And ruin the surprise at dinner? No way!" 

Lane enters the kitchen. "Look at Dad getting figgy with it! Hohoho! Number five!" 

"I love the Twelve Puns of Christmas! Lane, you want to try my figgy pudding?" 

"Sorry Dad, _yule_ have to ask someone else. Get it? Number six! I just _sleigh_ myself! Ooh, that's seven!" Lane and his father laugh as Lane clicks his counter twice. 

Every Loud in the Loud House liked Christmas a lot. 

"LOUDS! What's that awful smell?!" Someone shouts from outside. 

But Ms. Grouse, who lives just next to the Louds, did not! 

Ms. Grouse hated Christmas, the whole- 

"Diamond, let's stop right there." Linka scolds. 

Sorry. 

"But indeed readers, Ms. Grouse really lives up to her name. Especially around Christmas time." 

Ms. Grouse stood at the window, shaking her fist. 

She screamed what she didn't like and ooh, what a list! 

"LOUDS! Turn off that annoying music! LOUDS! Shut off all those horrible lights! LOUDS! Stop acting so predictable!" 

Linka steps outside. "Sheesh! Well, I'm not gonna let Mr. Grouse take away my Christmas cheer. I've got two weeks off of school, ten inches of fresh snow, and this baby!" 

She gestures to her sled. "The Fearsome Flyer 8000! Or as I affectionately call her, "Big Red". We've been waiting all winter for the perfect sledding conditions. So if you'll excuse us..." 

She walks down the stairs in glee. 

Then gets caught in a net that belongs to Leif. 

"Woo-hoo! My reindeer net worked! Oh, sorry Linka. I'm just getting ready for tonight." He gets Linka out as he explains. "I'm gonna catch a reindeer to keep as a pet." 

That seems surreal, but if he succeeded 

Where will he put it? Know how it's treated? 

Car tires screech and a car crashes nearby 

The driver is stuck in Leif's trap, mortified. 

"Woo-hoo! My reindeer pit worked! Don't worry buddy, I have a winch!" 

* * *

Linka's in the yard, on top of the slide. 

Ready to give her sled a test drive. 

"Ok Big Red, let's do this!" 

She puts on her helmet and slides down at full force. 

Suddenly, the sled hits a rock and throws her off course. 

She lands in the snow headfirst, not scarred. 

But Big Red lands into Ms. Grouse's yard. 

"NOOOO! This is a disaster, readers! When stuff goes into Grouse's yard, it never comes back!" 

Exactly! Linka wasn't lying! 

Ms. Grouse takes the Louds' stuff and it's multiplying. 

She took Loni's beach ball, Leif's plunger, and Lexx's cape that means authority. 

And every time, she exclaimed: "my yard, my property!" 

"Well, I'm not gonna let the same thing happen Big Red. Especially on the first day of vacation." 

She attempts to jump over the fence 

But stop in the process as Ms. Grouse yells more nonsense. 

"LOUDS! Take down that thing! You're bringing down the property value!" She yells at Rita after she put up air dancers dressed as elves. 

"It's too risky to go in alone." Linka decided. "I'm going to need back up." She takes out her walkie- talkie. "Claudia, come in!" 

Before Claudia answered, she tied a mistletoe to her hat. 

We already know what she will do with a hat such as that. 

"Hey, Linka! Just working on my mistletoe. This year, I'm not gonna squander my one chance to get a holiday smooch from Loki." 

"I'm rootin' for you, girl. But, there are more pressing issues! I've got a Code Six emergency!" 

"Oh no! What over the fence this time? Was it Bebe?" 

In Claudia's fantasy, Bebe is on the other side somehow. 

But if it means Loki's free, she'll allow. 

"My yard, my property!" Ms. Grouse would say, 

Then Loki and Claudia happily skip away. 

"Negative. It was Big Red." 

"NOOOOOO!" 

"Put on your snow boots. It's time to put Operation Jump the Fence and Retrieve Big Red Before Ms. Grouse Finds It and Takes It Into Her House Forever and Also Think of a Shorter Name For This Operation into action!" 

Claudia didn't listen to a word Linka said. 

Her turtleneck was stuck over her head. 

"Sorry, could you repeat that? Never mind, I'm on my way!" She hits her head on the closed door on the way out. 

* * *

Meanwhile, Lynn and Lars continue their quest. 

They checked under the sofa, leaving quite a mess. 

"No presents for us under here."

Lars reports. A look of dissatisfaction from the guy who loves sports. 

"We could look in the basement. How do you feel about lifting the water heater?" 

Lynn tightens the belt around his waist. "Let's do this!" 

After they left, the oldest brother enters the room. 

With a look of mischief, he knew exactly what to do. 

He creeps to the stockings all in a row. 

He takes Lynn Sr.'s present to Rita, all wrapped in a red bow. 

"I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind if I peel back the corner a little." 

Before Loki could commit his action non-lenient 

He is stopped by the younger comedian. 

"Hold it! You are _mistletoe-tally_ busted! Hohoho! That's eight!" Lane clicks his counter. "But seriously, what's wrong with you?" He takes the present from Loki. 

"I can't help it. The sound of the paper tearing, the smell of the tape, that moment when you get tangled up in the ribbons! Gimme that!" He tackles Lane for the present. 

"You gotta beat this habit, Loki. We don't want a repeat of last Christmas." 

-/- 

What a Christmas that was for him! 

Loki opened all his siblings' presents before they could get to them. 

"You guys got some great stuff." He's embarrassed by his decision. 

He was also tangled up in ribbons! 

-/- 

"You're right, Lane. I gotta fight this!" 

"Well, there's no time like the _present_! Hohoho! That's nine." He clicks his counter. 

Loki returns the gift. "You can do this, man." He tells himself. "I will not open another gift until Christmas morning." 

The doorbell ring and there's the delivery woman, short as can be. 

"Package for Mr. Loki Loud." 

She stuffs inside a red and green gift that's taller than Loki! 

"To Loki. Open immediately." He reads the tag. He groans and shakes his fist at the ceiling. "Why me?!" 

The delivery woman steps outside so she won't hear Loki's rage. 

Three steps later, and she's trapped in Leif's cage. 

Leif comes outside. "Woo-hoo! My reindeer cage works!" 

Loni comes downstairs, his second outfit done. 

Plaid? There is none. 

"Hey guys." He greets, modeling A white coat and ribbon bow tie. "Forgot that suit from before. This is my Christmas fit!" 

"Has anyone seen the tinsel?!" 

Again that was their mother. 

Loni shushes both of his brothers. 

"Ooh, I'm going tell!" Lane says. 

"No no no!" 

"Just _ribbon_ you!" He pulls on Loni's bow tie and Loni groans. "Hohoho! That's ten." Lane clicks his counter. 

While Loki hauls the present inside, 

Lexx kisses up to his mother with fake innocent eyes. 

"Oh, mother. You've done so much to make our Christmas perfect. Allow me to look for the tinsel and after I find it, I'll rub your tired, aching tootsies." 

Rita grabs more decorations. "Thank you, Lexx. That's so nice of you." 

Lexx gasps and look toward the sky in pride. 

"Did you hear that, Santa? She said "nice"!" 

"Wasting your time with this." Levi walks past him. 

"Control yourself, Lexx." He says to himself. 

"He's not worth it." 

* * *

Linka ran outside and climbed up the slide with binoculars in hand. 

She takes view of Grouse's house and waits for her friend, to commence her plan. 

"Hey Linka!" Claudia pops into view so fast. 

Linka gets startled, slides down and almost busted her ass. 

"Claudia!" 

"I'm okay!" 

"I see you turn down the mistletoe this time." Linka points to the mistletoe tied to a branch on her hat. 

"Yeah, I don't want a repeat of last Christmas." 

-/- 

Last year, Claudia adorned a bush of mistletoe on her head. 

On her lips was lipstick that was red. 

"Pucker up, my Christmas King." She did say. 

Then an eagle swooped down, picked her up, and took her away! 

-/- 

"Anyway, what's your plan?" 

Linka had it figured out. 

She used the snow and a stick to map it out. 

"You'll go to the front door and sing Christmas carols here. When Grouse comes out to yell at you, I'll hop the fence and grab Big Red here." 

"Strategic genius!" Claudia gives her friend laud. 

"But something looks wrong." 

She points to a yellow puddle in the snow. 

"Ew! Charlie!" 

Linka scolds the dog. 

She shrugs and went along. 

* * *

Claudia is at Grouse's front door, in position. 

She calls her to get the cue to start the mission. 

"Turtledove to Sled Girl Walking. I'm in position." 

"Copy that, Turtledove. Commence caroling." 

As soon as Claudia got her sleigh bells and started singing, 

Ms. Grouse opens the door and begins complaining. 

"Stop that off-key racket! I don't care for carolers!" 

Linka hops the fence and goes behind a tree. 

Her sled is still untouched she sees. 

She crept toward it, careful with every motion. 

But when she goes over the wheelbarrow of logs, some fell out, causing a commotion. 

Ms. Grouse hears and stops yelling at the caroling girl. 

"What in the world?" 

Claudia sings in the tune of of Jingle Bells: 

" _Don't look in the yard. There's nothing there to see. Got lots of songs to sing._ _So_ _keep your eyes on me. Hey_!" 

Ms. Grouse pushed her down and she fell. 

Linka sees Ms. Grouse coming and she hides. 

Ms. Grouse picks up the sled. "My yard, my property!" She cries. 

And to Linka's defeat, she takes it inside. 

  


Linka and Claudia sits on the steps of the Loud House with dread. 

"I can't believe I lost Big Red." Linka says. 

Luke steps outside, guitar still in hand. 

Singing out lyrics with no plan. 

" _Merry Christmas, honey._

_If you don't have a gift, I'll gladly take money._

_It's all on my list and yes, it's a lot_

_If I don't get these gifts, someone's_ _gonna_ _get-_ " 

"LOUDS! KNOCK IT OFF!" He was shut down by Ms. Grouse. 

The last thing she said before she left her house. 

Luke goes inside, out of the cold. 

Linka stands up, a new opportunity unfolds. 

"Claudia, do you see what I see?" She coerced. 

Claudia looks up and finish the verse. 

"A star? A star? Shining in the night?" 

"No. Ms. Grouse just left. I can sneak into her house and get my sled back." 

"What? You're crazy! That's Ms. Grouse's property." 

"But that sled is my property. I'll just slip through the doggy door, grab Big Red, and that woman will never know. 

"But what if you get caught and go to jail, and they only let family visit? You know I haven't married Loki yet, so the guards won't let me see you-" 

"CLAUD! None of that's gonna happen, because you're gonna be my lookout." 

* * *

Willing to commit the crime, 

Linka sneaks into Grouse's property and through the doggy door in no time. 

She takes out her walkie-talkie to see if Claudia is still there. 

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." 

Claudia, outside with binoculars, did say. 

She steps on a catapult and it launches her six blocks away! 

Leif runs up to his catapult. "Woo-hoo! My reindeer catapult worked! In hindsight, it may not be the best way to catch a reindeer." 

Back in Grouse's house, 

Linka looks about. 

"Now if I was a cold-hearted sourpuss, where would I keep a sled?" 

Lo and behold, she reunites with her sled once more! 

She hugs it, grabs it, and head toward the door. 

But before Linka can leave with her (the sled) 

She stops in her tracks when she noticed a peculiar picture. 

"Whoa! Is that Ms. Grouse as a kid? And is she holding a Fearsome Flyer 1000?" 

Just then, Ms. Grouse comes back! She's right at the door. 

Linka has to hide or else she's done for! 

* * *

Ms. Grouse steps in and unfold the newspaper about the town's she's living. 

Linka's behind the drapes, but her scarf is missing. 

When Grouse turns around, Linka grabs it hides again. 

Ms. Grouse looks around, with peaked suspicion. 

Ms. Grouse turns again and takes off her winter gear. 

Linka goes into the kitchen in fear. 

She opens a cabinet which catches Ms. Grouse's attention. 

She checks the cabinet but nothing's there, beyond comprehension. 

Ms. Grouse steps on Linka's hand under the table; her yelp is muffled. 

Ms. Grouse checks under the table but nothing's there; she can smell trouble. 

"Burr… Cold." Ms. Grouse lit a match and goes over to the chimney. 

A pair of eyes watch it scared. 

"Aw, dang. All out of wood." 

That pair of eyes blew out the flare. 

As she leaves, Linka escapes and runs toward the back door, home free! 

That is, she would have been, but Ms. Grouse yells "Freeze!" 

Linka screams. As for her sled, she released it. 

She could only watch as Big Red smashes into pieces. 

"Big Red!" 

"That's what you get, you little thief!" 

"What?! You're the thief! You took my sled and now it's broken!" 

"My yard, my property! I'm calling your folks right now, they'll know what to do with you!" 

Over at the Loud House, everyone was doing their own thing. 

Not one of them heard the phone's rings. 

"Nobody's answering! Probably can't hear the phone ringing with all the commotion over there!" She hangs up and drags Linka over to the fireplace. 

"Until I reach your folks, you can clean up the mess you made!" She hands her a broom. 

"Why do you have to be so mean? All you could have done is give me back my sled. You should understand that. You had one, too!" She points to picture of Kid Ms. Grouse, smiling 

Ms. Grouse tilts it down. "Stop snooping and start sweeping!" Linka sweeps, angry. 

The phone rings. "Ah, that's probably them now." She answers. "Hello?" 

Actually it's another, 

Ms. Grouse's brother. 

"Oh, hey Jude. No, it doesn't look like I'm going to make it for Christmas." Linka listens carefully. "I'm sorry. I know it's been five years, but I don't have the money to travel." 

Linka now notices the picture of Ms. Grouse and her big family. 

The realization comes to her clearly. 

Ms. Grouse doesn't really mean to be a sourpuss, 

She's upset she can't see her family, that's the purpose. 

Poor Ms. Grouse, she and Linka aren't so different. 

They both have big families and holiday wishes. 

"Tell the boys Auntie Betty says hi and loves them a whole bunches. I love you, too." She hangs up and goes back to Linka. "Why haven't you cleaned up?!" 

"I didn't know you were from a big family." 

"What about it?" 

"It's just… it must be devastating you can't be with them on Christmas." 

"That's enough! Go home!" She shows Linka the door. 

"So, you're not going to tell my parents?" 

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Linka runs away, not wanting to anger her more. 

After what Linka had learned, she couldn't leave her alone. 

Everyone deserves to spend Christmas with family in a cozy home. 

Her neighbor's grief made her sick. 

So, she hatches an idea, she thinks of it quick. 

Claudia calls her from the walkie-talkie. "Come in, Sled Girl Walking." Linka picks up. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I compromised the mission. One minute, I was in your yard, the next, I was in another neighborhood. I broke my mistletoe. So long, holiday smooch." 

"Sorry, Turtledove. Everything's okay here though. Rescuing Big Red failed, but now, I've got a new mission. I'll call you back with the plan." 

* * *

  
Linka enters her house, in the middle of last-minute Christmas Eve commotion (not so much Levi). 

She tries to call out for everyone's attention. 

Lars's on the floor doing a séance 

To ask the spirits where his and Lynn's presents was. 

"What the Ghost of Christmas Past say?!" Lynn asks him, anxious. 

"You two definitely have the Christmas spirit! Hohoho! That's eleven!" Lane clicks his counter. 

Thank God, that's almost done! 

Chris escapes Leif's bear trap and runs. 

At the same time, Loki loses his sanity. 

The mystery gift leaves him in agony. 

"THAT'S IT! I HAVE TO OPEN IT BEFORE I LOSE MY SHIT!" 

He lunges forward with his might. 

Leif lassos him with Christmas lights. 

"You're way passed that point, bro." 

Leif drags Loki away. 

Luke enters the room, already in dismay. 

"Can everyone chill? I'm trying to finish this and I'm down to the wire! Ooh! Maybe that's it! _I'm down to the wire. St. Nick's on fire_! Shit! I'm never gonna get this!" 

"Guys!" Linka calls out in vain. 

Loni is wearing new clothes again. 

He walks in like he's expecting applause. 

His clothes resembles that of Santa Claus. 

"That white coat was ugly, anyway. This is my Christmas fit!" 

Rita notices something's amiss by the chimney. "First the tablecloth, then the tinsel, now the stockings?! Why is everything disappearing?!" 

Loni shushes everyone again. 

Rita never knew all along it as him. 

"Guys!" Linka calls out. 

Lexx vacuums the house up and down. 

Chris and Charlie are chasing each other around. 

Loki struggles to break free and crawls toward the present. 

Leif pulls him away, annoyed with his brother who's malcontent. 

Leon pops out of one of the stockings on Loni's shirt 

A stench hits their nostrils and it smelled the worst. 

"Ew, Leon, you didn't!" 

Leon pooped in his suit, that's what Loni thinks. 

Enter Lynn Sr. with the figgy pudding complete. 

"Hey Hey Hey! I need a taste tester for my figgy pudding!" 

"Oh, it wasn't you." Loni tells Leon. 

"I'll do it, Daddy!" Lexx turn off the vacuum he was using. 

He'll do anything for gifts and frankly, it's amusing. 

"Your figgy pudding has always been the highlight of my Christmas! You're seeing this, right Santa?" 

He says that last part quietly. 

"Truly pathetic." Levi says plainly. 

Lynn Sr. feeds his son some of his pudding for Christmas. 

Lexx chokes it down and pretend it delicious. 

"Mmm… Figgy!" 

Linka was losing her patience. 

She had her own drastic situation. 

She yells at her family: 

"GUYS! EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!" 

The brothers stop what they're doing. 

They notice the girl's fuming. 

She calms herself down. "I was just in Ms. Grouse's yard." 

The boys complain about Grouse and they're harsh! 

"Why would go where that meanie lives?" Lexx questions. 

"She stole my good baseballs and that I can't forgive!" Lynn says. 

"Her style in clothes gives me a rash that itch!" Loni sneers. 

"And in all disrespect," Loki says. "She's a big fat…" 

"Ok!" Linka cuts him off. "She's not that bad. Who am I lying to? She is. But now I think I know why." 

Linka tells her brothers what happened and the reason 

To why Ms. Grouse is so grumpy this holiday season. 

"… And then she told me to leave." 

The brothers' heartstrings were tugged by all this. 

Who knew there were sides to Ms. Grouse they've missed? 

"That's literally the saddest thing yet!" Loki says, close to tears. 

"I can't believe she has a big family too!" Leif says. 

"And she can't be with them? That's terrible!" Lane says, heartbroken. 

"Seeing us altogether must make her miss them even more!" Loni realizes. 

"Usually I'm impermeable to human emotion," Levi starts. "But…" Levi cries a waterfall. Obviously the saddest of them all. 

"No wonder she's such a Grinch this time of year!" Lexx says, remorseful. 

"How did we not know this?" Lane asks. 

Loki pushes his present aside. "Maybe because we lost ourselves in the chaos of the holidays." 

"Yeah. We put all our effort into what we were getting," Lynn says. 

Lars blows out his candles. "When we should have put that effort into what we were giving." 

"And isn't that what Christmas is all about?" Lexx asks. 

After the brothers' epiphany, 

Luke's face lights up instantly. 

"Dudes! That's it! No wonder I couldn't nail my song! I've been going about it all wrong!" He goes upstairs to write it. 

"We need to do something for Ms. Grouse." Linka says. 

"But what can we do?" Loki asks. 

"I have a plan!" She huddles up with them. "Okay, the first thing we do..." 

The scene is seen from Ms. Grouse's house. 

She closes the blinds, not wanting to see what they're talking about. 

* * *

Later that night, Ms. Grouse is catching some Z's. 

She's awoken to two-part harmony. 

" _Ooooooh_ _._ " 

"Huh? Never a moment's peace." 

She opens the door and is not prepared for what happens next. 

The Louds and the McBrides were outside, burning candles in their grasp. 

_Louds_ _And_ _McBrides_ _:_

_Ooooooh_

_Luke:_

_I used to think that Christmas was_

_About the wish list filled with stuff_

_I never really needed, anyway_

Loki presses a button, decorations on Ms. Grouse's house glows. 

The warmth that the choir gives began to grow. 

_Luke:_

_But as long as we're together_

_It's a holiday!_

_Louds and_ _McBrides_ _:_

_It's not what you get, it's what you give_

_We've got the spirit, clear and loud_

_Ditch the list, hug who you're with_

_'Cause_ _that's what Christmas is all about!_

_It's what you give, not what you get_

_We've got the hard part figured out_

_This year will be the best one yet_

_'Cause_ _that's what Christmas is all about!_

_Merry Christmas from the Louds!_

_HO!_

Ms. Grouse with her jaw dropped is still at the door. 

She wonders what was all that for. 

"Merry Christmas, Ms. Grouse." Linka says, holding a gift. 

"We all chipped in and got you something." Leif explains. 

Ms. Grouse opens the gift and what is inside. 

Brought more joy and surprise than any toy could provide. 

"It's a bus ticket." Lynn tells her. 

"So you can be with your family tomorrow." Lane explains. 

"And since you can't be with them tonight." Rita says and she and Lynn Sr. both lowers the boxes they were holding. 

Remember when we were so shocked at such a sight? 

Rita and Lynn Sr. first revealed their faces that night. 

"We're bringing our family to you." 

"How about it, neighbor?" Lynn Sr. asks, optimistically. 

"LOUDS!" Ms. Grouse yells so sternly 

But her tone quickly changed, thankfully. 

"You all made this the best Christmas ever! Thank you. I say you all landed permanent spots on Santa's Nice List." 

"Even me?" Lexx asks, hopefully. 

"Even you." Lexx hugs her leg, delighted. 

"Once again..." Levi says before crying a waterfall again. 

"Well, what are you waiting for? Everyone, come on inside!" 

* * *

Inside the house, colorful decorations glimmer. 

The twins are setting up the table for Christmas dinner. 

As Rita helps Leon put a star on the new tree, 

The Louds completely transformed a home that once was gloomy. 

"Yeah, you ruined it." Lars says. 

"Guys, I finally made the perfect Christmas fit!" Loni holds up a green non-Christmas themed jacket. "It's not for me, it's for Ms. Grouse. You can wear it tomorrow." He puts it on her. 

"Thank you. What happened to my curtains?" She points to her curtains, now with jacket-shaped holes. Loni shushes her. 

"Chow time in five, people!" Lynn Sr. calls out. 

"Before we sit down, there's something I'd like to say." Ms. Grouse declares. 

"Speech! Speech! Speech!" Lynn chants. 

Loki nudges him to tell him to "can it." 

"Well, I know I haven't been the nicest neighbor, and I apologize. You've all given me so much tonight, now I'd like to give something to you." 

"We take checks." Lexx reassures. 

Loki nudges him before he made things worse. 

Ms. Grouse opens a door at the bottom of the stairs. 

Every item she had stolen was all in there. 

"ALL OUR STUFF!" The Loud Brothers cheer and gather there with gaiety. 

Leif is finally reunited with his plunger. "PLUNGEY!" 

Ms. Grouse turn to Linka.

I'm sorry about your sled." 

"That's alright. It's only a sled. I'm just glad we're friends"

She and Ms. Grouse hug. 

Both Claudia's mothers' eyes glowed like gems 

This precious moment was too much for them. 

"Oh, Hare-Bear! Isn't this the most wonderful thing you've ever seen?" Holly tells her wife. 

"Now, Holly. Remember what Dr. Lopez said…" Harriet begins but shakes off the facade. "You know what, forget Dr. Lopez! This really is the most wonderful thing I've ever seen!" 

Both women sob with tears of joy instead. 

Loki takes note of what's over Claudia's head. 

"Claudia, do you know what you're standing under?" 

Claudia looks up and sees mistletoe. 

She's weak in the knees; her anxiety starts to grow. 

Loki gives her a smooch on the cheek so innocent. 

She's a good kid, she deserves her Christmas wish. 

"Merry Christmas, Claudia." 

"And to all a good night." Claudia says, love struck and faints. 

"Come on, everybody sit! Dinner is served! And save some room for the figgy pudding!"

Lynn Sr. declares. 

But everyone was pretty much already there. 

Ms. Grouse's thankfulness has grown greater. 

As she spend Christmas Eve with such thoughtful neighbors. 

* * *

  
"Merry Christmas!"

The Loud family said the next morning. 

Christmas Day at the Loud House is always awarding. 

Presents were opened by the Loud girl and boys 

And they each got something they adore. 

"Well, that's all the gifts. Time to start decorating the house for New Year's Day!" Rita says. 

Loki push in the present taller than he. 

Finally, it was his chance to solve this mystery. 

"Wait! I have one more present! I saved the best for last!" 

He shakes the present and it shouts "Ow!" 

The present was alive somehow! 

Loki open his present with care. 

And to everyone's surprise, Bebe is in there.

"Merry Christmas, Loki Bear." She says, so tired. 

"Babe?!" 

"I couldn't find anything special enough to buy you for our first Christmas together, so I decided to give you myself." 

"Sexually?" Loki asks, hopefully. Linka throws her slipper at him. 

"Ow! I mean, that's literally the perfect gift." He hugs her. "I got you something, too." 

"I hope it's food and water." 

"Santa sure was good to us." Levi says. 

"Santa?!" The Loud family question him. 

"Oh, I thought you were too smart to believe in him!" 

Lexx says, credulous. 

"I didn't, until I spot him leaving a present behind the couch last night. Behold!" Levi shows them a picture of Santa's behind. He named him "SANTICUS CLAUSIMUS." 

Lynn looks behind the couch. "There is a present back here. And it's addressed to Linka." 

Linka opens her present, it's a new sled. 

An older model to Big Red. 

Specifically, A Fearsome Flyer 1000. 

She knew this came from this one woman. 

She rushes outside. Careful on the ice so she wouldn't slip. 

She catches Ms. Grouse before she leaves on her trip. 

"Hey, Ms. Grouse. Thanks for the sled." 

"Don't thank me. Thank Santa." She winks at her. "Merry Christmas, Linka." 

"Merry Christmas, Ms. Grouse." 

She carries her new sled with pride 

as she goes to the backyard and up the slide. 

"Well, another Christmas has come and gone, readers. But this year I got the greatest gift of all: a new friend. And you know, I think things are going to be pretty different around here from now on." 

She slides down the slide like she did in Part I. 

But Déjà vu called, she says "we're not done!" 

She crashes into the same rock. She flies off the sled so fast. 

And the 1000 flies and breaks Ms. Grouse's window glass. 

"LOUDS!" Ms. Grouse screams, livid. 

"Maybe not that different." 

Linka says. 

As Linka runs away, 

Lane comes in to end the day. 

"Well readers, that about _wraps_ things up. Yes! I did it! That's twelve!" He clicks his clicker. "Merry Christmas!" 

Lane is soon caught in a net, Leif's ploy. 

Leif jumps around, overjoyed. 

"Woo-hoo! I finally got one!" 

Before this chapter can come to its total end, 

Words from the author that needs to be said. 

I hope you had a wonderful holiday! 

Hope it was joyous and safe, even if things didn't go your way. 

May the rest of your week be filled with cheer. 

And blessings to all readers in the new year! 


	10. A Walk Down Linka Lane (Part I and II)

Linka climbed the ladder that lead to the attic, carrying a cardboard box. "In my class, we're doing a time capsule project, readers. We have to collect items that represents memories of our past and present them to the class. My turn is tomorrow. And based on the life I'm living, this gonna be a breeze!"

After an hour of rummaging through the attic, in her box was her baby shoes, her distorted coffee mugs, and an old plastic tea set. "Nobody wants to see all this!" She dumped out all the contents. "I can't find anything from my past that's worth mentioning to the class! And I can't share my birth story because it's top secret! What am I gonna do?"

The twins climb the ladder and enter the attic. "Linka! We need answers!" Lexx exclaims.

"What's bigger, a tiger or a lion? This royal pain refuses to listen to the animal expert, me, and thinks it's lions." Leif says.

"Tigers. They're also fast and brutal killers who work alone; they go straight for the neck." Linka explains, with her back toward the twins looking through a box. Leif screams "Ha!" in Lexx's face and Lexx shoves him.

"What are you doing, anyway?" Lexx asks.

"Time capsule project. I have to find items that relates to my memories but I'm in a runt!"

Lexx and Leif glance at each other. "Do our memories count?" They say simultaneously.

"Sure, if it's about me."

"Don't move!" The twins race down the ladder. Linka shrugs and waits for them. Two minutes later, the twins came back with their own respective items. Lexx has a book and Leif has a bottle of Elmer's Glue.

"These items represent our favorite memories of you." Leif explains.

"I don't remember where those things are from. Enlighten me." Linka says, sitting down.

A stampede of footsteps is heard, and the other eight brothers entered the attic, each holding an item from their favorite memory of Linka.

"Oh, and we told the others about the project." Leif adds.

"Wow. We're in for a long afternoon, readers. But honestly, this should an educational experience. But I advise you all to not to read this chapter in one sitting." Linka says.

"Linka, who are you addressing?" Levi asks.

"Never mind. Who wants to go first?"

"I will!" Loki steps up.

"But we were here first!" The twins shouted.

"Well, I was born first! And we're going in birth order."

"Dang it!"

"Anyway," He holds up a surgical mask and gloves. "I have the gloves and mask I wore when you got sick over the summer."

* * *

_Loki knocked on Linka's door. "Linka! Are you dead or something?! We called you to breakfast fifteen minutes ago!" He opened her door and saw Linka with bloodshot eyes, wild hair and she's sweating._

_"Linka, you literally look dead!"_

_"Thanks, bro." Linka said sarcastically. "I think I have a fever."_

_His big brother instinct kicked in. "Hold on." Loki left the room for a minute. When he came back, he had a recyclable bag full of medical supplies and their electric thermometer. He wore a surgical mask and gloves. He pointed the thermometer to her forehead._

_"100.7 degrees Fahrenheit? And this is your forehead! Linka, you have to stay in bed so the disease doesn't spread to the rest of us."_

_"Like I was planning on getting out of bed."_

_"I'll bring up your breakfast and some water. Do you want anything else?"_

_"Advil and tissues."_

_"There's tissues in the bag." He hands the box to her._

_"Thanks. Loki? I'm glad you found me first. You're always know what you're doing and the first to jump the bandwagon when it involves me. It's really cool of you."_

_He lowered his mask. "Anything for my kid sister." He left the room._

_-/-_

_Loki carried Linka's breakfast and the Advil to the stairs. His foot was on the first step, when he was questioned by Lexx._

_"Loki, where are going with another plate of food?" If the other brothers can't have seconds, why should Loki?_

_"It's not for me, it's for Linka. She's sick and I told her to stay in bed." This caught the attention of the rest of the brothers in the living room. They simultaneously accused of why Loki haven't told them yet and they needed to help Linka too._

_"Guys! I have everything under control. Plus, Linka only wants me to take care of her."_

_"What makes you so sure?" Lane asked._

_"Because I'm her favorite brother." The rest of the brothers gasped. That was the wrong thing to say. In a family this big, picking favorites is strictly forbidden; creates too much tension in the family. So, Linka should know better than to pick a favorite brother._

_"Did she tell you that?" Leif asked._

_"No. But I can tell because she said she was glad I found her first because I always know what I'm doing. Sorry, guys." Loki went up the stairs with a smirk._

_"No, you're not!" Lars accused then turn to the crowd. "You guys realize what this means, right? A favorite brother means that Linka loves him more and wants to be just like him. So with Loki, she could easily turn into a mini him one day!"_

_Leif groaned audibly. "Great. As if one Loki wasn't enough."_

_"This is bogus! How could Linka pick a favorite brother in the first place?" Luke said._

_"More importantly, how can she choose Loki?" Lexx exclaimed. "If anyone should copy anybody, it should be me."_

_"That's even worse!" Leif claimed._

_"Anyone of us could be a favorite, but some are more deserving because they've been around longer. I mean, me." Lynn said._

_"Ok Lynn, you're the oldest here." Loni said. "But that doesn't – hey wait a second!" In their jealous fit, Lexx sneaked away to the kitchen, unnoticed._

_-/-_

_Loki was on the last sentence on the story he was reading to Linka. Afterwards, he picked up her empty dish._

_"Get some rest, Link."_

_She yawned. "Thanks again, Loki." He closed the door, not all the way, gently behind him. Before he went downstairs, he saw Lexx go into Linka's room. He walked back to stand by Linka's door and watched through the creak._

_"Hey, Snow White!" Lexx said, cheerfully._

_"Lexx! You shouldn't be here, I don't want you getting sick!"_

_"I'm not worried about that, I want to see how my favorite big sister is doing." He said with shining eyes. "I brought you an ice pack." He placed it on her head._

_"Oh. Thanks, Lexx." He smiled and left the room._

_Lynn walked past Loki and took Lexx's place. "How's my kid sister? I was thinking, a fever causes your muscles to tense. So, maybe a massage will help you." He flipped Linka over and started patting her back repeatedly and rapidly._

_"Awkward…" She said in a shaking tone. "Down a little. I carry most of stress in my lower back."_

_"I'll help in any way I can for my favorite sister."_

_"These mofos are serious." Loki said in disbelief from his spot._

_-/-_

_Later, Linka emerged from her room and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. She walked in on Loni sitting on the toilet; thankfully, he wasn't using it._

_"Hey, little sister!" Loni looked up from his phone. "I warmed up the shower for you. And take your time with it."_

_"Wow. You never let me shower before you. It's because I'm sick, right?"_

_"Of course. And I think I should be your favorite brother."_

_"What?"_

_"Nothing." He left the bathroom. Linka shrugged it off because Loni's always acting dumb and stepped in the tub._

_-/-_

_A few hours later, Linka was napping but was awoken by Lane and his dummy, Mrs. Coconuts._

_"Hey Link, how are ya?"_

_"I was sleeping, man! Go away!"_

_"But I have a comedy routine set up for you! You know what they say, laughter is the best medicine."_

_"Not when you're telling the jokes!" Lane threw his voice to Mrs. Coconuts._

_"What? How dare you?"_

_"Listen girl, I guarantee you that what I say is way funnier than what will come out of this dummy." Mrs. Coconuts told Linka._

_"Really? A guy got into a car accident and lost his left arm and left leg. But it's ok, he's_ alright _now!" He laughs for a moment. "Get it?" Linka shook her head; not that she didn't get it, but because the joke was really bad._

_"A lame one from Lane." Mrs. Coconuts said. "Get with it, partner. Kids love mature humor. For example: a woman told her boyfriend that the gynecologist told her she can't have intercourse for two weeks. To which her boyfriend replied, "what did the dentist say?" Har har har!"_

_It took Linka a minute to understand before her ears turned red and she laughed. "Holy crap!" She said breathlessly._

_"Speaking of gynecologists." Mrs. Coconuts said. "What do they and the pizza delivery man have in common? They can smell it but they're not allowed to eat it. Haha, get it?" Linka just laughed harder._

_Lane smirked at Mrs. Coconuts, believing Linka found a new favorite. Their moment was ruined by Luke pushing in one of his amps into the room, shoving Lane against the wall. His ax strapped on his back._

_"Stop plaguing her mind with your immature humor, dude!" Luke scolded Lane. He turned his ax around. "What my favorite little sister needs is some easy listening music; that always makes me feel better." He plugged his ax into the amp, turned it all the way up and played the beginning of "Welcome to the Jungle". The music caused the room to vibrate and the other two siblings to cover their ears._

_His ax is unplugged by Lars who just entered. "What were you thinking? Not everything is about rock, you know!"_

_"So why don't you_ roll _on out of here?" Lane laughed at his joke then glared at Luke._

_"If you want something easy listening, I wrote a poem about your current state." Lars said and cleared his throat. "Poor big sister, sick in bed. Tired, bloodshot eyes; she looks half-dead. But call yourself blessed; yes, you're in luck. Cause there are too many sick kids who never wake up. They-"_

_Leif ran into the room, wearing something green around his neck. "Alright Lars! Stop before you give us all nightmares. What Linka needs is a warm hug!"_

_Linka smiled. "Aww, Leif."_

_"Go ahead, El Diableo!" The green thing around his neck was his pet constrictor. The snake slithered onto Linka's bed, wrapped himself around Linka's chest and shoulders, and squeezed her a little too tight._

_"Aww, El Diableo likes you!" Leif gushed._

_"Leif, get it off of her! It's choking the life out of her!" Lane demanded, pointed at her light blue face. Leif whistled and El Diableo released Linka and wrapped loosely around his owner's neck._

_"Sorry! But it's the thought that counts, right? Isn't that what good favorite brothers do?" Leif asked._

_"Why does everybody keep saying that? Everyone out!" Linka demanded, voice grew horse. All four brothers hurried on out of there._

_In Levi's room, he concocted a medicine for Linka's fever. When he went to answer his phone, Leon added more of his chemicals as his way of sabotage. Levi poured the tampered liquid into a test tube and walked into Linka's room._

_"Greetings, middle child."_

_"What do you want?"_

_"No need to be crotchety. I prepared my own medicine, guarantee to revive you back to your healthy, normal state."_

_Linka sat up. "Finally, someone sensible. Our brothers have been in my face more so than usual and I just want to feel better." She took the tube from him and drank the liquid in a few gulps._

_"Ew, bitter."_

_"How do you feel?"_

_Linka was breathing heavily and her face turned crimson. "Who- who turned the heat up?" She wiped the sweat off her forehead but immediately flinched when her hand burned against her skin._

_"My face! MY FACE IS ON FIRE!"_

_Leon came to the rescue as he popped the cap off his bottle full of milk and threw it at the girl's head. Steam literally rose from her._

_"My apologies, Linka!" Levi said. "I could have sworn that I did the conversions correctly! But as favorable brothers do, I-" Linka pointed toward the door and Levi picked up Leon and booked it out of there._

_Once in the kitchen, Leon looked at Levi with an almost sinister smile. Levi bunked with Leon long enough to know what that meant._

_"You fiend! What have you done?!" Levi sets the baby down. "Thanks to you, I have lost my chance at the title of Linka's favorite brother."_

_Lynn entered the kitchen. "You thought it be you? Get real! I protect and care for her more often!"_

_"This is coming from the guy who treats her like his personal punching bag." Leif said, he just entered the kitchen. "I had the Linka's favorite brother title in the bag!"_

_"Until your damn snake almost killed her!" Lane said. Luke, Loni, Lexx and Lars behind him. "If Luke hadn't shown up, I could have been the new favorite!"_

_"Well I got to her before all of you and I'm the cutest. So, no competition." Lexx said._

_"Linka has a lot of things but low standards are not one of them, Lexx." Luke said. The little prince gasped and all of them talked at once, in a heated argument. The calamity was ceased by a sharp whistle, courtesy of Loki._

_"All of you guys are stupid as hell. Allowing yourselves to be immersed in this petty competition. Just accept the fact that I'm the favorite and move on!"_

_"No, because that's BS!" Loni said and walked closer to his roommate. "It doesn't make sense that you're the favorite! You're bossy, pushy, rude and selfish!" He jabbed his finger in Loki's chest as he said those adjectives. Loki slapped his finger away._

_"Better than being the dumbass of the family!"_

_"My ass is not dumb! And quit talking about it!"_

_"Do you know what would happen if you continue to be Linka's favorable brother? She'll most likely take after you and grow up to be your equivalent!" Levi exclaimed._

_"And you say that like it's a bad thing!" Loki said and his brothers argued simultaneously again, this time against Loki._

_Upstairs, Linka felt worse than she did before. She was sweating more, felt weaker, and her temperature rose, even after being extinguished from Levi's experiment. In weak, hoarse voice, she called out for her brothers._

_"Guys? I need help! Anybody?" She groaned. The one time she needed help today, they didn't come barging in! With what little strength she can muster, she wrapped herself in her blanket and pulled herself out of bed. She went downstairs slowly and followed the sound of bickering brothers._

_"Hey!" Linka screamed, her voice cracked in the process. The boys stop arguing and turned their heads sharply toward her. "I called you guys a while ago! What's the problem this time?" She asked in her hoarse voice._

_"You!" Lexx pointed a finger toward her. "You've got some explaining to do!"_

_"Yeah! What aspect of Loki do you find remotely interesting to make him the favorite brother?" Levi said._

_"You guys think Loki is my favorite?"_

_"Why do you think we've been such ass kissers all day? We each thought we should have been the favorite." Luke said._

_"Guys, I don't have a favorite brother. I never did! I know better, you all know that." Linka said._

_"But what about what you said to me?" Loki asked._

_"Each of you have an aspect that makes you stand out. But that won't make me love you more than the rest. You're all equally great to me and you always will be." The brothers awed at her words; the burden of envy has been lifted from their shoulders._

_"We're sorry for overreacting." Lars said._

_She looked at them with tired, half-lidded eyes. "It's…ok." Her knees gave up on her. She would have fallen face first if Loni hadn't catch her. He picked her up and she slip into unconsciousness against his chest._

_"You guys! She's burning up!"_

_"Loni, take her up to her room." Loki demanded. Loni quickly but carefully carried her to bed._

_"I'll heat up some of Dad's soup." Loki said._

_"I'll get more ice packs." Lexx said._

_"And I'll get that bitter syrup medicine." Leif said. All the brothers went in separate ways to retrieve items and accumulated upstairs to actually take care of their sick sister._

* * *

"That was a great story, Loki. But why was that your favorite memory?" Linka asks.

"Because it was literally hilarious how you guys reacted when you thought I was the favorite. And it's cool to know you're not the one to take sides." Loki put his items in the box.

"I'm next, right?" Loni asks.

"Yes, Loni. You're the second oldest." Linka says.

"Yay! My item is this little dress." Loni holds up an orange dress with a pink heart in the center. It's so small, it could have fit Leon.

"I've seen that dress in my baby pictures." Linka says.

"Believe or not, this was the first feminine piece of clothing you ever wore. Before this, all you wore were our hand-me-downs."

* * *

_One-year-old Linka crawled around the dining room in Lynn's blue "Boys Rule!" t-shirt. Six-year-old Loni looked up from the book he was reading with his paternal grandmother (she had the patience to sit down with him and hear him slowly sound out the words), and grabbed Linka before she bumped into the table leg._

_"Careful, Linka." He set her down gently in the direction of the living room. She babbled cutely in response before heading toward her toys in the living room. He sat back down with his grandmother._

_"It's a shame, really." His grandmother said._

_"I know, Gram-Gram! Who came up with these words?!" Loni replied, squinting his eyes at the word "when"._

_"Not that, sweetheart. I'm talking about your sister. All she ever wear is Lynn's hand-me-downs!"_

_"That's not true! Yesterday, she wore my old footie pajamas. And the day before that she wore Loki's shirt that said "Pimp in Training". Whatever that means."_

_Gram-Gram was appalled by that answer. "That's terrible! A baby girl shouldn't wear those type of clothing!"_

_"Well, Linka is an adjustment because she's the first girl. It's not like Mommy and Daddy can buy new baby girl clothes."_

_"Well, why don't we make clothes?"_

_"You can make clothes?"_

_"Of course! The clothes you buy at the mall is made by a person far, far away. If that person can do it, we can do it!"_

_He high-fived Gram-Gram. "Awesome! But where would we start?"_

_"If my hunch is correct, your mom kept my old sewing machine in the attic. Follow me." Loni followed Gram-Gram to the attic. There she found the machine and several colorful pieces of cloth._

_"This will do nicely. Ok Loni, before we cut the cloth, we're going to need to measure Linka."_

_"You mean with the cups Daddy use to cook?"_

_Gram-Gram pulled out a flexible tape measure. "No sweetie, we have to measure her body with this so her new outfit will fit her." The two made their way downstairs to where the baby girl was still. "Loni, you'll hold her and I'll measure." Loni crouched down and held his arms out._

_"Come to big brother Loni, Linka." Linka stood up giggling and walked the opposite way, initiating a chase._

_"Hey, where are you going?" Loni chased Linka around the couch until he tripped. Linka turned around and poked him in the eye. He took that moment to take Linka in his arms._

_"Gotcha! And ow!" Loni picked himself and the baby up. He walked over to Gram-Gram on the recliner. "Hold still for Gram-Gram, sis." Gram-Gram took her body measurements and wrote them down on a notepad. Once she was done, Loni gave the baby to his younger brother Luke, who just walked in._

_"What are you dudes up to?" He asked._

_"We're gonna get new clothes for Linka!"_

_"You have money?"_

_"Nope!" Then proceeded upstairs with Gram-Gram, leaving the future musician confused. In the hallway, Gram-Gram turned to her little student. "Next, we have to come up with a design for the clothes. We cannot get to work without knowing what the clothes is going to look like. Do you have any ideas, Loni?"_

_Loni ran back to his room to fetch his crayons and some paper while Gram-Gram pulled the string to open the door to the attic. Rejoined with Gram-Gram, he laid on his stomach on the dusty attic floor and spread out his supplies. He drew as he spoke._

_"Because it's for Linka, I want it to be a dress. An orange one, because that's her favorite color. Not too long through, make it stop at her knees. And to pull it off, a big pink heart in the center. Perfect!" His coloring was done sloppily and was outside of the lines, but Gram-Gram understood perfectly._

_"You're in luck, we have pink and orange fabric! Let's get started."_

_With that said, Gram-Gram laid out the fabric and made incisions according to the measurements with some sharp scissors, so Loni knows where to cut. He used his child-safety scissors to cut out the dress and heart so it took longer. Gram-Gram used the sewing machine to sew the dress together. Then took out a needle and thread and handed it to Loni._

_"And now the pièce de résistance. Loni, you will sew the heart on."_

_"I think you should do it, Gram-Gram. I don't want to mess it up. Plus, I don't want to hurt myself with the needle."_

_"No worries, kiddo. I'll guide you every step of the way." Gram-Gram threaded the needle and gave it to Loni. Sitting on the floor with him, she talked with him through the process. He pricked his fingers six times._

_"Dang it!" Make that seven. "I can't do this!" He dropped the project._

_"I know trying anything for the first time is hard but I know you can do this. And remember this is all for Linka."_

_"Ok. For my sister." He picked up the needle. Finally, after four and half hours of the dress-making process altogether, the dress is complete._

_"It looks great!"_

_"Yes, it does. I'm proud of you, Loni. Shall we surprise her after dinner?"_

_"Totally!"_

_-/-_

_During dinner, Loni couldn't keep his cool. He was too excited about the surprise he and Gram-Gram had planned. But he started to think, what if Linka didn't like it? Then all that time and energy will be all for nothing. That break his little heart!_

_"Dinner was delicious as always, son." Gram-Gram said._

_"Thanks, Mom." Lynn Sr. said. "Okay kids, you're all excused."_

_"Wait!" Loni stood from his seat. "I have something to say."_

_"Go ahead, son."_

_Loni walked over to Linka in her high chair next to his mom. "Linka, it isn't fair that all you wear are our hand-me-downs." He pointed at the shirt she was wearing, that originally belonged to Lane. "You're my first sister and you deserve better. So, with the help of Gram-Gram, I made you a present."_

_Gram-Gram gave him the dress from behind him. He took it and held it up to his sister._

_"Loni, that's so cute!" Rita said. "You did that all by yourself?"_

_"Well, the design was my idea and Gram-Gram taught me to sew the heart on."_

_"Let's try it on her!" Rita took off Lane's shirt off of Linka and put the dress on her. "It fits perfect! Well Linka, what do you think?"_

_Here comes the moment of truth, Loni thought as he twiddled his thumbs, nervously. But to his relief, Linka clapped and giggled at the sight of her new dress. "Oni!" Linka attempted to say his name and held out her arms toward him. Rita removed her from her chair and placed her in Loni's arms._

_"I'm so happy you love it, Linka!" Loni said. "Thanks for everything, Gram-Gram!" Gram-Gram smiled and ruffled his hair._

_"Wow Loni, you're finally useful for something." Loki said. Loni held a tight grasp on the oldest's words. The gears in his head started turning as he gasped loudly and his eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. At the tender age of six, Loni had an epiphany._

_"You're right! I'm useful for something! This might be my calling in life!"_

_"To make baby girl dresses?" Lane asked, confused about his excitement._

_"Or clothes in general. I could be a fashion designer!"_

_"I have to get a picture!" Rita rushed to her room to retrieve Lynn Sr.'s camera. When she came back, she took pictures of Linka and a future fashion designer._

* * *

"So, it was because of Linka you became interested in fashion?" Leif asks.

"Yep! When I saw Linka's face light up when I gave her this dress, I knew I can make other people look and feel good!" Loni put his item in the box.

"Wow, I'm flattered. And Dad's mother sounds like a really cool lady." Linka says.

"Oh, she was." Loni answers. "We were so close. She wasn't just my grandmother, she was my best friend!"

"Until she slept with the fishes." Lars says.

"Lars, she didn't go swimming, she died a long time ago." Loni says.

"When?" Linka asks.

"Like, two months before the twins were born. I remember how devastated Loni was when he heard the news." Loki says. Linka hugs Loni, he smiles sadly and hugs back.

"I don't even remember that. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, Link. I like to think she went out in peace. And she's still in our memories; it was my idea to call Mom's mother Gram-Gram so the nickname won't be lost. But let's not focus on that, it's Luke's turn!"

"My item is this guitar." Luke held up an acoustic guitar but with no strings.

"Is there a reason why it has no strings?"

"Yep, I cut it off! Remember? I suggested that you learn how to play guitar for your talent show at school a few months ago. Then I got jealous because of how quickly you learned how to play and thought you might steal my position of the Loud musician. So to defend my title, I planned my sabotage."

* * *

 _O_ _n the night of the Royal Woods Elementary Talent Show, Luke sneaked backstage. Linka had time to go to the bathroom before she went on, so his crime went unnoticed._

_He walked up to the guitar he lended to Linka for the show (he barely uses it anymore). He took out a sharp pair of scissors. Now, he knew this looked bad but hear his side of the story; Linka learned how to play a song on guitar in week, and she looked and sounded like a master. He had to teach himself to master the guitar and that took years! He wasn't about to be in the shadow of his younger sister as the former "Most Rockin' Loud"._

_In a swift movement, he cut the strings. He ran out of the doors, leaving no trace of his sabotage. He ran into the house and sat in the aisle where his family is. He had on a poker face._

_"Where have you been?" Lane asked._

_"Bathroom." He lied, crossing his arms and legs._

_"You know Luke, I think it's great that you taught your sister guitar." Lynn Sr. said. "With what we heard in the house, she might even win."_

_"Pops Star, you ain't seen nothing yet."_

_Twenty minutes later, Linka's name was called. The Loud family hollered and clapped louder than anyone in the audience. Luke was the only one who's calm. On stage, Linka took a deep breath, threw and caught her pick, and strummed guitar strings that wasn't there. Linka's face was sketched with horror. Her legs started shaking. When did this happen? Who could have done this? She thought._

_"Are you going play something or just stand there?!" A boy in the audience said._

_"Where's the music, you loser?!" A girl in the audience said. Everyone in the audience, sans the Loud family, jeered at the white-haired girl. Linka's eyes were filled with tears as she ran offstage, almost tripping over herself. It was a traumatizing experience for her._

_And it was all Luke's fault._

_All he wanted was to protect his reputation but instead he embarrassed his little sister in front of her_ entire _school! He didn't know why he thought sabotage would bring him satisfaction. He felt disgusted with himself._

_When Mr. Johnson announced the next student like nothing ever happened, Luke rose from his seat._

_"Now where are you going?" Lexx asked._

_"To help Linka." He quickly asked Lynn Sr. for Vanzilla's keys, ran back out of the house, out of the school and toward the family wagon. He unlocked it and took the case that held his acoustic guitar from the trunk; and his siblings said that he'll never need his back-up guitar in the van. Running back to the school, he stopped when he saw Claudia outside the door of the janitor's closet._

_"Why the janitor's closet?" Luke asked, he already knew his sister was in there._

_"She didn't want anyone to walk in on her if she cried in the girls' bathroom. She's really upset, Luke. Linka feels all your hard work was for nothing. I just don't know what kind heartless monster would cut her guitar strings at the last minute!"_

_Luke flinched at her words. He knocked on the door. "Linka, it's Luke." A choked sob is heard._

_He leaned his head on the door. "Don't cry, sweet child o' mine. None of this is your fault. Could you please open the door?" He pulled his head back._

_A moment later, the door opened and out came a red-eyed Linka, collapsing in Luke's arms. "It was so embarrassing! I didn't even see that my strings were cut until I was onstage!"_

_He patted her back. "You didn't deserve that, Linka. What you do deserve is a chance to redeem yourself!"_

_"Oh no! After that, I couldn't go back onstage by myself!"_

_"Then I'll do a duet with you. Claudia, I'm gonna need your violin."_

_-/-_

_Back in the auditorium, "Ok ladies and gentlemen," Mr. Johnson began. "That concludes our talent show, now the judges-"_

_"WAIT!" Luke screamed, he and Linka ran down the aisle and onto the stage with their instruments. "Please, Mr. J. Give Linka another shot! What happened earlier wasn't her fault!"_

_"But the talent show ended and she had her chance-"_

_"Let her play! Let her play! Let her play!" The Loud family chanted. The entire audience quickly joined the chanting._

_"Ok! Ok! Linka will have another chance!" The crowd cheered and applauded. Linka took out the guitar from the case and Luke took out the violin. Once in position, Luke gave Linka a reassuring smile. She strummed and sang:_

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test, and don't ask why

It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life

_Luke played in between verses. Luckily, it wasn't the first time playing the violin or this song. The crowd looked pleased. Some people even turned on the flashlight on their phones and swayed them back and forth in the air. Linka had a huge grin on her face as she sang. Honestly, Luke had not been more proud. And to think, he didn't want his sister's shining moment to happen._

So take the photographs, and still-frames in your mind

Hang them on a shelf in good health and good time

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life

_They finished and received a standing ovation. The siblings took a bow._

_-/-_

_"I can't believe you got third place! You guys totally deserved first! Your act had heart, unlike the other acts!" Loni exclaimed, while the family piled into Vanzilla._

_"Loni, I already told you, my act was last minute and Luke is not a Royal Woods Elementary student. They loved my talent so they gave me what they could." Linka explained, looking down at her blue ribbon._

_"Yeah, and it's better than a participation award those second-rate talents received!" Lynn said._

_"Either way, we're proud of you, sweetie. And you too, Luke." Rita said as Lynn Sr. pulled out of the Royal Woods Elementary's parking lot._

_"Yeah, thanks for coming back for me, Luke." Linka hugged him. "I love you!"_

_"I can't lie anymore!" Luke exclaimed. "Linka, it was me! I cut the strings on the guitar!"_

_"What?!" The family screamed. Lynn Sr. had to fight the urge to look back._

_"Why would you do that?!" Linka cried._

_"Because of my stupid pride. You learned how to play guitar so quickly and I was afraid that you would continue with music and one-up me in the only thing I'm passionate about. I'm sorry I embarrassed you, sis."_

_"Luke, I wasn't planning on continuing with music because there's only room for one Loud Rockstar and that's you. Never in a million years would I, or any of us, steal the title that you so rightfully earned!" Linka explained. Their brothers agreed wholeheartedly._

_"Yeah!"_

_"Affirmative."_

_"You're the only one, Luke!"_

_"Thanks, dudes!" Luke smiled wide._

* * *

"Classic Luke." Linka says. "But I don't think that will fit in there." Pointing at the guitar and box.

"I figured it wouldn't so I brought the sheet music for "Good Riddance"." He places the papers in the box.

"Ok. What about you, Lane?" He gives Linka a stack of cards.

"Flash cards?" The cards are of words or expressions in the expletive. It's a mild list; "dang it!" "what the heck?" "son of a biscuit!" and those words were in green. Linka gasped when she saw the "f*ck!" in red. Followed by "bullshit!" and "bitch!"

"Lane, why would you include words like this?"

"There's a good reason, I _swear_!" He laughs. "Get it? You were five years old and cursing like a sailor because that's what you heard from us." He gestures to the older brothers.

* * *

_Linka was watching "Blarney the Dinosaur" re-runs in the living room. Her six brothers on the couch with her. Rita and Lynn Sr. left for the afternoon and Gram-Gram (still Lynn Sr.'s mother) was babysitting but she fell asleep on the recliner. Lynn grabbed the remote._

_"Sorry sis! It's Adventure O' Clock!" The brothers became excited. He quickly changed the channel to Cartoon Network._

_Linka became furious. "Hold the f*ck up! I didn't give you permission to change the channel!" The five older brothers gasped in horror._

_"Did she just say what I think she said?" Loni asked._

_"No duh, bitch! I was in the middle of Blarney but this piece of shit decided to change the f*cking channel!" Linka pointed at Lynn. Luke covered two-year-old Lars's ears._

_This jolted Gram-Gram awake. "I know you did not just curse in my presence."_

_"No one should give a damn if I curse!"_

_"That's it, young lady! You just earned five minutes of time-out in your room!" Gram-Gram picked up the girl and carried her upstairs, Linka screaming all the way._

_"This is bullshit! I didn't do f*ck! I'm innocent!"_

_"That was pretty intense, bros." Luke said, uncovering Lars's ears._

_"Where the heck did she learn to speak like that?" Loki asked._

_"Obviously from us!" Lynn said. "I mean, I'm seven and I've said all those words before. But that's because I heard it from Lane!"_

_"Only because Luke cursed at me before!"_

_"I learned the words from an argument between Loki and Loni!"_

_"Guys! Don't you see?" Loki said. "If Linka continues to curse, that will literally be Mom and Dad: blaming us for her language. We might get the belt!"_

_"Or a grounding!" Luke said._

_"Or a bar of icky soap in the mouth!" Loni said._

_Gram-Gram came back downstairs. "Well, I put Linka in her room. I don't know how you're going to deal with her potty mouth."_

_"Well, she already knows what those words are and it's not like we can erase it from her memory." Lane said. "But what if we can teach her when not blurt out those words? Boys, I have a plan!"_

_-/-_

_Lane entered Linka's room, who was facing the wall, crisscrossed on her bed. "Linka?" Lane said._

_"What?!"_

_"I know you heard those curses from us, but you really shouldn't be saying those words. There are much safer words. Follow me." Lane grabbed Linka's hand and lead her out._

_He imitated an Australian wildness explorer. "Here we enter our wild and dangerous journey of saying alternatives to real curse words!" Linka laughed at his impression. "Let's enter the dwelling of my roommate."_

_In Luke's and Lane's room, Luke was doing his homework. Luke saw his siblings entered the room and purposely spilled his cup of juice on the papers._

_"Daaaaaa… ng it! Dang it! But that's alright, kids. Homework's overrated! I rather play on the old xylophone." Luke walked over to the instrument and played._

_"Oh, I see." Linka said. "He meant to say the "D" word but said "dang it" instead."_

_"Good on ya, mate!" Lane poked Linka's nose. "But we're not done yet. Let's see how our two oldest brothers are doing." He left the room with Linka._

_"What the heck, Loki?!" Loni shouted in his and Loki's room. He held up a ruined picture. "Do you mind telling me why there's a muddy footprint on this design for a suit?!"_

_"It's not my fault you leave your stuff on the floor, arsehole!" Loki rebutted, a quick glance at the door to see if Linka is still there._

_"This suit was meant for you, you jerk!"_

_"I don't give a truck! Keep your piece of ship designs!"_

_"Jerk, ship, arsehole and truck." Linka repeated._

_"Ripper observations, Linka!" Lane said._

_"INCOMING SOCCER BALL!" Lynn shouted. The ball flew over the two's heads and down the stairs, Lynn in hot pursuit._

_"A wild Lynn appeared!" Lane exclaimed._

_"Shall we follow him?" Linka asked._

_"Seems fair." Lane and Linka chased Lynn down. Lynn was aimlessly kicking it around, until he sent it flying and it smashed a picture of Lane on the wall._

_"The picture from my sixth birthday!" Lane shouted in his regular voice. "The first time I had a clown! YOU MOTHER…. Freaker!"_

_"Don't lose your ship too quickly, Lane." Lynn snickered._

_-/-_

_Linka, Lynn, Lane, Luke, Loni and Loki regrouped in Lane's and Luke's room. "Linka, I made some flash cards of the words you just heard and more. Those are in green. Plus, the actual curse words in red. I want you to say the green words out loud." Lane explained. He shuffled the deck and began the session._

_"Fudge."_

_"Ship."_

_"Dang it."_

_"Bitch."_

_"Linka!" The brothers exclaimed._

_"I'm sorry, it slipped. Do over!" Lane pulled out some cards._

_"What the heck."_

_"Son of a biscuit."_

_"Bullshit."_

_"Dude! Are you colorblind? That's clearly red!" Luke said._

_"Ohhhhh. Do over." Linka said. Lane pulled out another card._

_"F*ck."_

_"Linka, you have to take this seriously!" Loki said. "If Mommy and Daddy hear you cursing, we're all gonna be in trouble!"_

_"Even me?"_

_"Especially you!" The brothers said altogether._

_"Oh man. Ok, I'll do a good job! I promise!" And Linka did. She read the green words out loud and shook her head at those nasty red words._

_"Arsehole." Linka said._

_"That's all the cards!" Lane said._

_"Link, we're so proud of you!" Loni hugged his little sister._

_"We're not out of the woods yet." Loki said. "If Linka can be in a real-life scenario without cursing, we've done it." He opened the door and called out into the hallway, "Gram-Gram! Bring in Lars!"_

_Gram-Gram brought him in and a pair of what used to be red shoes. "Uh oh, Linka! Lars here spilled his black paint all over your shoes!"_

_"Oops." Lars replied._

_Linka turned red with anger. Her brothers gulped with nervousness. "What the heck, Lars?!" She exploded. "Who the fudge let you in my god darn room in the first place?!"_

_"SUCCESS!" Everyone else, sans Lars, cheered._

_"I'm glad that's nightmare's over!" Luke said._

_"Kids! We're home!" Lynn Sr. called. "Come downstairs, we brought Burpin' Burgers!" The six siblings literally raced downstairs with Gram-Gram and Lars behind. In the dining room, Gram-Gram put the youngest in his booster seat. Rita spread out the food and drinks. Linka was about to grab a Baby Belcher Burger but Lars slapped her hand away._

_"No! That's mine, bitch." He said in that youthful, high-pitched voice. His siblings froze in shock and the adults' jaws dropped._

* * *

All the Loud siblings laughed at that memory. "Savage, Lars!" Lexx says.

"Indeed. All that energy focused on Linka, completely neglecting the influence the obscenities had on Lars." Levi adds.

"Literally no one saw that coming." Loki says.

"And I was right! We all got the bar of soap in the mouth punishment, except Lars!" Loni exclaims.

"Yeah, we were all _bubbling_ with anger." Lane laughs as put his item in the box.

"Wow. I was even cool then." Lars says, smiling.

"If that's what you want to call it." Lynn retorts.

"Now that you're older, we don't care if you curse because you say the minor ones around us." Lane explains. "Hell, damn, crap. Never hurt no one. It's the harsher words, like the "C" word, the "F" word, or the female dog word that we don't want you to say out loud. Especially not in front of the little ones."

"Noted." Linka answers.

"Anyway, my item is this tutu." Lynn holds it up and all his brothers laugh at it.

"I know, right? Sooo manly. This is from the time I knocked one of your teeth out and chipped the front teeth."

"Whaaaaaat!" The younger brothers exclaim.

"Yep! And this happened, let's say, three months after Lane's memory."

* * *

_"Come on, Lynn! I'm tired! Can we go inside?" Linka told her seven-year-old brother._

_"Nope! We're going to stay in the backyard until you learn to catch!" Lynn said, throwing a baseball in the air._

_"I don't want to play baseball!"_

_"Don't be like that. One day, you'll be playing in the big leagues with your big brother. Now, get ready!"_

_Linka groaned before putting her gloved hand up. Lynn threw his baseball in the air and batted it. The ball was coming too fast, Linka couldn't react in time. It ended up smacking Linka in the mouth._

_"OW!"_

_"Linka!" He ran over to her. "Oh man, are you ok?!"_

_"My mouth hurts!"_

_"Let me see." Lynn removed her hand from her mouth. "No blood, that's good. But I chipped your front teeth and another one is loose."_

_"My teeth is jacked up! I'm gonna look stupid!" Linka began to cry._

_"No no no! It's ok, well not your chipped teeth, but that loose tooth is a good thing! If it comes out, the Tooth Fairy comes and visit you!"_

_"Tooth Fairy?"_

_"She's a magical fairy that comes at night when you're sleeping. And she takes your tooth and leaves you money for it!"_

_Linka gasped, her eyes filled with wonder. "I wanna get money from the Tooth Fairy! Let's get this tooth out!"_

_"I might know just the thing."_

_-/-_

_Lynn went the old-fashioned way; he took some string, tied Linka's loose tooth with one end and the other end to the knob of his bedroom door._

_Luke entered the room. "Bro, have you seen- what are you doing to Link?"_

_"I'm going to get her loose tooth out." Lynn said._

_"Loose tooth?" Lane asked, followed by Loki and Loni. "Why does Linka have a loose tooth?"_

_Loni gasped. "And why is her front teeth chipped?! She looks stupid!"_

_"See! I told you!" Linka shouted._

_"I accidentally hit her in the face with a baseball." Lynn said._

_"What?!" The brothers exclaimed._

_"I can't fix her front teeth but the least I can do is remove her loose tooth!" He turned to Linka. "Ok Linka, I want you to stand perfectly still. On the count of three, I'm going to slam the door shut."_

_"Alright, Lynn."_

_Lynn stood by the door. "One.. Two.. THREE!" He slammed the door shut. He turned around but Linka still had her tooth in._

_"It didn't work." Loni said._

_"Maybe I'm not doing it hard enough." He slammed the door several times but to no avail._

_"Dang it! It always worked in cartoons!"_

_"Hang on." Loki said. He left the room and came back with a few minutes later with his father's pilers. "Hold still, Linka!" He placed the mouth of the pilers on the tooth, squeezed and pulled._

_"Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it!" Loki let go._

_"Hey, she could try eating crunchy foods." Lane suggested. Lane lead the group to the kitchen where he fetched a bowl of carrot sticks from the fridge. "Eat up, Linka."_

_"I don't really like carrots but if it means getting my tooth out." Linka chewed on a stick. "Ow, it hurts!" She ate seven more sticks before Lane checked her mouth._

_"The tooth didn't come out, I_ see _!" He laughed at his joke. "Get it? Carrots are good for eyes."_

_"We got it, Lane!" Loki said._

_"What about my bike?" Luke suggested._

_The siblings regrouped outside. Linka had a string around her tooth and the other end tied around the seat of Luke's bike._

_"Alright, Luke!" Lane shouted from the opposite side of the backyard. "On your mark.. Get set.. Go!" Luke pedaled as hard as he could, dragging Linka through the mud like a rag doll. She screamed all the way for Luke to stop pedaling. Luke stopped halfway through. "Did it work?"_

_Linka lifted herself up by her elbows."No," she replied, face caked with mud._

_-/-_

_One clean-up for Linka later, the siblings gathered in the living room. "That is one stubborn tooth!" Lynn said._

_"She's only five, her baby teeth shouldn't be_ that _strong!" Luke said._

_"I blame good hygiene!" Lane said._

_"How about one of us stands at the top of the stairs, holding one end of the string and Linka jumps over two steps at a time until it pops out." Loki suggested._

_While the four of them were talking, Linka was wiggling her tooth back and forth, she gestured Loni to come over. Gently, Loni grabbed his sister's head and pulled the tooth out. "Got it!" Loni said, untying the string off of it._

_"I loosened it!" Luke screamed, outraged._

_"Sure, Luke."_

_Linka took her tooth back. "Thank you, Loni! I never thought I'd say this but I can't wait to go to bed tonight!" She skipped upstairs. "The Tooth Fairy's coming tonight! The Tooth Fairy's coming tonight!"_

_"Um, Lynn? You do know the Tooth Fairy's not real, right?" Lane asked._

_"What?! Of course she is! Who else would leave that money under my pillow when I lost my baby teeth?"_

_"Mom. It's literally the oldest trick in the book. Mom puts the money under our pillow and tells us it was the Tooth Fairy the next morning. She then puts the baby teeth in our baby books." Loki explained._

_"Are you kidding me?!"_

_"Yeah, it took me awhile to understand, too." Loni said._

_Lynn paced the floor. "I don't want to crush my little sister's hopes! But if I tell Mom, she'll get suspicious on what happened! Our last resort is one of us will have to dress up like a fairy and slipped some money under her pillow while she's asleep."_

_"Dibs not!" The four oldest pointed to their noses._

_"Dang it!" Lynn shouted._

_-/-_

_That night, Linka slept soundly in her converted linen closet. Lynn stood outside her door in a poofy, pink tutu, a princess crown, and wired coat hangers bent in the shape of wings on his back._

_"It's a good thing Linka likes to play dress-up in large clothes." Loni said._

_"I feel ridiculous!" Lynn complained._

_"And you look ridiculous too, but that's normal." Luke said. "Here. Take the dollar and go."_

_Lynn opened the door and tip-toed his way inside. His hand was under her pillow when Linka suddenly shone a flashlight his way._

_"Aha! I'm sorry Ms. Fairy, but I had- Lynn?"_

_"Uhh, yes. But I-"_

_"You're the Tooth Fairy?! That's super cool! Talk about leading a double life!"_

_Lynn played along. "Yeah, that's it."_

_"So, you threw the baseball at my face on purpose to get my teeth?"_

_"No! That was an accident! Look, just take the money!" He gave Linka the dollar but she was not happy._

_"Just a dollar?! You expect me to just take this after all I've been through today?!"_

_"I'm on a low budget!"_

_"Forget that! You give me more money or I'll tell Mommy and Daddy on you!"_

_"Ok! Ok! Calm down!" Lynn ran out the room and past his confused brothers. About ten minutes later, he came back with more money._

_"Lynn, where did you get all that money?" Lane asked._

_"It was the money I was saving for a skateboard." Lynn entered the room. "Here, Linka! You now have ten dollars." He threw nine singles in Linka's face._

_"That's more like it! And don't worry, both secrets are safe with me: The baseball accident and that you're the Tooth Fairy."_

_-/-_

_The next morning, the Loud family sat down at the dining table for breakfast. "So, how are my babies doing?" Rita asked._

_"Awesome! I lost a tooth yesterday and the Tooth Fairy visited me last night! She gave me ten whole dollars!" Linka replied._

_Lynn Sr. looked at his wife questionably, to which she shrugged, just as confused. "Why would she give you that much money, Linka?" Lynn Sr. asked._

_"Maybe because I'm a good girl."_

_"No use arguing there. But how did you lose your tooth?"_

_"You see what happened was," Lynn gripped the cushion of his chair, anxiously._

_"One of Lars's toys was on the top of the stairs and I didn't see it. I tripped over it and fell down the stairs face-first."_

_"Linka! That sounds terrible! That would explain the chipped teeth." Lynn Sr. combed his daughter's hair with his fingers. "Are you ok?"_

_"Don't worry, Daddy. Lynn was there to take care of me. Right, Lynn?" Linka nudged her brother next to her._

_"Absolutely!" Lynn said, smiling bright. Internally, he was relieved._

_After breakfast, Lynn sat with Linka on the living room couch._

_"Thanks for covering for me." Lynn said._

_"Thanks for the money."_

_"I'm sorry we couldn't do anything about your chipped teeth."_

_Linka mediated on that for a moment. "Leave it. They make me stand out in a good way."_

* * *

"And they still do." Lynn said, placing his item in the box. Linka gave him a toothy smile.

"I always wondered why Linka's incisors are chipped." Levi says.

Just then, Rita calls from downstairs. "Kids! Time for dinner!"

"Already?!" The siblings say altogether.

"Didn't we come up here at 3:00? It's 6:30 now." Lars says, looking at his watch.

"Three and a half hours spent and that's only half of our stories." Lynn says.

"Great idea, Loki! Going in "birth order"." Lexx says, annoyed.

"Yeah, we didn't even get a chance to share and we were the first to know about Linka's project!" Leif adds, just as annoyed as his twin.

"Take it easy, twins!" Linka says, standing and picking up Leon. "After dinner, we'll pick up where we left off. I'm just as eager to know about your favorite memories of me." The brothers stand up, the younger Loud brothers left their items in their spots, and follow their sister out.

* * *

"Ok, we're all fed, Leon's changed, and we all took a bathroom break. Nothing else should stop us from hearing the little brothers' stories." Linka say as all the siblings gathered in the attic once more.

"Finally! Where's Lars?" Lexx says.

"Wasn't he behind us coming up?" Loni asks.

"Hey guys." Lars appears in front of his siblings; startling them in the process, of course.

"Damn! He gets scarier every time he does that!" Linka says.

"Excuse me, I was getting my item from my secret place. I didn't want to leave it out in the open." Lars picks up a black bag and pulls out a toy that's never been removed from its box: a Rainbow Zoom pony, the body is completely decorated with rainbow sequins. The boys laugh loudly at it.

"That's lamer than my tutu!" Lynn comments. Lars growls.

"This… is from the Princess Pony convention you and I went to, Linka." Lars explains. "You gave this to me, but getting this wasn't easy."

* * *

" _Hurry up, Linka. The center's across the street." Lars grabbed his sister's hand and sprinted to their designation._

" _Slow down, Lars!" She exclaims. "Today's the Royal Woods's Princess Pony convention, readers, and Lars is a huge closet Brony. I'm the only one in the family who knows about his secret, so I'm tagging along for moral support."_

_They entered the Community Center and are taken back by the excitement, noise, and gathering of fans._

" _Wow, you would think something so cute wouldn't have this much of an impact." Linka said._

" _Fandoms come in all shapes and sizes." Lars answered. "I'm just happy to be here. It's rare to be in a place where I'm not expected to be my dark and brooding self. Shall we?" Lars lead her inside._

 _They strolled around, looking around for some good_ _Princess Pony_ _merchandise for them both. Linka couldn't help it but gawked at the sights; the people older than her, both men and women raving about the sights around them. The costumes and the look of content on the fans' faces. It was… pretty awesome. What's better is how much fun Lars was having. He constantly pointed at booths for the two to attend, picked out hats, badges and jewelry for the two of them. He rambled on about what he knew about the show. It was nice to see the Goth ecstatic, by his standards anyway._

" _So cute!" Linka said, as she paid for and put on a Princess Astronomica shirt. Lars put on a Princess Moon shirt that he paid for._

" _Where to now?" He asked._

" _Actually is there somewhere we can stop for lunch? I'm hungry."_

 _Before Lars could answer and a man in a nearby booth. "Take the chance to win a rare_ _Princess Pony_ _collectible! Enter my raffle!" The two siblings go over to his booth and Lars's jaw dropped at the sight of the toy in a glass case._

" _That's right, son. A Rainbow Zoom covered completely in rainbow sequins." The man said. "I have the only one in America."_

" _So you decided to raffle it off." Linka said. "Why is it so rare? With a name like Rainbow Zoom, that toy should be on the shelves." Linka said._

" _Clearly you haven't been paying attention." Lars answered. "Rainbow Zoom is the tomboy athlete of the group; think Lynn's and Leif's personalities in a pony. I've read somewhere that they discontinued it, because making the toy girlier than intended and bedazzled, it wasn't being faithful to the source material."_

" _I respect that._ _How much are tickets?" Linka asked the man._

" _$15."_

" _Let me guess, you're keeping the profit."_

" _Why else would I do this?"_

_Linka took money from her backpack, paid for both of their tickets then were told the time that the raffle will commence._

" _Thanks, Link." Lars said. "Mark my words, that Rainbow Zoom will be mine." When Lars said "mine", a girl next to the siblings said the same word at the same time. Linka locked eyes with the girl; she's dressed similar to Linka but wore a white beanie over her light blonde hair._

_Both girls gasped and said simultaneously. "You again?!"_

" _You know her?" Lars asked._

" _Unfortunately. Remember when I did the grocery shopping for Mom just to get the cereal, Zombie Bran? I had the cereal first then she snatched it out of my hands! I had to chase her down!" Linka explained._

" _Then you got me and my mom kicked out of the store!" The girl said. "You may have gotten that cereal, but nothing will stop from getting that toy! Not even Spooky here!" She clutched her raffle ticket in her fist._

" _Listen, twerp…"_

" _The name's Staci."_

" _Ok, Staci. Believe what you want, just stay out of our way." Linka dragged her brother past Staci and into the main convention hall. Staci gave them both a death glare before walking away._

" _Don't you listen to a word she says, Lars. She's full of shit. She's only mad at me because of something so petty."_

" _I get that, Linka. Staci doesn't scare me. Besides, what's the worse she can do?"_

_-/-_

_When the time of the raffle was announced, they and about 50 other people all crammed into a conference room. The man from before sat at a desk on a stage and tapped into the microphone._

" _Royal Woods_ _Princess Pony_ _Convention 2018! How are we feeling?!" The audience roared with excitement. "Thank you for entering my raffle. One of you committed fans will go home with this sparkly, rare Rainbow Zoom toy. Know that if you go home empty handed, the real winner is me. Over $700 in a day, baby!" He shook the jar of tickets to his right and pick one up. "And now for the moment of truth…"_

" _Oh spirit in the sky, grant my wish!" Lars prayed._

" _The winning number is 050216!"_

_Lars slumped disappointed but Linka squealed with delight._

" _Lars, that's me! That's me!" The siblings quickly embraced before Linka sprinted onstage._

" _Congratulations, little white-haired girl!" He gave Linka the toy and the audience either clapped or expressed their disappointment loudly. Linka walked back to Lars._

" _This rightfully belongs to you."_

_Lars took the toy with gratitude. "Linka, you're the best sister ever. I'm so happy I can barely contain myself." Lars said in his usual stoic demeanor._

" _I know bro, it's written all over your face."_

_The siblings and everyone else left the conference room. "How about we use the last of our money to get something to eat?" Lars suggested._

" _Finally!"_

_Suddenly, someone stuck their foot out and made Lars trip. The box went airborne. Thankfully, it was caught. By Staci?!_

" _Gasp!"_

" _Told you I'll stop at nothing!" Staci said, triumphantly._

" _Staci!" Linka screamed, furious. "You got five seconds to give that back before I pummel you!"_

" _How about a five second head-start!" Staci took off running with the toy!_

_Linka clenched her fists. Mess with her, shame on you but mess with one of her brothers? Staci better have health insurance!_

" _Get up Lars! We've got a brat to catch!" Lars quickly stood up and they sprinted toward the direction Staci ran in. Staci stopped by three water coolers in a row momentarily to turned them all on. Water poured onto the floor. The siblings stopped abruptly. Linka caught Lars before he fell again. He then grabbed a pink sled conveniently placed to the right of them and they hopped aboard. Surprisingly, it gets them across and they start running again. Staci knocked over clothing and accessory racks in their path. The siblings jumped over them no problem, too determined to end this cat and mouse game._

_Staci ran through the two double doors at the end of the convention hall. Linka and Lars stopped again._

" _Oh, she wants to take this outside, huh?" Linka said. "Fine by me!" They pushed the doors open; they weren't outside. Actually, they were in a completely different convention. People dressed in colorful wigs and costumes; most noticeable was the long green pigtails and school girl outfits. Merchandise of, at first glance, what looked like colorful cartoon characters. Japanese music was heard through the speakers but it almost sounded like a female voice synthesizer._

" _My God, half the center is rented to a Singeroid convention." Lars concluded._

_Linka picked up a Len Kagamine doll. "What kind of anime are they from?"_

" _Don't call it an anime, someone will literally stab you." The siblings walked around to find their perpetrator, but being in a new environment Linka had to stop and ask for directions._

" _Excuse me." She asked two female cosplayers. One had a long white wig and was wearing a grey tank top and pink miniskirt. And the other had a short green wig and her miniskirt and shirt was orange and yellow. "Have you seen a girl in a white beanie? Holding a pony toy?"_

" _Yes, we did, actually." The green-haired one answered. "Kid ran in here like she was running from the police. Ran in between the legs of my girlfriend here."_

" _I last saw her in the West Wing." The white-haired one pointed in that direction._

" _Thank you!" The siblings said simultaneously and took a sharp left. Linka caught eye of a white beanie. "Aha!" She tackled the person; only to find it was a boy._

" _Ow!"_

" _Oh my God, I'm sooo sorry! I thought you were my enemy!" She picked her and the boy up. She heard familiar laughing, Staci was right in front of them. She waved the toy mockingly before sprinting. Linka growled and left behind the angry boy to chase her._

" _This time no mercy, Lars! Lars?" Lars wasn't behind Linka anymore._

_Staci was heading toward the exit until she came to a screeching halt because Lars appeared in front of her._

" _Dead end, kid."_

" _How the hell-"_

" _AHHHH!" Linka screamed before tackling Staci and all three of them got into a chaotic rumble. A crowd formed around them. The toy was thrown out of the fight cloud. A whistle blew and three security guards ran up to the scene and separated the kids by picking them off the ground._

" _Enough! What's going on here? You three aren't even supposed to be in this convention!" A security guard said, looking over the Princess Pony merchandise they wore._

" _Officer, I can explain." Staci said. "I was trying to find my way back the_ _Princess Pony_ _convention when these two Loud kids jumped me for no reason!"_

" _You liar!" Lars said. "We jumped you because you stole from us!"_

_But who do you think the guards believed? The next thing we they knew, Lars and Linka were literally thrown out of the building, the door shut behind them._

" _This was supposed to be the best day ever. One of my happiest memories." Lars hugged his knees. "But instead, a girl I didn't even know took the coolest toy ever and I had to pursue a wild goose chase. I had it in my hands. Now, it's gone forever."_

" _Or is it?" Linka unzipped her backpack and placed in Lars's hands the rare Rainbow Zoom toy._

" _Gasp! Linka, how did you-"_

" _I grabbed it while Staci was crying to the guards! No one deserves that toy more than you." Lars smiled wide, a rarity like his new toy, and pulled his sister into a hug._

" _Again: best sister ever."_

_She chuckled and hugged back. "We should go before she finds out." They walked back home as the sun is setting._

* * *

"That's what Linka's good for: taking stuff behind people's backs." Lynn said.

"Not all the time!"

"Where's my phone?!" Loki frantically patted his shorts. Linka chuckled nervously and handed the device back to him.

"Wait a minute, if you're a Brony." Lexx says. "Then that means you're the one who reads Princess Pony comics and clogged the toilet with a comic that one time!"

"Oh yeah! I remember that! And we actually believed it was Linka who reads that garbage!" Lane says and all the other boys laugh loudly. Lars curl in on himself.

"That is…"

"Ok." Linka wrap her arm around Lars. "We all know you can't be gloomy all the time. Your interests are your interests. And admitting you're a Brony, that's the most ballsy thing you've done. Can't say the same for these A-holes."

"Hey!" They exclaim.

"Thanks, Linka." Lars says. "Oh, and I'm not giving you the actual toy. You can have the Polaroid picture I took of it a few weeks ago." Lars takes the photo from his pocket and slip it in the box.

"Fair enough. Leif, you're up."

"This isn't an ordinary bottle of Elmer's Glue. It's one of Levi's experiments." He explains.

"Patent pended." Levi adds.

"It's from the time we were stuck together last month!"

* * *

_Linka was washing the high stacks of dishes one Friday afternoon. "This time I wasn't tricked into doing chores, readers. Tonight is the big Royal Woods Elementary Disney-themed dance. And Mom said if I do all my chores, she'll give me the money for the Ursula costume I wanted. Not only do I have to wash the dishes, I have to throw out the spoiled food from the fridge, sweep upstairs and scrub the bathroom floor. It's a busy day."_

_Leif came running in. "Linka! I need you to help me with my art project!"_

" _Why do you need help? You're the handyman."_

" _My specialties are plumbing and auto repair. But this popsicle stick house is annoying the crap out of me!"_

" _Well, go ask Loni. He's artistic." Leif gave her a skeptical look._

" _Good point. Well, ask anyone else. I've got a busy afternoon ahead of me and not enough time." She went back to her chore._

" _Unbelievable! My only sister, the first person I came to, can't make time to help me! What happened to those days when every time I fell, you were the one who picked me up? Well, I guess I'll take the "F" and live with the fact that I'm not as special to you as I lead on." Leif left the kitchen with a hurt look in his eyes._

" _The old guilt trip. Just like his twin." She turned off the faucet. "Ok, Leif- Ah!" Before she can finish that sentence, Leif grabbed her arm and pulled her up the stairs._

_In the twins' room, Linka and Leif started the project with no hesitation. It's a simple idea but it is a time consuming project. What's abnormal is the glue; there was no separating the sticks once it's glued together. It's too sticky for everyday Elmer's glue. That didn't stop Leif from making a mess with it._

" _We're finished!" Leif said after he glued the last stick on the project._

" _Good job, bro."_

" _Thanks, sis." They high-fived each other then they couldn't separate their hands apart._

" _What the hell?!"_

" _Don't blame me, blame the glue!"_

" _Ok, plant your feet." Leif does so and Linka pulls away as hard as she can in the opposite direction._

" _Link! Stop before you dislocate your arm!"_

" _Fine. Let me see that glue." Linka picked up the bottle. The label was peeling. "What's this?" She ripped it off._

" _Experiment 12-5-22-1?" She reads._

" _Levi." Both said, knowingly._

_-/-_

" _In hindsight, placing my adhesive formula in an ordinary bottle of Elmer's Glue was not an intelligent decision." Levi said, observing the two's hands in his room._

" _You think?!" Linka shouted._

" _But from my perspective, it's a success!" He took out his voice recorder. "Note to self, Experiment 12-5-22-1 is an excellent adhesive. Apply for patent immediately."_

" _Can you separate us or not?" Linka asked._

" _Relax, sibling! I don't have a non-adhesive formula on the shelves at the moment. But I can create one, just give me 24 hours."_

" _Tomorrow?!" Leif and Linka exclaimed._

" _What? You can't expect everything to be handed to you instantaneously on a sliver platter."_

" _That's freaking perfect! I have a crapload of chores to do and the last thing I need is my right hand to be inaccessible! This is all your fault!" Linka pointed at Leif. "You and your stupid guilt trip! If would have asked anyone else, this wouldn't have happened!"_

" _Linka! Chill! You're hysterical! Take your time, Levi." Leif walked out._

" _Linka, I know your under a lot of stress, you have a lot to do today, and granted, this is partially my fault. Yet, freaking out is not the best solution. Being stuck together is only temporary and you'll have time to do your chores. And I'm gonna use the time we have now to help you relax!"_

" _Leif, you're not listening! I-"_

" _Shhhhh." Leif put his free finger on her mouth. "You don't have to shout. I know what I'm doing." He lead her to the backyard._

_-/-_

_With the garden hose, Leif poured water onto the dirt. "It's a no-brainer that I love mud. It's my go-to method for relaxation. It also easy on the skin."_

_His sister grimaced. "Look, I get your point…"_

" _Don't get cold feet." Leif jumped in with Linka tumbling down._

" _You disgusting twerp! Look what you've done to my hair!"_

" _Nothing a little shampoo can't fix." Leif took a handful of mud and smashed it against her face. "Feel how soft it is. It's the same as those mud masks from your spas."_

_Linka felt it against her face. She didn't admit out loud, but it was soft. Then again, it was wet dirt. She wiped it off._

" _Another thing I like to do is watch the wonderful world of insects. The ones I don't eat, of course. Ooo, look at the worm in front of you." Leif pointed at it and Linka screeched in terror. "Don't worry, it's just minding its own business."_

_They watched it squirming around for a couple of minutes before Leif pointed at a bumblebee pollinating a rose in the garden, flying away and onto the web of a spider. A ladybug smart enough to avoid web flew next to a caterpillar eating on a leaf. A butterfly fluttered around and landed Linka's nose. Leif removed it gently and let it go. They also noticed an organized line of ants on their hill. Linka was amazed; watching what she once thought were insignificant beings of the earth, go about their lives. It was a very interesting sight._

" _There's nothing more calming than nature, I always say."_

" _I'll give you that." Linka said, breathing in the afternoon air. "It is relaxing."_

" _I saved the best for last." Leif laid down on the mud and motioned Linka to do the same. They looked up at the endless blue sky._

" _Cloud watching. Look, there's one that looks like a bird!"_

" _Oh, I see it! And there's a lady in a powdered wig."_

" _There's a tree."_

" _No, that's definitely a chemical explosion." Leif laughed at that. They just laid there in the mud for who knows how long, using their imagination to point out the shapes of the clouds. Leif then threw a mud at Linka, to which she didn't object, she threw mud back at him. Soon, they were engaged in what Leif called a "mudball" fight, followed by playful mud wrestling._

" _Takedown! 2 points!" Leif said when he pinned down his sister._

" _Hey!" Linka threw him off her, Leif laughing all the way. "This afternoon was awesome! Thanks for calming me down."_

" _It's good to have responsibilities, Link. But it's better to have some time to yourself instead of stressing about everything. You're a kid, enjoy yourself."_

" _I will. But I should probably get back to work. I only have," She glanced at her watch. "Two more hours. I have to get these chores done in maybe an hour so I'll have time for shopping later."_

" _And I'll be there with you every step of the way. Literally."_

_With the garden hose, Linka washed away the mud from the both of them. Leif shook himself dry as if he's a dog. They headed into the kitchen to finish the dishes. Leif held the dish and Linka scrubbed it with the sponge. They both used their free hand to dry and put away. Then, they threw out the spoiled food from the fridge. Initially, Leif offered to eat the spoils to save time but Linka refused. As for the bathroom, they attached sponges to their feet and performed a skating routine to clean the floors. Finally, Linka the swept the hallway while held the dustpan._

" _We make a great team, bro."_

" _You got that right!" Leif threw out the contents in a nearby trashcan. Rita then came up the stairs._

" _Linka, have you finished what I asked?"_

" _All done, Mom."_

" _That's great. Why are you attached to Leif?"_

" _We accidentally got stuck to each other because of Levi's sticky glue. He said he would make something to get us unstuck tomorrow." Leif explained._

" _Hopefully, that means you'll behave yourself while she's at her dance."_

" _Of course."_

_Rita took out cash from her purse. "Here's the money for the Ursula costume, honey."_

_Linka took it with with gratitude. "Thanks, Mom. But I don't want Ursula anymore. Now that Leif is going with me, I'll need costumes for the both of us._

_-/-_

_Rita drove the stuck together siblings to the elementary school. The two hopped out of Vanzilla, adorned in their Gaston and Le Fou costumes._

" _You guys look so cute! One more picture!" Rita demanded and readied her phone from the driver's window. The siblings quietly groaned and put on fake smiles for what felt like the fiftieth picture._

" _Great! I'll be back in an hour!" She drove off._

" _I guess it could have been worse. You could have put me in a dress!" Leif said, smoothing the vest on his Le Fou costume._

_Linka laughed. "Come on, let's party!" They both ran inside the building._

* * *

"And the rest is history." Leif finished his story and put the bottle in the box.

"That was a fun dance and I learn to appreciate nature more because of Leif." Linka says.

"Why didn't we notice you dudes were stuck together for a whole day?" Luke says.

"I think we did but just didn't care." Loki says.

"We didn't care about the _inseparable_ bond that they shared?" Lane laughs. "Get it?" Everyone else just groan. "I'm glad you guys got out of that _sticky_ situation!" Lane's second round of laughter was cut short by Lexx, who slaps his hand over his mouth.

"There will be no joke telling during my turn. Now, you all know Linka taught me to read and she's always there to help me pronounce hard words. But the time I struggled the most was when I chose this book for a book summary homework." Lexx held up William Golding's _Lord of the Flies._

"I read that book in my Sophomore year, you finished the whole thing yourself?" Loni asks.

"Not without Linka."

* * *

_Linka was walking back to her room, nose in a comic, when he heard the little prince's wails._

" _AHH! WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!"_

_Without hesitation, Linka disregarded the comic and ran into his room. "Lexx, what happened? Did you try to cut your hair yourself again?"_

" _Fortunately, no. It's this dang book! I've been stuck on the first page for twenty minutes and I have to write a book summary for class on Monday."_

_Linka sat with him on his bed and took the book from him. "I don't see why a children's book is- Lord of the Flies? Lexx, aren't you a little young for this?"_

" _That's what my teacher said, but being the bold man that I am, I took the challenge."_

" _But it's about a group of boys who are stranded on an island. The collapse of civilization and the rise of savagery."_

" _You read this book?"_

" _Saw the movie adaptation of the 90s."_

" _Whatever! If you're only here to criticize me, you can leave!" Lexx snatched the book back and continue with first page, with much difficulty._

" _T-T-Th-Through he had t-a- AH! FORGET THIS!" He threw the book on the floor in shameful anger. "If I still struggle when I want to challenge myself, what's the point of reading?!"_

_Linka picked up the book. "There's no reason to give up reading altogether. Like I said when we entered that challenge at the library, the more you get into it, the easier and more fun it gets. All you need to do is to take your time."_

" _I've been taking my time and I see nothing fun about this."_

_Linka took a seat at his little plastic table. She grabbed Lexx by his underarms and pulled her little brother onto her lap and placed the book in front of him, despite his protests._

" _Who says? Reading is so much more that just saying the words off the page. It's about opening your eyes to a whole new world, that in a way, shows you how it relates to the real world . Using your imagination to see and feel the characters' conflict."_

Reading is a language that is felt instead of said

" _Why are you singing?" Lexx asked, confused and the tiniest bit annoyed._

It has paved the road for the lifelong journey dead ahead

" _Let's go back to the word you were on. Sound it out. There's the "t" and "a", together it's "tay". Then "k"…"_

" _Tay_ _\- ken. Taken! Through he had taken off his school sw-"_

" _Good. "S" and "w" make the "swuh" sound. It's something you wear in the winter…"_

" _Swuh-a-ter? Oh, sweater! And trailed it off one hand." He read. "Hey, I pronounced "trailed" correctly!"_

Just think about the words and let it flow out loud and clear

See how much a single passage can reveal

And ev'ry syllable, ev'ry single word

Is one word closer to the right ideal

_Lexx finished the first chapter, much more interested in the book than he was before Linka showed up. Now that he met Ralph and Piggy and know that there are no grownups on the island. He even urged Linka to keep singing._

Once the conflict hits you, inhibitions fall away

And you find that the book's expressing things

The world dare not say

Don't you stop here, go on

With every passing page, your mind grows stronger too

As the veil of ignorance disappears

And ev'ry syllable, ev'ry single word

Is one word closer to the right ideal

" _By the time Ralph f-in-nish, finished blowing the conch, the plat-form was crowded. There were d- . Ok, this word looks weird."_

" _The first letter is "d" so "duh", then "i-f-f"."_

" _Diff?"_

" _Good. Now here's the "er" sound and "e-n-c-e". It rhymes with hence but without the "h"."_

" _Diff-er-ence? Difference?"_

" _Very good!"_

_Lexx read chapter two, three, and so on well into that night. They move the session to Linka's room when Leif came in for bed. His admiration of reading rekindled as his eyes glowed with curiosity and wonder. He was certainly proud of himself when he read a page without stuttering. He imagined the internal and external conflicts his characters have gone through, and he was very impressed about their method of survival (not so much Jack's). God knows he wouldn't survive one night without his pampered, suburban lifestyle. He loved that Linka was there every word of the way._

The oldest form of entertainment

As you learn about the world around

And once you've begun

You've overcome

Your obstacles

One by one

I'm so proud

" _Jack lead the way down the rock and across the bridge." Lexx read; he had finished chapter six. "Oh my God, I read half the book in one night!"_

_Linka yawned. "And you'll read the other half tomorrow."_

" _What?! But I need to know if they found out that there is no real beast! Simon seems to be the only one who understands that! And Jack and his converted hunters! They're going against Ralph and his rules! The savages!"_

" _We'll find out tomorrow. You've already read double the amount of pages of a regular children's book in one night! That's pretty impressive! Come on, storyteller, let's get you to bed."_

_Linka carried Lexx to his room and tucked him in bed._

" _Hey, Link, thank you."_

" _Anytime."_

* * *

"I spent that whole weekend reading that book and I got an A on the summery. Through I get nightmares about everyone else succeeding in eating Ralph then burning alive in the island fire." Lexx put his book in the box. "And I learned to pace myself in my reading. It's good to challenge myself, but there's no use rushing by reading books that weren't meant for kids like me. By the way, loved the song!"

"Thanks!" Linka says. "Levi?"

Levi hold up the notepad. "This contains the notes I took down when we lost you at the mall approximately three weeks ago."

"I remember that!" The brothers, sans Leon, say simultaneously.

* * *

_Loki parked Vanzilla in the Royal Woods Mall parking lot._

" _Remember guys, this is not leisure, it's an errand." Linka reminded as they all got out. "So, maybe we can-" Her brothers ran off in the direction of the fair next to the mall that was only there for that weekend. They cheered all the way._

" _Typical. They said they want to help then ditch me immediately." Linka said to herself. She shook her head and went through the automatic doors._

_After two joyous hours, the Loud brothers walked backed to Vanzilla with their large stuffed animals, toys, and food in their hands._

" _How great was this day?" Lane asked, wearing gag glasses. Everyone loaded their prizes into the trunk._

" _Awesome, dude! I totally dominated that water squirting game." Luke said._

" _And I didn't regurgitate, or as you would call it puked, on the roller coaster. Unlike Leif." Levi said, eating a handful of popcorn._

" _Hey, it made the ride more fun for me!" Leif said._

" _It was awesome. But it's a shame that Linka missed out." Loni said._

" _Yeah, but that's what she gets for being stuck up." Lynn said. He finished the rest of his soda then belched loudly. "Let's find her."_

_They entered the mall and went to places where they expected Linka to be: her favorite department store, the arcade, the food court. No sign of her._

" _Where the hell is she?!" Lexx exclaimed._

" _She could be anywhere. We just left our only sister in this huge place." Lars said._

" _There's no reason to panic." Loki reassured and took out his cell phone. "I'm gonna call her." When Loki did that, his face dropped. "It rang once then went straight to voicemail. That means her phone's dead."_

" _Oh fuuuuu-" Eight of his brothers dragged out but were interrupted by one of the food vendors._

" _Hey Louds! Watch your mouths! There's children here, including your baby brother!" That was Carl Pingrey, Loki's friendly rival from school._

_Loki approached him. "Oh, and I literally thought that was someone important."_

" _Wow. So, what's up?"_

" _Have you seen my sister around here? We lost her and her phone's dead."_

" _Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Brothers of the Year. But yeah, I saw your sister; hard to forget about a little girl with white hair. She went in the direction of the Pear store."_

" _But she doesn't have anything from Pear. Thanks!" The brothers proceeded to that store. Levi took out his notepad and wrote down their location, just in case they needed to retrace their steps. Yet, Linka was nowhere to be seen in Pear._

" _Excuse me?" Leif asked a female employee. "Have you seen a white-haired girl? We're her brothers."_

" _Yeah, I saw her going into Blossomingdales."_

" _What? That's where I buy_ my _clothes." Loni said. "Let's go!"_

 _The rest of their chase proceeded like that, they went to the next store, did not find Linka there, asked an employee and been told she's been in a completely different store, rinse and repeat. Along with Pear and_ _Blossomingdales,_ _they searched Guitar World, Pranks a Lot, Be a Good Sport, Left in the Dark, Toyology, and the only bookstore in the mall. Levi kept track and the patten they were following was too coincidental to be random._

_The brothers stopped in the middle of the latter store, catching their breath. "She's… literally been everywhere!" Loki said._

_Lars walked up to them. "I just talked to the cashier. He hasn't seen where Linka went after she was here."_

" _So that's it! We lost track of her!" Lynn exclaimed. He slammed his head aganist a shelf. "We're the worst brothers ever."_

" _We'll never see her again!" The twins cried, clinging onto each other._

" _Siblings, instead of relinquishing all hope, why don't you think this through logically?" Levi suggested. "Have you noticed the pattern of stores we've been following?"_

" _What do you mean?" Leif asked._

" _I mean the stores we've visited was not pertained to Linka's interests, but to_ ours! _Pear_ _pertained to Loki's,_ _Blossomingdales_ _pertained to Loni's, and so on. We're currently standing in where I purchase my science textbooks."_

" _Holy crap_ _, you're right! It doesn't make sense for Linka to visit those stores unless she was shopping for us!" Lane said._

" _You made a believer, bro." Luke said to the scientist. "But that doesn't answer where she is now."_

" _Luke, we've been into stores regarding our interests in birth order! Ergo, if she was last seen here, then she must be at the store that pertains the interest of…"_

" _Me!" Leon said, giggling._

_-/-_

_Luckily, there was one baby store in the Royal Woods Mall. They split in different directions once they stepped inside. Loni went straight to the cashier._

" _Hi, I'm looking for my little sister. She's eleven with white hair." Before the cashier could answer that, the very girl the Loud Brothers been stressing over finding came up next to him, holding a baby's mobile. She dropped a plethora of shopping bags._

" _Hi. Just this please." She readied her parents' debit card that she borrowed._

" _Linka, beat it! I'm in the middle of a crisis!"_

" _What crisis?"_

" _Well, you see-" Loni stopped mid-sentence to stare and picked up his sister in a bone-crushing hug. "Linka! You're ok! Guys, I found her!" The other brothers come running and visibly let out sighs of relief._

" _Linka! Thank God!" The twins said as they hugged her hips when Loni put her down. Leon reached out for her in Luke's hold. He handed the infant to her and he kissed her cheek._

_"Charge your freaking phone before you leave the house next time!" Loki demanded._

" _Guys, what happened?" She asked._

" _We've been all over this damn mall to find you! We were stressed out, man!" Luke explained._

" _Then Levi noticed that you've been to stores that we would be in, in our birth order." Lexx said._

" _And he knew you be in this baby store because Leon is the last child." Leif said._

" _About that, why were you visiting our kinds of stores, Linka? We didn't request you to do the shopping for us." The four-year-old asked._

" _Well, that's because I was buying replacements for your stuff that I broke or lost. Sorry, guys."_

" _Don't say sorry, Link. We're sorry for abandoning you for the fair." Lars said._

_"Even through, it was the most fun thing we did all day. I certainly wouldn't take back a single minute." Lexx said._

" _Come on, let me pay for this then we can go home. Oh and Levi? Great job today." Linka and he fist-bumped._

* * *

"It's quite a proud achievement that because of my observations that we were able to find you." Levi put his item in the box. "Also, that plight is the main reason I've implanted a tracking chip in you."

"Wait, what?" Linka says, creeped out.

His brothers look at him suspiciously. "A tracking chip? You didn't put one in the rest of us, did you?" Lars asks.

"Noooo…" He lied.

Leon waddles up to Linka with a crudely colored drawing of Linka in a fox suit.

"Aww, did you make that yourself, Leon?" Leon babbles in conformation. Lane pulls him onto his lap.

"Want me to translate, Leo?"

"Poo poo." Leon clear his throat and babbles on cutely about his favorite memory of Linka.

"I'm sure you all remember this one, this is from the time you gave me Fenton the Feel-Better Fox. But he went missing after I became so attached to it. I was so sad. Then Linka brought me back to my bubbly self." Lane says.

* * *

_The brothers brought Leon downstairs for a great surprise. Leon saw his sister dressed up as his lost and beloved Fenton._

" _Fa-fa?" He crawled to her and pressed on her foot, as he would do to the real Fenton. That was Luke's cue to he play the Fenton song on his acoustic guitar from his hiding place and sing._ _Linka danced the way the toy did to Luke's singing._

Cheer up, baby, don't you cry

No more tears, it's cheer-up time

Laugh with me and we will be

Happy happy happy

" _Fa-fa!" Leon hugged her leg. He pressed on Linka's foot in euphoria. "Fa-fa! Fa-fa! Fa-fa!"_

_Linka, along with their nine brothers, sang and danced to the Fenton song in the living room. Much to their baby's brother's delight._

* * *

"That was a great story, Leo." Lane says.

"Yank you." Leon says, and put his picture in the box.

Linka look down at the box with gratitude. "Guys, I'm really, really touched. Not only did you help me out, but I love that you kept all these souvenirs because they hold sentimental value of me."

"We need something to remind us of all the crazy adventures we had." Lynn says.

"And why stop at 10? We have like, hundreds of more Linka memories!" Loni says. "Like the time you wanted to help me with my drivers test?"

"Or how I made your first SMOOCH concert unforgettable? We danced onstage with the band!" Luke says.

"The time you swapped out my horrendous picture in the school yearbook instead of yours and Claudia's group photos." Lexx says.

"You hogged Bebe when we were at the County Fair, but you realized your selfishness." Loki says.

"The time you were so scared of my fortune for you that you ruined our family trip to Grand Venture State Park for yourself." Lars says.

"You brought me out of my "average kid" façade when I transferred to your fifth grade class. Even through, you were the one who initiated it." Levi says.

"We performed for Manny and his emo friends at his birthday party as mimes together." Lane says.

"The time you wanted the Sweet Spot to yourself. We ended up destroying the whole van!" Leif says.

Leon babbles excitedly. "The time you wanted Leon to be your mini-you." Lane translates.

"No. The best Linka memory was when we performed a concert for her in the front yard. We dressed in black and wore SMOOCH makeup. And actually brought SMOOCH here!" Lynn says. And the brothers talk enthusiastically about that memory.

"Wow readers, I left such a huge impact on my brothers' lives. It's really sweet to know that no matter how much we fight or how much I annoy them and vise versa, we've shared a lot of good times together." Linka says.

"How about how we all reacted to Linka's first period?" Loni brings up.

"We don't talk about that!" His siblings shout at him. Loni just laughed, causing the rest of them to laugh with him. The brothers continued to tell stories of Linka until their mother called that it was time for bed.

* * *

The next day, Linka came home from school beaming. Her time capsule project in her hold. She sat on the living room couch, her brothers were watching TV before she arrived.

"Hey, sis. How did the project report go?" Luke asks.

"Fantastic! Everyone loved all of your memories and I got an "A"!"

"As you should." Lynn says.

"So, do you guys want your items back?"

"Nah, keep it." It was an unanimous answer.

"Seriously?"

"Of course, big sister. Our memories are also your memories." Levi says.

"This way you'll always be reminded of the awesome times we shared with the best sister ever." Loni says as he ruffles her hair.

"Thanks, you guys!" Linka says as she relaxes on the couch and watches TV with her thoughtful brothers. The time capsule held tightly in her lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loni's close relationship with his paternal grandmother was an idea suggested by FLASHFAN123 from FF.net. Luke's flashback was suggested by a Guest and the song used is Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day.
> 
> In Lars's flashback, "Singeroid" is reffering to Vocaloid.  
> Disclaimer: The startup to Leif's flashback was an idea by a Guest and Levi's flashback idea was from What what. BUTTS from FF.net. The song from Lexx's memory is a parody of "One Step Closer" from Broadway's The Little Mermaid. You already know that Leon's is from the episode "The Crying Dame".  
> MLA Ciation for the book mentioned:  
> Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. Penguin Books, 2006.


	11. Happy Easter, Fools!

It's late in the evening in Royal Woods. The grey clouds covered the skies and cool winds blew. Above Ketchum Park, a robin flew toward her nest. Before it was shot out of the sky. By a paintball?

"Loni! Aim toward the target!" The eldest brother scolded. He and Loni load and point their paintball guns toward multiple targets all scattered about and fire.

Nearby, Luke stands by humongous gelatin that took all day to prepare and set. His hand slips inside with ease. He holds his breath and let the dessert consume him. With some difficulty, he takes the plastic shovel from his belt and scoops himself out. He is training himself to escape a situation like this.

Lynn runs through a field with two long lines of spring-loaded boxing traps on both sides of him. They are set to unload at random times. When that happened, Lynn dodge, jump and flip over the gloves. The first rule of parkour: never stop moving.

The twins and Levi are climbing the jungle gym. Leon is at the bottom and cream pies are launched at them with a catapult at the push of a button. Their objective is to get to the top and then to the monkey bars adjacent to it without falling.

Lars is in the park's pool building. He's swimming laps while Leif's pet piranhas were right behind him.

Rita is running through tires with her daughter. They had to step in the right tires or be met with a painful surprise.

"Ouch!" Linka screams after she steps on a mouse trap.

"Keep those knees up Linka, you can do this!" Her mother reassures before she steps on a mouse step herself. "Ow!"

Lynn Sr. watches the family from a distance. He was dressed as a military commander. He blows the whistle and the Louds fall into line from oldest to youngest, backs erect. They were all wearing bandannas, face paint, and camouflage shirts to fit the military-like atmosphere.

"Progress reports, Louds! Wait, where's Lars?"

"Behind you." The Goth answers, Lynn Sr. jumps back startled. He quickly regains his commanding posture and pointed to the line. Lars immediately took his place between Linka and Leif.

"How'd we do?" The father asks.

"Linka and I were halfway through the tire path! We would have gone further, then you called us." Rita answers.

"We got 39 of the 40 targets, sir!" Loki answers.

"And I shot a bird, Dad! I mean, sir!" Loni adds then smiles sheepishly.

"I was able to escape the gelatin!" Luke answers, scrapping the gelatin from his face.

"Those boxing gloves didn't touch me!" Lynn says, puffing out his chest.

"I swam five laps and only got bit by those piranhas three times! Nice touch, Leif." He says the last sentence sarcastically and nudges the little plumber next to him.

"The twins and I were able to complete the objective of reaching the monkey bars!" Levi says.

"Leon really let us have it with those pies!" Leif adds, eating cream off his twin's head.

"We're gonna need a long bath tonight, sir!" Lexx reports.

"Good job, family." Lynn Sr. says. "But we don't want good! We want perfection! We want to be untouchable! We will be in the middle of a war tomorrow and we'll have no chance of winning it until we are at that level! Is that understood?"

"Sir, yes sir!" His family replies.

"Sir, permission to break the fourth wall and explain what's going on?!" Linka asks in a booming voice.

"Permission granted."

"Readers, tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Every year, Lane creates a prank apocalypse and makes the day a living hell for all of us! In previous years, to avoid the storm altogether, we tried putting him in a cage, sending him away to a camp. Hell, we even hired a bunch of stunt doubles to take the pranks for us last year! But he always prevailed. But this year will be different, we're fighting back! We've been training since noon!"

"Like, who is she talking to?!" Loni screams, looking around.

"Son, you can stop screaming." Lynn Sr. orders. "Levi, have you hid the supplies I asked from you?"

"Affirmative. The 15 cream pies, extra paintballs, jumper cables, and illegal firecrackers are hidden away in my top secret bunker."

"Where did you get the firecrackers?" Luke asks.

"Don't worry about it."

"Any more questions?" Lynn Sr. asks.

"Yeah, why aren't you doing this obstacle course, Dad? We're over here busting our butts and you haven't done anything!" Lynn points out. Everyone else agrees with him.

"What?! I created this obstacle course! I don't need to run through it. It's a waste of time!"

"Are you sure about that, hon?" Rita asks, skeptical.

"Yes, I am! I have cat-like reflexes!" Leon test this claim by throwing a pie at his father's face. He shakes his head.

"You have dead cat-like reflexes." Loki says.

"I wasn't ready!" Lynn Sr. holds his hands up in a fighting stance. "Ok, give me-" Leon throws another pie at his face. He stands dejected.

Rita takes the whistle from his neck and blows it. "Let's hustle, Loud!" Rita chases him to the obstacle, their kids following.

* * *

Around 10:00 pm is when they decide to pack up and leave. When they arrived at the house, Levi leads his siblings to the backyard while Rita and Lynn Sr. unload the car. Levi put in the access code to his bunker and the siblings grab their pranking supplies and carry them inside. All of them tiptoed in the house and to their respective rooms. Careful not to wake Lane. Luckily, he slept through their entrance.

The next morning, at 9:00 am, Luke calls out into the hallway as soon as he saw his roommate's bed is empty. "Lane's on the loose, dudes!" The siblings immediately wake up and put on their armor. Which include helmets, pots and pans, boxes, and bubble wrap. Grab the equipment from the obstacle last night plus Loki's golf club, Loni's belt, Luke's ax, Lynn's baseball bat, Levi's laser gun and Leif's hammers. They all accumulate back in the hallway.

"Here goes everything!" Loki cocks the paintball gun. All the brothers run downstairs.

"Pray for us, readers." Linka says before joining the scene. The parents are already there, suited up and prepared for action.

"Kids! Quiet down! Lane's in the kitchen!" Rita pointed to the kitchen, a delightful smell was coming from there too.

"On three." Lynn Sr. commands. "1…2…3… CHARGE!" The 12 Louds run into the kitchen, yelling all the way. They stop in their tracks and diminish their noise when they weren't met with any sort of trap or gag. Lane was at the stove, flipping pancakes as if today wasn't his favorite holiday.

He turns around and smiles brightly. "Good morning, family! Breakfast will be ready soon."

"What's going on?" Loni asks.

"Can't a guy make his big, loving family pancakes on this blessed morning?"

"Oh, like this our last meal on death row?" Lynn accuses. "Cut the crap, Lane! You know damn well it's April Fools' Day!"

"I know that, Lynn! I'm not an idiot! But it looks like all of you are. You forgot today is Easter Sunday!"

"You're lying!" Linka says, baffled.

"He's not! It's literally Easter!" Loki says after he checked the calendar on his phone.

"Yeah, the odds were stacked against me this year." Lane explains. "But I decided it was more appropriate to call off Pranksgiving this year and celebrate Easter instead. After all, scaring your family half to death with harebrained schemes is no way to celebrate Jesus's Resurrection."

The family stood in surprise and they lower their weapons. They were expecting a "just kidding!" a minute later, but he was totally serious.

"Get over yourselves. Nothing is gonna happen to you. Now sit, breakfast is ready." Lane nudges them to the dining table. He brought out two tall stacks of pancakes and sit with them.

"Dig in!" They stare at him suspiciously. "What? You thought I put toenails or the blood of a rat in the batter or something? It's totally safe. Watch." Lane picks up a pancake with a fork and bites it. "Mmmm." The other Louds reluctantly takes a plate of pancakes for themselves. They all look at each other nervously. Loki is the brave soul to take a bite of his. He nods his affirmation and scarfs it down. Everyone else follows his example.

"So, son." Lynn Sr. says to Lane. "Now that you want to celebrate Easter instead of April Fools, what do you want to do?"

"Well, I was thinking we kick it off the old fashioned way by attending church." That was new. The Louds did believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, but they weren't exactly the kind of believers that go to church every Sunday or read the Bible constantly.

"Pardon? If I remember correctly, the last time we set foot in a church was a year ago on Christmas." Levi recalls. That was mentioned in chapter 9.

"And you cannot expect me to stay awake during the sermon!" Lexx says.

"Well, child of the devil, there's a Sunday School program for all you elementary school kids. So you don't have to sit through the sermon. And, after church, we're going Easter Egg hunting in the Royal Woods Meadows! And the best part is, we got the whole place to ourselves! I had to pull a few strings but I did it!"

"Now that's just shady." Linka says. "You booked us a private party to go Easter Egg hunting?"

"Uhh, you're welcome? But if you want to miss out on all those _chocolate_ eggs…"

Linka perks up. She's a well-known chocoholic.

"Here. Try a sample." He throws a pink plastic egg her way. She flinch when it landed. She pops it open carefully, a chocolate egg wrapped in gold foil was in it. It looks harmless, but Lane wouldn't poison his only sister. Would he? Well, the pancakes were delicious. Lane makes the "go on" gesture with his right hand. Linka unwrap it and bite into it. It's… milk chocolate! She put the whole thing in her mouth, pleased.

"See? I can be trusted! So what do you say guys, ready to have an _egg-cellent_ Easter?" Lane laughs.

Despite his bad pun, everyone agrees.

"Awesome! I've taken the liberty of taking all your fancy clothes to the dry cleaners last night. Now _scramble,_ we leave at 11:00!"

* * *

Later, the family all packed in the car in their Sunday best. The boys wearing tuxedos in their respective signature color, Linka is in an orange dress, Lynn Sr. is in a black suit with a pink tie of a bird playing the saxophone and Rita is in a green dress.

"When we get there, I want all of you to be on your best behavior. We haven't been there in so long and we want to leave a good impression." Rita says to her 11 kids.

"Which reminds me, Leif, empty your pockets." Lane demands.

"Why me?!"

"Because you always carry tools on your person and they can easily be a weapon! And we don't any unwanted suspicion toward us. Hand them over!" Leif complies but curses under his breath. Lane carries it in his arms.

"Is this a blowtorch?"

"Just in case!"

Lane rolls his eyes and gets out of the car, dropping it in a bush next to the front steps. "Ok, let's go!" Lynn Sr. pulls out the driveway and drives down Franklin Ave.

* * *

At the church, Lane asks an usher where the Sunday School is. He motions the younger brothers and Linka to follow him and tell Linka that she's in charge.

The service in the main chapel is where the older brothers, the parents, and Leon went. The sermon is great. The singing, the pastor is getting into his teachings, even the oldest Loud Brothers partake in their first Communion. With the driest crackers and the most bitter grape juice. What's more amazing is that Lane was totally under control. No puns, no traps, he stayed true to his word. This really is a blessed holiday for the Louds.

After an hour, All the Louds rendezvous in the main hall. Like those who remained in the main chapel, the younger kids are unscathed.

"So kids, how was Sunday School?" Rita asks.

"It was as good as 20 kids packed in one room from all elementary grades can be." Lars says.

"Yeah, we didn't know anybody. But the teacher gave us Peeps." Linka says.

"I have to say, Lane. You did an excellent job keeping your asinine pranking tendencies in check." Levi says.

"I saw the light, bro. Now let's go egg hunting!" The siblings run to the car. Their parents and Leon in tow.

* * *

"But I still don't get it!" Loni exclaims, annoying everyone in the van. "Was Jesus made of crackers in the first place? And if we're eating it at Communion, isn't that like, cannibalism?"

"No, Loni! It's symbolism!" Loki exclaims.

"What's symbolism?"

"Dad! Please tell me we're there before I bite Loni's head off!" Luke screams.

"We're here!" Lynn Sr. says as he parks in front of the meadows. The siblings leap out of the car.

"You guys feel free to roam around. I hid eggs in advance. I'll just tell the owner that we're here." Lane runs toward the ranger's office. His siblings split up in search of the eggs. The ones they found were full of safe candy!

"Literally the best April Fools/Easter ever!" Loki exclaims, mouth full of Skittles.

The family's bliss was shortly interrupted. When helicopters fly above Royal Woods Meadows. Attached to them was a glass dome large enough to cover their neighborhood. The family look above like deer caught in headlights.

"What's with the dome?" Leif asks.

Without warning, the dome is dropped.

"DUCK AND COVER!" Lynn Sr. screams, holding onto his wife and infant son as he drops to the ground with them. The other nine children drop down, screaming for their lives. A loud _thud_ shakes the earth. Everyone feels they were lifted into the air for a few seconds. The dome covers the whole field.

Lynn stands up and runs toward the dome. He pounds on the glass and slams his whole body toward it. No avail. "We're trapped!" His siblings run toward it and pound on it, calling for help.

"It's unbreakable!" Linka exclaims.

"Don't worry," Leif says. "I can burn a hole in the glass with my blowtorch; that Lane took from me." He facepalms himself. That will be the last time he gives up his tools for anything!

Then, Linka's phone vibrates. "It's Lane. He's calling for a video chat."

"Hold up the phone!" Rita demands. Everyone gathers around the phone as Lane's sinister smile comes to view.

"What's up, fellas and lady fellas?"

"Lane! What the hell have you've done?!" Lars demands, his usually monotone voice has a furious tone in it.

"And where are you?!" Linka demands.

"The devil's in the next room." Luke says, glaring at his roommate.

"Good eye, Luke. I'm in the ranger's office. You know, outside of the dome. You know family, I didn't mind that Easter and April Fools was on the same date this year. It opened up more creative opportunities for me. But, I also knew that you were training to retaliate this year. So, I lead you into a false sense of security, pretended to be interested in Easter more, so that you'll end up here! Defenseless and trapped! And if you're wondering how I pulled off the dome thing, I have connections." He laughs maniacally at the end.

"You son of a-" Lexx says but Lane interrupts.

"I'm not done! This is still is an Easter Egg hunt, but it's an elimination challenge! You'll be looking for a golden egg. It's in a place close to my heart. Around every turn, there's a prank, of course. But if all 12 of you get pranked, I'll keep you here in this dome for the entirety of Spring Break!"

"You wouldn't!" The family screams in terror.

"Try me!"

"Lane, you are so going to hell when you die!" Loni tells him.

"Well, I'll see you there! There's no way you'll survive this! I'll be watching from the surveillance monitors. Goodbye!" Lane ends the call.

"Nobody panic!" Loki says. "This is what we've been training for yesterday! We said we're gonna fight back and we will!"

"All we have to do is stay together!" Linka says. "Time to put Operation Find the Golden Egg and Not Get Pranked So We Don't Get Trapped Here for Our Whole Spring Break and Also Think of a Shorter Name for This Operation into action!" Everyone runs due south.

"What did he mean by "it's close to his heart"?" Lynn asks. "He's never mentioned this place until today!"

"Our best bet is to search the visibly striking parts of the meadow." Levi suggests.

"How about the lake?" Rita asks.

"Onward!" The Louds run toward the lake.

"I got this." Lars says. He takes off his tux jacket and jumps in. The family leans attentively. Lars is underwater for a few minutes then swims back into the surface.

"No golden egg here. But at least I didn't get pranked." He lifts up his arms and finds leeches attached to his arms and hands.

"Holy-!"

"Lars! We'll help you!" Loki says.

"It's ok, guys. A leech bite is painless. Go on without me, I've already lost."

The family carries on. The next stop is at the rose gardens. The meadows are locally famous for its blood-red roses. Levi steps on a catapult and is launch into the air. He lands in the rose thorn bushes.

"This can't get any worse." He says, trying to get out. Adding salt to the wound, Levi places his hand on a wire, triggering a vacuum next to him on the "blow" setting on, and it blows literal salt in the scratched boy's face.

" _AHHHHHHH_!" The family cringe at the blood-curdling scream.

"Ok, definitely _not_ in the rose garden." Linka says.

"JUST GO!" They jump at the scientist's demand and run away.

They head toward the two hedges as tall as buildings. Through it, spring-loaded boxing gloves hidden in the hedges were pushed forward and back at random times at lightning speed.

"Junior?" Rita says.

"I'm on it!" Lynn Jr. runs toward the gloves and jumps, ducks, and does front flips over them as he did before. He reaches the other side. "Safe!" His family cheer for him. "But no sign of the golden egg!" Suddenly, an extra glove from the top of the right side of the hedge catches him off guard and punches him in the face. He falls, unconscious.

"Junior!" The father cry.

"We'll come back for him, Dad! We have to keep moving!" Loki tugs him away from the hedges and sprint in the west direction. While running, Luke comes across a deep hole in the ground cover in leaves and twigs and falls in. At the bottom, there were mouse traps.

"Ow! Ow! Ouch! Shit!"

"Luke, are you okay?!" Leif screams.

"Not really! Keep going, I'll find a way out!" The family leaves. Luke climbs the dirt wall, but loses his footing and falls into the painful mouse traps again.

Back with the eight survivors, three wild raccoons virtually pop out of nowhere and stop them in their tracks. They creep toward them, angry.

"What now?!" Loni exclaims.

"I'll hold them off!" Lynn Sr. picks up a stick and holds it up in a fighting stance. "Rita, take the kids away!"

"Lynn-"

"Don't make this any harder! But no matter what happens today, just know I love all of you."

"We love you too!" The seven of them say in unison. They escape from the scene.

"Come on, you trash-eating vermin! You want a piece of Lynnsanity?! I'm right here!" He taunts and let out a war cry. Immediately screaming like a girl when they pounce.

"We're running out of options!" Lexx says.

"Keep a sharp eye out, kids! There's gotta somewhere we can check." Rita says as they all run up a hill. Leon pats his mother on the shoulder and points frantically over the horizon.

"What is it, Leo?"

"He's pointing toward 3:00!" Linka says.

"But it's like, 1:30 pm." Loni says, checking his watch.

"No, you idiot! Look right!" Lexx tells him. Leon was pointing toward shortly trimmed hedges, lined up to form the shape of a heart!

"So that's what he meant by close to his heart! The egg must be over there!" Loki says. The Louds climb down the hill and toward the heart. Rita volunteers to get the egg, still holding onto Leon. Everyone was relieved that this Easter nightmare is almost over.

Until Rita steps on a motion sensor and a cannon pops into view, pelting the mother and son with Leon's dirty diapers. She falls on her back, Leon on her chest.

"NASTY!" The five Louds behind scream.

"Poo-poo." Leon says, defeated.

"Ugh. Loki! Take the others to safety!" Rita demands on the ground.

"Everyone, follow me!" Loki leads them behind a harmless looking bush. "Take a knee." His younger siblings do that. "We're down to the final five. But we're not losing hope yet!"

"But we checked everywhere! It's not here!" The twins say in unison.

"Guys, I am _not_ spending Spring Break in here! And neither are you!"

"Loki's right, kids. We can't give Lane the satisfaction." Loni adds.

"Let's get going." Linka says. The five of them stand and walk away. She unknowingly steps on another motion detector. A cannon rises from the same bush and fire red paintballs at the two oldest brothers repeatedly. They fall simultaneously with a thud as if they were shot. Just when the pranking schemes couldn't be any more ironic.

"Loki! Loni!" The three children fall to their knees in between them.

"I'm soooo sorry!"

"It's not your fault, sis," Loni tells her. "Aw man, this is my best tux! He's so paying for my dry cleaning again!"

"It's up to you, Linka!" Loki put his hand on her shoulder. "Protect the twins and win this for all of us. Our vacation literally depends on you." Linka looks frightened for a moment but nods. She picks up the twins and holds one in each arm.

"Guys, say goodbye to your brothers." She runs with that. While running, she manages to avoid more traps like slime, rapid flying arrows, and fire?! Is Lane serious?! The six-year-olds scream for their lives, clutching onto their last resort of a sister tightly. Linka was out of breath, she set the twins down next to the glass wall on the east side. They immediately hold each other when they were down, whimpering in fear. Linka was scared too, but she can't show that. She had to get her family out of there. She had to stay strong for the twins.

"Don't worry, guys. We're safe."

"For now." Lexx says.

"We're as good as dead." Leif finishes his brother's thought.

Linka's phone vibrates again. No doubt it's Lane again. She scowls and accepts the video call.

"Uhh, yeah, I was just wondering, why aren't you pranked yet? I thought you would be the first one to go. I mean, I got Loki and Loni at the same time but somehow you're safe?" The twins' scowls match their sister's as they momentarily forget their fear and huddle around Linka.

"Listen here, Banana Pants! We're done playing your games! You scared us so much we'll be having nightmares for the next 10 years!" Leif retorts.

"So tell us where that flipping golden egg or else I'm going to make the rest of life _miserable_!" Lexx screams at the screen.

Lane is unfazed. "First off, Banana Pants? Really? Second, with a brat like you as a brother, I'm already miserable." The twins' faces turn as red as the roses from earlier. They grit their teeth.

"Lastly, I already told you, the egg is in a place close to my heart, that's the only clue you're getting."

Linka was about to say something but look at his shirt pocket, it's easier to see it because his jacket is unbuttoned. Was that something oval-shaped in it? The wheels started turning in her mind. Lane fooled her for the second and last time! She ends the call.

"Boys, I have a plan!" She stands, determined. "Leif, can you dig us out?"

"Of course I can!"

"Why didn't you do that in the first place, stupid?!" Lexx demands, fuming.

"Listen, we were under a lot of pressure and I was freaked out-"

"Guys!" Linka shouts. "This is not the time to fight, we're all we got! Leif, start digging!"

* * *

With his dog-like abilities, Leif dug his way under the glass dome and to the other side. Creating a hole big enough for his two remaining siblings to crawl in.

"Good boy!" Linka pats Leif's head as a reward. "To the office!" The three kids head toward Lane's hiding place. They stop in front of the door.

"I get to hit him first!" Lexx grabs the doorknob ecstatic, then he is electrocuted at the touch.

"Bro!" Leif grabs him by the shoulders to pull him away but he gets electrocuted too. Linka can only watch as her little brothers are literally blown away by the voltage. They fall unconscious, hair all the way up, and they smell like burnt skin.

Linka glares at the door. She touches the door with her foot to test if she will be shocked. She doesn't, and with fire in her veins, she kicks the door open.

"You heartless bastard!" She screams at the back of his Joker chair. Lane turns around slowly to face her, while petting his bunny, Mary. How festive.

"Link. What a _shocking_ development." He laughs maniacally. "Get it? Speaking of which, why aren't you fried?"

"You electrocuted the twins!"

"Ah. Well, just because you're here, doesn't mean the challenge is over. You've still yet to find the golden egg!"

"You mean the egg you have in your shirt pocket?!"

Lane sets his pet bunny on the floor and stands up. He reaches into said pocket, and lo and behold. He had it on him the entire time.

"Clever girl."

"Lane, this is a new low, even for you. You took advantage of a holiday that represents hope and being anew to satisfy your own selfish agenda! And you made your family go on a wild goose chase against our will! How the hell do you sleep at night?!"

"Like a baby. And you're getting this egg over my dead body!"

"Challenge accepted." Linka tackles her older brother. They engage in a frustrating tug-a-war before it flies out of his hands. Lane pushes her out of the way and runs toward it, but Linka grabs his ankle and makes him fall. He kicks her away and Linka retaliates by biting his ankle. While he's wincing at the pain, Linka has the egg in her hands again. But Lane kicks her in the back of her legs. She let's go again and drops. Luckily, she catches it. While holding Lane's head in a scissor hold.

"Stop it! I can't breathe!"

"Say "Uncle"!"

"This is so weird on so many levels!"

"Say it!"

"Ok! Uncle! You're crushing my windpipe!" He hits his hand on the floor repeatedly. Linka releases him and gives Lane room to breathe.

"Well played, little sister." He says and helps them both up. "You figured out the riddle when no one did and won."

"Please, just remove the dome and free us." Linka says, tired.

Lane walks over to the desk and put on a headset with a microphone. "Sky-Screamer, this is the Joker. The mission failed, my sister found the egg. Proceed to remove the dome."

"Roger. Be there in 20." Sky-Screamer replies.

"Where _do_ you find these people?" Linka asks.

"From Nunya."

"Nunya?"

"As in Nunya business."

* * *

After the helicopter crew came and lifted the dome away, flying off with it. Linka drags the comedian by the ear to come face to face with his furious family. The effects of his pranks are noticeably still there. The twins are literally burnt out and the smell of fried skin lingers on. Loki and Loni have multiple red stains on their jackets. Rita and Leon have stains of Leon's waste on their clothes and cheeks. Lynn Sr.'s clothes are torn and his skin is scratched. Luke has red marks on his face and there's a mouse trap attached to his right elbow. Lynn has a black eye. Levi's skin is red from the burns of the salt. And Lars has red dots on his skin after removing the leeches.

Lane smiles sheepishly. "On the bright side, this was a memorable Easter, right? It's not my fault April Fools and Easter were on the same day!"

"Lane, if you think we're going to leave you off the hook, then you got some mental issues!" Loki screams at him.

"He already has some." Lars replies.

"It's high time you learn some discipline, young man! And your father and I know the appropriate punishment." Rita says as she and Lynn Sr. smirk at each other. Lane gulps in fear.

* * *

By nightfall, Lane was put into line with other teenage boys who needed to respect authority. They all wore tank tops and camo pants as they stood before a tall, burly, African-American man; their commander in chief.

"Welcome to Boot Camp, maggots!" He screams. "This will be the worse Spring Break of your lives! Let's break in you fresh meat with 10 laps around the camp!" He blows the whistle. "Go! Go! Go!"

"Hurry guys, or else we'll get the _boot_!" Lane laughs. "Get it?" The cadets groan and leave him behind in this dust. His face falls into a frown after.

"Yeah, yeah, say I got what I deserve, readers. My family may have won this round, but mark my words! Next year, I am coming back meaner, stronger, and crazier! They will bow before the April Fools' King!" He laughs maniacally at the sky.

"LOUD! MOVE IT!"

"Moving, sir!" He runs to keep up with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The commander in chief is supposed to represent Chef from Total Drama Island.


	12. Loud vs. McBride

Friday afternoon, Linka got a call from her walkie-talkie from Claudia to meet her, Riley, Leah and Zara at Gus' Games & Grub arcade. Linka entered the arcade fifteen minutes after the call, Claudia wave her over.

"Hey, girls!" She takes a seat across from Claudia and next to Zara. The girls greet her in various ways.

"What did you decide to order?"

"Well, Riley already ordered-" Claudia was interrupted by an empty french fry tray landing on the table thrown by the table behind them. Big, dumb laughter follows. Riley peeks over the seat, seeing two homely girls laughing and throwing food at each other. She sits down, scared out of her mind.

"It's Hazeltuckys!" Hazeltuckys are students from a different school district of the same name. There's an unspoken rivalry between them and Royal Woods.

"Hazeltuckys? Are they big? One of them has brown hair and the other one's bangs covers her eyes?" Linka asks. Riley nods in fear.

"Claud, it's those girls we freaked out on Halloween." Linka says, keeping her voice low.

"What do we do?"

"Ignore them. They're just being dumb as always."

About 15 minutes later, the five friends were eating a half pepperoni and half sausage pizza.

"Linka, where were you on Easter?" Leah asks. "You missed my ma's egg hunt."

"Don't you use chicken eggs and not the plastic ones filled with candy?" Zara asks.

"Well, last chap-, I mean! As you remember, it was Easter Fools. So Lane had-" Another sentence interrupted, this time a half full cup of soda, spilling onto the rest of the pizza pie.

"What in tarnation?!" Leah exclaims. Big, dumb laughter follow.

"We paid good money for that!" Claudia asks. "Someone ought to put them in their place!" She stood up from her seat but Linka grabs her arm.

"Claud, don't! You know what they're capable of."

"Nah, nah. I'm capable of holding down my own." She tears her arm from the white-haired girl's hold and stomps over to the bullies' table.

"Dead girl walking." Riley whispers to her remaining friends.

Claudia slams her hands on their table. "Hey! Which one of you threw that soda cup?!"

Both girls stand up. Menacingly glaring her down.

"I did." The brunette says.

"Or maybe I did. What are you gonna do about it?" The one with the bangs says.

"Wait a minute, aren't you one of those fourthies from the Halloween incident?" The brunette points out.

"Yeah, but that's irrelevant." Claudia answers. "Listen, you can't-" The brunette push her down to the floor.

"Payback time, kid!" Both homely girls crack their knuckles. The ginger girls help their fallen girlfriend up before they can throw another punch.

Except Linka.

She takes a folding chair at a nearby table and throws it at the brunette. The head of that chair hits the brunette in her chest area, quite literally, knocking the wind out of her. She holds the table to hold herself up and gasps deeply.

The one with the bangs look back at her friend in fear before growling at the white-haired offender. "You crazy-" She throws her fist back and toward Linka. But Linka caught it with both hands. She twist it behind her back and push her down. Linka bends it the wrong way, not enough to break it, but enough to make her cry. The brunette girl gotten up and was sneaking up on her with the same chair Linka threw at her. But the dumbass was breathing too hard; Linka knew what was coming. Linka jump off the raven haired girl before the brunette brought the chair down, she hit her friend by accident.

"Ow! Why'd you do that?!"

"Sorry!" Then Linka hit her on the back with a different chair. She falls next to her friend.

"Daaaaaaamn!" The gingers drag out, impressed.

"Stay away from us." Linka gives them their first and only warning. The girls on the ground nod fearfully. This is not the same wimp they scared and chased six months ago.

"I'm scared shitless of this kid." The brunette says.

"If you're scared shitless, I'm scared shitless." The raven haired answers.

"Excuse me!" The owner of the arcade, Gus of course, walks up to the scene, annoyed. He was exiting the restroom when he saw Linka hit the brunette with a chair the second time. "All of you better get out of my arcade before I call the cops!"

The five friends run toward the doors, followed the two bullies getting up quickly. The two parties going in opposite directions. The five of them stopped running once they decided they were far enough from the place. Then, they laugh about the whole ordeal. Well, except Claudia.

"Linka, that was crazy!" Zara says. "You handed their asses to them!"

"Well, to be honest, I panicked. Lynn said if you're ever in a fight, throwing a chair should be your last option. Because all hell breaks loose when you do. Yet, it was my _only_ option!"

"Don't be so modest." Leah reassures. "Who knows what could have happened to Claudia if you haven't stepped in."

"Yeah, she could have been twisted into a Human Garlic Knot if you haven't intervened!" Riley replies.

Claudia scoffs. "Riley, shut your dumbass up!" Linka almost gasped. That was one of the rare times Claudia has cursed out loud.

"No need to be defensive. I'm just stating facts." The tall redhead defends.

"So, that's it?! You think I can't take care of myself? Maybe, if Linka haven't intervened, _I_ could have thrown a chair!"

Linka scratches the back of her head. "Claud, you're not exactly the toughest person I know. Usually, when we do insane shit, it was my idea."

"You didn't give me time to get up!"

"For what? So those bullies can harass you again? Do you except me to apologize for stepping in to help _my best friend_!" Linka was getting annoyed.

"Get off your high horse. Saving me in a fight does not make you tougher than me, ok!"

"Try to slap me across the face."

"Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter? Slap me!"

Claudia furrows her eyebrows. "Fine!" She raises her hand to backhand her but Linka grab that hand with her right hand and slap her with the left hand.

"Ow! Ow!"

"Should we break them up?" Leah asks. The three were watching from the sidelines, surprised but amused.

"Nah, let's see where this goes." Zara says.

"I'm sorry, but I had to prove a point." Linka says. "I'm tougher than you and that's that. So, can we put this thing behind us?"

"No! This is _far_ from over!" Claudia decides. "There's only one to settle this."

"And what's that?"

"You and I are going to fight."

"What?" The four other girls say together.

"Yeah, we're going to duke it out. You'll see that I'm just as tough, if not tougher, than you!"

"I'm not going to fight you!"

"Ohh, _now_ you're scared to go up against me!" Claudia sneers.

"Ooooooooo." The gingers exclaim then laugh.

"More like scared for you, dude! You know what happens when you mess with a Loud! You'll be knocked down in seconds."

"Ooooh really? Want to make things a little more interesting? First person to knock the other down for three seconds wins. Winner gets bragging rights and the loser buys the winner's lunch of their choosing for a week."

"I accept. I can't wait for a week of free pizza and buffalo wings. May I choose the fighting style?"

"Sure."

"Kickboxing."

"Fine." Claudia answers immediately, even though she hasn't kickboxed a day in her life. Little did she know, Linka didn't know how to either.

"Perfect. Tomorrow night, my house?"

"Hell yeah! Wait, I can't. I have an appointment with Dr. Lopez."

"Damn. Well, we can't do it on a weekday, cause of school."

"True." Both girls ponder before looking at each other knowingly and shaking hands with determined nods.

"Next Saturday." They say simultaneously.

* * *

Linka walk home alone and immediately goes upstairs; but not toward the direction of her room.

"I don't know why I said kickboxing, I don't even know how to! But not to worry, readers, in a family this big, there is always someone who can help you out in virtually any type of situation." She open Lars's and Lynn's bedroom door. The latter laying against his head board, tossing his basketball into the hoop attached to the wall in front of him.

"Lynn, you got a minute?"

"This better be important. I only did 283 free throws in a row."

Linka takes a seat on his bed and explains what happened prior to coming home. After she finished, Lynn sits up and drops his ball, looking at her skeptically.

"So, let me get this straight. You made a kickboxing bet with Claudia, even though you don't know how to, to see which one of you is the toughest?"

"Basically. The fight's next Saturday, so I only have that amount of time to have you train me. What do you think?"

Lynn exhales annoyed before answering. "Morally, I think it's a stupid idea. You and Claudia have been friends since you were little kids. It's shameful that you let something as fragile as your egos get in the way of that."

"I know, I-"

"But I'll train you. Because Claudia crossed the line; she had the audacity to challenge my little sister. Put on some sweatpants and meet me the weight room."

"What weight room?"

"The basement."

* * *

Later, Lynn and Linka changed into sweatpants and accumulated in the basement. Lynn comes down here sometimes to work out. The weights from their parents' exercise-crazed phase were still here.

"Key word of kickboxing is "kick". So, obviously, we need to build some muscle in your legs. Now sit down on the Leg Press." Linka positions herself on the inclined machine.

"What you're going to do is push the platform up and down with your legs." Lynn explains and carries two 25-pound circular weights to place them on both sides of the machine. "Let's start with 50 pounds." He blows on the whistle around his neck. Linka unlocks the machine and pushes her legs up and down with ease.

"This is kinda fun."

"Do 10 more, sis. I'll be back." Linka does that then locks it. There's a burn on her upper right thigh but she's doing fine. Lynn comes back and places two more weights on each side of the machine. "Do it again."

Linka unlocks the machine but she's taken back by the new weights, the platform falls. Her upper thigh are caught in a rock a hard place, or this case, the platform and her chest.

"How much did you add on?" She breathes out.

"50 pounds on each side."

"That's 150 pounds all together!"

"I know! This isn't supposed to be fun! It's supposed to be work! Now give me 20!"

Linka pushes up with difficulty. "O-One. Ow!" She screams when she lets it drop.

"Come on, woman! I can push up 200 pounds easily! Faster!"

Later, Linka was on one knee because her left leg gave up on her. She had on a pair of boxing gloves. So does Lynn.

"Get up! I have to teach you the basic punches. First, is the Jab. A straight punch from the front hand, to either the head or the body. Like so." Lynn throws a jab at Linka's chin. "Hey!" She grabs it in pain.

"Next, is the Cross. A straight punch from the back hand. This usually works in conjunction with the Jab. Observe." Lynn throws a Cross punch at Linka's chest before throwing another Jab at her shoulder.

"What the hell?!"

"Now, you try. On this punching bag." Lynn hides behind a red punching bag hanging from the ceiling, holding it in place. Linka glares at him.

"Now, Jab." Lynn demands. Linka throws a Jab at the red punching bag. Lynn barely moves from place.

"Weak. Cross." Linka Cross punches the bag.

"Jab."

"Cross."

"Jab and Cross."

"Come on, Stinka! Loni packs a better punch than you! You want to lose that bet, you loser?!" Linka lets out a war cry, and punches the bag so hard, it causes Lynn to stumble back a few inches.

"Woah! That's good, channel your anger! You're going to need it throughout the week. Let's work on Overhand."

* * *

At the McBrides' home. Claudia was doing a workout routine of her own. Claudia sits at a pulley system machine. To work out her biceps and Latissimus Dorsi muscles. The nerd was sweating bullets and was tired, but had a look of determination on her face. She hasn't been this set on working out since the time she and the Louds thought Bebe was cheating on her beloved Loki.

"Claud, sweetie, it's time for bed!" Harriet tells her daughter.

"Ten more minutes, Mom. I'm working out! Like you always tell me to do!"

"Alright! Don't strain yourself!" Claudia gets up and practice the kickboxing kicks she looked up online. The Side Kick and Round Kick.

* * *

In the following days, Claudia and Linka carried out their own workout routines for their big match.

Linka runs laps around the neighborhood with Lynn.

Claudia runs on the treadmill, then lunges.

Linka learns the Front Kick and Side Kick as she's sparring with Lynn. She also learn how to use her knees in a match. She accidentally knees her brother in the family jewels.

Claudia is just learning the Jab, Cross, and Uppercut punches.

Linka does arm curls with a hand 20 pound weight, then 20 push-ups.

Claudia practices the Semi-Circular Kick, by hopping off the ground and kicking her bag.

Linka chokes down Lynn's protein shake, then puking it into the toilet.

Claudia eats more meat and less sweets.

Virtually, anything that they thought were of use to them in training. They never spoke of the fight at school; the only time they did was on Friday afternoon at lunch.

Claudia calmly sips her juice box and asks. "So, Linka, how's your training?"

"Fine." She says, aimlessly stabbing her chicken nuggets with a spork. "How's yours?"

"Great. We'll see on Saturday."

"Yes, we shall." And that was the end of it.

* * *

On the day of the fight, Claudia called her on the walkie-talkie that she'll be arriving at the Loud residence at noon. So, five minutes from now. Linka is currently wrapping her hands in bandages on the living room couch. A brand new set of orange boxing gloves on her right that she and Lynn picked out the night prior. She is wearing orange boxer shorts and a sleeveless orange hoodie.

The doorbell rings. "Lynn! The door!" Linka calls out, strapping on the right glove.

"I got it." Lynn says, walking down the stairs. Instead of his usual sporty red attire, he has on a t-shirt with vertical white and black stripes. Claudia is on the other side dressed the same as her opponent but in her favorite color, yellow. Over her shoulder, were matching yellow boxing gloves.

"Thanks, referee." Lynn greets her back and goes to help her sister put on her left glove.

"Hey, bestie." Linka says in a snarky matter.

"You know, I'm glad we did this. Now, you'll see that some girls are tougher than you."

"I don't believe that you will be saying that when I win the bragging rights and the free lunch."

"You're precious. Lynn, can you help me with my gloves?" Lynn turns around and bandages Claudia's hands and straps on her boxing gloves.

"Ok, I set up my wrestling mat in the backyard. And some poles and rope like a real boxing ring." Lynn tells the two girls.

"Ok!" The girls say ecstatically at the same time and goes in the direction of the kitchen, out the backyard door. Lynn follows them.

"Wait! Before you go outside, there's something-!"

"The hell?" Linka exclaim. Outside, the mat was surrounded by the rest of the Loud brothers and guests that nine of them invited over. They're all talking with anticipation as they enjoy the refreshments the Louds had offered them.

"Loki, who are these people?"

"When Lynn told us you were fighting Claudia, we literally had to call up our friends to watch with us. People love a good cat fight." He gestures to his right. "Meet Danny, Winston, and Barry." The teenage boys wave at the white-haired girl.

"My best companion, Darren." Levi pats the back of the other kindergartener.

"You guys are like boxing twins!" He says, smiling a bright and innocent smile.

"And Sam." Luke throws his arm around the blonde rocker, who throws up the goats. "What? This isn't the same Sam I mentioned in chapter two, readers! Ya'll are crazy!"

"Moving on. This is Manny." Lane says. The emo tween gives a small smile before returning his attention to texting.

"Say hi to Wendy." Lexx says. The graceful little girl bows with such poise.

"This is Skye." Leif says. Skye stops eating her chocolate bar and smiles a dirty smile at Linka.

"Meet Chole!" Loni says. Chole says "hi!" in a just as joyful tone as Loni.

"I've brought Haiku." Lars points with his thumb at him. The older goth boy just blinks at her.

"And I've brought my basketball team, the Turkey Jerkies. Miguel, Paul, Andy, and David." Lynn points to each boy in their team's red jumpsuit respectively.

"Don't forget about us!" Riley says, Zara and Leah behind her.

"Nice to meet all of you! Now get out of my yard! This is between me and Claudia!"

"No!" Leon yells from his high chair.

Miguel yawns loudly before pulling himself together. "Your baby brother's right. You can't kick us out!"

"Lynn charged us $9 each to see this fight!" Paul finishes for Miguel, using his right crutch to point at Lynn.

"We paid $10 each!" Zara exclaims.

"$9 and $10?! Shoot, Luke charged me $15!" Sam retorts.

"So why did we have to pay $20 each, Loki?" Barry asks, suspiciously.

Linka leans toward Lynn. "I get a fraction of the money, right?" She whispers.

"We'll discuss that later. Girls, get on the mat!" Both of them go toward the mat and take off their sleeveless hoodies, reveling sports bras in their respective colors.

"Twins!" Lynn calls out. The twins run up to the mat. Lexx put a mouth guard in Linka's mouth and Leif put a mouth guard in Claudia's mouth. They run back to their spots. All eyes are on them at this moment.

"Ok ladies, in respect to your bet, there's no rounds and no points. Aim for the head, the arms, the shoulders, the chest, or lower abdomen. The fight will last until one of you is down for three seconds." Lynn explains.

"Fighter #1, are you ready?" Linka nods and holds up her gloves.

"Fighter #2, are you ready?"

"Call it." Claudia answers. Lynn blows the whistle. Their audience cheers them on. Both girls dance around each other.

"Now Claudia," Linka's voice gurgles because of the guard. "If at any point you're severely injured, just yell Uncle and-" Claudia sends a Jab and a Right Cross to her chest.

"No mercy!" Claudia answers.

Linka glares and Front Kicks her side. Claudia dodges it but Linka kicks her in the side with other leg. Claudia aims punches at her face but Linka dodges it with her forearms, causing Claudia to retaliate with her knee crashing into her stomach. Linka's knee bends slightly at the impact, but Uppercuts Claudia in her jaw. They end up grabbing each other, Claudia's arms around Linka's neck and using her knee again and Linka's arms around Claudia's neck, punching her in the back. Then, Lynn breaks them up.

"No grabbing!"

"Come on Linka, get her!" Loni yells.

"Drag her through the dirt!" Levi yells.

"Pull her hair out!" Lane yells.

"Say what?" Claudia retorts. After that, Linka Roundhouse Kick her in the face. Catching her off guard and causing her nose to bleed.

"Ooh, finally some blood is spilt." Lars says.

"How great is this?!" Skye screams.

"I agree. So worth the various prices everyone had to pay!" Wendy answers.

"Had enough?!" Linka yells at her opponent. Claudia straight punches her in the eye, leaving a nice bruise to form. This quickly leads to Claudia Side kicking her in the hip. This does a number on Linka because she falls.

"One! Two!" Everyone else counts. But Linka jumps up angry. Despite the shooting pain she feels in her hip. She does an Overhand punch on Claudia's right temple. Claudia loses focus for a second. Then, Linka uppercuts her jaw again. And to top it off, she high kicks her opponent in the center of her face. Claudia falls back against the ropes behind her, hanging onto them. When Linka kicked her, both glasses lenses cracked. She couldn't do anything as the glasses slide off her face from her sweat and falls in front of her. Bits of glass fall out of it.

"Oh my god." She chokes out a sob. "My- my glasses." The whole world is a colorful, blurry mess to her now but she can tell everything stopped because of her.

Linka runs over to her in deep concern. "Claud, I-!"

"You broke my glasses, Linka! I can't see anything!"

"I know! I-" Linka looks away for a moment in shame and removes her mouth guard. "How did we get to this, huh?" Her voice cracks. "Here we are arguing and fighting about something as pointless as who's the toughest! And now thanks to my pride, you can't see!" Linka put her damage, sweaty face in her gloves.

"We're here cause I wanted to prove a point."

Linka looks up at her. "What?"

"Aw, weak! Now they're going to talk about their feelings!" Lexx screams.

"The universal end to all cat fights." Leah replies.

Claudia removes her own mouth guard. "I've always been treated like I can't do shit by myself. They see me as some precious, nerdy baby that needs to be protected at all times." She explains. "By my mothers, Dr. Lopez, pretty much everyone I encountered. Except you, until last week. When you saved me from those Hazeltuckys, I snapped. I wanted to show that I can be independent, I can be strong, I can drop somebody if I wanted too. Not just to you, but to myself. And apparently, to demonstrate that was to be in this fight. So you see, it was my pride that lead to this." Claudia gets up slowly when she's done.

"Claudia, I honestly don't blame you. We want to prove our worth from time to time. Being the only girl in the family, heh, it's something I do on a regular basis. But I think you're the strongest person now! The fact that you're still standing after a beat down like that is amazing."

"Thanks, Link. To be honest, I've never kickboxed in my life."

"Same here." Both girls laugh.

"We're still friends?" Linka asks, hopefully.

"Come here, girl!" They hug with content smiles on their faces.

"That's cute." Loki says. "Lame as hell, but cute."

"Whatever. I paid to see two girls get maimed, not a love fest." Manny retorts.

"Took the words out of my mouth, Emo. Chloe don't like. I want my money back!" All the guests started to agree, demanding a refund from their respective Loud friend.

"Guys, let's not do anything irrational." Loki says, nervously.

The friends at the ring pull apart. "I'm sorry." Linka says.

"I'm sorry, too." Claudia replies. "And, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. No disrespect, but my mom did always say, "finish what you started"."

"Wait, what?"

Without another word, Claudia hops an inch into the air, turns her body 45 degrees, and kicks Linka's neck with the heel of her foot. The blow causes spit and a loose tooth to fly out. And it must have been at pressure point because she then falls on the mat, unconscious. Not a bad Semi-Circular Kick for a kid who could barely see. The audience is in shock.

"Please tell me someone recorded that!" Riley yells out.

"One! Two! Three!" Lynn yells out and holds up Claudia's arm. "Champion!" The non-Loud crowd cheers and chant her name. Claudia smiles a tired smile. She did it. She proven herself to be tough! She just hopes Linka can forgive her.

"But seriously, the brothers and I will get you back for knocking out Linka." Lynn whispers threateningly to her.

Claudia gulps in fear. Well, nobody is strong enough to take on all 10 Loud Brothers.

* * *

On Monday afternoon, A black-eyed Linka, covered in bandages, carries a large container of Gus' Games and Grub buffalo chicken wings and a medium sized pizza that she just paid for back to the table she shared with, an also bandage covered, Claudia. She's wearing contacts (which she hated) until she receives her replacement glasses.

"Readers, the lesson here is to never, ever underestimate your opponent in battle. You never know what they're going to do when your guard's down." Linka sits and slides the food across the table. "Here you go, Claud."

"Thanks. I still can't believe how fast you dropped after my Semi-Circular Kick. It was like, bam!down!"

"Yeah, yeah." Linka bitterly sips her soda.

"Linka?"

"What?"

"The bet didn't say I couldn't share my winnings with you." She pushes the wings toward her. Linka smiles at her and happily accepts one.


	13. Overnight Success

Linka walks into her room with a six-pack of Coca-Cola in her grasp. She places it a cooler she had for tonight. "Tonight's a big night for me, readers." She says. "Claudia's coming over for a sleepover!"

"I know what all of you are thinking. "Linka, so what? Claudia comes over all the time." Comes over, has never slept over. Most importantly, sleepovers in the past have always gone terribly wrong. I'm not a snitch but…"

* * *

_Lynn had a sleepover with his friends and they thought it was a good idea to play soccer inside the house. The ball was passed to Lynn. He kicked it and it flies out the living room window, breaking it._

" _Lynn Loud Jr.!" His father yelled, enraged._

* * *

_At Loni's sleepover, his friends were using various electrical devices, overloading the living room's outlet._

" _Hey, Loni! Why don't you make us some of your smoothies?" One asked._

" _Coming right up!" Loni walks into the living room with the kitchen blender and plugs it into outlet mentioned before. The action caused not only his house to lose power, but the entire neighborhood to lose power._

" _Loni Loud!" Lynn Sr. yelled, pissed._

* * *

_Luke's sleepover was of him performing a little concert for his friends._

" _Good night, living room!" He screamed in a British accent over his cheering guests. He stood on the coffee table and smashed his electric guitar on it._

" _What are you doing?!" Lynn Sr. scolded. Luke's roadie, serving as a bouncer, tapped his shoulder._

" _Hey buddy, I don't see your name on the list." Cheryl said. She then locked Lynn Sr. out of his own house._

" _Luke Loud!"_

* * *

"Thanks to my brothers, sleepovers were banned. So when I wanted to have one, I had to step my convincing game up. I made a video presentation of me getting Chris out of a tree, helping one of our neighbors and her cat cross the street, and taking care of Leon to prove I'm responsible, respectful and reliable. That ended with me getting mauled by those cats; Chris twice. Thank God Dad loves cat videos."

She inspects her inventory. Drinks in the cooler, snacks piled up, couch cushions ready to be built into a fort, the movie chosen for the night, haircare and makeup products.

"I also got an itinerary all mapped out." She rolls out a ridiculously long piece of paper. "Every minute is guaranteed for us to have fun tonight. All that's missing is my guest." She takes out her walkie-talkie. "Sleeping Beauty, this is The Sandwoman. What's your location?"

"Sleeping Beauty here." Claudia answers. "I'm right next to the target. Prepare for contact in 3…2…" Linka hears the doorbell rings. She opens and greets the family on the other side.

"Hey, Claudia! Hi, Mrs. and Mrs. McBride."

"Hi, Linka. Ready for your big night?" Harriet asks.

"More than!"

"Great. We just came to drop off a few things Claudia will need." Holly says. "Sleeping bag, footsie pajamas, white noise machine, humidifier, dehumidifier, earplugs, inhaler, and allergy medications." As Holly lists the items, she hands them all to Linka to carry.

"Here is the list of numbers to reach us if our cell phones fail." Harriet hands Linka a piece a paper. "Restaurant, movie theater, gas station."

"Gas station?" Holly asks.

"In case we have to pee."

"Oh, right. And here's a picture of us." Holly gives her daughter it and gets teary-eyed. "Since we're not going to tuck you in tonight." She hugs Claudia tightly.

"Remember Claudia, no nuts, gluten, sugar, or pulp." Harriet tells her.

"My baby girl is growing up so fast!" Holly hugs her wife.

"Come on, Holly. You know what Dr. Lopez said about letting go, now let go."

The McBride parents walk down the pavement with Holly screaming "I love her so much!"

"Have fun, Claud!"

"Yes, we will!" Claudia closes the door behind them. "Your house is like NYC, it never sleeps!"

"And neither will we! I have a whole itinerary planned for us. Beginning with our first viewing of the newest movie musical, The Greatest Ringmaster. People at our school were raving about it a while ago, so I figured-" Linka sets the supplies down and sees Claudia wasn't in front of her anymore.

"Claudia? Claudia?" She goes upstairs to look for her. She checks the bathroom and finds her friend, sniffing shampoo?

"Are you trying to get high? What is this?"

"I'm just inhaling Loki's sensational arabica coffee fruit shampoo." She sniffs it again.

"That's _my_ shampoo. The guys borrow it without asking." Claudia test this claim by sniffing strands of her friend's hair.

"So it is."

"I'd appreciate it if you don't sniff my hair again. Let's bail before Loki comes and you pass out again."

"Please. I'm always cool around Loki."

Loki then exits his room. He doesn't even acknowledge the preteen girls but the sight of him was enough to set Claudia off.

"Abort. Abort. Systems overheating. Shutting down!" She says in awkward robot mode and falls down, pulling the shower curtain down with her.

"We have to start The Greatest Ringmaster in the next thirty seconds, or we'll be cutting into precious pedicure time." Claudia comes to after she said that and Linka pulls her out of there quickly.

"Ok, we may have to do pedicures during the movie. Also french braiding each other's hair. It's alright, I can make this work." Claudia walks into Lane's and Luke's room unnoticed. To listen to Lane's stand up comedy routine.

"Why's six afraid of seven?"

"Oh, I heard this one. Because seven ate nine?" Claudia asks.

"No, because seven is a registered six offender!"

Claudia laughs and claps. "You got me! Lane, that was a good one!"

"Thank you, my fair lady. Let's hear it for the house band!" He points to Luke playing a solo on his ax. He does a couple tricks with it before dropping to his knees and turning on his strobe lights.

"Luke, your raw talent moves my heart and my feet." Claudia tells him.

"Cheers, love." He says in his British accent.

Linka comes in and takes Claudia back. "Stop bothering Claudia. We have a long night ahead of us." They leave the room and Linka checks the itinerary again. "We're now a full minute behind schedule. But we can make that up if we don't waste time buttering the popcorn."

"No problem. My moms say I need to watch my cholesterol level." A hackysack comes out of Lynn's and Lars's room.

"Heads!" Lynn pokes his head out.

"I got it!" Claudia catches it with her foot and does tricks with it.

"Ok! I see you, Tiger Claud!" He joins her in a short game.

Loni comes to the scene with a tube of acne cream. "This is messed up! It says the cream might cause hives. Can someone else try it out first?" He spots Claudia, pours a generous amount on his hand, and slaps it on her face.

"Christina! Perfect!"

"Actually, it's Claudia. This doesn't have peanuts, right?"

Levi enters with a helmet he created. "Time for my Friday night brain wave study. Ooo, new brains!" He puts the helmet on Claudia, turns it on, and control her movements with a remote control.

"Dance, sister!"

"Levi! This… feels…amazing!" Claudia says in between the helmet's surging pulses.

Lane sticks his head out of his bedroom door. He proceeds to blow a kiss to an unseen audience. "Goodnight, everybody!" He says, breaking the fourth wall. He then closes the door.

A constrictor frees itself from the twins' room. "Look out!" Leif warns the others, chasing after it. It gently wraps itself around Claudia. She's afraid of it, but her face loosens when it rubs its head on her cheek affectionately.

"Aw, El Diablo likes you!" Leif and his brothers go "awww" at the moment.

"Guys! Leave Claudia alone! We're on a schedule!" The white-haired girl demands.

"It's ok, Linka. We can hang out with your brothers."

"No! I see my brothers every waking moment! This sleepover is supposed to be _our_ thing, Claudia!"

Lexx walks up to the group with his phone and Bluetooth speaker. "Broadway Roleplay Time! Tonight's production will be Dear Edwin Hanssen, brought to you by Lexx Loud."

"I love DEH!" Claudia says.

"Perfect! I'm starting with the song "If I Could Tell Her"."

"Oh no, you don't!" Linka grabs her arm and pulls her away.

"Hey! That's my Zoey!" Lexx grabs her other arm. The siblings engage in a tug-of-war for the young African-American.

"I hate to disappoint the kid, Link. Start the movie and I'll be right down."

"Excuse me?!" Linka lets go of her arm. "You would rather spend time with my idiot brothers…"

"Hey!"

"…then do all the stuff I had planned for us? That's bullshit! You're ruining the sleepover! Crocheting bracelets are out the window and I seriously doubt we'll get to play Truth or Dare!"

"Linka, we can still do the other stuff you've planned. And besides, fun doesn't come in an order."

Linka stomps back to her room. "You know what?! Forgot it! The sleepover is officially canceled!" She slams the door shut.

"That's tough." Lynn comments.

Claudia sighs. "I need to talk to her. Dr. Lopez said the first step to conflict resolution is communication."

Loki walks up to Claudia with his phone. "Claudia, I need a woman's opinion. Bebe texted me hey with four 'Y's, does that mean she's amorous?"

"Error! Does not compute! Systems shutting down!" She then faints in a lovesick trance.

"I think there are peanuts in this cream." Loni says.

* * *

"I didn't get mauled by cats just to have this sleepover go to waste!" Linka paces her room in frustration. Then she gets an idea. "Maybe it doesn't have to."

She invites another girl to her house. Later, she opens the door for the local farm girl, Leah.

"Leah! Welcome to the best night ever! Come in!" Leah steps inside and the first thing she noticed is the sound of chaos from upstairs.

"Sounds pretty loud up there."

"Keep it to yourself, Leah. They attack your weakest points."

In Linka's room, she shows her the movie. "Behold, Leah! The movie everybody's singing about, The Greatest Ringmaster!" She puts the disc in the player of her laptop.

Lexx barges into the room. "Broadway Roleplay Time!" He notices Leah. "Hey kid, how well do you know Dear Edwin Hanssen?"

"What's that?"

"What's that?! Let me get you into this!" He plays the song "Waving Through a Window" and sets the Bluetooth speaker at full volume. Both girls cringe at the noise.

"Sorry, Link! But I can't stay over with a theater nerd like him running around!" Leah yells over the music. "I'm out of here!" She runs out the front door. Lexx turns off the music and stands at the doorway.

"Some people just don't appreciate the arts. It won a Tony for Best Musical! What are you doing with your life?!"

* * *

Linka invited another girl over. They are sitting in the living room, the opening to The Greatest Ringmaster playing.

"Catherine, my new sleepover buddy. Get ready for an upbeat and fun two-hour movie musical about a greedy and really cruel historical figure." Linka was met with dark facts when she googled the main character.

"Really?"

"Don't worry. Based on the trailer, it looks exactly as it does on the box cover."

Levi pops up from behind the couch and looks at Catherine. "Hi, new test subject!"

"Say what?"

Levi pulls out some jumper cables and starts laughing like the mad scientist he is. Catherine runs out of the house like mad.

"Why are people so scared of science?" Levi asks. Linka just facepalms.

* * *

She brought over yet another girl. "Thanks for coming, Arty. You were my… _first_ choice for a sleepover." Linka says, never mentioning the two girls before her. They were walking to Linka's room when stopped in their tracks by Lars.

"Hey. I'm starting a practice funeral and I need a corpse." He looks at Arty. "Are you claustrophobic?" Arty speeds down the stairs and bolts out the door. There's his answer. Linka glares at him and he just smiles.

* * *

Linka invited three different girls after that. But the first one couldn't handle the smell of Leon's dirty diapers. The second one got hit by dodgeballs during a game her brothers were playing. And the third got chased out by El Diablo.

"Ok, so not everyone can handle the Loud House, readers." Linka says. "But I think I've found the perfect girl. She lives in between a freeway and a circus!" The doorbell rings and Linka opens the door for the seventh girl.

"Zara! Come on in!" Her greeting is followed by one of Levi's experiments blowing the windows out.

"Oh, hell no." Zara says then walks away.

"Wow." Linka says bluntly and closes the door. "Isn't there anyone who can handle this house?!" She hears Claudia's white noise machine and turns it off. All of Claudia's stuff is still here.

"Claudia! Of course! She doesn't just handle it, she likes it!" She pulls out her walkie-talkie. "Sleeping Beauty, this is The Sandwoman, do you read?"

Static noises.

"Wow, she must still be mad. Was I that big of a bitch?" The white noise machine turns on as if to say yes.

"Shut up!" Linka turns it off, annoyed.

* * *

Linka walks over to the McBride residence and climbs through Claudia's unlocked bedroom window. She sees a lump under the blankets of the bed.

"You know you should really lock your windows at night. Robbers enter through here, too." She lets out a dry chuckle.

"But seriously, I'm really sorry for acting out. I was so focused on having the sleepover going exactly the way _I_ planned, that I didn't care what you thought. I didn't realize how lucky I am to have a friend like you…until I tried to replace you seven times. I'm sorry about that, too."

Silence.

"The old silent treatment? I deserve that. I hope you can forgive me someday." She hears another noise machine.

"God damn! How many noise machines does one person need?"

* * *

Linka is back in her house and trudges sadly up the stairs. She hears animated chatter from Luke's and Lane's room. Claudia was in a sleeping bag surrounded by nine of the Loud brothers; everyone's wearing pajamas.

"Claudia? You're still here?"

"Sorry, Link. I passed out when I saw Loki. And every time he came to check on me, I passed out again." Her friend explains. That's why Loki's absent. And that's why Claudia didn't notice those other girls come over.

"No, Claud! I want you to stay. I was just at your house apologizing to some lump on your bed."

Claudia walks up to her. "Ah. Those must have been my stuffed animals. I got too many to count. They kinda keep me company at night."

"Right, because you're an only child."

"Yeah. Sometimes it gets pretty lonely at my house. I've wished for a sibling. And you have the luxury of 10. I've wished for someone who can depend on me or I can count on. Someone who I can get into pointless fights with. Besides you, of course."

"No wonder you like hanging out with my brothers."

"Mm-hmm." While Claudia was telling her sob story, Luke played his violin.

"Dude, your story moves my heart and my bow."

"Can we start this sleepover over?" Linka asks Claudia.

"You mean it?"

"Absolutely! Only this time…" Linka rips her itinerary into shreds. "We're gonna do what _you_ want to do."

* * *

Claudia and the Loud siblings gathered together in the living room. Loni's applying hair gel to Claudia's hair.

"Cassandra, my new gel may cause baldness. So, let me know what happens."

Leon is giggling next to her. "Hi!"

Claudia takes the baby in her arms. "Hello to you, too! Who's the cutest baby in the world? You are!" She kisses both his cheeks, causing him to giggle more as she set him down.

Lexx stands in front of the two eleven-year-olds. "Girls, sing a trio with me!"

"Come on, Lexx. I don't know the musical as well as you." Linka says.

"But I know you know this one!"

_Lexx:_

_Cause all that it takes is a little reinvention_

_Lexx, Linka, and Claudia:_

_It's easy to change if you give it your attention_

_All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be_

_Sincerely, Me!_

Lynn is kicking around his hackysack. "Tiger Claud!" They both play a little before an energetic choir sings "woah" from the TV.

"The Greatest Ringmaster! This is gonna be great!" Claudia says. "Pun intended?"

Lane shrugs at her attempt. "Cheap. But nice try, Claud."

She turns to Linka. "Link, thanks for coming through for me. I love you."

"Love you too, girl." Both girls raise their sodas in the air.

"To the best sleepover ever!" They say together.

The brothers join them in raising their drinks. "Best sleepover ever!" They cheer.

Loki enters in his pajamas, too. Unfortunately, he _only_ sleeps in checkered blue and white boxer shorts. "Okay. Who wants pizza bites?" He offers, carrying the tray.

Claudia's nose bleeds profusely and goes into robot mode again. "Must abort! Abort! Systems shutting down…" Her voice drops an octave as she passes out again.

"Goddamn! Are there peanuts in everything?" Loni says, holding up his gel.

"No, dumbass!" Loki tells him and passes the food to his siblings. "More for us, then."


	14. A Mother and Daughter Chapter

Linka's sitting in her room, looking down at a portrait of herself and her mother in deep thought.

"Rita Loud, aka, my mom. You would assume that because I'm the only girl in the family, I have a close relationship with my mother, right readers? Well, as my older brothers taught me, when you assume something, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me". We're so different! And when we spend time together, it's not enjoyable on my behalf."

* * *

_Linka was playing a video game in the living room when the T.V was unplugged. "Who did that?!"_

_Rita held up the T.V cord. "Linka, you can't just play video games all day long. You need to stay fit, like your mom."_

_Later, the T.V is plugged back in and Rita was following an aerobics show. "See?" She panted. "Exercise can be fun!"_

_Linka was panting and sweating harder as she copied the movements. "Tell me when the fun part starts!"_

* * *

" _Ouch!" Linka screamed and shook her hand alleviate the pain. She looked down at the curtain. "How did Loni do this at the age of six?!"_

_Rita passed her needle through the material with ease. "Sewing is a basic skill that you need to know in life."_

" _Well, that's basically sexist." The white-haired girl said under her breath._

" _What was that?"_

" _Nothing!"_

* * *

_Linka desperately swayed her arms back and forth. In an attempt to sooth the crying baby in her arms._

_Rita walked past her to take out the trash. "Mom, a little help?!"_

" _Linka, sometimes babies cry for no particular reason. Just keep Leon company, sweetheart. You'll need to know how to properly take care of babies when you're older." Rita walked away with that._

_Linka cursed under her breath while Leon kept crying in her arms._

* * *

"It feels like, all Mom wants from me is to be her mirror image. And that's a very high expectation. I'm sure most of you female readers can relate." She lays back on her bed with a sigh.

"LINKA, GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE! BREAKFAST!" Linka was pretty sure everyone within a 2 mile radius heard Lynn's call. She folds the photo up and puts it in her skirt pocket. She runs downstairs and into the dining room where all of her brothers and her mother were seated at the table already. Lynn Sr. places her breakfast in front of her with a "good morning, honey." She immediately scarfs down her waffles.

"Don't chew with your mouth open, Linka. You know better." Rita scolds. Linka responds with a quiet annoyed groan. Out of this whole table, she was singled out to be scolded? When Lynn next to her was doing the same action.

"Kids, this almost slipped my mind." Lynn Sr. announce after he sat down. "It's Take Your Kid to Work Day at the office!" All the siblings cheer enthusiastically.

"Dad's I.T job always has the best TYKW days, readers!" Linka says. "And with all eleven of us there, it's going to be epic!" She takes a sip from her orange juice afterwards.

Rita nudge her husband, as if to remind him to mention something else.

"Ow!" He rubs his arm. "I mean, it might as well be Take Your Son to Work Day. Linka, you'll be going with your mom to the dentist's office."

Linka spits out her orange juice onto Lane's pancakes, who was sitting directly in front of her.

" _Orange_ you upset you wasted your juice?" He laughs. "Get it? But seriously, gross." He pushes his ruined pancakes away from him.

"Why?!"

"Linka, taking your child to work is supposed to be a learning experience. It's not to fool around in a respectable environment!" Rita explains.

"But we like making fools of ourselves at Dad's office!"

"To build a work ethic…"

"I'm eleven!"

"And to see firsthand what your parent does to feed and clothe you!" Rita exhale and softens her tone. "You'll see it's not so bad, Snow White."

"Ugh! This is so unfair!" She slams her head down right onto her food.

* * *

Linka watched from the door way as all ten of her brothers pile into the family wagon. Her eyes in a sad gaze and her arms crossed. Rita's inside calling for a cab. Lynn Sr. stands next to her.

"Think of it as a good mother/daughter bonding experience." Linka stayed silent. "Well, just know the day won't be as fun without you."

"Hurry, pops! We don't wanna miss the doughnut cannon!" Luke eagerly shouts from his window.

"I'll bring you back a jelly-filled!" Lynn Sr. says to Linka, just as excited as Luke. He gets in the driver's seat and revs it up. He pulls out of the driveway.

"See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, Snow White!" Lexx says to his sister.

"Try not to have too much fun at the dentist's office!" Lynn mockingly adds. All ten of them laugh and continue to as they are going down the road. Once they were out of ear shot, Linka slams the door and fumes on the couch where her mom is waiting for the cab.

* * *

The first thing Linka noticed when she and Rita walked into the dentist's office was the patients in the waiting room had really bad dental work. One girl had braces _and_ head gear. A grown man was missing all of his teeth.

A short woman in a white coat opens the door to let out her last patient, who's left cheek was swelling and red from having a tooth pulled out.

"Ok, Tyler, the pain will go away in a few days. In the meantime, here's a lollipop." She gives him the treat and turns to her assistant.

"Ah, Rita, good morning."

"Good morning, Dr. Feinstein. You remember my daughter, Linka."

"Of course! Let's see those permanent teeth of yours. Open." Linka opens her mouth wide and Feinstein sees some plaque building up. "Have you been flossing?"

"Every night, ma'am." Linka answers then shuts her mouth.

"Riiiight." The dentist says in a disbelieving tone.

* * *

Later, Linka is joined by Rita and Feinstein in the examination room.

"What Mom does is she helps Dr. Feinstein with the patients and hands her the the tools." Rita says as she and her daughter put on surgical masks and gloves. "So you're going to be doing the same."

"Ok." _Don't worry, kid. You're Linka Loud! You can make anything fun!_ The white-haired girl thought to herself.

The patient steps in and takes a seat. It's a kid who needs his braces tightened. Rita inspects the inside of his mouth. Linka stands by as her mom removes the ligatures. She imitates the sounds of a siren.

"Quick doctor! Inject him with nitrous oxide! We need to operate immediately!"

"What?!" The boy sits up, frightened.

"No, we're not going to do that, Jimmy." Rita reassures the boy. She turns to her daughter. "Linka, can you please stop?!"

"But Mom, you work well under pressure."

"The patient has to remain calm during this procedure." Rita turns back to Jimmy and removes his arch wire carefully. "There. Now you have to floss your teeth. Linka, hand Jimmy the floss."

Linka hands Jimmy the floss. As he does this, Linka sings to herself.

_I am your dentist_

_And I enjoy the career that I picked_

_I am your dentist_

_And I get off on the pain I inflict!_

Linka points a drill to his face, causing him to jump.

"Goodness gracious!" He cries. The scare made the floss scrape against his gums. "Ow!"

"That song is highly inappropriate! It mocks the whole profession!" Dr. Feinstein says.

Linka can't tell, but Rita is gritting her teeth behind her mask. "Linka, why don't you go to the supply room and grab some extra scalpels?" Linka leaves the exam room without another word.

In the supply room, Linka rummages through the closet. "I don't know why she's mad. I was just keeping myself entertained." She grabs a handful of scalpels. "If the guys were here, they'd understand." And guess who she sees when she looks out the window. The sight alone makes her drop the tools.

From the wide windows on the building across the street, she sees Loni and Loki engage in a suction cup dart war with the two Lynns. The twins are pushing Levi and Leon around on office chairs and laughing. Lane and Lars are zipping on a zip line over cubicles. And Luke has the doughnut cannon and is firing doughnuts everywhere.

"Doughnuts and a zip line?! No fair!" She screams, outraged.

Rita enters the supply room. "Sweetheart? Turns out we actually need those scalpels. What are you looking at?"

Linka points at her father's office. "See that Mom?! That could have been me too! But you were so adamant about dragging me here! I missed a whole day of fun!"

"Let them waste the day, Linka! Take Your Kids to Work Day is supposed to be a learning experience!"

"Well, I rather be learning how to get behind enemy lines in a suction cup dart war! You just _had_ to singled me out, did you!"

Rita gives her the death stare. The stare that all parents give their children when an argument is on the rise.

* * *

At the I.T office, the eldest Loud brothers are ducked behind a table they had propped up like a barrier.

"Status report, private!" Loki demands.

"Sir!" Loni salutes. "Lynn was last seen in the coffee room, Dad is behind cubicle 3, and Lane picked up the extra dart gun. He can attack us from above. Sir!"

"Then let's move out! For honor! For country! For… Linka?"

"Ooo. Good idea, Loki. Shoot one for Linka."

"No, look out the window." Loki points at the mother and daughter scene in the dentist's office across the street.

"Huh. Guys! Come check this out!" Loni calls behind him. The rest of the family joins them in watching the scene unravel.

"This can't be good." Lynn Sr. says.

* * *

"What do you expect me to do, Linka?! Apologize for wanting to spend time with you!"

"Haven't you've been paying attention? Every time we do stuff together, we do stuff _you_ want to do! I never get a say in it! You never listen! You never care!"

"Linka!"

Dr. Feinstein enters. "I hate to interrupt, but everyone in the waiting room can hear you. Rita, back to work."

Rita nods and gives her daughter one last glare. "We'll discuss this at home."

* * *

A cab stops in front of the Loud House that evening. "They're here!" Lynn calls out from his spot at the living room window.

"Ok, boys. We approach what happened in their argument slowly." Lynn Sr. tells them. Rita unlocks the door and heads toward the kitchen. Linka stomps over to the living room couch, sits, and lays her head in her arms on the left arm rest. Luke sits next to her.

"Welcome back, sis. Uh, I saved you a jelly-filled." He holds up the doughnut. Linka puts her head up briefly to grab the doughnut and squeeze the jelly out in her fist. She drops it on the carpet and puts her head down again. Luke looks back at his brothers, slightly wide-eyed.

"Should I stay or should I go?"

Rita comes back to the living room after taking an Advil and drinking some water. "Lynn, you know what your daughter did today? She gave me attitude just because she missed out on Take Your Kids to Work Day at your office!"

"IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT!" The rest of the family jumps at the sudden booming of the girl's voice. She stands and walks toward her mother. "You're always telling me how to live! Trying to make me be like you!"

Rita scoffs and put her hands on her hips. "I teach you proper etiquette and life skills!"

"You taught me how to be a boring housewife! Your mirror image!" The brothers gasp loudly at this. Rita was turning pink, her anger beginning to boil.

"Linka!"

"Just listen! That's all you had to do! Just listen to me and know that I'm not interested in this type of stuff! I mean, my name means mannish in Hungarian! I like to do stuff with the guys better! You think I _genuinely_ want to know how to clean and sew and crap like that?!"

"You're acting like a baby!"

"And you, ma'am, are a dumb broad!" Tears prick at the corner of her eyes.

" _How dare you?!_ " Rita screeches. Full on red with ire now. That caused Lynn Sr. to hide behind his sons.

"You were never there for me! You only need me when it's convenient for you! You weren't there for me when the boys were having that huge brawl or when I admitted to pretending to be bad luck! I will not look up to a woman who doesn't have my back!" She points a finger at her. "I am and will never be like you! AH!" Linka screams when Rita clasp her hand around her wrist. Her nails dig into wrist. Linka looks into Rita's eyes and sees fire.

"Linka, I have 10 sons and one daughter. Not 11 sons. I teach you and expect you to act like a proper young lady. And if you too much of an _ungrateful_ _brat_ to see that, then that's your business!" She drops her arm. Linka let the tears flow from her eyes. Tears drop on the nail-shaped marks on her wrist. Rita takes deep breaths and unclench her fists. The fire in her eyes extinguished. She instantly is crushed by the wave of remorse as she realized she made her little girl cry. Tears pool up in her eyes, her heart hammering in her chest as she drops to her knees in next to her.

"Linka, I-"

The eleven year old girl stands abruptly and runs to the front door and opens it so quickly, she could have tore it away from the hinges. Standing at the doorway, her knuckles turning white from her grip on the door knob, she stares dead into her so-called mother's eyes and yells three words. Three words that made Rita feel less of a human being.

"I HATE YOU!" She slams the door shut. It caused a tiny crack above the door frame.

Rita stares at the door with an open mouth, wide eyes, and a tear stained face. Her chest rising and falling to calm herself down. She couldn't cry anymore; not in front of her boys. She tore her gaze from the door and look down at her hands, specifically the one that scratched Linka. Her initial thought of not losing herself to her emotions in front of the kids, out the window. _She breaks down._ Hugging herself, her back is bent over, like she wants to make herself nonexistent. She couldn't be bold enough to look at everyone else.

Everyone else was frozen in their place. What could you do in this situation? They couldn't look for Linka cause what would dragging her back do for them now? And now they're seeing their mother or wife, who they thought as a strong and compassionate individual, break down like a child who recently lost their parents.

Loni, in his good-hearted nature, made the first move. He kneels down in front of his mother and put a hand on her shoulder. She makes no response to his action.

"Don't worry, Mom. Knowing Linka, she didn't run away for good. She just went to a place to cool off. She'll forgive you. She'll be back."

Loki comes to right side and her arm around shoulders. "In the meantime, let's get you to bed." Loni follows Loki's example and loops her left arm around his shoulders. They pick her up but she's weak in the knees. They catch her before she falls again and carries her to her room. Rita is muttering to herself; praying that Linka is safe.

* * *

Linka ran three blocks away from her house. She stops in the middle of sidewalk, hands on her knees. She blinks away tears to clear her vision. She catches her breath and as she does she hiccups. She looks around and finds herself in a familiar neighborhood. She makes a right and walks down a street she knows like the back of hand. As she walks, she takes out her phone and dials a number.

"Hey, Linka."

"Claudia, is your trundle bed available? I'm coming over right now."

"Have you been crying?"

"I'll explain when I get there."

* * *

"After I told her off, I ran out of the house." Linka tells Claudia. Laying on the trundle bed in Claudia's room.

"I see. And how is your relationship with your mother?"

Linka sits up and see Claudia is seated like a therapist. "Claud, what are you doing?"

"When I take my problems to Dr. Lopez, this is how he helps me."

"Oh, ok." She lays back down. "Anyway, our relationship is twisted! She has this unachievable expectation of me being just like her! This is exactly what I was talking about six pages ago! I hate it!"

"Linka, are you saying you hate your mother?"

"That's what I said before I left the house."

"Do you mean it?"

Linka sits up and put her hands in her lap. In doing so, she feels something thin in her skirt pocket. She pulls out the photo from the beginning. Both of them are smiling brightly to the camera. Rita had her arm around Linka's shoulders. It feels so fake to Linka now. With a deep frown, she tears it right down the middle. Claudia nods slowly, understanding the motion.

Then her watch beeps. "Hmm, looks like our time is up."

"What? Can't I stay over?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, I'm so used to hearing Dr. Lopez say that."

* * *

The next morning comes around and still no Linka. It's safe to guess that she went to a friend's house after the fight and stayed for the night. What boggles Rita's mind is when or if Linka will come back. It puts the Loud mother in a dispirited mood. Her eyes of a somber color. She doesn't speak much at breakfast because every minute she's glancing over at the empty chair. When breakfast is over, she takes all the dishes to the sink and denies help from her sons. After that, she mops the kitchen floor and vacuums the living room. All attempts to keep her mind distracted.

* * *

Meanwhile, the brothers and Lynn Sr. accumulate in the eldest brothers' room. Loki bangs his sneaker against his desk.

"I call this meeting to order! Something has to be done about the mother/daughter issue."

"And immediately." Levi adds. "It's unnerving to see your maternal forebearer disconsolate."

"You heard what Linka said, she hates her!" Lexx says.

"Oh, son, that was just in the heat of the moment." Lynn Sr. tells him. "I'm sure Linka didn't mean to say that. She was frustrated."

"Right. And the time to just sit back and do nothing is over!" Loki says.

"So, what do we do? Find Linka and tell her to come back?" Lane asks.

"I'm afraid her pride wouldn't let her." The father answers. "Rita called her three times last night and she didn't answer."

"We have to bring them together somehow!" Leif says. "I mean, the times she spends with Mom are not all that bad. We have to remind her of that."

Loki rubs his chin and smirks, an idea's formulating. "You're absolutely right, Leif. And I think I know how to do that."

"Before you tell us your plan, we need to know where Linka is." Lynn says.

"Our best guess is to check with Claudia." Luke answers. "Does anyone have her phone number?"

"I still do! From the time she needed my help to behave around Loki." Loni says.

Loki nods at this. "Good. We're gonna need her help too."

* * *

Strange. Rita hadn't heard a peep from her husband or her sons since breakfast. What have they been doing all day?

"Oh, honey! Can you help me clean the attic?" Her husband calls for her for the first time today. Rita sighs and puts down the rag she was using to clean the T.V. She meets Lynn Sr. up in the attic.

"Why don't you start in the right side of the attic where that old baby crib is at?" He suggests. That's very specific. She goes over there and finds a note attached to the crib. She picks it up and it reads:

_**On the darkest of nights,** _

_**Your little girl would wake up in a freight.** _

_**She only ran to you.** _

_**Cause your lullaby helped her see it through.** _

What's more is that there is a cassette tape in a player attached to headphones. She put on the headphones and pressed the play button. It was a recording of her voice singing a lullaby years ago. She was pretty sure Lynn Sr. was present to record this in secret. As she listens, She flashbacks to a time when Linka was a sweet, little three year old.

* * *

_Thunder and lightning shook the Loud House in the dead of night. Little Linka was jolted awake in her small bed and cried "Mommy! Mommy!"_

_Rita came into the linen closet quickly. She scooped her little girl into her arms. "Oh sweetie, what's the matter?" Another booming noise was made the child scream again. She cried into her mother's chest._

" _Shh. Shh. I'm here, princess. I'll always be here." Linka looked up at her with glassy eyes. Rita gave her a tired smile and sang:_

Hush now, my baby

Be still, love, don't cry

Sleep as you're rocked in my arms

Sleep and remember my one lullaby

Know that I'll protect you from harm

_With no more tears left, Linka smiled up at her. She steadily relaxed in her mother's gentle hold._

* * *

Rita takes off the headphones with her voice caught in her throat. Lynn Sr. comes up from behind her and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"You sang the most beautiful lullaby. You know what, I'll finish up here. I think I hear Leif calling you."

* * *

Claudia was walking downtown with Linka. The former requested to go to the pharmacy for some products. She did had an ulterior motive. Loni had texted her earlier.

**Loni: Hi Cassandra! I'm sure Linka told you about her mommy problem, but the guys and I have a plan!**

He then called her and explained the plan in detail while Linka was in the shower. Before they left the house, Loni texted her first instructions.

**Loni: When you're at the pharmacy, take Linka to the female products aisle. There's a note for her.**

Claudia leads her friend inside and into the feminine hygiene products aisle. Linka and Claudia look around and the former picks up a note attached to a package of pads.

Apparently, the note had been left alone since Lars stuck it onto the package an hour ago. And no employee or customer thought it was strange that a note speaking in rhyme was attached to a random package of pads. Cartoon logic, ladies and gentlemen.

Anyway, the note reads:

_**When puberty first hit, it was a scary and dark stage.** _

_**You felt like no one could understand about coming to that age.** _

_**But who guided you through the baby steps of adulthood, your mother.** _

_**During that time, would you go to another?** _

Linka bares a deep frown as she flashbacks to her and Rita shopping for her.

* * *

_Linka looked strangely at the blue package in her hands. "Pads?"_

" _Yes, so there's no mess." Rita went ahead and put aforementioned package in the cart. Along with some Advil and chocolate bars._

_The preteen blushed a deep red as she looked down at her blue jeans; a first for her. "This is so embarrassing."_

_Rita let go of her cart and kneeled in front of her. "Sweetheart, like I said before, there's nothing to be ashamed of." She combed her hair with her fingers. "It happens to every girl coming of age and it means you're blossoming. You'll see after your first month, you'll learn to live with it."_

_Linka smiled a small one. "Ok, I trust you."_

* * *

"You ok, Linka?" Claudia snaps her fingers in front of her friend's face. Linka snaps out of her trance.

"Yeah." She didn't admit out loud, but the note left her with tightening feeling in her chest especially the last line.

* * *

Rita walks to the backyard and sees the twins under the tree with her forthcoming novel. "Boys, where did you find that?"

"Hey, Mom!" Leif greets. "Lexx and I just finished the first chapter of your novel!"

"You have a bright future as a best-selling author, ma'am." Lexx hands her the yellow book and Rita reads another note attached to the back cover.

_**The best writing is from personal experience.** _

_**The fact it's based on your child makes it your best book, period.** _

_**Your creative writing is quintessential.** _

_**Glad Linka was there to help you reach your full potential.** _

"You're just saying that."

"Don't be so modest, Mommy." Lexx says, playing up his acting skills. "An adventurous young woman with white hair? What's not to love?"

"Who was the inspiration?" Leif asks, as if it wasn't obvious.

Rita smile sadly. "Your sister."

"Really? How'd that happen?" Lexx asks.

"Last year, Linka had my original notebook destroyed during her dentist's visit."

* * *

"… _So, I jumped into the cement pit and grabbed the notebook. But it was too late." Linka finished explaining to her mother about the stupidly wild goose chase she had to endure. Ending with the book utterly destroyed and with blocks of cement on her feet._

" _Linka, you lied to me!" Rita said, sternly. "You snuck out and ruined seven years of hard work!"_

" _I know. I'm really sorry."_

" _But in all honesty, you might have done me a favor." Rita said in a calm tone. Linka looked up at her confused._

" _I was initially writing about a bored dental assistant who talks to her pet fish." She points to Fisher, the guppy in the waiting room fish tank. "It was going no where. But your experience has given me a better idea: I'm going to write about a courageous thrill-seeker with white hair."_

" _Dr. Feinstein?"_

" _No, silly. You."_

" _Aww! Thanks, Mom!" They hugged._

_Sometime later, Linka's feet was free by a drill and she and Rita walked home._

" _So tell me again how you chased down that garbage truck." Rita asked, she held her notepad and pencil._

" _I have a better idea." Linka answered._

_-/-_

_Linka and her mother were riding down the street on roller skates. Linka held onto a rope tied to a horse and Rita held onto her shoulders; a reenactment of Linka's book-seeking adventure. Rita couldn't have thought of a more fun way to end the day._

" _Hang on, Mom!" Linka shouted. "WHOO-HOO!"_

* * *

"That's basically what happened."

"Wow. That sounds awesome!" Lexx comments.

"Yeah, Linka and I learned a lot from each other from hanging out together. Well, before recently." Rita says in a downcast gaze.

"Hey. No tears, Mom. I got an idea! Why don't we get some ice cream at the park?" Leif suggests.

Rita raises an eyebrow at the random request. "I don't know."

"Come on! We gotta get you out of the house! Plus, some of the guys are already there." Leif holds his mother's hand and drags her to the front yard and onto the sidewalk. Lexx trailing behind, sending a text to Loki that they're on their way.

* * *

"So, why are we at the park again?" Linka asks the young African-American at the gates. Loni had texted Claudia before hand to bring her to the park.

"We need to enjoy the first days of summer, Linka. When was the last time we went to the park together?"

"Claud, as a kid in this day and age, would rather play in the hot sun or watch EyeTube videos in an air conditioned room?"

"Ok, I see your point. But we're doing this anyway!" Claudia takes her by the arm and pulls her through the gates. She brings her to the picnic table area. On a table under the shade, there was a note folded in half that reads in bold text "Reserved for Louds" on the table. Before Linka can question it further, Lane and Lynn come up to the table. Lane is holding two silver platters and Lynn is holding two cups of strawberry lemonade.

"What's up, little sis?" Lynn says as he and Lane set up the table.

"What's going on here?" Linka asks, suspiciously.

"Calm down, Link. It's only a lunch at the park." Lane answers.

"Why are there two plates?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

"In the meantime, why don't you wait for that person." Lynn sits his sister down. "Oh! And this is for you." He attaches another rhyming note on the lid. Lane, Lynn, and Claudia walk away with that.

"Are you sure this phase of the plan will work?" Claudia whispers to the brothers.

"Claudia, I'm not just sure, I'm _berry_ sure!" Lane laughs. "Get it?" The other two groan at this. The three of them sit at a table at the east side of the area.

The note Lynn gave Linka reads:

_**This should remind you of one of your biggest fails.** _

_**A cake for Mom's birthday, how that plan derailed.** _

_**This should also remind you that the both of you aren't perfect.** _

_**You're different but balance each other out; you have that special effect.** _

Linka opens the lids on both plates, it's strawberry shortcake. No doubt from the bakery nearby. Linka instantly flashbacks to that messy day.

* * *

_Linka wasn't into cooking. She knew it was one her weaknesses. But she wanted to make something for her mother all on her own._

_She brought a sloppily done strawberry shortcake to the dining table. The top layer of the cake was sliding off the bottom part. It's even worse when the candles were already on top were lit. The frosting wasn't evenly spread and was dripping._

" _Happy birthday, Mom!" Linka said. Her family just stared at it oddly. Rita blew out the candles before they fell to the floor._

" _Oh, hell no. I am literally not eating that." Loki said._

" _Thanks, Loki. But your opinion means very little to me. I wanna know what Mom thinks." She cut a large piece and placed it in front of her. Rita hastily picked up her fork and grabbed a small piece of it. When she took a bite from it she immediately gagged on the taste. She forced it down her throat._

" _Mmm… it's very…"_

" _You hate it, don't you?" Linka is not the kind of kid that wants her news sugarcoated._

" _At least you tried, baby girl."_

" _Don't worry, Linka. A good chef take criticism to improve their work, not personally." Lynn Sr. said._

" _Thanks, Dad. But if we're being honest Mom, this would be the same result if_ you _bake this." That got her a handful of cake at the center of her face. Her brothers laughed at her._

" _Rita!" Lynn Sr. scolded._

" _Oh, I'm sorry. That must have slipped off my fork." Linka laughed at that._

" _Oh, it is on!" Linka grabbed a chunk of the cake and threw it at Rita. She leaned to the right to dodge it and it hit Lynn Jr. in the face._

" _Uh oh."_

" _FOOD FIGHT!" Lynn exclaimed. He wiped the frosting from his face and threw it at his sister. The family grabbed a handful of the sloppy cake and started pelting each other with it. Cake got on the floors, walls, and furniture but everyone was having too much fun to notice. Linka's face lit up when she saw her mother was laughing the hardest._

* * *

Linka smiles at that moment as she takes a bite of her slice of cake. Waiting for whatever her brothers had planned.

* * *

"Dude, I'll play _anything_ else!" Luke argues with Loki. The two of them are at a different picnic table a few yards away from Linka's table on the west side. They're seated with Levi, Lars, Leon, Loni and Lynn Sr.

"What's wrong with it? It gets the point across nicely." Loki says.

"What's wrong-?! I outta hit you with my ax for that! It's _christian rock_!"

"Hey, don't threaten me! I didn't write this chapter. We're not changing anything! We already so far ahead in the plan!"

"Bogus!"

"The twins approach with mother!" Levi announces when he sees them through his binoculars.

Lexx and Leif pull Rita toward the picnic table area. "We have a nice spot for you!" Lexx says.

Rita smiles at him and let the little boys lead the way. She had to admit it was nice to be under the summer sun. Yet, her smile falters when she stands by a table with the strawberry shortcakes.

"Linka?"

The young girl snaps her head up. "Mom?"

Lynn has his palms on the table, ready to stand to break up a fight. Instead, the female Louds just stare at each other.

"Hiya, Link! Nice seeing you here!" Leif says. "Mom, you can sit down while Lexx and I get the uh, ice cream. Help yourself." Rita reluctantly does so and the twins sprint off to the table where Lane, Lynn, and Claudia are.

"Was this planned?" Rita asks.

Loki does a motion for Luke to play. The rocker rolls his eyes at him. He carries his ax and his amp to a vacant table. He sets his amp on the table, plugs the guitar in, and strums. He sings out loud.

_Cause we all make mistakes sometimes_

_And we've all stepped across that line_

_But nothing's sweeter than the day we find_

_Forgiveness, forgiveness_

_And we all stumble and we fall_

_Bridges burn in the heat of it all_

_But nothing's sweeter than the day,_

_Sweeter than the day we call_

_Out for forgiveness_

"Oh, it definitely was." Linka mutters.

Rita eats another bite. "You know, this cake reminds me of…"

"When I made you that cake on your birthday? Yeah. In fact, I've been having flashbacks of the good times we had from the notes that was left for us."

"As did I."

Linka takes a deep breath and pushes her cake aside. "Mom, I've said some harsh things yesterday." She gravely addresses the elephant in the room. Luke stops playing altogether. The family and Claudia lean into the scene. "But I don't know if I can apologize unless I'm certain of one thing." She gulps down the lump in her throat and stares at her mother with glassy eyes.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"Linka…"

"Does my non-girly attitude embarrasses you? Is that why you were so adamant about changing me?"

Rita stands up and Linka looks scared for a moment. But relaxes when Rita sits next to her and holds her tightly in her arms. Her fingers comb her hair gently.

"Linka, I don't ever want to hear that question again. I know you aren't the world's perfect daughter and you're more of a tomboy than anything else. But I don't care about that. You're my first and only daughter; I'm proud about that. You'll always hold a place in my heart. I promise you that no matter what you say or do, I love you unconditionally."

Linka lets out a quiet sob and couldn't stop herself. She wraps her arms around Rita's torso. Crying into her chest and staining her shirt.

"And I didn't mean to force those activities on you or mold you into a copy of me."

"I'm so sorry!" Linka says through hiccups. "For what I said! I take back everything! I love you!" Rita presses a few kisses to her forehead.

"All's forgiven, baby girl." Rita whispers. "And I love you." She says again. They just hold each other like that. Rita calming her daughter down and Linka crying her heart out. But, feeling the warmth her mother radiated, it became tears of joy somewhere in the mix. _This must be what forgiveness feels like_ , Linka says in her head. She smiles against Rita's wet shirt.

From their table, Lynn and Lane high five each other. "Mission accomplished!" They say together.

From his table, Loni gets a little teary-eyed himself. "I love happy endings."

"I'm literally a genius." Loki says. Levi rolls his eyes at that statement.

"You did a great job with those poems, son." Lynn Sr. tells the goth.

Lars shrugs. "It's what I do."

* * *

The next day, back at the Loud house, Linka is in her room looking down at the recently taped together portrait of Rita and herself. She smiles brightly at it.

"Order has been restored at home, readers. We know that mothers can be annoying. And you can grow up to be or already are her polar opposite. But a good mother never gives up on you. A mother's love deserves the highest amount of respect. Also, my Mom and I will find some things that we enjoy doing together."

"Linka, hurry! "The Dream Boat" is on!" Rita calls from the living room.

"Like that. Coming, Mom!" Linka runs down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in order:
> 
> Dentist - Steve Martin from the movie Little Shop of Horrors
> 
> Deliver Us (the River Lullaby part) – from the Dreamworks movie, The Prince of Egypt. Singer: Ofra Haza
> 
> Forgiveness – TobyMac ft. Lecrae


	15. Sound of Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this rewrite, unlike the orginal, I switched Lexx's and Linka's roles in the episode around.

On a Friday afternoon, Lexx enters his room with a book in his hand and a bright, big smile on his face. "Hello, my wonderful readers! Today marks a turning point in my aspiring career as an actor!" He goes over and sits at his plastic table.

"I've been cast for a lead role in the Royal Woods Community Theater's production of everyone's favorite Disney mermaid! And yours truly has the role of Flounder!" He says proudly, holding up his script.

"You should have seen the look on my rival's face, Landon Sweetwater. I thought his teeth were going to break from grinding them together." He laughs at this and cracks open the book. "So, if you all wouldn't mind being quiet for a while, I've got some lines and lyrics to memorize."

"Hey, Lexx. I have to tell about this dream I had last night." Lars says, standing in front of the table. His unexpected presence causes the little prince to fall out of his chair.

"We _really_ need to put a bell on you!" He retorts, standing up. "Lars, I am kinda busy at the…"

"So I'm hanging out in this coffin," Lars interrupts him. "Then all of a sudden…"

Lexx exhales an annoyed sigh because he knows Lars won't stop talking until he finishes.

* * *

Sometime later, Lexx hides under the grownup table. "Ah, peace and quiet." He says relaxed. "Now to get to memorizing." He opens his script book. Suddenly, a lizard comes crawling over the page he's on.

"Izzy! Where are you!" Leif calls out. He follows the sound of a shrill yell and a thump from under the dining table.

"Ow!"

Leif lifts up the tablecloth. "Oh, there you are!" He picks up the reptile. "Hey, Lexx! I see you've met my new lizard, Izzy. Wanna pet him?"

Lexx glares at his twin and growls annoyed. He crawls out from under the table.

* * *

Lexx is now crawling through the house vents. "Finally, some peace and quiet." He settles himself down and opens his book. However, he's sitting on a ventilation gate that was loosely screwed. His weight makes the gate give out from under him causing him to fall out of the vent and into the Loki's and Loni's room.

Loni, the only one in the room, jumped at the sound and rushes toward his fallen brother. "Lexx!" He pulls him up on his feet. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I was-"

"Holy crap! My mannequin!"

Lexx looks down at the now broken in half mannequin. He didn't even notice that he landed on it.

"I'm so sorry, Loni. I'll pay you back for the damages." Lexx reassures him. The six-year-old turns around to leave but a hand grabs his shoulder.

"Hold up! You just can't walk out of here after you broke my mannequin. Especially when I have a design to finish!"

Lexx knows where this is going. A few minutes later, He's standing on a stool as the designer uses him as a model. Loni is sewing green fabric to the shoulders and down the back of the black leotard Lexx is wearing. Utterly embarrassing.

"My friend's little sister and her friend got the roles of the two eels in that mermaid musical at the community theater. And she asked me personally to design their costumes."

"Yeah. Speaking of that musical, I have- Ow!" Lexx exclaims when Loni pricks him with the needle.

"Sorry!"

* * *

The making of the two costumes took way longer than Lexx has expected. Those two eel girls better be grateful for him when he tells them about it at rehearsal. He goes outside to start his reading. If he hears one more interruption, he'll lose it.

"Focus, Lexx." He breathes in and out. "You're finally at peace." He opens his book.

"Lexx!" Loki calls out for him from the front yard. Lexx slams his book close and groans loudly in response. "What are doing on the roof?!"

"Mind your business!" Lexx yells back.

"You are literally going to kill yourself! Get down here now!"

"No! I'm busy!"

"I'm not playing these games! Get down now or I'm getting Mom!"

Lexx rolls his eyes and shimmies down. He unexpectedly slides and grabs onto the tiles that's on either side of him to stop himself. "AHHH! HELP!" He screams, petrified.

"God damnit, Lexx," Loki says under his breath. "Stay perfectly still! I'm coming!" Loki yells and runs towards the garage to find the ladder.

* * *

Loki carries his little brother on his back and into the house. He sets him down on the couch.

"If you pull another stunt like that again," The eldest threatens. "I'm not gonna be there to save you, twerp!" Loki goes upstairs without another word.

After he leaves, Lexx screams in frustration. "Why is my life like this?! Is it too much for some peace and quiet so I can read my lines?! Sadly readers, when you have ten obnoxious siblings, it's impossible to even hear yourself think."

"Do you find it impossible to even hear yourself think?" The announcer on TV asks.

"Yes." The prince says in exasperation. He suddenly becomes intrigued with the commercial. "Wait. Yes!"

"Then you need the Noise-B-Gone 2000 Earbuds! With 12 different soothing sounds. Tune out that noisy world and enjoy a little me time. Only $19.95. Call now."

"Awesome!" He runs upstairs and to his room. He takes out a metal safe box with a lock. He takes out a key in his pocket and unlocks it. In it is the money he has stashed from his allowances and cash prizes from various award shows from his town's arts council. His mom wanted him to save that money for school-related junk but oh well. He takes out a twenty dollar bill, locks the box and puts it back in its hiding place. He then gets on the phone with customer service.

"Same day delivery? How much more is that?" Lexx hums in thought then takes off his right boot. He takes a five dollar bill out of it.

"Yeah, let's do it."

* * *

Not long after, Lexx spots a drone from the living room window outside his house. He opens the door and the drone opens its compartment drawer to hand him his package.

"Ah, Noise-B-Gone 2000. Take my money." He puts the twenty-five in the drawer and it flies away. He opens the package in the living room and places the corresponding bud in each ear. He walks upstairs into the hallway, seeing the ruckus his siblings are causing. Luke and Linka are singing a duet together. Levi and Leif are fighting over the latter's pet rat that the former wants to experiment on. Loki is on his cellphone. Loni is blabbing on about something looking all confused. Lane is performing a sock puppet routine. Lars is sitting on the ladder to the attic reading. Lynn is kicking a soccer ball around. And lastly, Leon is finger painting on the wall.

"Noise… be gone." He turns the earbuds on and a wind chime drowns out his siblings' commotion. He presses it again and all he can hear is trickling water. Then birds chirping. Then waves crashing. Lexx is more than content with this and swaggers past his siblings and into his room.

"Goodbye, obnoxious siblings." He sits down at his plastic table. "Hello, me time." He finally starts reading his script. Luke comes in and talks to Lexx about something. But the soothing noises from his earbuds cancels all dialogue.

Not looking up, Lexx answers "Whatever you say, bro!"

Luke leaves and Loki enters next. He's rambling too.

"That's cool!" Lexx says, ignoring him.

Loki leaves and Leif walks in with Izzy to tell him something.

"That's nice, now get the hell out my room." Lexx says not breaking eye contact with his book. Leif, not moved by his younger twin's typical attitude, leaves. The cleaner twin takes his earbuds out of his ears.

"These things are incredible! But, why should I stop at script reading?" He grins and puts it back in his ears.

* * *

In the kitchen, the prince is eating a sandwich while Lane is telling him what Lexx assumes to be comedy material. "Funny stuff."

In the living room, Lexx is playing a dancing video game while Lynn watches on. "OK, L.J."

Back upstairs, he walks past Lars, Loni, and Levi. "Yeah, yeah. I hear that. Absolutely!" He goes into his room and sits in front of his mirror to comb his hair. During this, Linka knocks and lets herself in. She talks to him in need of something. Instead of paying attention, because clearly whatever she's talking about is worrying her, he changes the setting on his earbuds.

"Ahh…" He sighs contently.

* * *

That night, before Lexx went to bed, he polishes his earbuds. "Thanks, earbuds. For a peaceful day for the first time in my life." He whispers to not wake his roommate. He puts them away in their case and falls asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Linka shakes the little prince awake. "Lexx! Wake up, Lexx!"

He does so with a scowl on his face. "This better be important!" He tells her. Irritated of being robbed of his precious sleep.

"Actually, it is. I'm reminding you to do that thing you promised to do for me by 3:00 today."

Lexx sits up alarmed. "Say what now?" He sees his earbuds out in the open and discreetly puts them under his pillow.

"You didn't forget, did you?" She asks, suspiciously.

"Of course not, big sis!"

"That's my baby brother!" She gushes and pinches his right cheek. "Because the last thing you want to do is to make me _mad_!" She screams the last word at him. "I'll be back." Lexx watches her leave and then hears the front door close.

"What the heck did I agree to?"

Lynn suddenly enters. "Morning, Lexx!"

"Hey, Lynn. You wouldn't happen to know what I'd-"

"It's go time, little bro!" Against his protests, Lynn carries him and takes him out to the backyard. He places him in front of a soccer goal.

"Lynn, just tell me what's going on!" Lexx dodges a soccer ball his way. "Hey! What the hell?!"

Lynn is standing next to a pile of soccer balls. "Soccer practice! Yesterday, you said you would be my goalie. Remember?" He kicks another one and Lexx dodges it.

"Woah! I did? I mean, right." Lynn kicks another ball.

"Come on! Use those hands!" The athlete demands.

If Lexx was listening yesterday, he would have stamped Lynn's request with a big N-O. Another ball comes close to his face. "Watch it! Listen, do you know where Linka went today? Ah!" Lexx ducks from a ball above him.

"Nope. Why?"

"Well, yesterday I promised to- Hey!" He dodges another ball. "Do something for her, and I kinda- Dude!" One ball almost hit him in his ribs. "Forgot what it is."

Lynn suddenly runs toward him and grabs Lexx by his shirt. "What?! You know better than to make Linka mad! Have I ever told about the pudding incident?"

"No?"

* * *

_Linka scavenged the fridge for the snack she stashed away earlier. More specifically, the last of its kind. Lynn was leaning by the sink eating a pudding cup._

" _Lynn, by any chance, are you eating the pudding cup I stashed away?"_

_Lynn took a look at it and saw his sister's name on the container. "Whoops." He said unapologetic and continued to eat it._

" _No problem." Linka smirked deviously. An idea formulated in her head._

_That night, Lynn walked to his bedroom when he noticed a hamper of clean clothes waiting to be picked up. Strange, it wasn't a chore day. On the basket, there was a note attached to it._

**_Thought I might do you a favor – Linka._ **

_He picks up a shirt and realized it's his jersey. It was a basket of jerseys, completely rid of its stains. To be more precise, his lucky jerseys._

_To say Lynn was superstitious was an understatement. He was obsessed with luck so much, he believed that every last stain gave him luck because it serves as evidence of his winning streak._

" _NOOOOOOOO!" He screamed in horror._

* * *

"But, she knows how you are with luck! Why would she do that?"

"Uh, hello! Because she was pissed. So you better remember your promise!" He answers then stands a few feet away from him. "Last one!" Lynn kicks the ball and it flies right above Lexx's head again. He screams as he falls to the ground covering his head.

"GOAL!"

Lexx gets up and Lane comes outside to get him. "There you are, Lexx! I need you!" He pulls him inside.

"Need me for what?"

"Duh! The favor I was talking about yesterday." As they leave, Lynn watches on with a big grin on his face.

* * *

In the comedian's room. Lane and Lexx are combing the knots out of Lane's clown wigs. Which infuriated Lexx by the minute. "Thanks for helping me out, Lexx."

Lexx pulls his comb on the wig with much force. "Whatever. Look, I have a hypothetical question."

"Shoot."

"Say you promised Linka to do something but you forgot what it is…"

Lane's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. "Lexx!" He screams in shock. "How can you be so stupid?!"

"There's no need for insults."

"You know better than to make Linka mad! Have I ever told you about my red mistake?!"

* * *

_Linka walked into the kitchen one morning. Nothing was out of the ordinary to her. "Morning, Lane." She said to the other person in the room as she opened in the fridge._

" _What's up,_ Scarlet Johansson _?" Lane greeted, holding back chuckles._

_Linka closed the door to look at him confused. "What's that now?"_

" _Are you_ reddy _for another day?" He couldn't hold it back, he doubled over in laughter._

" _What are you talking about?" She asked getting the slightest bit annoyed. Lane grabbed a frying pan and held it up to her face. She screeched in absolute horror when she saw her reflection. Her snow-white hair was now red!_

" _MY HAIR! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" She demanded, grabbing him by his suspenders._

" _What do you think? I dyed it last night while you were sleeping." He calmly answered. "Might I add, you have never looked better." He commented with no sincerity._

_She let go of him. "I swear on God! I'm going to fu*king get you for this!" She stormed out of the kitchen._

" _Hey! There's no need for_ colorful _vocabulary!" Lane laughed again._

_Later in the day, Lane walked upstairs. "Linka's tripping. What's she gonna do for revenge? Dye my hair pink?" He laughs at that and entered his room. He stood in front of a horrifying scene. A saw was on the floor. And next to it, his beloved ventriloquist dummy, Mrs. Coconuts, had her legs cut off her wooden body._

" _MRS. COCONUTS!" He dropped to his knees in front of her. He knew it this wasn't by the hands of his roommate or even Leif. He should have never underestimated his little sister._

* * *

"All because of a prank?"

"Yep. She definitely had her panties in a _knot_!" He laughs momentarily at his joke.

"But seriously, she made me use the money from _my_ allowance that week to buy the conditioner to wash the dye from her hair when I needed wood glue! I imagine that since you forgot about what you promised her, she's gonna kick your ass like a Caribbean parent punishing their kids!"

Lexx gulps nervously at this warning.

"Now back to work, we haven't finished detangling the wigs."

* * *

"Are you sure I'd agree to do this?" An irritated Lexx (now in his regular clothes) asked Luke through the bandanna around his mouth. He was currently in the garage with him. These favors that he has no memory of agreeing to was pushing his patience. He has his own problem to deal with and hearing stories about Linka enacting revenge was _not_ helping.

"Your exact words yesterday were "whatever you say, bro."" Luke answers through his own bandanna. They're both wearing them to not breathe directly into the paint fumes from the spray paint cans they're using to paint Luke's drum set.

Luke takes off his bandanna. "So, I heard you got a little Linka problem."

Lexx does the same action. "How did you know?"

"Everybody talks. Now listen, T-Lexx. You know better than to make Linka mad. So you need to figure out what you promised. Have I ever told you about bass-ageddon?"

* * *

_Linka was fast asleep in her bed when a deep bass sound scared her awake. Enough to fall off her bed. She looked up at the clock, 6:00 am. On a Saturday. With a scowl on her face, she stomped out into the hallway. Sure enough, the rockstar Loud was playing a song on his bass guitar. T_ _his. Early. In. The. Goddamn. Morning._

" _Morning, Snow White!" Luke stopped playing to greet his little sister._

" _Do you have to play that now?!"_

" _Sorry sis, I gotta practice." He resumed his playing. Linka walked back to her room and slammed the door. Left alone with her thoughts, she smirked deviously._

_A few hours later, Luke was in his room searching for something. "Lane! Where's my bass?!" He yelled out._

" _I didn't touch it!" Lane answered from downstairs._

_The rockstar Loud groaned in response. He noticed a strange lump in his bed. He climbed his ladder and pulled back the covers. His jaw dropped at the terrible sight. His bass guitar was broken into pieces. Broken beyond repair._

" _MY BABY!"_

* * *

"I'm just lucky it wasn't my signature Logan V-80 Shredder." Luke finishes the thought calmly.

"She's crazy!"

"Yep. She hides a vengeful spirit behind blue eyes."

"If she did all that stuff to you guys, what's she gonna do to me?" Lexx asks fear sketched in his voice.

"I don't know. Why not talk to Leif about this?"

Lexx's face relaxes as it forms a small grin. Despite fighting each other every day and being polar opposites, when a twin is in need the other will be there for him on the double. "Of course! Thanks!" He gets ready to leave.

"Hold it, dude! You didn't paint the snare drum!" Lexx groans and resumes his work.

* * *

In the twins' room, Leif looked appalled by what Lexx told him.

"You what?!" Leif screams in his twin's face, holding him by the shirt. "You know better than to make Linka mad!" He lets go of him and picks up Izzy from his glass case. "I don't know what she wants you to do, but you better figure it out pronto! Have I ever told you about my visit from the Shadow Woman?"

"Do I want to know about the Shadow Woman?"

* * *

_Linka sat in her room when she felt something crawling up her back. She looked over her shoulder and saw a chameleon sitting on her shoulder. It changed to orange to match her shirt. She screamed in horror and called out for Leif's name._

_Leif came rushing in the room but was more concerned for the chameleon. "Oh, there you are, Cleo!" He gently took back his pet. "Don't mind her, Link. We were playing hide and seek."_

" _Leif! I've told you time and time again about keeping your animals out of my room!"_

" _Alright! I'm sorry! It won't happen again." He left the girl's room with that._

" _No, it won't." Linka smirked deviously._

_That night, Leif grabbed the food to feed Cleo before bed. "Who's hungry?" He said to an empty glass case. "Cleo? Where'd you go?" From his window, he heard whistling. He looked out and saw that the sound came from his sister walking out of the backyard. Illuminated by the moon's light, he saw she was wearing a black hoodie and black jeans. She looked like a walking shadow. A shadow that was carrying a shovel._

_The messy twin felt his blood run cold as he put two and two together._

" _NOOOOOOO!" He screamed toward heaven._

* * *

"Sure, I can't prove she took out Cleo. But after that night, I never saw her again."

Lexx was shaking at the knees. He grabs the older twin by his overall straps. "Leif, you gotta help me! It's almost 3! Linka is gonna beat me like a Caribbean parent punishing their child!"

Leif removes himself from his grasp. "Ok, Ok! Calm down!" He hums in thought. "I know! Do everything she might want you to do!"

"Everything?"

"Remember Cleo?" Leif asks solemnly as he pets Izzy.

* * *

Given no other choice, Lexx works hard on each task he could think of. He vacuums Linka's room, makes her bed, cleans her mirror, and sews together a hole in the back of Bun-Bun's head. Leif insisted he goes outside and mows the lawn. Then he cleans out the gutters.

"Why does Linka care about the gutters being clean?" Lexx asks.

"I know, it's crazy right?" Leif answers nonchalantly.

He had even repaved the driveway. "Linka does love a smooth driveway." Leif tells him.

To top it all off, Lexx makes a topiary sculpture in Linka's honor. Lexx, completely fatigued, goes upstairs to lay face down on his pillow.

"Phew. I did it." Lexx says, muffled.

"One minute to three." Leif tells him. "Good luck, Lexx!" He has his hand on the doorknob.

The younger twin sits up. "Wait! You can't leave me!"

"Yes, I can! I've done all I can do. You're on your own now." Leif leaves with that. It's unnerving to see the King of Risks run away the first chance he gets.

Lexx hugs his knees. He swears his blood stops flowing when he heard the front door opening.

"Oh, Lexy!" Linka calls from downstairs in a sickeningly sweet, sing-song voice. Her voice drops an octave as she continues. "It's 3:00! You failed me! You should have known better than to make Linka Loud _MAD!"_ She comes up the stairs but is taking her sweet time.

Meanwhile, Lexx is freaking out. "Oh God! Oh Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ! She's gonna kill me! What do I do?! What do I do?!" He suddenly straightens himself up. "No! What are you saying, man?! You've been through too much today just to have your butt whooped. And besides, you're Lexx Loud! And Lexx Loud _will not_ go down like a punk!" He searches the room for some things to protect himself with.

Linka finally reaches the top of the stairs. "Come out, Lexx!"

Lexx does come out of his room. Wearing a Black Jaguar mask and wielding a cardboard sword. "I'm right here Linka! Come at me!"

"Come at me?" Linka repeats. "That's a brave chocie of words."

"Don't make me repeat myself!"

Linka has had enough small talk. Like a wild predator ready for the kill, charges toward her baby brother. Lexx, nevertheless, stands his ground. Bringing his sword up, he's ready. He's waiting for the first attack.

But instead, Linka stops running when she's right in front of him. "Just admit you were wearing earbuds, Lexx."

He removes his mask. "What?" He denies. "What are you talking about?" Just then eight of the brothers enter the hallway. Linka leads the whole scene to the twins' room and she pulls out the case that carries Lexx's earbuds from under his pillow.

"How- how did-?"

"I'm not an idiot, Lexx Loud."

* * *

_Yesterday afternoon, Linka knocked on the twins' door and lets herself in. "Lexx! Do you have any foundation I can borrow? I'm_ not _trying to insult you. And I really, really, really need it!"_

_Lexx having muted his sister out answered, "I couldn't agree more!"_

" _Agree with what? It's a yes or no question."_

" _Totally!"_

" _Fine. If you're gonna be like that, I'll just go ask Mom." Before Linka leaves, she saw the buds in Lexx's ears through his mirror. Putting two and two together, she smirked and walked over to him. She made eye contact with him through the mirror._

" _So Lexx, are you the biggest loser in the world?"_

" _You can say that again, sister!"_

" _And do you believe that you'll never make it to Broadway?"_

" _Of course!" If Lexx was_ really _listening, she would have been bitten twice. Once for calling him a loser and another for claimin he'll never achieve his dream._

" _Congratulations. You played yourself."_ _Linka said before she left the room._

_-/-_

_Later, she gathered the other brothers in her room and told them about the earbuds._

" _So he's been tuning us out?" Loki asked. Linka nodded._

" _So he wasn't listening at all to my new song." Luke said._

" _No wonder he didn't come to my séance." Lars said._

" _And that's why he didn't laugh at my jokes." Lane said._

_To which Loki responded, "Yeah, that's why."_

" _Let's go rip out those earbuds!" Lynn suggested, livid._

" _No need to do that. I have a better plan." Linka said. A wicked smirk painted on her face._

* * *

"So all that stuff you made me do today, that was all made up?" The little prince asks.

"Yep." Linka says. The rest of the brothers nods in confirmation.

"What about all stories you guys told?" He asks the brothers.

"We made those up, too." Lynn says.

"Yeah, if Linka actually did that stuff to us, she would literally be twisted into a human pretzel with no chance of reshaping herself back to normal." Loki explains.

"It's the harsh truth." Linka answers. Lexx kicks her in the shin hard. Before she had time to react, he grabs her blouse and brings her down her his level.

"You heartless punk! Do you have _any idea_ how scared I was today?!" He glares at her with fire in his eyes. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick _your_ butt!"

Lynn tears away Lexx's grip from Linka and steps in front of her. "Maybe because you deserved it!"

"Truth, T-Lexx," Luke says. "You had it coming. You can't just ignore us. We're your family."

"And remember, you're not the only one who has to live in a noisy house. We all do." Loki says.

"And don't act like you wouldn't do the same if our roles were reversed." Linka comments.

"Ok! Fine! I'll give you that." Lexx says.

Just when everything seems resolved, Levi, the absent brother, runs into the room.

"Lexx! Lexx! You were supposed to help me with my lab experiment!"

"Can it, Levi. I know all about your little joke."

"What joke?" Levi takes the earbuds and puts it in his ears. "I'm gonna need those." He hides under the prince's bed.

There's an odd rumbling noise going on in Levi's and Leon's room and it causes a giant explosion that blows the entire roof off of the house and lands back on top the house, upside down. The explosion has also caused the eardrums of the other siblings to blow out, resulting in them being temporarily deaf.

"Now I can't hear anything!" Lexx screams.

* * *

A week later, Linka is in Lexx's room helping him with his lines for his musical. Much to her annoyance. This is his revenge for Linka's prank.

"Come on, Lexx! I don't wanna do this anymore!"

"Well, _I_ didn't want to get pranked last week! Now shut up! It's time to listen to my solo song!" He takes out his phone and opens his playlist.

Unlike the stories of Linka the brothers told last week, Linka doesn't formulate an act of petty revenge. Instead, she sits and complies.

"I can't win, readers." She says as the song begins.


	16. The New Loni

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An original idea inspired by the episode "Shop Girl". Thanks to sthompson1 from FF.net for the help on this idea.

The Royal Woods Mall: a land of opportunity to shop, work or waste time. It's a haven for the majority of the youth in the town. At least, that's how Loni Loud sees it. He was walking toward the exit closest to the bus stop. A reusable bag slung over his arm that held clothes from a variety of department stores he visited.

Getting a new wardrobe for his half of the closet was no walk in the park. One of his favorite stores was having 30%-50% off sale and the customers were chaotic. Like the kind of chaotic one would expect on Black Friday. He's got scratch marks on his face and disheveled hair to prove it.

"So worth it." Loni says to himself. He gets outside and crosses the parking lot when a deep, teenage boy's voice addresses him.

"Hey, Barbie! Stop!"

Loni obliges. "Sir, I'm a guy." He turns around and immediately recognizes the teen with black hair.

"Oh! Hi, Stan!" He cheerfully waves and walks closer to him. "How's your summer been?"

Stan turns to the three other friends standing behind him and they laugh together. It's amusing that the Loud teen is talking to him like he's forgotten who he is.

"What's in the bag, Barbie?" Stan sneers. Before Loni could answer, a blonde guy in the orange shirt in Stan's posse took the bag from him and search through it.

"Typical. Furity's been shopping!" Blondie says.

"Yeah! You wouldn't believe the struggle I went through to get that!" Loni says.

"Is that so?" Stan walks over to the bag and takes out a dress shirt. He rips a hole in where the right shoulder is. The look on Loni's face is priceless. He snatches his bag and his shirt back.

"Hey! There was absolutely no reason for you to do that!" Loni slings the bag on his arm. "I think that deserves an apology."

Stan suddenly grabs Loni by the shirt. Loni sees nothing but hate in his eyes. "Oh, so you think you're brave? Do you know what we do to guys who don't know their place?"

His three lackeys simultaneously crack their knuckles.

* * *

Back at the Loud House, the rest of the siblings are in the living room, sharing several bowls of popcorn as they were watching an animated movie.

"Bogus dude! She didn't have to break Miguel's guitar like that!" Luke comments after the scene unfolded.

"Well, that ended on a sour note." Lane laughs. "Get it?" Everyone else rolls their eyes.

Loni enters the house. "I'm back."

The siblings' jaws drop at Loni's appearance. On top of the minor injuries from the department store riot, his right eye is purple underneath, the lenses on his sunglasses are broken, his clothes torn and dusted with dirt, and there's a trail of dried blood on his chin.

Leif grabs the remote and pauses the movie. "Are you ok, Loni? Did you wrestle an alligator?"

"Where's your stuff?" Lynn asks.

"Actually, the scratches on my face was from a sale. That was before I bumped into this kid from school, Stan."

"Hightower?!" Loki, Luke, and Lane guess in shock.

"Yeah! You guys remember him. Anyway, he and his three friends took my stuff. They called me fruity then this happened." He gestures to himself.

"Wait. You literally got jumped by Stan and you let him walk away with all his teeth?" Loki asks outraged.

"I wouldn't worry about it, man." Loni shrugs and smiles. "I'll just move on and replace the clothes I bought with new clothes made from my old ones." He goes upstairs. Not looking back at the angry scowls on the faces who knew who Stan is.

"Who is Stan anyway?" Linka asks.

"Stanley Hightower is, in laymen's terms, a piece of white trash." Loki answers.

"He and his posse ruled the 11th grade." Luke explains. "People feared him. And no one dared to oppose to him because his dad was an administrator at the high school."

"Now he thinks his bullying expands outside the school borders." Lane finishes.

"What are we sitting around here for? Let's find him and bury him alive in our backyard." Lars suggests.

"One, that's morbid." Loki says. "Two, I wanna hunt down Stan down, too. But Loni's sixteen, we can't keep fighting his battles for him. He needs to stand up for himself. If only he wasn't so nice."

"Indeed. His submissive nature makes him easy prey." Levi says. "He needs to be more bellicose. That's a synonym for aggressive."

"Meaner." Lexx adds.

"And tougher." Lynn says.

"More like his siblings." Linka says. The brothers hum in agreement.

* * *

In his room, Loni was sewing something when his siblings barge in. His face was washed and there were bandages underneath his right eye.

"Loni, how would you like to give Stan a taste of his own medicine?" Linka asks.

"Why would I wanna do that? Most medicines taste disgusting anyway."

"No, I mean to get back at Stan for what he did to you!"

"Oooh. That's Ok. I'm fine." He stands and shows them what he was sewing. "Look, I turn these pajamas into jeans! Wait, now I don't have pajamas. I'll just make one from this other pair of jeans." He holds up a perfectly good pair of jeans.

Lane shakes his head and sits him down. "Loni, you gotta learn how to stand up for yourself. You can't let this shit slide." He points to the bandages.

"Yeah, big bro," Luke says. "That's why we're gonna teach you how to become cold as ice."

"Ok. As long as it makes you guys happy."

Linka facepalms and sighs. "Let's get to work."

* * *

Everyone accumulates in the hallway. "Tomorrow you're gonna face Stan as a new Loni." Loki says. "And when the new Loni gets roasted, he roasts back."

"Roasted?"

"That's another word for insulting. Lexx, front and center!" The little prince stands in front of Loni.

"Give him your best shot!"

"That's a nice shirt. You said you got it at Marcy's but I could have sworn I saw it at T.J. Marx." Lexx sneers.

"He just called you a cheap liar!" Loki says. "How are you going to retaliate?"

"I still have the receipt for this shirt if you wanna see it." Loni says to which everyone else groans. Lane steps up.

"Watch a master at work, Loni. Luke, your assistance?"

The rockstar plays along. "Get out of my way, you SpongeRob look-alike!"

"Y'all hear this 2012 Mikey-sound alike? I don't know why you're talking when you got those bird's feathers on top of his head! This dude has the audacity to be balding! You wear more jewelry than any of us combined; that's suspect! Actually, how are you still standing? Those jeans look like they're cutting off all circulation to your brain."

"What's the matter with the clothes I'm wearing? Can't you tell yours is out of style?"

"Go back to mediocre guitar playing that's gonna get you _nowhere_ in the real world, Flop Star!"

Lane and Luke look back at Loni and they both grin at him writing down notes.

"Roast his looks and personal life. Got it!"

* * *

The siblings move to the kitchen. "Second lesson is getting your stuff back if it's stolen." Linka tells the sixteen-year-old. "Lars just stole your wallet!" The goth holds up the object in question. "What are you going to do?"

Loni stomps up to his younger brother in determination. "Lars, give that back to me, please." He says politely. "If you needed money, you could have asked me."

Leif shakes his head. "No, no, no! You gotta threaten him. Like this: Hey punk, I ain't playing with you! Give that back if you know what's good for you!"

"Or what?" Lars says.

Leif growls then kicks him in the shin. While Lars is clutching it and standing on one leg, Leif shoves him hard. The Goth collapses on the floor and drops the wallet. Leif takes it back and holds it up victorious.

Loni takes out his notepad. "Threaten. Make him fall. Grab belonging. Got it!"

* * *

Now they're in the backyard. "Third and final lesson: physical confrontation. Street name, fighting." Levi explains.

"Right. Cause fighting your bully worked so well the last time." Linka says sarcastically.

"Linka, the flaw with your experience is that you went into battle without training. Cold turkey if you will. Adolescent siblings, assemble!" The teenage brothers surround Loni and Levi.

"Since Stan has his gang of rapscallions, your objective is to take down multiple opponents at once." Levi pushes him closer to the four opponents. Loni smiles sheepishly before covering his face with his arms.

"Not the face!"

The younger siblings groan annoyed from the sidelines.

"Loni, no!" Lexx exclaims.

"Stand up for yourself!" Leif says.

Lynn pushes Loni toward the younger siblings. "I'll show how it's done. The key is to take down one opponent at a time and to move fast." He walks back to the other teens. "Alright. Come at me!"

The three boys charge at him. Loki throws a punch at him but Lynn blocks it smoothly. He brings his fist to Loki's stomach and while he's hunched over, Lynn steps and jumps off his back. The oldest falls down as a result. Lynn sticks his foot out and kicks Luke in the chest as he's coming down. This nearly knocks the wind out of the rockstar causing him to fall on his ass. Lane attempts to sneak from behind him but Lynn reaches behind and grabs him by the neck and mid back. He flips the comedian over his back. He lands on Luke.

Lynn does a victory dance. " _Because_ _I'm_ _bad! I'm bad! You know it_!" He sings.

"Literally?" Loki deadpans from his place on the ground.

"Take down one opponent at a time. Move fast. Sing a Jackson Micheals song." Loni says while taking notes.

* * *

The next day, all eleven siblings are next to the fountain in the center of the mall.

"Thanks for your help, guys!" Loni tell them. "I can't wait to meet the new Loni. Just one question: where's the old Loni?"

"Well, look who it is. Barbie and the Dreamhouse team. At the same time." Stan says walking up to the family. The other three guys laugh behind him.

"Barbie? Who do you think you're talking to?!" Luke exclaims.

"I got this." The platinum blonde separates himself from his siblings and walks up to Stan. He clears his throat before speaking. "Look here, Stanley. I'm not in the mood to hear you run your mouth today. Especially not in front of my siblings. Walk away. Now." He said all that in an assertive tone.

The plump guy in Stan's group scoffs. "Since when did you grow a pair, 50 Shades of Gay?" He takes the sunglasses off of Loni's head.

"What the hell?! Give that back before I make you regret it!"

"These dollar store shades? I don't-" The fat boy was interrupted by Loni kicking him in his manhood. He manages to grab his sunglasses before they fall to the floor with that boy and put them back safely on his head.

"Eric!" The blonde boy of the group exclaims. He and the other boy wearing a green hat help him up.

"Was I supposed to kick him in the shin or the nuts? I forgot." Loni asks his siblings.

"It doesn't matter! You're doing great!" Lexx answers.

Loni nods and turns back to the bullies. "And another thing. Why did y'all assume I got my sunglasses from the dollar store? Just because of you guys shop there, which is clearly where you guys got your clothes, does not mean the rest of us do." He hears his siblings laughing in the background and grins.

"What did we say about finding your place?!" Stan retorts.

"Oh, I got you, bro. As soon as you find your mother."

"Daaaaaaamn!" The Louds yell. They're all hollering and laughing harder.

Stan looks offended for a second before he regains his posture. "Kyle, Kenny! Teach this man a lesson!"

"I wish you would!" Loni says rolling up his sleeves. He and Kyle, the kid in the green hat, charges toward one another. He dips his head and wraps his arms around his waist. He surprisingly picks Kyle up over his shoulder. Loni spins him around so that his feet kick Kenny, the blonde guy, in his temple. Kenny winces in pain. While he's distracted, Loni shoots his whole body up and throws Kyle at the blonde, knocking them both down to the hard tile floor.

"I would stay down if I was you!" Loni tells the two boys.

"Eric!" Stan commands. The fat one runs and throws punches at the blonde Loud. But since Loni was more than half his body weight, he was faster. He dodges his punches with ease. Eric didn't see his punch toward his left eye coming. Or the punch in the nose coming. And an uppercut was enough for Eric as he falls down clutching his face.

Stan is the last one standing. He wants to make a beeline toward the nearest exit but his feet won't let him.

"Don't think I forgot about you, Stanley." Loni's foot made contact with his mouth. Stan stumbles back and Loni pushes him down.

"FINISH HIM!" Lynn yells.

Loni leans down and starts throwing punch after punch everywhere at his face. After 13 swings, Stan's left eye is bruised, his cheeks are swollen and his lips are busted and bloody.

"Say, uncle!"

"Uncle!" Stan cries out.

Loni releases him and stands up. "That's what I thought!"

He starts doing a victory dance. " _You know_ _I'm bad! I'm bad! You know it!"_ He sings.

His siblings run up to him and join in to dance like fools. " _And the whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again_."

"Who's bad!" Loni finishes the verse.

"You rocked!" Luke tells him.

"Alright, Loni! You really _malled_ them!" Lane cheers.

"I didn't know you had it in you!" Linka says.

"To be honest, neither did I!" Loni takes a good look at his surroundings. He now sees the crowd around them, mostly made up of teens. Half of them are whispering among themselves and shooting fearful glances at the sixteen-year-old Loud. The other half are putting away their phones and look just as appalled and scared. Loni looks down at the four boys again and fully examines this scene.

The supposedly sweetest Loud boy just beat up four bullies by himself.

Suddenly, Loni felt very self-conscious.

"Guys, can we leave now?" He whispers to his siblings.

"Aw yeah! We gotta celebrate!" Lynn says. "Chicken wings and fries! On Linka!"

"Why me?!"

"Thanks, Link. Let's just go." Loni says. The siblings leave the scene. Yet, Loni can still feel everyone staring at him.

* * *

Sometime later, at the food court, the siblings sit at two pushed tables together. Everyone had a soda except Leon who had a bottle of milk. Three baskets of wings and three baskets of fries laid out before them.

"We're proud of you, Loni." Lars says. "Now people will think twice before crossing you."

"We changed your life!" Lexx adds and raises his soda. "To us Louds!"

"Us Louds!" Everyone else raises and clinks their sodas. Loni does so too but with less enthusiasm.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Luke asks.

"I just… don't feel proud about what I just did back there. I did everything you guys taught me but I'm not satisfied. Say what you want about Stan and those guys, but they didn't deserve what happened to them. And seeing everyone else look at me like that… it was like, they were scared of me."

"Loni, don't overthink it." Linka reassures. "Even the sweetest of people have their limits. You did what any man who has been pushed too far would have done."

"And I'm sure nobody's really scared of you." Loki says. "Shock is more of the right word. But that'll blow over soon."

"I hope you guys are right."

* * *

The next day, Loni is back at the mall alone. During the bus ride here, his phone was blowing up with text messages and messages from his social media. All relating to, you guessed it, the fight. Clips of his aggressive performance were posted on social media. He knows somewhere people are reposting it and commenting on it as he's walking.

He normally responds to all his texts but he left them all on read. How is he supposed to respond to messages like "you were crazy!" or "Stan had it coming!" or "I thought you were the sweet one."

"What happened to don't post anything without the person's permission?" Loni says out loud. He decides to shut off his phone completely. He then goes into a department store. On the way inside, he bumps into a teen girl who was looking down at her phone.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry."

The girl gasps as she recognizes him from the video. "Uh. No, no, my fault. I'm- I'm so sorry." The girl walks around him slowly, not breaking eye contact with him.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Loni reaches his hand out to her. She yelps and sprints forward. Loni sighs heavily and walks inside. He was browsing through the men's jeans section when two boys recognize him.

"Woah! It is him! Hey, man!" They walk up to them. Loni turns to them.

"Hi!"

"You're that guy who brought Stan down!" Loni immediately frowns. "You were awesome!"

"Can you show us some moves?" The other boy asks.

"What's the big deal? I just did what anyone else would have done!"

"I don't know man," The first boy replies. "Not everyone would go insane like you did."

"So are you gonna teach us how you did it or what?" The second boy asks again.

Loni scoffs and turns toward the exit. "Leave me alone!"

"I'm not insane. I'm not scary." Loni reassures himself. "I'm still a good guy."

"Hey, you!" Loni stops dead in his tracks. He knows that voice. It's the chief of mall security. He drives and parks his golf cart next to the blonde.

"You gotta a lot of nerve showing your face here again." The chief tells him. "Let's get one thing straight kid: just because you got scott-free yesterday doesn't mean you're free to bully again. If I so much as hear about you harassing anybody, you're going downtown! To the mall holding jail, I mean."

Loni is flabbergasted. The chief never threatened him with mall jail before. "But. But sir, you know me! You know I'm not usually like what I was yesterday. Why would I do it again?"

"I don't know. But what I do know is that it's the nice ones you gotta look out for." He glares at him one last time before riding off.

Loni's shoulders slouch. "Why me?" With his hands in his pockets, he walks toward the frozen yogurt shop for comfort.

After he gets on the line, he sees a familiar redhead sitting with two other guys.

"Barry!" Loni calls out to him enthusiastically as he makes his way to his table. Barry and the other guys look uncomfortable as he sits with them.

"Oh my god! You wouldn't believe the day I had so far. Everyone is treating me like I'm dangerous! Me!"

"Uh, well. Maybe because you kinda are…" Barry says delicately. As if he's afraid of saying the wrong word that will piss him off.

Loni stares at him with wide eyes. "Not you, too."

"I didn't know what you were capable of until yesterday. Who knows when you'll get like that again. No disrespect, but I don't hang out with bullies."

"Dude! You know me! You know all my siblings! You know I'm the sweet one."

" _Was_ the sweet one."

Loni slams his fists on the table. "I still am!"

The three boys visibly flinch at his exclamation. Several people turn heads toward him. Ashamed, Loni stands up and apologizes to the three guys. Avoiding all eye contact, he leaves the shop.

* * *

Back at the Loud House, the siblings were in the same spots as they were yesterday watching the same movie. Loni enters and immediately collapse on the armchair that's right of the sofa. He lets out a groan of exasperation.

"Are we ever going to finish this movie?" Lexx asks as Linka pauses the movie.

"What's wrong, bro?" Linka asks.

"Ever since that beating yesterday, people have been treating me different! And it's a bad different! People are either scared of me or they think I'm crazy! Security doesn't trust me! I ran into Barry today and he doesn't wanna hang out with me! I hate the new Loni! Why'd you guys drove the old Loni away in the first place!"

"Loni, we were looking out for you." Lars answers. "Not standing up for yourself and putting yourself last is how people like Stan take advantage of you."

"We wanted to make you tougher so nothing like what happened two days ago would ever happen again." Lexx says.

"We didn't mean to make people fear you." Linka says.

"I appreciate the concern but it made everything for me turn out for the worse." Loni sighs deeply and stands up. "I'll be in my room."

* * *

The next afternoon, Loni sits alone at a bench at the public park. His head in his hands as he rests his elbows on his knees. He knew he couldn't show his face at the mall again.

"How am I supposed to bring the old Loni back?"

He surveys the area with a sullen look in his eyes. Then he spots someone that causes him to sit up and rubs his eyes to make sure they won't playing tricks on him. A boy is sitting in the shadow of an oak tree all alone; he is also brooding. How did Loni not see him before?

"Stan?"

Stanley Hightower hasn't noticed that they're in the same area yet. The old Loni would walk up to him and try to make amends. And off he goes.

He sits on the ground next to Stan, being mindful of leaving space between them.

He taps his shoulder. "Uh, Stan?"

The raven-haired boy is startled by the sudden motion. Then groans at the blonde. He takes his headphones out. "Great, it's you. Came to rub it in?"

Stan appears better to say the least. His cheeks aren't swollen anymore, the blood on his lips harden over time leaving scabs and his left eye is opening and closing properly but is now a light purple.

"Why would I kick you while you're already down. I just want to say I'm sorry about what happened. I'm not usually like that but my siblings gassed me up… I'm really sorry."

"Wait. You defeated all four of us by yourself and you're apologizing?" Stan asks baffled.

"I don't expect you to forgive me right away."

"Why would you apologize to me anyway? You won and you got your revenge on me."

Loni looks back at his lap. "To be perfectly honest, I don't feel like a winner. I feel terrible for beating you and your friends up. I can't even blame my siblings for what happened that day. It's like, I lost all control and I couldn't stop. It doesn't help that everyone who saw it now sees me as a walking time bomb." He looks back at the other sixteen-year-old.

"I didn't mean to take it that far. I didn't even want revenge on you. Even after what you did. Like I said, you don't have to forgive me now but I forgive you." Loni stands up. "Well, I'll see you around." He starts walking away.

Stan stands up. "Loni, wait!"

Loni turns to face him with his jaw dropped. He called him by his real name. He was in new territory with the former bully.

"You can't just walk away when you did the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"What's that?"

"You forgave me. Look, I understand where you're coming from. At the beginning of our junior year, I blacked out and beat the living crap out of a guy who wouldn't stop insulting my family. Ever since then, I was seen and treated like a threat and nothing else. Kyle, Eric, and Kenny went along for the ride so everybody knew they couldn't be messed with either. I discovered later on that I didn't have any real friends; nobody gave me another chance."

Loni walks back to him. "Wow. I bet if anybody heard you out, they would've seen you weren't that bad."

"I wanna put this behind us, too. I can't see a reason to be mad anyway. We're even. And I'm sorry about what I did." He holds out his hand.

"Don't worry about it. We're cool." Loni takes his hand and shakes it.

"Who knows? Maybe we can hang out from now on." Loni says.

"We can. Maybe people will treat you differently if we're seen together." Stan reassures him.

"You mean they will treat _us_ differently, once they see how cool you are _."_

* * *

"So you forgave him?" Lynn asks. Loni was retelling what happened at the park to his siblings in the kitchen. Over slices of their father's apple pie.

"Yeah! I stood my ground, apologized to him and it worked. He's not that bad when you sit down with him."

"To be perfectly transparent, forgiving your enemies is the hardest obstacle a man could overcome." Levi says.

"Yeah, Loni. That was very mature of you." Linka says.

"And due to the fact that you came home unbruised, we don't have to worry about you after all." Luke says. Everyone else agrees with that statement.

"Thanks, guys! If there's a moral here-"

"Loni, don't tell us what you learn today." Linka says.

"Then who should I tell?" He asks genuinely confused.

"The readers."

"Oh right! Well readers, if there's a moral here, it's to trust your natural instincts. You'll never know if you're right if you don't."

"Can we finish that movie now?" Lexx whines. All eleven of them move to the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Stan and his friends are based on the boys from South Park. Thanks for reading!


	17. Crazy Little Thing

He could hear the noise from the eleven kids as he rode his bike down the sidewalk. And following what seems like an explosion? It _was_ mentioned to him that one of them is a scientist. Chuckling to himself, he walks up the stairs of the Loud House and reaches for the doorbell. Only to be electrocuted.

"Yowch!" He shakes his hand to alleviate the pain.

Linka heard someone from the outside screamed (fortunately for him; especially due to the noise in the living room) and opens the door. She giggles at the guest sucking his finger.

"We told you to knock or call to have the door opened for you, Sam! That doorbell's been broken for as long as I can remember."

Samuel Sharp. Mentioned more than once in this story. He's a fifteen-year-old with a blonde mullet and a turquoise streak in his bangs. Clothed in red jeans, a blue jacket, a white t-shirt with circles in the center (like his female version), and black combat boots. His right eyebrow and both ears are pierced. Basically, his whole attire screams "I love rock and roll!"

He chuckles embarrassed and tightens his grip on his guitar case strap. "You ain't kidding. Is Luke here?"

"Yeah. Come on in. I'll go get him." Linka closes the door behind him and runs upstairs. The blonde rocker leans on the wall and takes in the scene in the living room. None of the other Loud brothers have noticed his presence yet.

He recognizes all of them from the stories Luke has told him but cannot remember all of their names. The comedian was chasing down the dim-witted brother with a fake spider tied to a stick. The latter screaming and running for his life. The oldest chasing the twin in overalls yelling "you have to take a flea bath!" The twin dressed as a prince went airborne in his green Jeep after jumping off a makeshift ramp. The athlete was on roller skates and playing hockey. In the dining room, a chemical explosion happens that makes Sam jump a little; he assumes that's the young scientist. Lastly, the goth had an ouija board in his hands while the baby watches on interested. To them, it's a typical Saturday.

Jesus. He has to hand it to _all_ of the siblings to be surrounded by this every day and not go completely insane.

Sam smiles wide when the musician clad in purple literally slides down the stairs' railing then jumps off it, landing in front of him. His sister's walking down the stairs carrying his Logan V-80.

"Hi, Sam. Sorry to keep you waiting." Luke holds his hand up. Sam grabs it and they both embrace in a quick "bro hug". A regular, longer hug would have sufficed for Samuel.

Linka hands him his ax and Luke takes it with gratitude. "Thanks, little sis! If anyone asks, we're in the garage." Luke and Sam walk outside, the latter closes the door behind them. Yet, Sam placing his hand on Luke's waist as the door was closing did not go unnoticed by Linka.

Linka arches an eyebrow. "I know it's not right to assume things, readers. But Luke and Sam act closer than any friends his age. I may be overthinking this, yet, I can't shake the possibility that they might be-"

"Linka!" Loki interrupts her. "Stop breaking the fourth wall and help me with Leif!"

* * *

The rock enthusiasts step inside the garage. Luke grabs the remote to close the door. Sam sets down his guitar while Luke talks.

"Ok, we're alone now. So, what-" Samuel grabs his shoulders and pulls him in to firmly connect his lips with his. Luke immediately melts into the kiss. His hand holding onto his ax tightens, not wanting it to slip in the heat of the moment. His other hand reaches up to touch Sam's hair.

Sam pulls away and leans his forehead against his. Both of them breathing into each other's faces.

"And to think, I can't kiss my boyfriend under his own roof." Sam says.

Luke grabs his hand from his shoulder and squeezes it. "Sam, I…"

"How long are we planning on doing this? We can't keep making out behind your family's back."

"I know. But to them, you are a regular friend so there's less suspicion."

"Dude, we've been dating for a month and two weeks. And even the year before there have been intimate feelings between us. Do your siblings even know that you sent your love letter to me?"

Luke looks down. "No. Because I only mentioned your name and never used pronouns."

Samuel sighs and steps away from him. He puts his hands in his pockets. "It makes me feel weird that you haven't come out as bisexual to your family and haven't told them about us. You've met my parents before. Are you- are you embarrassed by me?"

Luke's ax drops with a resounding thud. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders tightly.

"Sam, I told you before. You're an amazing dude. I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time because I don't see you as that. You're just what I needed." Sam hugs him back.

"I'm sorry I haven't told my family. I wanna let them in on us, too. But, I'm afraid of what they will think or do to me if I told them I'm bi and with a guy. I'm not sure what my parents would say and that scares me enough. But my siblings," Luke lets out a sigh. "They can be a bit judgmental."

Sam gives him a few kisses on his forehead after he's done talking. "I understand, babe." He whispers next to his ear. "Coming out to my parents and bringing you over for that dinner was the scariest experience I've had to endure."

He pulls back so he can face him. "What we have right now is good and I don't want you to hide this from your own family. They're nice people. I doubt they are going to hate you because of this. You _need_ to tell them, not just for our relationship but for yourself. You're always so confident in yourself and I love that. Who says you can't be confident about this?"

Luke smiles then pecks Sam's lips. "Thanks for the talk, baby. I'll tell them at dinner."

"You're the best, you know that? Come on, let's play a duet before I have to go back home." Both of them grab their respective guitars.

* * *

At 5:30 pm, Sam kisses his boyfriend goodbye and rides away on his bike. A half an hour later, the family gathered for dinner.

"Too bad your friend couldn't stay for dinner, Luke." Lynn Sr. says. "Because I switched up the menu tonight. I remade Casa Loud Casserole." The other kids beam at the dish and start serving themselves.

Luke gets his plate last. "Yeah. Uh guys, about Sam…"

His parents wait for him to finish that sentence. Luke can feel everyone's eyes on him as they eat. He freezes up; his words are trapped in his throat. His mind goes numb and his heart is throwing itself against his rib cage. The rockstar has been practicing for what he should say to the family after Sam left. Now that he's putting himself in that moment, he just _can't_.

He blinks rapidly to snap himself out of his daze and makes something up. "He wishes he can be here too. He said we're a nice family."

"Awww. What a sweet boy." Rita comments. And dinner went on as normal. If you don't count Luke's self-loathing.

* * *

After the table have been cleared and dishes cleaned, every Loud retreated back into their rooms for the night. Except for Luke. He's in the kitchen leaning forward on the sink. His phone is next to ear as he waits for the dial tones to end.

"Hey, babe. How'd it go?" Sam asks.

"I froze up, dude! I wanted to tell them but I stared into space like an idiot! I haven't been like that since I met Miss Swagger in person."

"Wait, you did? Anyway, if you think I'm mad, I'm not. Maybe tonight wasn't the right time."

"When is the right time to say "I'm bisexual and Sam is my boyfriend"?"

Both of them hear glass being broken. Time stops for Luke as he holds onto his breath.

"Sam," he breathes out. "Tell me that came from your line."

"That wasn't me. You're not alone."

Luke forces himself to turn around. He stares at his astonished little sister. Eyes are wide as dinner plates and her hand is out. Her fingers are curled as if they're still grasping her now broken glass.

"I have to go." Luke says before ending his call. He goes over to his sister, pulls her away from the broken glass, and grabs her by the blouse.

"How much did you hear?!" He demands.

"I heard your kinda confession! I came back here to put away my cup!" Linka holds up her arms in surrender. Luke drops her and pinches the bridge of his nose. He's angry at himself for thinking he can have a private phone conversation in this house.

"Luke?" Linka asks, gingerly. "When did-"

Luke holds his finger up. "Not. Here. If you want answers, meet me in the garage."

Linka nods. Only to not aggravate him further.

* * *

"You've been together in secret for over a month?!" Linka exclaims as she's pacing. Luke nods from his position, sitting on the ground.

"We actually knew each other way before then. He's the one I sent my love letter to."

The white-haired girl stands in place. "You're shitting me." Luke shakes his head in response.

Linka's face forms a wide grin. "This is the cutest thing I've heard in the longest time! And I had a feeling! I had a feeling there was something more between you two!"

The rockstar Loud raises an eyebrow. "What? You're not mad?"

"The only thing I'm mad about is that you managed to get someone so gorgeous! I mean, the man's a piece of art!" Luke facepalms at his sister's fangirling.

"Hey, when you guys get married, can Sam take our last name?"

"Linka!" Luke is bright red at this point.

She laughs at his reaction. "But, seriously." She walks over to him. "You're my big brother, Luke; I wanna see you happy. And if Sam makes you happy then so be it. Granted, I'm a little disappointed that you kept this from us for so long."

"So was Sam. I was just afraid of you guys hating everything about me. Can you blame me? There's so much hate in this world and so many stories of LGBT teens being kicked out of their homes. Believe me, I was going to tell you guys at dinner but I froze."

Linka nods and lays her hand on his shoulder. "Well, even if you're uncertain of how the others would react. Know that your little sister accepts you as a bisexual and loves you all the same."

Luke smiles so wide that his cheeks ache. He stands then scoops his sister up in a big bear hug. "Thanks, little sis." He pecks her forehead before setting her down. "And don't worry about it. Sooner or later, I'll come out to the rest of the family."

* * *

Linka and Luke walk into the living room, all of the other siblings are watching TV.

"I thought all of you went to bed already." Linka says.

"No one said we can't watch a movie on a Saturday night before then." Loki says. "Where have you guys been?"

"Just talking." Luke answers. "I need to tell you dudes something important anyway."

Lynn grabs the remote and turns off the TV. "Go on."

Linka gives him a reassuring pat on the back and goes to sit on the left armrest.

"There's really no way to sugarcoat this but… I'm bisexual and Sam is my boyfriend!"

The brothers gasp simultaneously. Their jaws drop stunned and their eyes are wide open.

"Luke, are you sure? About the bisexual thing?" Lane asks.

"I've never been surer of anything, bro." Luke smiles a small smile. "What do you guys think?"

Loki is the first one to make a move. He stands up and walks over to his younger brother. "We think…"

His fist collides with Luke's stomach. The latter clutch it in pain. "You're literally disgusting!"

Lynn comes up from behind him kicks him forward, causing Luke to fall down face first. He looks up at his back-stabbing brothers in terror.

"Yeah! What did you think? That we would support you?! What's wrong with you?!" Lynn kicks him on the word "wrong".

Linka gasps and lunges forward to help Luke. Loni grabs her by the waist and holds her against him. "Careful Link! You might catch his bisexual cooties!"

"No! Stop it!" Linka cries, struggling against Loni's hold.

The other brothers form an arc around the recently outed embarrassment of the Loud name.

"We only support _normal_ people in this family!" Lane kicks his right shoulder.

"You've brought dishonor upon this family!" Levi kicks his thighs.

"So does that mean you kissed a boy? That's nasty and that's coming from me!" Leif kicks his temple.

"I hope you burn in hell for this." Lars kicks his nose.

Leon blows a raspberry at Luke from his high chair. Not Leo, too. The other brothers continue their assault on Luke. He's getting dusty footprints on his clothes, his nose is bleeding, and his right eye is swollen and purple. Linka continues to beg for the mercy of her bisexual brother. Luke utterly felt worthless; complete garbage. Some would have the gall to say that he should fight back. Yet, you're emotionally incapable of anything when "loved ones" are physically assaulting you because of your sexuality.

Maybe he should have just stayed hidden. Shouldn't have thought he could trust his own family with his deepest secret. Shouldn't have-

Wait a minute. Where's Lexx?

As if on cue, the little prince leads the confused parents to the scene. The brothers stop kicking at the sight of them.

"There he is, Mom and Dad!" Lexx points to the bruised rockstar.

"Luke!" Lynn Sr. walks up to him. "Lexx told us that you came out as bisexual and you have a boyfriend. Is that true?"

Luke's good eye begins to fill up with tears. Why does his dad gloss over the fact that he's in pain? But, then again, they are his parents. The ones who showered him with love and nurture him all 15 years of his life. Surely they wouldn't treat him like his so-called brothers about this. Right?

"Yeah, Dad. It's true."

Lynn Sr. and Rita gasp. Rita immediately starts to cry. "Where did we go wrong? This isn't what we taught you!"

Lynn Sr. grabs Luke by the arm and pull him up so that they're looking eye to eye. And for the first time in Luke's life, he sees in his father's eyes, the man who he gets his music genes from, hate.

"I refuse to have a son who's interested in men! You know you weren't born that way and you know damn well you made a choice!"

"It isn't a choice! Just listen! All of you!"

"No! You listen! We do not and will not condone this behavior of yours! From now on, this is a family with one daughter and _nine_ sons!"

"What?! You can't-! Dad!"

"Don't you dare call me that!" Lynn Sr. drags Luke to the front door. The boys' glares at him match their father's.

Linka is crying waterfalls. "No! No!" She bits Loni's arm. He yelps in pain and he releases her. She runs toward Luke but Loki picks her up. Unfortunately for her, Loki is physically much stronger than Loni.

"Do it, Daddy!" Lexx yells.

"Good bye, Luke! Don't let the door hit your flaming ass on the way out!" Lane calls out.

Lynn Sr. opens the door and throws Luke out of the house as if he was taking out the trash. Luke screams as he lands on the cement walkway with a painful _thud_!

* * *

This is how Luke woke up. On his bedroom floor with a sore back. His throat sore from the screaming. He sits up and arches his back until he hears a crack. The commotion causes his roommate to wake up and turn on the bedside table lamp.

"Luke, what's got you _down_?" Lane jokes. "But seriously, it's half past midnight. What kind of dream did you have that made you fall off your bed?"

The door opens and reveals the concerned faces of the other Loud siblings.

"We heard a scream and a thud! Are you ok?" Loki asks.

Leif looks down at the rockstar. "Luke, were you stage diving in your sleep again?"

"If only you guys had separate beds like the rest of us. If you want, I can make a hand-crafted wooden bed frame for you." Loni suggests.

Luke stands up wobbly. "No, it's ok, Loni. Sorry guys, I just had a nightmare."

"The one where you don't make it as a rock and roll musician as you aspire and end up homeless, spiraling into an endless cycle of depression and failure?" Levi asks.

Luke does a facepalm. "Why'd you remind me of that, dude? I don't want to go into detail. Just go back to bed before the rents wake up."

"If you say so, Luke." Lars says. The siblings say their good nights before going into their respective rooms. Linka, the last one to depart, gives Luke a worried look before shutting the door close.

Luke climbs up his ladder, flops on his bed, and pulls his covers over himself.

"Night, Luke." Lane says as switches off the lamp and lies back down.

"Night."

 _Well, that was an epic fail._ Luke tells himself in his head. _How am I supposed to tell my brothers and my parents when I let my fear get the best of me?_

_I need help overcoming this._

* * *

Sunday morning after breakfast, Luke asked his parents if he can go over to a friend's house for a while. Not Sam's; a different one. Thank God they allowed him to.

In reality, he was going to meet some people to help with his coming out the closet problem. He hopes he got the address right. He walks up the stone steps, passing by the owners' beautiful, fertile garden. He takes in a deep breath and rings the doorbell.

Harriet McBride answers the door and smiles brightly. "Luke Loud. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Holly looks at the two from their kitchen. "Claudia just left with Linka. Wait. You are alone, are you? No offense to your brothers, but all together, you guys can be too much."

The Loud rockstar chuckles. "None taken, Mrs. McB. I'm actually here for you. I need your help."

Harriet opens the door wide. "Come in then. Holly just made coffee and cinnamon coffee crumb cake."

* * *

"So you see, I want to come out to my brothers and my parents. But every chance I get my mind goes blank. It's like the worse case of stage fright I've ever gotten." Luke finishes confessing his situation to the McBrides in their tidy living room. Luke is on the armchair and the ladies are on the sofa.

"Luke, we're so glad you came to us about this." Holly says after sipping her coffee.

"We both can relate to your fright on a more personal level than you think." Harriet says. "I remember as clear as day how uncomfortable my parents were around Holly and me when we got married. Especially when I already had a child. They thought how is Claudia going to cope without a father? Fortunately, we proved them wrong and they're more tolerant of us now." She puts a hand on her wife's knee.

"And I didn't come out to my parents until I was in college. When I was no longer under my father's roof and was allowed to make something of myself. I still remember the fear vividly. How difficult it was to confess those two words." Holly adds on.

Luke eats a bite of his cake. "I knew you'd understand. I keep thinking the worse if I do come out. I had a nightmare last night that they kicked me out of the house."

"Luke, I don't know about your brothers, but how about you tell your parents?" Holly suggests. "They are one of the nicest, most tolerant people I've met. Certainly, they wouldn't throw you out because you're bisexual."

"Even if I want to believe that, I wouldn't know where to begin."

Harriet puts down her cup. "Well then, how about a little role play?" Holly agrees and puts her plate down.

"Say what now?"

"Come over here, please." Harriet beckons him over. Luke stands up and walks over to them.

"Pretend we're your parents and tell us what you wanna say."

"Ok." Luke says and clears his throat. "Mom, Dad?"

"What is it, son?" Harriet answers in a lower tone that sounded exactly like his father.

"Wow, that's a really good impression." Holly tells her in awe.

"Don't break character, Holly."

"Anyway." Luke says. "There's no easy way to say this."

"Sorry, sorry. I have to pause." Holly stands up. "Luke, nobody slouches when they have something important to say. First, take your hands out of your pockets, put your arms down, and your back should be erect." Holly tells him while fixing his arms. He straightens himself up as he's told to.

Holly makes a hand motion for him to continue.

"I'm bi-bi-"

"Look at Harriet in the eye. Focus on your words so you don't stutter. Project your voice." Holly tells him.

"I'm bisexual and Sam is my boyfriend."

"Good! Repeat that to the both of us." Holly sits next to her wife.

"I'm bisexual and Sam is my boyfriend." His voice a bit assertive than before.

"With gusto!" The women say together.

"I'm bisexual and Sam is my boyfriend!" He screams out. His face is flushed red but he smiles to himself.

"Well son, just know that we support no matter what." Harriet says in his Lynn Sr.'s voice.

"That's right. We love you all the same." Holly says in her impression of Rita, it's not as impressive. "How do you feel?"

"I feel great!" Luke answers with a grin. "Thanks, Mrs. and Mrs. McBride. You're beautiful, both of you. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta leave you all behind and face the truth."

The McBride parents walk Luke to the front door. They embrace him before sending him off. They stand by the doorway waving at him.

"Best of luck to you!" Holly says.

"Tell us how it goes!" Harriet adds.

* * *

Back at the Loud House, Luke knocks on his parents' bedroom door. "Come in!" His mother answers.

Luke steps in and closes the door behind him. Previously, Rita was laying on her bed and typing on her laptop. Lynn Sr. was at their desk reading the funnies from the newspaper.

"Mama, Pops Star, can I talk to you? It's urge."

"Sure, sweetie. You can tell us anything." Rita tells him. She saves her work before closing her laptop. Lynn Sr. puts down the paper.

"I know it's kinda bad that I didn't tell you before but just know I was scared. I'm bisexual." He confesses in a forthright manner. Never breaking eye contact with the both of them.

"You're what?" Rita asks confused.

"It means he likes both girls and boys." Lynn Sr. tells her.

"I know what it means, Lynn!"

"And speaking of boys, you know Sam? He's actually my boyfriend. We've been dating for over a month behind your backs."

Lynn Sr. and Rita stare at him in shock. Luke feels his heart jump up and lodge in his throat.

"You hate me, I knew it! This is what I was scared about! Why did I think-"

Rita grabs his hand to end his rant. She pulls him over to the bed to sit him down. "Luke, we don't hate you. We could never!"

Lynn Sr. gets up and sits to the right of him. "In fact, we're very proud that you showed your true colors to us. You're a good kid. You deserve to be with whoever you want to be with!"

"And what kind of parents would we be if we hated you for being who you are." Rita says. "Yes, It's still a shock to us but we'll come around. Just know we love and support you all the same."

Luke feels tears well up in his eyes. He puts one arm around each parent and pulls them in for a group hug. They hug Luke back tightly. "You two are the most rockin' parents ever!"

The parents go "awww" as they pull away.

"Do your siblings know?" Rita asks.

Luke rubs his eyes dry before answering. "Only Linka. But I'm gonna go tell the guys right now! Good talk, Mom and Dad!" He kisses both of them on the cheek before exiting the bedroom.

Rita turns to her husband. "It's not the most shocking news we've received. With eleven unique personalities under one roof, one of them being gay seems pretty tame."

"Yeah." Lynn Sr. answers. "I just assumed it would be Loni." His wife nods in agreement.

* * *

Luke found his siblings in the twins' room. All sitting around waiting as Lexx is tying his tap dancing shoes. "What's going on here?" Luke asks Loki as he sits criss-cross on the floor.

"Lexx is literally forcing us to watch his audition for the Royal Woods Community Theatre's Talent Night." The oldest answers with a roll in his eyes.

"Oh. That's cool. There's something I need to tell you dudes after."

Lexx finishes tying up his shoes and stands on top of a rectangular piece of scrap wood. He's also wearing a sparkly pink vest.

"Thank you all for coming to watch me tonight!"

"Against our will." Lars adds.

"What's with the vest?" Lynn complains.

"It's all part of the act. For my audition, I'll be singing and dancing to "Turn it Off" from the Broadway musical _All About Mormons_!"

It appears everyone knew what the musical was except Luke. Can you blame him? Rock and roll is the essence of his life.

"All About Mormons?" Lane questions. "Seems a bit mature for kids your age."

"But funny all the same. I'll be doing the part we only care about. Levi?" Levi plays the music from Lexx's cell phone connected to a stereo. Lexx starts to sing:

_When I was in fifth grade_

_I had a friend, Steve Blade_

_He and I were close_

_As two friends could be_

_One thing led to another_

_And soon I would discover_

_I was having really strange_

_feelings for Steve_

The brothers were laughing at him except for Luke. It was his first time listening so he was paying attention to where this is going.

_I thought about us, on a deserted island_

_We'd swim together in the sea_

_And then he'd try and..._

Lexx then exaggerates pushing back someone.

_WOAH! Turn it off!_

_Like a light switch_

_There it's gone_

_My hetero side just won!_

He bangs on his chest to that drum beat.

_I'm all better now_

_Boys should be with girls_

_That's Heavenly Father's plan_

_So if you ever feel_

_You'd rather be with a man_

_Turn it off!_

"Well, I think it's ok that you're having gay thoughts. Just so long as you never act upon them." Leif reads off a piece of paper. Lexx gives him an incredulous look.

_No. Cause then you're_

_Just keeping it down_

_Like a dimmer switch on low_

_Thinking nobody needs to know!_

"But that's not true!" Leif reads again.

_Being gay is bad_

_But lying is worse_

_So just realize you have_

_A curable curse_

_And turn it off!_

And with that, Lexx begins his tap dance break. Also, Luke's insecurities are at his doorstep again. He knows the brothers are more judgmental and meaner than his parents and his sister combined. And that upbeat song (and if you know the musical, a song that shouldn't be taken seriously) reminds him of the possible hate he could receive from his brothers. Like in his nightmare.

Levi turns off the music when Lexx concludes his dance. "That was quite entertaining."

"I think you could solidify your audition if you do that famous line from it." Lynn tells him.

Lexx smiles. "You mean this line? Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes. And find the box that's gay and-"

" _CRUSH IT_!" The rest of the siblings respond. Luke flinches when they screamed. Leon is laughing in Lynn's hold and clapping for them.

"My audition will be the best one tonight!" Lexx says proudly.

"Chill out, guys." Linka says. "Luke had something to say."

"Oh yeah. What was it, bro?" Loni asks.

"Huh? Oh uhh, forget I mentioned anything. I-I gotta go to the bathroom!" Luke sees himself out.

Linka frowns at his discouragement. _Damn_ _it, Luke! You could have told them right then and there!_ She scolds him in her mind. _Was it the song_?

* * *

Luke sits on the toilet lid, unlocks his phone and presses Sam's contact. His boyfriend answers on the second dial tone.

"Tell me the good news."

"Well, with every good news, there's bad news."

"Ok. Tell me the good news first."

"I came out to my parents and my little sister! And I told them about us! They still love me and they support us!"

"Shut up! Babe, that's awesome! I told you they wouldn't judge you."

"Bad news, my brothers are still left in the dark."

"All nine of them?"

"Uh-huh."

"Damn it!"

"I'm sorry! My brothers are all rough around the edges. God knows what they're going to do to me when I do tell them."

"They're your brothers. What's the worst they can do?"

"Beat till I'm black and blue?"

"What?"

"It was in a nightmare I had."

There's silence on Sam's line for a few seconds before he speaks again. "That's just the fear talking. What you need is some extra support when you tell them. I'll come over for dinner tomorrow night."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Like I said before Luke, what we have going on is good. And I had seriously doubted our relationship was going to last if we kept it a secret. I really like you, Luke. And I want your family to see that."

Luke is smiling like an idiot and his face is ruby red. He hopes Sam can't hear his rapid heartbeat.

"I like you, too. And babe? Thanks."

"Anything for you, honey."

* * *

The next evening, the whole family sat at the dining table as they waited for Lynn Sr. to put his finishing touchings on his meatloaf. There was an extra chair to the right of Luke.

A knock on the door was heard just as Lynn Sr. brought the meatloaf out.

"Hey, he remembered." Linka comments.

"I'll get it." Luke offers. He stands up to answers the door then walks back with Samuel.

"Sam! Nice of you to join us on Meatloaf Monday!"

"Much obliged, Mr. Loud." Luke lead him to the empty seat next to the Loud rocker.

Everybody serves themselves a helping of meatloaf. "So Lexx, how were the auditions?" Rita asks.

"Terrible! They rejected me!" Lexx answers, pissed off. "They said it was "vulgar"." He does the air quote thing with his fingers. "They wanna know vulgar, they should try listening to the song the Ugandans sing! They wouldn't know humor if it slapped them across the face!" He pounds his fist on the table.

"You'll get over it." Lane tells him.

"That musical is not for kids, anyway." Loki says.

"Are you talking about the musical All About Mormons?" Sam asks.

"Yeah!" Lexx answers.

"Hands down, the funniest musical ever! It's a personal favorite of mine."

"Thank you! Finally! Someone who doesn't have a stick up his butt!"

Dinner went along as normal. The brothers oblivious to the elephant in the room. Luke and Sam kept stealing glances at each other, hoping the other would make the first move. What went through the parents' and Linka's heads was to tell everyone that Luke had something to say. But no one wanted to put Luke on the spot.

Soon, everyone had empty plates and the meatloaf was all gone.

"Ok. You're all excused." Lynn Sr. tells them.

"Cool. Operation: Dessert Storm is starting soon." Leif says. The siblings rise from their seats and Loni grabs Leon from his high chair.

Luke suddenly slams his fists on that table, causing every sibling to turn sharply towards him. As well as Sam and his parents to flinch.

"Wait! There's something I need to tell you dudes. Something I should've told you a long time ago!"

Loki crosses his arms. "Ok?"

Sam puts a reassuring hand on Luke's shoulder but Luke grabs his hand, clutches it, and rises from his seat with Sam following.

"Sam is my boyfriend!"

The brothers' jaws drop to the floor. They share a collective gasp.

"Since when?!" Lexx demands.

"A little over a month ago." Sam answers.

"I'm sorry. I need to drop something." Keeping his shocked face, Lane pours himself a glass of water and purposely lets go of it. It smashes on the floor.

"So, does that mean-" Lars says.

"You're gay?!" Lynn finishes for him. Dismay in his tone.

Luke flinches because of Lynn's tone. But he remembers his training at the McBride's, straightens himself up and holds the hand connected to Sam's up.

"No. I am a bisexual." He answers in a straightfoward manner.

"What does that mean?" Loni asks.

"It's when a human is sexually attracted to both males and females." Levi explains.

"Wait. What?"

"He likes both, you idiot!" Lynn yells at him.

"Yeah. You guys are actually the last ones to know." Luke explains. "I told Mom and Dad yesterday and I told Linka two days ago. I was terrified of what you guys would think of me. I thought you guys might hate me or beat me when you found out. What do you guys think now?"

The rest of the brothers take glances at each other. They're waiting for something else to happen then Loki goes over to Luke.

"Well, if no one is going to make the first move, I will."

Loki's fist collides with Luke's stomach.

Luke realeses his grip on his boyfriend and uses both hands to clutch it. Sam takes a step back. The parents stand up simultaneously. Linka covers her mouth with her hands. And Luke groans in pain. He is filled with existential dread as he fears of reliving his nightmare.

Then Loki explains himself.

"Let me tell you what that punch was for. It wasn't for homophobic reasons. It was because you didn't trust us enough to tell us about your relationship! You forgot that this family supports each other!"

The boys crowd around the rockstar. "That's right. Support a hundred percent." Lane tells him. "Do you really think that low of us?"

Luke stands up straight. "Well, I figured that because you guys can be mean and a bit judgmental-"

"We know we're rowdy and we love to make fun of each other. But that doesn't mean we don't love each other and that includes you." Leif explains.

"We also know that the world still isn't safe for LGBT people. There's still so much hate towards them." Lars begins. "But understand that you don't have to worry about anyone throwing you out into the streets."

"What monsters we would be if that happened. I don't think I would ever forgive myself." Levi comments.

"You're our blood, Luke!" Lynn says.

"We accept for who you are. Whether you’re dating a boy, girl, or whatever!" Lexx says.

"And we still love you." Loni finishes. Leon reaches out for Luke. Loni holds the baby out for Luke to carry. Leon hugs the rockstar's cheek in his hold. That initiates a group bro hug.

"You guys are awesome!" Luke says cheerfully.

"We know." His brothers say simultaneously.

Linka joins in the hug. "I'm so proud of you, bro!"

"We are too!" Rita says.

"Don't forget us, kids!" Lynn Sr. says before the parents join the group hug.

Sam watches on from the sidelines. "What a nice family."

A couple of arms grab Sam and the family tells him like a chorus "Get in here, Sam!" He is immediately engulfed in their arms.

When the family lets go, Lynn makes a comment. "You know, I'd always thought if any one of us was gay, it would be Loni."

"Right?" Lynn Sr. answers.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Loni asks offended.

"So, Sam," Lexx looks up at him. "I'm sure you realize that we care about our brother a lot. So if you break Luke's heart, let's just say the police won't be able to find your body after we're through with you." He cracks his knuckles for emphasis.

Sam's face goes pale at the threat. Luke chuckles nervously. "He doesn't mean that."

"Yes, I do. Protective brothers come with dating a Loud."

"When my girlfriend Bebe comes to town, you, Luke, me and her can double date." Loki suggests.

"When you guys get married, can you take our name, Sam?" Loni asks.

"Dudes! Stop embarrassing me!" Luke shouts.

"Embarrassing siblings also come with dating a Loud." Leif says.

"Let me get back to you on that, uhh…" Sam hesitates as he looks at Loni. "I wanna say, Levi?"

"Incorrect. That would be me." The tiny scientist extends his hand out and Sam shakes it. "I believe that proper introductions are in order."

"Yeah. We'll bond over Operation: Dessert Storm." Lynn suggests and looks at his watch. "Which starts right now." The brothers push Samuel toward the living room. Linka takes Leon back before following them.

"Well, first of all, I'm Lexx." The same boy who threatened him less than a minute ago begins. "I dress like royalty because I expect to be treated as such. You already know All About Mormons, but I know like, ten different musicals for you to check out!"

"Lexx! You can do that later! Anyway, I'm Lynn…"

Luke lets out a breathless chuckle. This weekend has been one hell of a ride for him. But knowing his parents support him and seeing his siblings wanting to know his boyfriend better. He knew it was _all_ worth it. He smiles to himself as he joins everyone else in the living room.

* * *

One week later, Sam knocks on the Louds' front door. Loki opens it for him.

"What's up, Sam?"

"Hey, Loki."

Loki opens the door wide open and closes it behind him. The rest of the brothers are in the living room and greet Sam in various ways.

"Hey, everybody!" Sam greets back.

"Luke! Your boy toy's here!" Loki calls from the bottom of the stairs. Sam chuckles to himself. He learned when the siblings make jokes like that, it is not to be taken seriously.

As before, Luke slides down the stairs' railing and Linka follows on foot carrying his ax. After landing, he wraps his arms around Sam's neck and briefly kisses him. Sam returns the kiss contently with his hands on his boyfriend's waist.

"Hi babe." Luke greets after they stop. It felt good that he doesn't have to say that in private anymore.

Linka beams at the PDA and hands Luke his guitar. "Thanks, sis. We gotta get to a gig. Don't wait up for us!" They walk out the door.

"Alright!"

"Have fun!"

"Bye Luke! Bye Sam!"

"Wear protection!"

Luke opens the door again to glare at his roommate for that last comment before closing the door.

The couple walk down the cement walkway and continue their way down the sidewalk. A few seconds later, their hands found each other. Not caring about who else saw them; they were happy around each other.


	18. Party Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this rewrite, don't expect a "sophisticated party".

"Thanks for allowing me to have to this party tonight, Mom and Dad." Loki tells his parents. At the moment, he and Loni were cleaning the basement out for the aforementioned party. Instead of his usual blue tank top and cargo shorts, Loki's decked out in a white button up, white Nike Air Force sneakers, black jeans and a loosely fitted blue tie.

"Of course, son." The father answers. "And Lynnsanity brought you some party props. Nothing says "party time" like a lampshade on the head!" He puts a lampshade on his head and starts dancing while Rita watches on laughing.

Loki couldn't have looked more embarrassed. "No offense Dad, but literally no one uses lampshades at parties anymore."

"Oh, gotcha. So it's more of a fake vomit affair." He proceeds to throw up the fake vomit. He and Rita laugh while their eldest son groans annoyed.

"Seriously Loki," Rita starts. "Having this party is a huge responsibility. Most parents don't trust their seventeen-year-old to host a party because of what they're capable of. But we trust you to make the right decisions tonight. Have fun but not too much fun."

"Don't worry, Mom. I'm not gonna go insane like some stupid teen from a TV's sitcom. We'll be fine."

"That's our boy. Come on Lynn, we don't want to miss the previews." Both of the parents leave. Lynn Sr. returns momentarily.

"I'd be kicking myself if I didn't ask. Propeller beanie?" Loki and Loni just stare at him. "And I'm out." Lynn Sr. leaves for real.

"I've finished putting out the chips, dip, and sodas, Loke." The designer tells him.

"Awesome! After my party, everybody's gonna know my name! We're gonna turn up!"

"Hey, you said you weren't going to go wild like a TV sitcom teen."

"I'm not. I'm gonna be even worse. Like a teen in a work of fiction."

"Bro, you are a stellar role model." The roomates high five.

Just then, the rest of the siblings come downstairs. With their own party props and talking animatedly about Loki's upcoming party.

"We brought our bouncers!" The twins shout.

"I've constructed a chocolate fountain! It started out as a nuclear fusion device, but I accidentally dropped my chocolate bar in it." Levi explains.

"And I've been working on my party tricks all week!" Linka says. She falls down and pulls on her legs. "Knee farts!" It makes all of her brothers laugh except Loki.

"Enough!" He shouts. "There's no need for any of that because this is a high school party. No kids allowed."

"Yeah, sorry guys. We can't have kids in here." Linka says.

"Linka, get up. You're not invited either. Just Loni and Luke."

Linka shoots back up. "What? No fair!"

"And me!" Lane exclaims. "You said it was a high school party and I'm a freshman! Let me go! Pleeease!"

"Fine." Loki reluctantly agrees. "But you have to be cool."

" _Cooley_ noted." Lane laughs. "Get it?" He asks as he throws his voice to Mrs. Coconuts.

"Don't make me regret it."

* * *

Sometime later upstairs, Linka was getting more and more frustrated with every passing second hearing loud pop music.

"I did not spend a whole week mastering party tricks just to shown the door!" She hops off her bed and pulls out her iconic trunk.

"Loki doesn't want Linka Loud at his party but he didn't say anything about…"

* * *

"Linkeisha Loudinski. I am new foreign exchange student." Linka says in a feigned Russian accent, dressed as a female Russian citizen. She is talking to the bouncer.

"I don't see your name on the list." Loni tells her.

She looks it over. "That is shopping list."

"Oh. So parmesan cheese isn't coming. I wanted to meet him." He says disappointedly. Linka rolls her eyes and walks past her slow brother down to the basement.

Once downstairs, Linka found herself in the center of the eccentric environment. The guests have arrived and already they were talking, laughing, and dancing to the loud stereos. The noise made her ears ring.

 _So this is what a high school party is like. Just like in the movies._ Linka says in her mind. _Alright_ , _quit_ _staring. Don't wanna look_ too _out of place._ She walks around, unknowingly past her comedian brother, who's telling jokes to two senior girls.

"I don't mean to boast, but in my house, I'm treated like God."

"Yeah, because people only talk to you when they want something." Mrs. Coconuts responds. Causing the girls to laugh.

A few feet away, Loki is standing with his friend Winston. "Party's pretty cool, man." Winston tells him.

"I know, right?" Loki says. "Girls, music, dancing…"

"Oh my!" The two blondes clink their red solo cups and drink out of it.

"It's good to be king." Loki comments.

Loni walks up to his brother and leans into his ear. "Everybody's here!"

"Perfect. Go ahead, Luke!"

The rockstar cuts whatever pop song short by pressing the stop button. The crowd stops moving and looks confused toward Luke with his right foot on his amp and his signature instrument in his hands.

"For those about to rock, I salute you!" With a remote turns on his strobe lights and begins playing. The crowd gets into his music.

_Dropping records on a weekly basis._

In between his singing, he plays guitar riffs.

_Playing shows in exotic places._

_Rockin' out to a cheering crowd._

_Hear them screaming..._

"GO LUKE LOUD!" The teens answer. Luke smiles wider.

_My favorite colors are platinum and gold._

_Being a rock star never gets old._

_My life is a dream._

_A crazy rock and roll dream!_

"Stage dive!" Luke shouts after his final guitar riff. He jumps off the dryer into the crowd. And to his surprise, people catch him and carry him across the crowd.

* * *

Sometime later, Loki and Loni are around the snack table talking to Winston and Barry.

"Then she walked in and was like-" Loki was interrupted by another blonde guy who just joined the party.

"What up, fellas!"

Loki turns around and almost chokes on his soda. "Carl?! I didn't invite you!"

"And you should be ashamed of yourself. I would have said yes."

"We aren't friends!"

"We're frenemies. Doesn't mean I hate you. Anyway, I saw Loni's Swifty Pic and I had to drop by."

"Don't tell me you didn't expect me to share this." Loni retaliates. Apparently, Carl isn't the only one in their school who decided to crash. From where Loki's standing he can see fifteen teens coming down the stairs. Some were old classmates, others were teens he has seen in the halls and never spoke to.

Loki turns to his brother. "Loni! You were supposed to be the bouncer!"

"How was I supposed to enjoy the party if I'm guarding the door and hopping up and down all night? The more the merrier, I say!"

"Yeah Loud." Pingrey throws his arm around his frenemy's shoulders. "Besides, I didn't come empty handed." In his right fist, there are two cases of Corona beer.

"Alright!" Winston cheers.

"Now it's a real party!" Barry takes the cases of beer with gratitude then he and Winston start to unpack.

"Oh no no no no! Hell no!" Loki exclaims. "I told everyone that this is a dry party! If my parents find empty bottles, they are going to murder me! I want you and those other people out of here!"

"Then do a thorough clean up! Don't kick us out! Please!" Loki glares at the begging teen in purple. Then from the corner of his eyes, he saw a girl coming down the stairs with several boxes of pizzas. Some guests spent their own money on Loki's party. He couldn't kick them out after what they've done.

"Ok."

"Thanks, man!" Carl walks over to the snack table and pours a beer into a red solo cup.

"This is literally gonna end badly for me, isn't it?" He tells himself. He sees Loni has a Corona in his hand and he takes it away.

"Absolutely not. I'm not gonna be responsible for my brothers getting drunk."

* * *

"Stephanie, Natalia! Get off your boyfriends' shoulders! Chicken fights don't work if you're not in the water!" Loki demands as he nudges each of the aforementioned girls off the guys' shoulders. How the hell did it come to this? People keep bringing alcohol. Everyone's drinking, everyone's grinding, everyone's acting like savages!

"TURN THE FREAKING MUSIC UP!" A teen yells out. The volume of stereo rises.

"Hey! Get off the washing machine before you break it!" Loki shoves his way past couple grinding on each other. He pulls on the arm of the teen boy standing on the machine. The clearly wasted teen stumbles away from him.

Shortly after, Loki smells a pungent scent. "Someone brought weed?! Are you f*cking serious?!"

"As a heart attack!" Danny walks up to him, a joint in his mouth. "Don't lose your head, Lokes!" He tells him loudly over the trap music playing. "This is how it's done! You need a Jell-O shot!"

Loki slaps the shot of his hand. "Danny, get the hell out of my face! What I need is to find is my brothers!"

"Knock it off! Give it back!" A new voice yells out.

"Lane!" Loki goes over to the commotion. He sees two random jock types throwing Mrs. Coconuts around and Lane is the monkey in the middle. Loki intercepts when the puppet is thrown to the jock closest to his right.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"We were just playing around with the freshman." The one next to Loki answers.

"The freshman is my brother. Get your high dumbasses away from him! Go on, beat it!" The two jerks put their hands up in surrender and walk away to probably get another beer.

Loki gives Lane his puppet. "You ok, Lane?"

"Ok?!" He repeats, outraged. "I was breaking up a fight between them then they took it out on me! You need to get these assholes out of here, Loki! They have no respect for other people's property, other people, or themselves!"

"Welcome to high school."

"I'm serious!"

"Hey, you asked to be here! I don't like how everyone's behaving either but I can't just kick them out! That could majorly damage my rep!"

"Why are you guys fighting?" Loni walks up to his brothers. He almost trips on the way there, though. "It's a party! Only good times ahead! Here, have some tea." Loni offers his drink to his older brother. Loki takes a tiny sip from it but grimaces at the taste.

"This is Long Island Tea! That's alcohol! Loni! Are you drunk?!"

"Define-" he hiccups. "Define drunk." He slurs out. "It's not my fault! Someone should have told me that before I had two." He's weak in the knees. Lane catches him before he falls. Loni's a skinny person, so two Long Island Teas was enough to get to him.

"Alright Loni, we need to get you upstairs." Lane says.

Loni leans onto his younger brother. "I'm fine. Just haven't eaten much today. At least the room stopped spinning, anyway."

"Did you just quote something?" Loki asks.

"Aw, whatever!" He pulls away from Lane's hold. "I told you I'm fine! Don't need to baby me!" Just then, a new song blares out the stereos. "THIS IS MY SHIT!" Loni runs toward the crowd. He gets in between two girls and starts dancing. The girls find his drunken state hilarious and grind against him.

Luke walks next to the flabbergasted Loki and Lane. "Is Loni drunk?"

"Yeah." Loki answers.

"Dude! He would never do that sober! Now he's like a confident babe magnet. Where is my phone?" Luke pats down his pants.

"Luke, you aren't seriously enjoying this?" Lane asks.

"Hell yeah I am! I was born to be wild!" Luke throws up the goats. "Performing in front of a bunch drunken teens is so much fun!"

A red-eyed dude taps on Luke's shoulder. "Hey, is this your guitar?" The neck of his ax is broken off of his body. The look on the rockstar's face is almost laughable.

He snatches it back. "What happened?!"

"I thought I saw a spider. Turns out it was just a stain on the wall. Later!" Red Eyes walk away.

"Ok, I want all these people out of here!" Luke tells the oldest.

"Sure, now." Lane comments.

"I can't kick them out! Alright!" Loki yells at them.

"Maybe you're not looking at the whole picture here!" Luke argues. "Underage drinking, marijuana, and the destruction of our basement. What if- bottle!" The three guys duck just in time as a beer bottle is thrown over their heads and is smashed against the wall.

"What if the cops come?" Luke finishes. "Are you seriously gonna let this slide?!"

"Isn't it obvious, Luke? Loki cares more about his reputation than he does about his siblings." Lane says.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Loki denies.

"Wow. That's a low blow, Loki." Luke says. "You know what, we're outta here! Get your ass busted by the cops, or worse, Mom and Dad. Let's go, Lane." They both grab their possessions and walk toward Loni. They both grab an arm and drag him toward the stairs.

"No! Why'd you take me away from the girls? No! I wanna stay!"

"No, you don't." Luke replies.

"I don't?"

"Yeah. We don't want you to keel over. Or be here when the cops come." Lane says.

"Cops?! Oh Jesus!" Loni escapes his younger brothers' hold and runs up the stairs.

* * *

Loni crashes on the living room sofa. His right arm propped up against the armrest and his fingers massaging his temple. His running took away all of his energy and the alcohol is beginning to give him a headache. Luke hands Loni a bottle of water from the kitchen.

"Something happened at Loki's party?" Leif asks. All the other Loud siblings were in the living room.

"It was more than we can tolerate." Lane answers.

"You can hang out with us if you want. Put the music back on, Lexx!" Lexx taps on his phone and music play from the stereos connected to it. The twins start dancing. Lynn is on a bouncer.

"Check out this major air! Whoo-hoo!" He bounces over Lane.

Lars is on the coffee table performing a séance with the pets. "Chris, I see your grandmother. She's a jaguar."

Levi and Leon are nearby drinking out of the scientist's chocolate fountain.

"Oh god! That's good! This Theobroma Cacao, street name: chocolate, is working wonders on my serotonin levels!" Leon takes out his bottle and pours some into it.

"Now this is a party atmosphere I can get used to!" Lane says.

"Word!" Luke agrees. "Lynn! Run upstairs and get my electric!"

* * *

Back downstairs, the other Louds' absence hasn't put a dent in plans at all. Still the music is ear-ringingly loud and still the teens are partying like it's the end of the world. Now, the trash is piling up on the floor. Loki was in the corner alone, staring down at his red cup full of Pepsi. He may have thrown this epic party, but is popularity really worth being arrested? Losing the trust of his parents? Losing the respect of his brothers?

Of course not. It isn't and it shouldn't.

He gulps down his soda before throwing away his cup (in the trash can, unlike some people) goes over behind the stereos and unplugs it. The teens stop moving to groan and complain at the one who cut their good times short.

"What the hell, Loki!"

"Shut up, Carl! Listen, everyone!" They go quiet except for someone coughing in the back. "You need to get out of here now!" Everyone protest louder.

"Blah blah blah! Just go!"

"Wait a minute! He's right!" Winston says. Loki's thankful that his best friend isn't too far gone.

"I mean, it was getting too crowded in here anyway! To the backyard!" The crowd hollers and goes up the stairs. Loki moves next to the stairs' railing.

"No! No! Don't you guys know when someone wants you out of their house?!" The teens ignore him as the party moves upstairs and through the kitchen back door.

"God damnit!" Loki kicks an empty beer bottle on the floor. Again, he hears a person coughs. It's that Russian girl.

Wait a minute. He walks over to her and pulls the wig off, releasing her white locks.

"Linka! You snuck down here?!"

"I couldn't hide my talents from your guests! I was showing some druggies that kick-flip stunt then they lit a joint. I tried not to let it bother me. I couldn't even perform it I was coughing so much." She coughs violently. "Ugh, that is vile."

"But you could have suffered an asthma attack!" Linka has had one, four years ago. It was her first and everyone prayed it was her last. Loki dreads the thought of finding Linka at the last minute gasping for air on the floor, running up to her room to fetch her inhaler then coming back down too late.

"Linka, I'm sorry. I should have gotten you out of here hours ago."

"Loki, I'm fine. Don't apologize."

"Just go sit on the front porch and get some fresh air. I'll deal with everyone else. This time, I'll make them listen!"

* * *

In the backyard, Loki gets in the center of it all. Now adorned in his military commander outfit. Complete with a whistle around his neck, his sunglasses, and his baton. He turns off the mobile speakers and blows his whistle. Everyone stops moving and looks confused at his military-like posture.

"Maybe I wasn't being clear to you drunken freaks! Get the f*ck out of my house! But first, you're gonna clean up that disaster you left in my basement!"

"Or what?" A girl asks.

"You know the best thing about this baton? It doubles as a whip!" Loki pulls on the little hoop on top of the baton to reveal its hidden extension chord. He lashes the air. Everyone flinches at the loud cracking sound.

"Anyone opposed?" He's met with silence. "I didn't think so! Now, everybody line up!"

* * *

Loki gave them garbage bags and the necessary cleaning products. The guests began to thoroughly clean up their mess from the basement. Joints were extinguished and broken pieces of glass picked up. The air freshener was sprayed. Loki stood by the stairs with his arms crossed and his baton/whip in his right fist. When Loki believed that the basement was in an acceptable state, he ordered everyone to leave.

Everyone goes up the stairs in an orderly fashion. Some pick up the garbage bags to take out.

Loki hears his friends' insults as they're going up.

"There are other ways to end a party, Loud!" Carl tells him.

"Control freak!" Danny comments.

"The whip was unnecessary. You took it too far." An African-American boy says.

"Power tripping ass!" Barry says.

Winston was the very last one to leave. "I know we all went too far but know this. Everyone was living out their best life tonight because these are the last fun years of our lives before we're off to college to become stressed out adults. Think about that then loosen up for once." Winston leaves with that.

Loki takes off his sunglasses and looks down at the floor with a sullen look at his eyes.

Linka comes downstairs. She's no longer coughing. "Hey. I saw everyone leaving. Are you ok?"

Loki sighs. "I'm fine."

"Well, we're all hanging out upstairs if you want to join us. It's not like your high school party, thank God."

"Good. I need to put my mind at ease." They go upstairs.

* * *

The living room is completely decorated with streamers and balloons. The younger siblings are wearing party hats.

"Hey, guys! Look who's joining us!" Linka announces. The siblings cheer.

A hyperactive Levi runs up to his oldest brother. "Can I offer you a chocolate covered gelatinous confectionary. Street name: marshmallow?"

Lars moves his séance to the dining room. "Loki, come join our séance. We just discovered that Willa's ancestor is a pterodactyl."

"And my ancestor is a coffee table." Mrs. Coconuts says. Loki and Lane share a laugh.

"Uh, Luke, Lane?" Loki scratches the back of his head. "I'm sorry for what happened down there."

"Shut up, man. I don't wanna hear that stuff." Lane says, smiling.

"Yeah. All's good, bro." Luke tells him. He then plays a riff on his electric guitar.

Loni's yawning catches Loki's attention. "How are you feeling, Lons?"

"A bit tired. After I puked in the toilet, I've been feeling so much better." He takes another sip of his third water bottle.

Lynn bounces past Loki. "Coming through!"

Lexx is on a bouncer too. "I'm gonna beat you!"

Loki grabs the third bouncer. "I'm gonna beat both of you!" The three of them race around the living room and dining room. Loki catches up and crosses the finishing line made out of toilet paper.

"And the new bouncy ball champion is Loki Loud." He dunks himself with the chocolate fountain while his siblings cheer for him. Loni takes a picture of this moment on his phone.

"I'm so posting this." He does and the initial eleven teens who were personally invited by Loki in the beginning, all hanging out in different places elsewhere, get the post and smile. From their separate houses, they have come to an unspoken consensus that Loki isn't that bad after all.

Afterwards, the doorbell rings. Loki goes to answer it and sees it's his friends. Barry is carrying boxes of pizza.

"What are you guys want?"

"We came to party with you." Barry tells him.

"Listen, we know you're fun, but you have your limits. Unlike the rest of us." Winston says.

"We're sorry we trashed your basement. But if you give us another chance, we won't go wild like before." Chole says.

"Geez, I don't what to say." Loki tells them, feigning sympathy. "Except, thanks for the pizza!" He takes the boxes from Barry's hands and slams the door in their faces. The teens behind the door knock and beg him to enter.

"So how does that feel?" Linka says, taking the boxes from him.

"It feels awesome!"

"Good. Now, you wanna feel better?"

"Yeah." He knows where this is leading up to.

"Then you know what you gotta do."

Loki opens the door wide. "Come in, everyone."

"I knew we were friends." Winston and he fist bump before all of them enter. Everyone's having fun.

"Great second party, Loki." Chole tells him.

"It's actually not my-"

Linka cuts in. "Yeah! Loki's the best party thrower!"

"Let's see how this goes." Loki holds up a box. "Who wants a party prop?"

The partygoers grab one and start playing with them. Just then, the Loud parents walk in and open the state of the party. Cue the record scratch.

"Uh, Mom and Dad." Loki says. "I can explain."

Rita and Lynn Sr. laugh at him. "You don't have to, Loki!"

"Son, this is the kind of party a 17-year-old should have!" Lynn Sr. says before he and Rita put lampshades on their heads. Everyone laughs at them and the music plays again.

"You guys are the coolest parents ever!" Loki tells them. They remove their lampshades off their heads.

"Yeah, we are! But not for long." Lynn Sr. tells him.

"According to Ms. Grouse, there was a wild party in our backyard. She could smell weed from her kitchen window." Rita says.

"We went to inspect the backyard and found empty beer bottles on the ground." Lynn Sr. finishes.

Loki's face pales. How did he forget to check the backyard? That's where the party was moved! "How long am I grounded for?" Seeing no way out of this tunnel.

"A month. Starting tomorrow. So, you might as well enjoy tonight." Rita tells him.

"Hey, everyone!" Linka calls out. "I'm about to flip out." She successfully jumps and flips backwards by kicking her foot out and everyone else cheers her on.


	19. Linka Meets La Llorona

In a nice change of scenery, the Loud family is gathered around a big bonfire, sitting in lawn chairs or lying down on blankets, in Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds this Friday evening. Every year, the family would go camping at the site. The siblings found the tradition stupid at first, but after the Dairyland/Aloha Beach debate, they saw that they misjudged the place too quickly.

The sky was pitch black; the only sources of light were the fire, the endless amount of stars, and the full moon. Crickets chirping, the wind blowing, and the fire crackling, it would have been a nice symphony of the great outdoors. Bringing peace and comfort to its listeners.

If it hadn't been for Luke's singing.

" _It would heellllp! It would heelllp! If you just sing ALOOOOOONG!"_ He proceeds to smash his acoustic guitar on the ground repeatedly. "OH YEAH!" He screamed toward the skies. Everyone laughs and applaud him.

"Thank you! Seriously, no more requests."

"It's not like we could anymore. You just broke your guitar." Loki answers.

Luke shrugs. "When you break instruments as much as I do, you gotta keep spares. Pass me the bag of marshmallows." The bag was passed to him and Luke proceeds to roast one.

"Ah, isn't this nice? Just to get away from the hustle and bustle of suburban life once in a while?" Rita asks.

"Yep. Just kicking it with the fam." Lynn Sr. responds.

"It would have been nicer without the bites of Diptera Culicidae," Levi responds, pointing to his mosquito bites on his neck. "And we could do without the poisonous berries we picked and almost consumed if I hadn't warned you."

"Oh Levi, you gotta accept Mother Nature as she is. Beautiful yet dangerous." Loni tells him.

"Says the guy on an air mattress." Lynn rebuttals.

"Like I'm gonna sleep on the hard ground!"

Linka chuckles and looks up at the stars. They shone brilliantly as if they wanted to dazzle the white-haired girl herself. She noticed that the Aquarius constellation is out tonight. In a family this big under one roof, it's rare to find herself in a state of tranquility. She can't remember the last time she was under a blanket of stars.

"I'm glad we didn't give up on this place."

"Linka! Look at your marshmallow!" Lane warns.

Linka was so out of it, she didn't notice she set the marshmallow she was roasting ablaze. She shrieks and blew on the flames rapidly but it wouldn't go out.

"I got it!" Leif yells before he throws his bottle of water at the burning confection, putting it out. Drenching his sister's shirt in the process.

"Thanks, Leif. I guess." Linka deadpans. Then she fully faces toward the fire.

* * *

At 10:00 pm is when the family put out their fire and turn in for the night. There were six tents, one for the parents and one for each pair of roommates. Linka opted to sleep in Lynn's and Lars's tent, she was used to having them as roommates. Well, maybe "used to" isn't the right term. She brought earplugs on this trip for a reason.

Sometime later, Linka wakes up and takes off her earplugs. She goes through her suitcase in the corner for a roll of toilet paper. Then leaves the tent and heads toward the latrine she had to dig up in the woods.

After she's done, she walks down the bank of the river back to her camp. The only sounds heard were the howling wind and the leaves crunching underneath her feet.

"Lexx had a point! Doing your business in the woods is disgusting! At the very least, someone should put a port-a-potty here."

Halfway down the dirt path, Linka momentarily stops her leaf crunching and picks up what sounds like a great wail. It sounded like a woman was wailing; she was definitely in emotional pain. Like she recently lost someone near and dear to her.

"Huh. I thought my family and I were the only ones out here."

Like the main character in the horror movies, she's too damn curious. She cups her hands around her mouth and calls out to her in concern.

"Hello?! Miss! Are you alright?!"

The wails only grew louder. Linka walks closer to the river, but not at the edge, to get a better look. She had to rub her eyes to be certain they weren't playing with her.

It wasn't _just_ a woman, it was a ghost.

A ghost trudging along the opposite side of the river. She had flowing pitch black hair and wore a torn up and soiled white mesh dress. Her mouth unhinged like a snake as she lets the world know that she's in pain.

Linka felt the fear rushed throughout her body. She recognizes her based on her physical appearance.

"La-"

Linka couldn't get the second word out because the spirit _looks in her direction_. With an adrenaline boost, she runs the rest of the way down. She didn't dare to look back. She makes it to her campsite in fifteen seconds at the most. Her heart was throbbing in fear and her throat ached each time she took air in. That was the fastest she ever ran in a long time. Of course, when she runs like that, she gets a-

"Ow! Ow! Charley horse!" Linka yells. She falls and grabs her right calf. Thank God, this doesn't occur when she was on the river bank.

Her racket causes the family to peek their heads out of the respective tents.

"Linka! Shut up! It's too late to be making noise!" Lexx tells her.

"Were you running? You only get charley horses when you're running." Lynn says.

"Yes, I was! I was running for my life! Hold on." She takes in a couple of deep breaths before she recomposes herself. "I was heading back here after using the latrine, then-then out of nowhere! I heard a woman wailing from the other side of the river! It-it was a ghost!"

Lynn Sr. pales at the word. "A ghost?"

"Yeah! But not just any ghost! I think I've just encountered La Llorona!"

"Who exactly is La Llorona?" Lynn asks.

"I'm not sure. But she-"

"Aw, just stop it!" Loki demands. "This is what happens when we let Lars tell the ghost stories. You guys start tripping over nothing. Linka, there is literally no way this place is haunted."

"We've been coming here for years without any problems." Leif finishes the thought.

"And even if you were telling the truth, how come this ghost is something no one's ever heard about?" Luke asks suspiciously.

"But I'm telling you guys! She's real! Lars, help me out here!"

"Sorry Linka, but I've never heard of this La Llorona."

"Linka, it's obvious your hyperactive imagination created these supposed sounds and visions," Levi explains. "We get it. You were walking through the woods by yourself and it's dark. Go back to sleep." Levi heads back to his tent.

"Guys!" Linka begs.

The other brothers make various comments that she's paranoid and tell her to give it rest then follow Levi's example.

Inside the parents' tent, there's scared whimpering.

"Oh relax, hon. There is no La Lalorna." Rita says.

Linka kicks up a cloud of dirt in frustration. She trudges back to her tent in defeat. Her two brothers inside already snoring. She picks up her earplugs and puts them in. She falls back on her orange sleeping bag.

 _I know I saw La_ _Llorona_ _. I don't know who she is but that was her! It couldn't have been anything else!_ She says in her head. She went to sleep restlessly that night; the black-haired apparition literally haunted her dreams.

* * *

The next morning, Linka was on her laptop video calling one of her friends.

"Are you only telling me this because I'm Latino?" Robbie Dan asks. His annoyed facial features evident on Linka's computer screen.

"What? No!"

"I mean, I get it. La Llorona is a Mexican folklore. So obviously I'm the expert." He says with a roll in his eyes.

"Robbie Dan, you _know_ I don't think like that! I-I-" Linka stutters embarrassed.

Robbie Dan laughs at her dismay. "I'm just messing with you, Lame-O. You're still too easy."

"Ugh! And you're still annoying! But seriously, I came to you with this because you're the one who told me about La Llorona in the first place."

"Oh yeah. During that church's youth group bonfire in the parking lot. Growing up, my dad used to tell that story to me and Bebe as a scare tactic to not stay out after dark. Bebe is still terrified of her. I didn't think she was real in the first place until you called."

"So who exactly was La Llorona?"

"Jesus, you couldn't google this?" Linka glares fiercely and growls at him.

"Alright, alright! Her story is told differently in many parts of the world but I'm gonna tell you the two versions I grew up with. They both begin with a beautiful young woman named Maria. That was La Llorona's name when she was alive. The first version tells that she was a peasant girl in a village. She was the object of desire to all the men of the village, both the rich and poor. In the evenings, she wore a fancy white gown and thrill the men at fandangos. Maria loved the attention she received. But she couldn't do this every evening because she was the single mother of two sons."

"No way."

"Mm-hmm. Two sons who she often left alone at home while she was out with the men. One tragic evening while she was out, her two small boys drowned in the river due to her neglect."

"Jesus Christ! That's horrible! What was wrong with this woman?"

"Save your comments, because the second version is even more messed up." Robbie Dan takes a brief moment to take a swing of his water bottle nearby.

"Ok. According to this tale, the peasant Maria was a caring woman, full of love and life. She was a ray of light on the village's darkest days. She was married to a wealthy man who loved her just as much as she did him. He praised her with gifts and attention. Maria bore him two sons, the same two boys from the first story. Shortly after, the passion in their relationship dissipated, and he went back to his old life of drinking and womanizing ladies of the same class as he is. Moral of the story: don't have kids." Linka gives him a chuckle.

"He would be gone for weeks or months at a time. And when he did come home, it was only to visit his sons. Maria was miserable and that turned into hate toward her sons. Blaming them for her failed marriage. One evening, she was out on a stroll with her two boys down by the bank of the river. A carriage came by accompanying who else but her husband. With an elegant wealthy lady next to him. He stopped to talk to his sons; he didn't even acknowledge Maria. He then drove down the road without looking back."

"Wait wait wait. He strolled up with another woman and pretended that Maria wasn't there? Ain't that a bitch."

"It becomes an even bigger bitch. Maria went into an unspeakable rage. Turning against her two sons, she seized them and threw them into the river."

" _She_ drowned her children?"

"She sure did. She realized too late what she had done and ran down the bank to save them in vain. Maria broke down in inconsolable grief. She ran down the streets of the village screaming and wailing. Both versions end with Maria with mourning day and night for her children. She walked and searched along the bank of the river in a futile attempt to find their bodies. Every time she wore her white evening dress. The dress became soiled and torn over time." Linka shivered as she remembered that's what her dress looked like last night.

"Altogether, she stopped eating. She looked like a tall walking skeleton. Still a young woman, she finally collapsed and died on the bank of the river. I also heard that she was denied access into the afterlife until she finds her sons. Now her restless spirit is doomed to drift along riverbank after riverbank in a vain search for her dead children for all eternity. Thus, the curse of La Llorona was born. Which is Spanish for "The Weeping Woman". Obviously."

"So explain the cursed part."

"La Llorona is known to drown people without any mercy. Some versions say its just children, others say she kills indiscriminately. Doesn't matter, she's a murderer all the same. Don't ask me why she does it. Maybe she'll grab whoever is dumb enough to come close to her and force them to join her search then drown the victims in the rivers, hoping they'll find her children. Without caring that she's raising her body count. But your guess is as good as mine. Her spirit was once only found in the Southwestern US states. Now her wanderings branched out to other states. Apparently, that includes Michigan."

Linka sits back and takes a silent moment soaking up the information. "Robbie Dan, I gotta go back."

"Go back where?"

"Back to the campgrounds. A ghost is haunting Royal Woods and I'm the only witness. Someone has to tell that ghost she is not welcome here."

"Linka, what's this really about?"

"I've always wanted to catch a ghost." Linka smiles sheepishly.

Robbie Dan stares incredulously at her before searching around his desktop.

"What are you looking for?"

"Your common sense." He says before becoming serious. "Linka! This isn't an episode of ARGGH. This is an actual ghost! Shoot, I'm surprised you lived to tell me your tale since hearing her is enough to kill you."

"If you're so worried, why not come to Royal Woods and we'll catch her together?"

"Oh no. I am not risking my life because you wanted to be curious. And for what? Why you wanna investigate? You know what's back there. A crazy, murdering ghost!"

"Oh, that's fine. The toughest and bravest guy my age doesn't want to come. It's a shame really, I could have used your help. And it does raise the question: what if something _did_ happen to me and you weren't there to prevent it? You certainly wouldn't want that on your conscience."

"Bruising my pride _and_ guilt-tripping me?" Robbie Dan asks with his hand on his forehead.

"Whatever do you mean?" The white-haired girl bats her eyes innocently but her tiny smirk says otherwise.

He rubs his hands down his face. "Fine. I'll talk to Bebe about giving me a ride. But you so owe me one!"

She squeals. "Thanks, Robbie Dan! You're the best!"

"And don't you forget it." He ends the video call with that.

"I gotta get my ghost-hunting gear." Linka says. "I think I left it in the basement." The moment she opens her door, all nine of her non-infant brothers fall at her feet with a loud "Oof!"

Lynn looks around embarrassed. "Whoops! This isn't the kitchen."

"We knew that! We were eavesdropping on her conversation." Loni reminds him.

"Alright! Get on your feet!" Their sister demands. The brothers take some time to stand up. Then Linka shoves them all into the hallway, shutting her door behind her.

"Explain yourself!" She demands, annoyed.

"First of all, we're always involved when Robbie Dan is involved." Lexx says.

"That's a fact." Leif comments.

"And it's a good thing we were." Loki says. "Who else is gonna talk you out of meeting La Llorona again?"

"Oh, now you believe in La Lalorna. Yesterday you said I was paranoid."

"That was before we heard the stories." Lars says. "It's too much of a risk to go back. And this is coming from the only other person in the family who's a paranormal expert."

"Call off the investigation." Loki demands.

"We'll never forgive ourselves if something happened to you!" Loni adds. Then the brothers either demand or plead for Linka to discontinue the ghost haunting at the same time.

"QUIET! My mind is made up."

Lane sighs. "Ok, fine. But let us come with you."

"Wait, what?" The twins asked in unison.

"And why should I?" Linka asks.

"Cause we'll have your back every step of the way?" Luke answers with a raised eyebrow.

"And I doubt Father will let you go unless one of us accompany you." Levi adds in a matter-of-fact tone.

Damn it, Linka forgot about that. "Ok, we'll all go. We just have to wait for word from Robbie Dan on when he and Bebe will come to town."

* * *

Bebe had to shut her bedroom door the moment her brother mentioned the ghost's name.

"Robbie Dan, you know how Grandma feels about mentioning evil spirits in her house. And how I feel when she is brought up."

"I know, sis. But Linka wanted me to come with on her hunt. And I don't wanna do this alone."

Bebe sits down on her bed, looking down on the floor. "I don't know if I can work up the courage to. Even if we don't find anything, the fear alone is enough for me to stay home."

Robbie Dan sits on the bed next to her. "Bebe, no one understands your fear better than me. We did grow up hearing the same stories. But I have faith in you."

"Faith in me? The girl who can't get out of the freezer by herself when she's locked in?"

"You and I both know you're worth more than that. You're my big sister and right now, I need my sister to be brave. For me?"

Bebe smiles and wraps her arm around his shoulders. "For you, Ron. We'll drive out there on my day off tomorrow."

"Awesome! Thanks, Bebe!" He fully wraps his arms around her waist. "And who knows? After this trip, you'll see you had nothing to worry about."

* * *

Sunday evening came around and Vanzilla was already on the road down to Scratchy Bottoms. Inside was Loki driving and his girlfriend was next to him in the passenger seat. The rest of the Loud siblings (minus Leon) and Robbie Dan occupying the other three rows. The sun was just setting; warm pink and orange colors painted the sky.

"What's in the bag, Link?" Robbie Dan points to the bag in her lap.

"The official ARGGH ghost hunting kit. Ghost containment device, audio recorder, and the ghost tracker." She answers with her hand in her bag, shuffling stuff around.

"That sounds like a marketing setup."

"This whole thing sounds like a setup to a bad horror movie." Bebe says. "A bunch of people going to the woods to find La Llorona. It's a recipe for disaster."

"Come on, Bebe. Aren't you just a tiny bit curious?" Linka asks.

"Curious? No. Terrified? Yes."

"And that's the main problem." Robbie Dan says. "The characters in horror films always get killed because they're so curious. They hear a baby laughing in the attic, they look into it. Knowing they have no children! They meet a scary clown in the sewer and they're still talking to that clown. Someone lied to all of us. Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Curiosity killed the dumb white character."

Bebe laughs at the at the joke, but the whites in the van are not laughing.

"Wow babe, it's like that?" Loki asks, disapprovingly.

"Not at all, Loki Bear. We're laughing at that main character in the horror films who happens to be white. Like when I see a girl running away from a killer and she looks back. I'm like, why are you looking back? You know he's still behind you, turn around!"

"Unless you got the proper potions to deal with this scary shit like our Grandma, you should stay out of it." The eleven-year-old boy adds.

"I get what you mean." Luke speaks up. "If the characters weren't clueless as hell, the movie would be over in five. They need to learn to dip before the situation start."

"For example, evacuate your house the minute you know there's something abnormal about it." Levi says.

"Why would anybody buy a house that eight families were slaughtered in?" Lexx asks. "If I learned that our house had a history like that, I'm packing."

"Ok, but what if you hear a noise at the end of your hallway?" Loni asks.

"Never walk towards it. Leave it to a paranormal expert." Lars answers.

"You know what else pisses me off?" Lynn says. "When the victim is running and trips, but the camera pans down and there's nothing there to trip over." The rest of the car agrees. The conversation ends with Loki announcing that they arrived at their destination.

Linka was the first one to get out. The others weren't as excited as she is but followed.

* * *

Our twelve characters set up camp before the nightfall at 7:00 pm. Still the same six tents. After choosing who's sharing with who, (Loki obviously wanted to share with Bebe, but Linka said "this story's rated T, let's keep it that way") they all sit in a circle around their fire.

"Alright, are we doing this or what?" Lane asks.

Linka slings her bag over her shoulder. "Oh, we're doing this."

"No one is going to think differently of you if you don't go through with this. You know that right, Snow White?" Leif tells her.

"I know, but I want to. I'm not leaving till we gather proof of La Llorona." At that name, the twins unconsciously hold each other's arms for support. Bebe whimpers in a frightened tone. Loki notices this and wraps his arm around her.

"Lane, do you have your video camera with the night vision setting?" The aspiring ghost-hunter asks.

"As requested." Lane gives her the camera already on.

"Thanks. Everyone, follow me."

* * *

As one big slow group, they walk down the bank of the river slowly.

"Everyone, stay close and listen closely. She could be anywhere." Linka commands.

"Why is no one mentioning the smoke on the water?" Luke asks. That, of course, means the mist.

"Weird how it's _only_ above the water." Lars points out. "I sense there is definitely paranormal activity in this area."

"Why did we agree to come here?" Loni asks. And for once it wasn't a dumb question.

"I'm asking myself the same thing." Bebe asks, squeezing Loki's hand. Robbie Dan holds onto her free hand to show his support.

With no warning, a woman crying in pain in the distance cuts through the tense air like a knife. It makes the group stop in their tracks and most likely, it stops the beating in their hearts.

"She's here!" The twins whimper simultaneously.

"Yes, she is. Robbie Dan, hold this." The Latino boy lets go of his sister's hand when Linka gives the camera to him. She goes through her bag and takes out her recorder. She hits the red button immediately, waving her recorder in the air.

"Is that enough evidence for you? Can we go?" Loki asks.

"Yeah, hearing La Llorona is a death wish, remember?" Robbie Dan finishes.

"Well, I ain't dead yet. Come on." She moves forward.

"It's like she's playing with our lives and she doesn't care." Robbie Dan comments. The group continues on, not wanting to be left alone.

* * *

It looked like the mist was getting thicker by the minute. The wails continued on. The longer they trudged, the more determined Linka got, and the more scared her followers have become. Even Lars's usually stoic facial expression had a quivering lip. Levi has this nervous habit of rubbing his hands together. And the images on the camera were not still due to Robbie Dan's shaky hands.

Linka has her nose in her ghost tracker, which looked like a tablet with a red blinking light on top. "I can still hear her, but the tracker isn't picking up anything."

"Linka! It's a toy! As in what kids use to _pretend_ to hunt for ghosts." Robbie Dan scolds her.

"What, now you're scared?"

"Yes! Everyone is! You have to be a complete idiot not to be scared in this situation, idiot!"

Linka drops the tracker and frowns deeply. "Fine. If that's how all of you-"

"WHAT IS THAT?!" Loni screeches, pointing to the tall figure standing at the edge of the water ten feet in front of them. Her long black hair and long white dress wave in the winds. The mist covered most of her face but you could see her soulless eyes staring down the group.

" _Linka, tu tiempo ha llegado!"_

"She said: "Linka, your time has come"!" Bebe translates. That sends the whole group into a panic.

"Not today, La Llorona!" Linka says bravely. She quickly takes her out her ARGGH ghost containment device. Letting out a battle cry, she charges toward the cursed apparition. She stops right in front of her to power up her device.

"LINKA! DON'T!" Robbie Dan calls out to her. His cry causes the brothers and Bebe to look back and realize what the white-haired girl has done. They all run towards her to stop her. Upon closer inspection, they see she had wheels?

"What the f? Let me see that!" Loki takes the camera from Robbie Dan and looks at the video. "She _does_ have wheels on her feet."

"Wheels?" Linka questions and now notice the anomaly. She turns off her device then takes off La Llorona's dress to unravel the mystery.

"This is our vacuum cleaner with a porcelain doll's head taped at the top of the handle and an audio recorder taped to its side!"

The comedian burst out laughing after Linka's discovery.

"Lane, what did you do?" Lars asks.

"Everything!"

"Wait. Was this all a prank?" Linka asks.

"Of course!" Lane laughs once more. "Truth of the matter is I couldn't come up with any ghastly hijinks for this spooky month. I was in a serious runt. Yes, I genuinely didn't believe you when you first mentioned La Llorona on Friday. Yet, when I heard Robbie Dan's stories and your plan to find La Llorona again, I got inspired. That's why I wanted all of us to go. I didn't plan on Robbie Dan and Bebe, but I got eleven for the price of nine!"

"So, the wailing?" Robbie Dan asks.

"My updated Sound Library." Lane pulls out a device with a keyboard and arrow buttons. "It's connected to the Bluetooth speakers in the trees. I've been controlling the sounds behind my back. Why else do you think I was always at the end of the group?" Lane presses a button and the sounds of wailing comes back. He stops the sound shortly after.

"What about the mist?" Luke asks.

"Your fog machine, roomie."

"Ok. But your fake ghost sounded like an actual Spanish woman." Bebe points out.

"The voice you heard was my friend Daniella from my clown academy. The sweetheart lent me her voice for this prank."

"When did you have time to do all this?" Lynn asks.

"I was gone all afternoon yesterday for a reason. I had my older friend Jackson drive me here and he and Daniella helped me set up everything. They only asked me to record everything." Lane takes his camera back and saves the video.

"And to think he knew about all of this and still looked just as scared as the rest of us." Lexx comments. "Now that's good acting."

"Thank you. The most difficult part was how to end the prank. I initially planned for Daniella to dress up and scare you, but she was busy tonight. The vacuum cleaner was thrown in at the last minute. Still worth it though. You're not mad, are you Link?"

His answer is Linka lunging toward him. Lane yelps and shields himself with his arms. Fortunately, Bebe grabs her at the last second.

"Linka, calm down! I personally don't think we should be mad at Lane. This night could have been a lot worse. I spent the whole night scared out of my mind. Now that I know it was just a trick, I feel relieved. And looking at the whole thing again, it was kind of funny. You were right, Ron, I had nothing to worry about." She finishes by ruffling her brother's hair.

Linka sighs and relaxes. "I'll admit I was being stubborn. You guys only warned me because you were looking out for me."

Robbie Dan lightly punches her arm. "All's good, Lame-O. Let's all head back."

"Someone grab the vacuum." Lane requests. Loni does just that. The twelve of them turn around and head back toward their camp. A few moments later, they heard the wails again.

"Lane! Shut that thing off!" Loki demands.

Lane pulls out his Sound Library. "Uh, guys? This thing is off."

"What?"

The wails grow louder.

"Enough, Lane. Do you have another sound device on your person?" Levi asks.

"I swear this isn't me!"

"So, wait. If it isn't you-" Lars begins. A glimpse of the long-haired ghost maybe twenty feet behind them gives him his answer.

"RUN! AND DON'T LOOK BACK!" Bebe screeches. The group sprint and scream for their lives in the opposite direction; Linka was in tow. Suddenly, she trips and when she falls, she hits the side of her head on a tree on impact. The last thing she hears is La Llorona's cries increasing in volume before she lost consciousness.

* * *

Linka opens her eyes and immediately recognizes the blue cushions of the living room couch. She jolts awake.

"What happened? Was everything a dream?"

"No, dummy. You tripped and passed out while we were running and was carried." Lexx explains. The nine Loud brothers and the Santiago siblings emerged from the dining room and surrounded the couch.

"You got the gashes to prove it too." Leif points to her forehead. Linka touches her forehead and feels the bandages on her face.

"Which raises the question: what the hell did you trip over? Oxygen?" Lynn asks.

"And you know what's insane?" Robbie Dan asks. "Bebe was the one who noticed you fell, ran back to where you were, and carried you back to the van. And you already know she feared La Lalorna the most."

Linka turned to the Latina. "You faced your fear like that to save me?"

"Well, it's not like I was going to let her get you, sis." Linka hugs her waist and Bebe happily returns it. "Thank you."

"But wait, La Llorona is still out there. And only we know about her. What if she claims an unknowing victim?" Linka asks.

"I said the same thing on the car ride home." Loni says. "But the least we can do is create a sign or something."

"Yeah, no one is going to believe us without photographic evidence." Lane explains. "I had my camera turned off when we actually encountered La Llorona. I know, the _one time_ I didn't uphold my number one rule."

"Just be thankful you're home safe, Snow White." Loki says.

Linka nods at that. "This weekend I learned two lessons, readers. One, never willingly put yourself in a scary situation like this. It's fun to see this in the movies but in the real world, it's your life you're playing with. Leave the first chance you get. Two, don't let curiosity get the better of you. You don't _need_ to know everything."

She turns back to her brothers and the Santigos. "We still have each other for a while, how about we watch a comedy?" Everyone agrees and settle together in the comfort of the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really just a commentary on every other horror movie trope and is used to educate you on the legend of La Llorona for those who have never heard of her before. I know there are like ten different versions of her backstory, but I just used the two versions I heard when I was in high school.


	20. Innocent Until Proven Snitchin’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A request from Geo Soul from FF.net that combines elements of "A Tattler's Tale" and "Sleuth and Consequences".

On a Friday, the Loud siblings gather together in the two oldest's bedroom as expected. What's different about this Friday is that the kids have returned their respective schools and it's officially the start of their winter break. They're celebrating by sharing a batch of Christmas-themed sugar cookies Lynn Sr. made for them.

"Here's to a whole week off!" The middle child raises her cookie as a toast before biting into it.

"You know, it used to be _two_ weeks!" Loki looks up from his phone and says with a mouthful. "But I guess the school system wanted to screw you over even more." He shallows and goes back to texting.

Loni enters the room with a glass bottle and plastic cups. "Guys, have you tried this? It's delicious!"

Loki drops his phone out of shock and stands up from his bed. "Dude! What are you doing bringing that shit to a bunch of kids?"

"It's actually non-alcoholic apple cider. I wouldn't expose alcohol to my little siblings." Loni explains as he's pouring cups for them. "What do you take me for? Some kind of jackass?"

"Very much." Lynn answers and takes a swing.

Loki relaxes and sits back down on his bed. Linka passes him a cup. "Fine. It's just that I would literally die of embarrassment if any of you saw me drunk." He takes a sip from the cider.

"Oh, you drank before, Loki?" Lars asks.

"That news shouldn't be surprising." Levi answers. "If you recall corybantic festivity he threw this summer."

"But I never tasted a drop at that party." Loki argued.

"None of us did. That was all Loni." Luke smirked the designer's way. Loni looks down and blushes out of embarrassment then drinks out of his cup.

"I actually got drunk for the first time a few weeks after that party."

"Tell us what happened!" Leif exclaims. The rest of the siblings all clamor at once to persuade Loki to confess.

"What's the story?"

"You can tell us!"

"Start the new year with a clean slate!"

"Alright!" The oldest raises his hands to silence them. "But what I'm about to say does not leave this room. Lexx." He points an accusing finger his way. The young prince just scoffs offended.

"Winston and Danny came over this one time. We're all chilling then out of the damn blue, Danny goes, "I wonder what you act like drunk". Winston jumps on the bandwagon and they're literally pressuring me to get alcohol. I caved in but I wasn't about to go out and buy beer. So I got the next best thing: I raided Mom's wine collection from the mini fridge in her room."

"Oh no. You didn't." Linka comments.

"But I did. Stole a bottle and moved the three of us to the attic. It was drier than dirt on my first cup but I got used to it after my second cup and so on." Loki then groans as he puts a hand over his eyes. "I'm-I'm the emotional drunk. I remember hugging the both of them and bawling how I cherish these moments together before we all go to college or some crap. Winston played a sad movie on his phone and he said I continued to bawl throughout the whole thing." His siblings all laugh mockingly at him when he finishes.

"Go ahead. But if Mom ever hears about this, it'll be a fate worse than a hangover!"

"Don't worry, bro. You're not the only one hiding something from the rents." Luke tells him. Cue the choir of "oohs".

"After I got my learner's permit last month, I desperately wanted to get behind the wheel. So after dark, I took the keys to Vanzilla and went for a joyride with Cher. Everything was fine until I swerved and crashed the car into Mrs. Beaverton's white picket fence. Then a telephone pole."

"That crazy lady from down the lane? Her temper's shorter than mine!" Lexx says.

"I know. I begged her not to tell Mom and Dad and sent all the money I was saving for a new electronic keyboard to her. I made it home unnoticed but the hood was busted up!"

"I remember that. Do you know how long it took me to buff out that hood?" Leif complains.

"Sorry, man. But I got off scot-free."

"You think that's bad? I was in the backyard practicing my windup, right?" Lynn starts. "I accidentally threw the baseball too high. It flew right into Mom's and Dad's open bedroom window and shattered Dad's disco ball trophy!"

"Oh no!" Levi gasps frightened. "The same trophy he won in the Royal Woods' "Dance Your Pants Off" contest?" The athlete nods in confirmation. "If it makes you feel less guilty, I was the cause of the disappearance of Mom's bedspread. I was attempting to eliminate our tick problem at the time. Added too many drops of my own tick-free formula and KABOOM! It burnt to a crisp. And that bedspread was expensive!"

"At least you didn't ruin something of sentimental value to Mom. Like I did." Lars confesses. "I painted Mom's wedding dress black for my dark betrothal to Edna. She did look ravishing in it."

"Moving past the creepiness, remember when that Matthew kid's treehouse got vandalized? And he and his father came to our house livid and so sure it was one of us?" Lane asks.

"Oh yeah. Dad gave him some money for the damages just to get him to leave." Linka answers then realize. "That was you?!"

"Yes, ma'am. But seriously, he was a dick to me at school. He had what's coming to him."

"But you had a reason behind your crime." Loni says. "What's my excuse of causing the microwave to short-circuit, breaking it, then throwing the whole thing in Ms. Grouse's garbage can so it could never be found? And you guys believed we got robbed the next day."

"How did that happened?" Luke asks, astonished.

"I was making ramen."

"Wow. Loni, you should be studied." Loki comments.

"Way ahead of you." Levi answers.

"Well one time, Leif and I lied to Mom and Dad when we said we saw Blarney the Dinosaur movie." Lexx says. "Loki was with us that day, he bought us the tickets to it and left to pick us up after."

"Once he was gone, we snuck into the bathroom, Lexx got on my shoulders and draped Dad's trench coat over us." Leif takes over for him. "Along with a fake mustache and fedora. We walked in unnoticed to the theater playing the R-rated movie about talking food."

"We thought the rating was exaggerating. I mean, why is a movie about talking food only for adults?" Lexx asks.

The teenage brothers almost choke on their cookies from laughing so hard. The others just looked confused. "This-this is why you don't leave the twins by themselves, Loki!" Lane tells him. "Did you stay till the end?"

"We had a hard time following the movie as it is, then they threw _that_ scene in our faces!" Lexx says.

"And to make matters worse, Dad served his hot dog bites that night. It was a puke fest in the bathroom!" Leif confesses and everyone laughed along with them.

"Don't act surprised, readers." Linka says. "You've been with us for quite a while and know first hand of the craziness we possessed. But the best thing is if you need to get something off your chest, you can always trust your siblings."

"Ok, Snow White, your turn." Loki tells her.

"Ok. Let's see, oh! This one time-"

"Linka! Can you come down here please!" Rita calls.

"To be continued." Linka says before leaving the room.

* * *

Linka meets Rita in the living room. "Yeah, Mom?"

"Did you forget it's your turn to walk Charlie?" Rita motions to the dog with her leash in her mouth, looking at her with a sad gaze.

"Oh! I did forget!" She kneels down and scratches Charlie's head. "I'm so sorry, Charlie. You're a good girl! Who loves you? I do! Let me get my coat first, then we can go."

* * *

Loki shifted where he's sitting and leaned back. "So to recap, I drank from Mom's wine collection. Loni broke the microwave and tossed it out. Luke crashed the car. Lane vandalized Matthew's treehouse. Lynn broke Dad's disco ball. Lars ruined Mom's wedding dress. The twins snuck into an R-rated movie. And Levi brunt Mom's and Dad's bedspread to a crisp. Anything else?"

"Oh! Oh!" Leif raises his hand. "So you know how Dad was yelling at Charlie for chewing up his boots? That was me!"

"Classic Leif." Loni comments.

"Wait a second, weren't those steel toe?" Lane realizes.

Linka did not return until after two hours since her departure. But the brothers did not hold it against her.

* * *

The next morning, the family gather around for breakfast. But the children could tell something was off about the parents. They were upset but didn't openly display it in front of their kids.

Lynn Sr. looks around the room. "Sons, we can all agree that we teach you guys to be honest with us. Am I right?"

The brothers agree simultaneously, unsure of what to make of this situation.

"Even if you mess up, we would want you to come to us right away. For example, if someone broke my beloved disco ball or the microwave." Both Lynn and Loni froze in their seats when their respective secrets were called out. The rest tried not to look at them so they wouldn't make it obvious who done that.

"Right. And we also teach you, no matter the circumstances, to not resort to illegal activities as a solution." Rita explains. "Vandalism, underage drinking and sneaking into a movie you didn't pay for. To name a few."

Now they were hitting too close to home. "Well, we wouldn't do stuff like that!" Loki defends. "Right, fellas?" The brothers hurriedly agree.

"Nice try." Lynn Sr. says. "We know all your dirty little secrets. All of you boys are grounded for a month! You can start off vacation by having your privileges revoked! Be grateful we bought your presents already."

The brothers loudly jeer and complain. "Can you at least tell us how you found out our secrets?" Lynn Jr. asks.

"We had a reliable source." Rita answers.

They all look confused by that statement. Then as if on a timer, ten pairs of eyes glared at the little white-haired girl. How suspicious that their secrets are out in the open and Linka remained innocent. Linka noticed all the stares and looked down at her food immediately, feeling uncomfortable. Yet she didn't miss Leon drawing a line on his neck in her direction.

* * *

After breakfast, the brothers were forced to give up their cell phones and retreat to their rooms. Loki, who needed to have a brothers meeting right away, use his resources to get the message out. He opens his bedroom door just a crack and stops Gina's hamster ball. He opens it and places a note inside.

"Hey, Gina. Want a treat?" He shows her the food pellet. "Go get it!" Loki throws it at the bedroom door across from them. Gina rolls over, hits the door with her ball causing it to open, and gets the treat. The _thud_ sound from the ball colliding with the door gets Luke's and Lane's attention. Luke picks up the note and it reads:

_Brothers Meeting now! We're not about to take this sitting down!_

The hamster ball method works for the other three bedrooms. The rest of them quickly but carefully make their way to Loki's and Loni's room.

Loki shuts the door and counts everyone. "Ten. Ok, we're all here. Down to business, someone snitched on us! And it's literally obvious who it is."

"Yeah! Lexx!" Loni points to him.

"For once, no. It's Linka!" Lexx tells him. "Think about it, she was gone for like two hours yesterday. Plenty of time for her to rat us out!"

"Ok, we know who the rat is. But what do we do about it?" Lars asks. "We're all on punishment."

"Yeah. And when she came back yesterday, she didn't share what her secret was." Lane points out.

"We don't need a confession from her." Lexx explains. "All we have to do is dig a little deeper and find something that we can use against her. The second she's out of her room, we strike."

"She's currently in the living room. It's unknown how long she'll be there through." Levi deadpans, looking at a tablet that shows camera footage from one of the many security cameras he has hidden throughout the house.

"Nosy Levi for the win! I'm going out there." With that said, Lexx opens the door a crack then slips out. He tiptoes past the staircase and speed walk his way into his sister's room. He searches every nook and cranny of that small space and comes up short.

"Come on, Linka. I know you're not perfect. Give me something." He whispers, frustrated. Then, the little prince found a thin pink book with a padlock in between the space of the wall and her dresser. He remembers Linka mentioning a diary all the way back in chapter two. "She really kept a diary? She _is_ a moron!"

Lexx clutches the book to the chest. He leaves the room, leaving no trace of his visit, and speed walks his way back to the meeting room.

"Look what I found!" Lexx says in a sing-song voice, holding it up.

"Good job, Lexx." Loki takes the book. "A diary? What is this, the 1900s?" He now notices the padlock. "Loni, do your stuff." He throws the book to Loni.

"Mm-hmm." Loni hums in acknowledgment. He takes out a bobby pin from his pocket and picks the lock, successfully opening it within seconds. He throws it back to Loki.

Loki catches it with ease. "Let's see what we got here." He flips through the pages. "Wishes she wasn't so pale, Robbie Dan, my girls' funniest moments, Christmas list, plans for self-defense in gym class, us. Let's save that for another time. More useless shit. Ugh!" He screams in frustration.

"Guess we overestimate Linka's willingness to share her personal secrets in a journal." Levi comments.

"Don't be so sure, Levi." Loki smirks suddenly. "I couldn't find anything on the parents. But look at what she writes about her classmates." The rest gather around to read pages and pages of Linka's harsh opinions on the girls in her fifth-grade class.

"Oh, that's tough." Leif comments.

A lightbulb goes off in Lane's head. Then he smiles a smile that rivals that of the Grinch. "You know, it would be wrong to keep this information to ourselves. Those girls have the right to know."

"You mean, share these pages of Linka's diary to the girls she trashed?" Luke asks.

"On the nose."

"Dude, that is petty and shady on a whole new level." He criticizes then immediately perks up. "What's the plan?"

* * *

Sneaking out of the house was the easy part. The challenge was going around Royal Woods by bike (or mini-Jeep). The brothers sent Lynn, Lars, and the twins to deliver ripped-out pages of Linka's diary to its corresponding girl. With the earpieces and headsets courtesy of Levi, the brothers who stayed behind directed them to the houses since the teenage brothers knew the older siblings' of the girls. And because it's a small town, they knew the addresses, mostly because they've been invited over in the past.

Yes, not everyone has a sibling, that's why the twins went along (besides the reason they have a Jeep). They're going by memory from the times they went around town performing "help thy neighbor" tasks for the Blue Beaus. Specifically, they're hitting the houses where they remembered only children lived.

The brothers on the road deliver envelopes that had the girls' individual roast to their mailboxes. The envelopes had Linka's name scrawled on the front.

"We're done in our perimeter, Levi." Lexx says on the earpiece driving away from the last designated house. It's been two and a half hours since everyone put this plan into action.

"So is Lynn and Lars. Return home." Levi responds.

"Copy that. Over."

"Hey, Lexx?" The older twin asks. "How do we know if we went too far?"

"Honestly, that depends on Linka's reaction."

* * *

The four brothers made it back home without suspicion. All that's left to do is wait it out. A mere half hour after the boys' revenge, Linka retreats to her room. Having returned from washing her hair. Fully clothed, she checks her phone for updates.

"Jesus, I am blowing up!" Opening her messages made her slap a hand over her mouth in a frighten state. It was insults and minor threats from girls in her fifth-grade class. Even messages of disappointment or betrayal from her inner circle. She had no idea what she had done to piss off everyone. But the message that made her sit down to avoid collapsing was the DM on her Swifty Pic from Chandler. She is the rudest and meanest girl in the 5th grade, she's worse than Heather!

_Do you honestly think you could get away from calling me a "the fakest skank in Royal Woods"? That "even my parents must be ashamed of how much of a bitch I turned out to be?" If that's how you feel, meet me and all the girls you insulted in Ketchum Park at 3! If not, we'll find you!_

"Wait, the only time I called her all that was in…" Linka jumps off the bed and looks in her hiding place for her diary, only to find it wasn't there. She let out a shrill shriek and dial Claudia's number.

"Claud! I got a code-"

"Chartreuse. All the terrible things you said about the girls at our school are out in the open. I know. I didn't think when we made that code you would have the stuff to say about me."

"Claudia, I would-"

"Don't say "I would never". Does the phrase "the weakest person I know" ring any bells? Or maybe "too skinny?" Did you forget I kicked your butt that one time?!" Claudia pinches the bridge of her nose to keep her from spiraling. "My advice to you is come to the park and get your just desserts over with. Yes, I know about the park. Chandler has been spreading the word around." Claudia hangs up with that. Linka checks the time on her phone, 2:45 pm.

In a panicked state, Linka runs downstairs and locked the front door. Then close the blinds behind the TV, temporarily blocking her brothers' view of it.

"What's the problem, sis?" Lynn asks, feigning innocence.

"Guys, it's my worst nightmare come true! The girls in my grade know all my secrets I kept in my diary! My diary's gone! And everyone's pissed at me!"

Lane snorted quietly. "Wow. It's not fun having your secrets out in the open now, is it? How does it feel?"

"What are you talking about?"

Lane throws her diary at her. Linka catches it and sees the section where the pages are torn.

"You-you-!"

"Go ahead and say it, Link!" Leif says. "We went through your diary and deliver the pages to every single chick you insulted."

"As revenge for not keeping ours." Loni says.

Linka feels her throat and eyes burning from all the emotions she's bottling up. "You guys think I told Mom and Dad your secrets?"

"Well, all evidence point to you being the culprit. You were gone from the meeting place for two hours." Levi explains.

"I was walking Charlie!" Linka's voice cracks.

"Likely story." Lars comments.

"We got no sympathy for the devil." Luke says. "It's messed up that you won't admit to your mistakes."

Now Linka allows the tears to fall. "No! What's messed up is that there was no confrontation, no questioning, you guys just automatically assumed that I did it! And that justifies pulling this shit on me?! If it was me, I would be apologizing my ass off! Our Secrets club was built on trust, but I guess that meant nothing to begin with! And why should it?! As long as you could blame _someone_ when things go wrong!"

The boys glare soften into guilt throughout her rant. Linka unlocks the door and opens it.

"Where are you going?" Loki asks.

Linka wipes her eyes and stares at them in anger. "Thanks to you guys, my classmates are out for blood. They said if I don't go to them, they're coming for me." She slams the door close.

"This played out a lot differently in my head." Lane says.

Rita emerges from her bedroom. "I heard the door slammed. Where's Linka?"

"She stepped out. We did something terrible." Lars answers.

"Uh, Mom? Be honest. How did you hear about our secrets?" Loki asks.

"Don't you remember? You called me last night."

"What?! I didn't have my phone in my hand!" Loki thinks back to last night then his eyes widen. "Wait a minute!"

* * *

_Loki shifted where he's sitting and leaned back. But unknowingly to him, he was sitting on his cell phone and accidentally speed dial his mother's number._

_Rita was typing her novel when she heard the phone ring beside her. "Loki?" She wondered why was he calling when he's only a floor above her. She answered anyway but before she could say a word, she heard the confessions._

" _So to recap, I drank from Mom's wine collection. Loni broke the microwave and tossed it out. Luke crashed the car. Lane vandalized Matthew's treehouse. Lynn broke Dad's disco ball. Lars ruined Mom's wedding dress. The twins snuck into an R-rated movie. And Levi brunt Mom's and Dad's bedspread to a crisp. Anything else?"_

" _Oh! Oh!" Leif raises his hand. "So you know how Dad was yelling at Charlie for chewing up his boots? That was me!"_

_She hanged up and called for her husband. "Lynn!"_

* * *

"I was sitting on my phone! I must have butt-dialed you!"

"Oh my God!" The rest of the brothers say in unison, ashamed.

"Come on, we gotta get to Linka!" Loki tells them. He hands Leon to his mother and the nine of them went out the door.

"What do you mean "get to Linka"? Where are you guys going? You're still grounded!" Rita calls out to them.

"Sorry, Mom!" Loki, the last one out, says. After grabbing Vanzilla's keys. "But we literally made a horrible mistake and Linka's paying for it! You can punish us even harsher if you have too." With that said, he shuts the door.

* * *

Linka arrives at Ketchum Park, five minutes after three. She's immediately seized by two of Chandler's friends, or lackeys for lack of a better term, and they bring her face to face with the red-headed diva herself. Linka is surrounded by fifth-grade girls carrying bars of soap and socks. Even Claudia, Riley, Zara and Leah are there.

"Layla Loud. You are charged with writing mean comments about everyone here. How do you plead?" Chandler exclaims.

"It's Linka Loud! Just get it over with, Chandler!"

"You're impatient? I could be drinking hot chocolate and watching holiday movies right about now!"

"This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you." Riley says.

"How's that possible when I'm getting punished?" Linka questions.

"You know what I mean!"

"I really don't!"

"It's hurting my insides."

"F your insides!"

"Enough!" Chandler screams to end the argument. "You know what has to happen Layla: Sock bath! Everyone wash Layla with the soap and dry her off with the dirty socks!"

The girls do just that. Ok, this is less severe than having punches being thrown at her in every which way. But that doesn't mean it isn't bad considering the fact that Linka's skin is dry and they're rubbing dirty socks in her face. It's enough to make her squirm and kick but she feels her legs restrained.

"Get off my little sister before I turn all of you into human pretzels!" A booming male voice interrupts the scene. That could have only been Loki. The girls stop their soapy assault, drop Linka, and back away from her when the nine non-infant Loud brothers make themselves known. They stand either to the right or left of her.

The girls obviously knew of the Loud Brothers' tendencies to behave violently when messed with but that doesn't stop Chandler from speaking up. "What are you guys doing here?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" Loni tells them. "Obviously, we're here for our sister."

"We're like wolves, we travel in packs." Leif says.

"And we got a mean bite." Lexx finishes.

"Well, this still doesn't involve you!"

"Oh, but it does! You see, _we're_ the ones who wrote all that stuff about you!" Lynn explains.

"You did?!" The fifth graders say shocked. Linka covers her mouth in astonishment. They're taking the fall for her.

"But you guys don't even know us." A girl spoke up.

"You forgot that half of us go to the same school as you guys." Lars responds.

"And us teens know your older siblings and they told us plenty of stories about what brats you guys are. Judging what we walked into, they're right." Loki explains.

"It was a ploy to make it look like Linka wrote it by yours truly," Lane explains. "So if anyone deserves to be beaten, it's us. Unless you want to get your season's _beatings_." He jokes.

"We dare you." Lynn says. "In fact, I'll give you the first shot, go ahead." Lynn turns his cheek towards them. But no one was dumb enough to fall for that. "That's what I thought. Now get the hell out of here before we all beat your faces in! MOVE IT!"

They don't need to be told twice. The girls scatter and ran out of the park. They probably didn't stop until they reach home. Only ones left were Claudia and her three ginger friends.

"We're really sorry we jumped to conclusions," Claudia explains, helping her up.

"Yeah, we completely overreacted back there." Leah agrees.

"Meet up after the holidays?" Riley says.

"Sure." Linka responds. The four of them wave goodbye as they walk away. She then turns back to her brothers.

"How did you find me?"

"Tracking device." Levi answers, showing his phone-shaped devices for the tracking chips he installed in his loved ones. Nosy Levi: two points.

"Linka, we're really, really sorry for thinking that you snitched on us." Loni says sadly.

"Turns out Loki butt dialed Mom when we were sharing secrets." Luke says. "We should have given you the benefit of doubt."

"We royally messed up. And sorry for going through your diary and tearing it apart." Lynn says.

"You know guys," Linka begins, her blue eyes shadowing. "This is like the fourth time your mob mentality almost ruin things for me. And it's not fair to me or the people you affect. I forgive you guys but I'll never trust you again."

"What? But we're family! You have to trust us!" Lane tells her.

"Oh, I trust you. I trust you to be the people I can't trust."

"But how are we going to have our Secrets Club if you don't-"

Lars interrupts Loni, "Oh! I get it." The goth stands next to Linka and puts her arm around her. "You accept our flaws. Therefore, you accept our true selves."

"Yeah!" She smiles softly.

The other brothers gather around the white-haired girl. "So we're good?" Leif asks.

"Of course we are. You know I love you guys. And, thanks for coming back for me." They share a group hug.

"Ew, you reek." Loki tells Linka, chuckling.

"Uh, I hate to break up the moment, but we're still grounded." Levi reminds everyone.

"Right. Let's go before we get our asses whupped." Lane says and they all walk toward the car.

* * *

Back home, all the siblings are in the living room decorating for the season. Lars and Lexx came downstairs toward their sister.

"Hey Linka, I recently found a hardcover notebook I never used. I want you to use it for your new diary." Lars says.

"I painted it pink like your old one!" Lexx says. He gives her the book with his paint-covered gloves.

"Thanks, guys! That's really nice!" Linka hugs her little brothers.

"And we promise to keep our noses out of that book!" Lynn says from his place on top of the ladder, hanging up the ribbons.

"Has anyone else thought that maybe the siblings of those girls might come for us now?" Luke asks.

"Let them come." Lynn says.

"Yeah, we'll deal with them after vacation. As long as Linka is ok." Loki responds.

"Well Readers, in our crazy Loud House way, all's well that ends well." Linka concludes.

"Wait, I'm still confused about what she said at the park!" Loni exclaims. "Can someone please explain it to me?"


	21. Michigan’s Most Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This request is from AlexGen from FF.net. Thank you so much for the idea and for your help writing it. This is the first chapter yet where myself and another author directly worked on it.
> 
> Some elements of the story is very similar (if not, the same) to the ICarly episode "IWanna Stay With Spencer". Any of my older readers would know of my childhood shows' influence in my story.

Friday morning at Royal Woods Elementary school. Hallways jammed with half the student body preparing for the first class by packing their bags by their lockers or filling in homework answers at the last minute. And the other half are not as worried cause its almost the weekend, so they're with their own cliques.

"Good morning, Mrs. Watson." Mr. Johnson greeted the new guidance counselor as she walked by him.

"Yes, it is." Watson answer back rising her coffee cup. Eliza Watson is a twenty-three-year-old dark-skinned woman who had just moved to quaint Royal Woods last month. She started the position two weeks ago, so far, she's been enjoying her time here. Mostly because she hasn't encountered any problems with any of the students yet. Her walk down easy street abruptly came into a stop after our heroine bumped into her when she was at her office door unlocking it.

"I'm sorry! My vision is all messed up! I mean-! Damn it!" Linka mildly cursed herself.

After checking that her coffee didn't spill on her she turned back to the child with the unusual white hair. "That's al- Jesus! Sweetheart! What happened to your eye?"

Linka's right eye had a black ring around it. It's still open but her vision is blurry out of it. Watson also noted the fistful of foundation and eyeliner.

"Oh, hey! You're the new guidance counselor! I'm Linka Loud."

Watson didn't appreciate that she dodged the question. "Yes, but, your eye?"

"Oh, that! It's… just minor trouble at home." 

In reality, Linka got this last night after her fight with Lynn. She had swiped $10 from him to pay for a new notebook, knowing she would get caught. He found out, he yelled and Linka answered with the infamous line "what are you going to do about it?" and their scuffle began. Lynn accidentally gave her the bruise and promised to drop the situation if she didn't tell their parents. _Joke's on him_ , Linka thought, _I got away with free money._

"At home? Who did-"

Linka takes a step back when she takes a quick glance at the clock across from her. To Watson, it looked like she was avoiding the questioning further by trying to run away.

"Listen, this thing doesn't really deserve this much attention. I'll be fine. I have to go!" She turns and runs down the hall and makes a sharp right. Leaving an even more worried Eliza in the dust.

* * *

At times, when she doesn't have paperwork or other duties to attend to, Watson oversees the children during recess. This was one of those days.

"Heads up!" A little boy's voice yells out of blue. Randomly, a blue frisbee comes from hurdling towards her. She thankfully caught it with her right hand as the owner of the toy jogs up to her in all of his muddy glory.

"Nice catch, Miss!" Leif takes the toy back.

"Uh, you're welcome. Did- did you leave the house like that?" Leif's hands, cheeks, and overalls had splotches of dried up mud and one of the straps of his overalls was broken.

"Boy, who must be new around these parts. I'm Leif Loud. And yes, I always look like this." The little boy stretches out his arm toward her.

She put her right hand into her suit jacket and awkwardly shakes his fingers. "Nice to meet you. I recently moved here." She says while discreetly rubbing the inside of her jacket against her skirt. "Don't your parents check on you before you leave?"

"Man, they don't care what I look like."

"Get the molasses out of your ass, Leif!" His twin called from yards away.

"Shut the hell up!" Leif yells back before turning back. "My brother. Welcome to the neighborhood, Miss!" Leif says before sprinting back to the blacktop with his brother and other first graders.

"Another one of those Loud kids," Watson says to herself. Something was very, very wrong with them and it's all from the context clues about their home life.

* * *

The fire alarm is triggered just as Eliza's exiting the bathroom. And she thought this day couldn't get any weirder. She was almost run over by the kindergarten teacher, Ms. Shrinivas.

"What's going on?"

"Our Little Einstein made a chemical explosion again," Shrinivas says, annoyed. Green smoke was rising and accumulating in the air from open door of the kindergarten classroom.

"Again?" Watson questions but Shrinivas was already walking away toward the nearest exit. Leading the other coughing kindergarteners in a semi-organized manner.

Five minutes later, once the school evacuated and calmed down, Watson spotted the possible culprit a few feet away from his kindergarten class. He was writing down notes in a notebook.

"Are you the Little Einstein?"

The four-year-old scientist pushes up his glasses then looks up from his writing to glare at her. "It's Levi Loud to you, Miss."

"I didn't mean to insult you. I'm Mrs. Watson, the new guidance counselor. I've heard so much about you."

Levi scoffs. "If you're asking about the origins of the incident, I was aiming to create an ointment that would heal open wounds at a much faster rate. Just added too much of two unstable elements concomitantly and you know the rest."

Watson blinks dumbfounded. Never mind that the kid was speaking at a sophisticated level and looked like he was wiser than people her age, maybe older. It's that he was working with "unstable chemicals" in kindergarten!

"Levi, where did you acquire such chemicals?"

"Brought them from home. Bought and collected them over the years."

"And your parents allow this?!"

Levi rolls his eyes and goes back to his notebook. "I realize that this is unfamiliar territory to you and you're still settling in. But rest assured, there is no need for a cause of alarm. This kind of phenomenon happens all the time."

A school official from the building gave the ok to come back. "Good day, madame," Levi says before following his teacher inside.

 _That's it,_ Watson decides in her head. _Three Louds is too many!_

* * *

After she got settled back in her office, she picked up her cell phone to make a call. An older woman's voice answered after the second tone.

"Hey. How's the new job?"

"Fine. But I called you about something serious. I met three kids, the last name is Loud, and their home life is not the best."

"That's a huge accusation to make, Eliza."

"The girl came into school with a black eye! One of the boys I met was completely filthy and other is using dangerous chemicals that he "brought from home"? If that's not child neglect, then what the hell else do you call it?"

"Alright, alright! If you find out their address, I'll look into it."

* * *

By three o' clock in the afternoon, all the Loud siblings have returned home and they're hanging out in the living room as always.

"Ow! Loni!" Leif screams when he's pricked by Loni's sewing needle. Loni's currently sewing the broken strap back onto his overalls.

"Sorry! Almost done! You know, just because Mom and Dad are kinda used to you being dirty all the time doesn't mean you can leave the house like that."

"Whatever."

"Hey Levi," Lexx begins. "Thanks for making another explosion and triggering the alarm system. We were taking a quiz in my class, and I took a peak at someone else's quiz while we were leaving."

"It's not like I do it on purpose!" Levi retorts.

"Well, next time, can you make one at the high school when I got a test?" Luke asks.

"Lee, what detective show cesium and iodine love watching together?" Lane asks. "CSI." He laughs at his own joke while everyone within earshot rolls their eyes. "I gotta write that down." Lane says as he takes out his phone and selects notes.

Lynn nudges Linka from the armrest he's sitting on as his sister rests in the comfy chair it's attached to. "How's the eye?" He whispers.

Links removes the ice pack from her eye and lightly touches it. "Doesn't hurt. But you really shouldn't draw attention to it. As far as everyone's concerned, there was an incident in the garage."

"I'm sorry, again."

"Don't sweat it, big bro," Linka wraps her free arm around his waist and pulls him in for a side hug. "Wouldn't be the first time I got hurt."

"Alright, gang!" Lynn Sr. in his apron and oven mitts carrying a baking tray announces as he enters the living room. "Who's ready for an after-school snack?"

Linka turns around and her face instantly lights up at the food. "Mac and cheese bites!" She jumps off the chair, discarding the ice pack, and runs toward him. "Daddy, you're the best!"

"Whoa, princess! Keep your ice pack on, I'll serve you."

After Linka then everyone else received their serving, Rita enters with several bags of popcorn and DVDs.

"Horror movie night, anyone?"

"Oh yes! You remembered!" Loki says.

Rita puts in one of the DVDs in the player, grabs the remote and squeezes in between her sons on the couch. "Of course I did. I was looking forward to this myself." She answers as she places the bags on the coffee table and selects "Play" from the main menu.

As the family got settled in front of the TV, Lynn Sr. asks "Uh, there isn't any explicit gory scenes, right? For the sake of the younger kids, of course."

"I hope so." Lars comments, smiling.

"Relax, Lynn. You'll be fine." Rita assures him.

As the opening credits roll, Linka mediates on how truly thankful she is for her parents and her brothers. She doesn't even want to imagine a scenario in which the familial bond that they share is tampered with.

* * *

Saturday mornings at the Loud House means being glued to the TV with bowls of cereal in your laps. Ace Savvy was against Wild Card Willy on the TV. Savvy takes a card from his deck.

"Come on, Ace! Take him down!" Linka cheers.

"That better be a Spade." Lars comments.

Ace pulls out his card that summons his backup. Just when the exciting climax starts, there's a knock on the door.

"Were any of you expecting someone?" Lynn Sr. asks as he enters the living room. His children shake their heads. Curious, he opens the door. The visitor is a thirty-three-year-old dark-skinned woman with sunglasses and a black power suit. Her stance and her sneer were easy to be intimidated by.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" Lynn Sr. asks with a hint a nervousness. Linka has the TV paused so everyone's attention was on the newcomer.

"Lynn Loud Sr.?"

"Yes?"

The woman takes out her badge and flips it open. "Detective Michelle Brock of Michigan's Child Protective Services, Royal Woods Unit."

"CPS?!" Linka, Loki, Luke, Levi, Lynn, and Lane all shout. Confusion and fear in their tones.

"Yes. I've received a complaint from Royal Woods Elementary that your family is under suspicion of child neglect."

"That's- that's absurd! What proof do you have that makes you believe that?" Lynn Sr. asks, appalled.

"Well, let's see. There's your daughter coming to school with a black eye." Linka covers up said eye in embarrassment. "One of your sons was seen at school all dirty and in ratty clothes."

"Hey!" Leif exclaims then lowers his head after he just gave himself away.

"And a four year old "experimenting" with dangerous chemicals." Levi lowers his nose into his book.

"There are explanations for all of that, honest!"

"I'm sure there is, Mr. Loud. I'd like to come in and ask your children a couple of questions."

Everyone else's breathing gets caught in their throats when Lynn Sr. opens the door wide to let Detective Brock in. He did this because one, he didn't want to arouse more suspicion against his family. And two, he trusts that his children will say the right thing and put this all behind them.

"I'd rather shadow you all in your daily routine." The CPS worker demands.

* * *

Loki is the first to be questioned. He and Brock are in his room with Loki on the edge of his bed and Brock sitting in his desk chair. Her legs crossed, her sunglasses on top of her head revealing sharp black eyes, and a notepad in her lap.

"So, Loki, have your parents said or done anything to harm you or anyone else in the home?"

Loki clears his throat before answering. "No, ma'am. Our parents are very good people and would never hurt anyone." He clenches his sheets into fists.

Loki's nervousness did not go unnoticed by Brock. "How would you describe your relationship with your siblings?"

"As standard as anyone else's. I have the older sibling's responsibilities. I set the example, I look after them, I got the driver's license. They usually come to me when things go wrong."

"So the siblings trust that you will be there for them and not your mother or father?"

"Well, I usually know what to do or we all figure it ourselves. Our parents aren't present during that." His eyes widen and he stammers an explanation. "Not that- Not that- they aren't around most of the time! They are! Our mom's at work right now! It's just that, we can handle ourselves."

"Mm-hmm." She only says that as a response as she writes down notes.

* * *

Michelle then gets herself situated in Luke's and Lane's room.

"So, I'm guessing you're the musical one?" She asks Luke.

"Yes, ma'am. Been my passion since 7th grade. I'm Luke."

"And I'm Lane. I'm the comedian!" Lane adds.

"In this house, we're the most passionate about our talents."

"Talents that we inherited from our father! I got his love for comedy while Luke here received his musical genes."

At first glance, there was nothing suspicious about these roommates. She goes to fetch her pencil from her lapel but accidentally drops it and it rolls away from her. It goes under Luke's bed. Her suspicion comes back tenfold when she hears a loud snapping sound.

"What was that?"

Lane paled when the snapping sound resounded. He reluctantly drops to knees to retrieve a broken in half pencil and a closed bear trap he's holding up by the chain.

"Your pencil?" Lane offers. Luke is in the corner cringing with his face in his hands.

Brock narrows her eyes. "Is that from your father, too?"

"No! No! Of course not! You see, I've been told that my pranks have gone too far off the handle. I was looking for this yesterday for one of those pranks! Not that I wanted to harm anyone!

"Have you ever hurt anyone with your pranks?"

"Not to the point where they need medical attention."

"Lane!" Luke snaps his head up.

"Not that I would intentionally put someone in the hospital! I swear I'm not a sociopath! I'm-"

"You're rambling, man."

"Ok, I'm done here." The detective announces before leaving.

* * *

Next stop, Lynn's and Lars' room. Lynn opens the door for her when she knocks.

"Come on in. I was just doing a set on the punching bag."

Brock steps in and walks toward the bedpost of Lynn's bed, almost tripping over a tennis ball on the way.

"Sorry about that. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm the athletic one."

"Oh no, I got that."

"Yeah," Lynn answers while returning to his punching. "I've made an impressive reputation for myself. I'm feared and respected at my middle school. Respected mostly, of course."

"Have you ever gotten into any fights, Lynn?" She bluntly asks, crossing her arms. She had a feeling he was one of those violent athletes.

Lynn stops punching and sharply turns around. He loses balance when the swinging punching bag taps him. He gulps nervously. "To be honest, a couple of times. Some of them I'm the cause of. But I'm not harboring any pent up anger."

"Yeah, he's just naturally aggressive," Lars says after he gets out of his coffin.

"Gah!" The other two in the room jump at his sudden presence.

"Damn it!" Lynn exclaims. "I mean, there you are, bro. Mrs. Brock, this is my roommate and little brother, Lars."

"Pleased to meet you." Brock sticks out her hand toward him. "That's an interesting style of clothing you have."

"I'm expressing my lonely, dark soul through my outer appearance," Lars answers while Lynn quietly groans. "Are you gonna separate us?"

Brock bends down to his level, arms in her knees. "That depends on you. Are you happy?"

Knowing Lars might give the wrong impression, Lynn hops onto his bed to stand on it. He waves frantically at Lars and mime what he should say. Thank God for Lars's long bangs; the detective doesn't notice that he's looking at brother.

Lars gives a small smile as Lynn demonstrated. Lynn lifts his left leg up in the air and his arms up to the side. "I'm well balanced,"

Lynn holds up four fingers and mimics chewing. "I eat the four food groups,"

Lynn crosses his arms and looks both ways. "I look both ways before crossing the street,"

Lynn closes his eyes and lays his head in his hands. "I take long naps,"

Lynn flexes his bicep last. "And I get beaten."

The athlete's face falls. That was supposed to be getting stronger every day!

"Beaten?" Brock questions.

"Oh yeah. Getting beat up happens a lot in this house. Sometimes twice a day." Lynn was whispering and waving his arms, signaling him to stop.

"Other times with a baseball bat." What Lars was mentioning is his frequent fights with his siblings. But Brock already took it as a red flag.

Lynn hops off the bed then runs over to cover Lars's mouth. "Ok! That's enough sweets for you! He leaves the rest of us in stitches. He's truly the funny one."

"I've already met Lane, Lynn. That excuse isn't going to work on me." Michelle says before getting up and leaving.

* * *

"Sorry about the tight space, but you'll get used to it," Linka tells Michelle as she sits next to her on her bed.

"If I didn't know any better, I say that this is a linen closet."

Linka chuckles nervously. "Technically, it is. But I prefer to have those eight hours a night to myself."

"Are you often the one who's singled out?"

"Being the only girl in the family, it's inevitable to happen. But it's minor situations that my family and I always see ourselves out of. Like the time my brothers tricked me into doing all the chores. Or when my brothers read my diary and shared it with my classmates. So uncalled for, I know. The squirrel suit/bad luck incident." Linka slaps her hand over her mouth.

"What? What was that last part? And don't you lie to me." Brock demands sternly.

Linka exhales and chooses her words carefully. "To get out my brothers' activities, I pretended to be bad luck. My brothers and my parents believed it and I had to sleep in the backyard so my "bad luck vibes" won't affect the house. Crazy right? And when I showed up at my brother Lynn's winning baseball game in the mascot costume, the squirrel suit, they were lead to believe that I was only good luck when I was in the squirrel suit. They made me wear it for a week or so, I don't remember. It sounds like a cruel and unusual punishment, but a great idea to expand upon for fan fiction." She quips, desperately trying to lighten the mood.

Brock was left speechless, mouth agape with that description. She then tightens her lips and gets up to leave.

"I said too much, didn't I?"

"You said just enough, sweetheart," Brock tells her before closing the door behind her. Linka brings her knees to her chest, worried.

* * *

"So on top of experimenting with potent chemicals at four years old. You do all of this in your bedroom that you share with a baby?"

Levi shrugs off her accusing tone. "I make sure he has the appropriate equipment." He points to Leon playing with toys in his crib with safety goggles on. "And when I'm handling radioactive isotopes, I have him out of the room."

"Unbelievable."

"Ma'am, I'm licensed to handle the scientific equipment, a respected member of the Royal Woods scientific community, and I follow all lab safety guidelines. As my older sibling Luke would respond, 'chill out'." Levi states before creating a mixture of different chemicals into a beaker. It shortly causes an explosion in their faces.

"I can't see!"

"Temporary blindness. Give it five minutes for your eyes to adjust."

Leon, who is the only one in the room not blind, giggles at their predicament.

* * *

After her vision returned, Mrs. Brock steps outside to the front lawn to find the young prince in his green Jeep. He does doughnuts around her twice then parks in front of her.

"About time we've met. I'm Lexx."

"Detective Brock. Where you get that car?"

"Beautiful, ain't it? I won a cash prize in a talent competition years ago and bought it right away. It takes real gas!"

"I trust that you stay on the perimeter of your house when you drive it?"

"Ha! Of course not! Sometimes I drive around town or to Flip's for a Flippee. I don't drive on the sidewalks cause there's always someone in my way. So I drive on the real road. I remember I almost got hit by a car once, but I'm not gonna get into that."

"And your parents allow this?"

"Man, you ask a lot of questions. Nobody ever stops me. And why would they? How else how am I going to theater rehearsals?"

"And how's the theater business?"

"Awesome! My actor reputation means everything to me! I had to slit a few throats to get where I am but it's all worth it." Lexx chuckles darkly, rubbing his knuckles on his shirt. The detective, on the other hand, is taken back by that statement.

"I'm just playing."

"Of course you are." She answers suspiciously.

* * *

Finally, we come down to the last pair of children Brock didn't question, Loni and Leif. The two of them in the open garage. The former sitting in the driver's seat of Vanzilla while the latter was benched over the engine compartment.

"Hi, Mrs. CPS worker!" The sixteen-year-old says brightly. "I'm Loni and that's Leif. You'll have to excuse us! We're fixing the van."

"I can see that," Michelle says as she steps inside. "Why does a child has his head down the engine?"

Leif lifts himself up at that question. "Like we would trust Loni with this task. He's the village idiot." At that remark, Loni honks the horn causing the six-year-old to fall off startled.

Leif picks up his wrench and dives back in. "Anyway, I'm the handyman around here." He answers while he's working. "My specialties are in plumbing and auto care."

"And my specialty is fashion!"

Mrs. Brock walks around the car to the driver's side. "Is this is why you're always filthy, Leif?"

"Partly. But who checks up on me?" Leif tightens one last bolt before closing the engine's hood and hops off the car. "Ok, Loni! Start it!"

Loni puts the keys in its ignition and turns it. The engine sputters and dies.

"Damn it! That's the third test!" Leif exclaims.

Loni steps out of the car. "Don't blame yourself, Leif."

"I don't! I blame this stupid van!" He kicks the van on that word and suddenly the engine is revived. It rolls toward the little handyman as he steps back, scared.

"Awesome! It works!" Loni cheers.

"You left it in drive?!" Leif exclaims. The van is now out of the garage and is accelerating due to the driveway's steepness. Leif quickens his steps but trips and falls on his back.

"Leif!" Lexx shouts in fear from the lawn. Leif shields his face with his arms, bracing himself for impact. Suddenly, the engine stops. Leif stands up and sees Brock in the driver's seat. She got inside the car in the nick of time to save the little plumber boy.

The twins and Loni all gather around the driver's door when the detective steps out. "Ma'am! You save my brother's life!" Loni says, ecstatically.

Brock exhales through her nose. "All of you, inside, now."

* * *

Lynn Sr. opens the door for the four outside while everyone else in the house descends the stairs.

"So, did the interviews go well?" He asks.

"Saved Leif's life from a moving, uninhabited car," Brock answers bitterly before dropping Vanzilla's keys in his hands.

"What?" Lynn Sr. glares over at Loni. Said boy flinches before he and the twins join their siblings by the stairs.

"Mr. Loud, this has got to be one of the most impressive cases of child neglect I've witnessed. As in the lack of parental supervision is baffling! They have become a threat to themselves and each other! Quite possibly other people!"

The siblings and the father flinch simultaneously as Michelle calls them out.

"It's never a good sign when the oldest sibling act more like a parent than you do. And from what else I heard, there have been other instances of physical and emotional abuse."

"We didn't mean it like that!" Loki pleads.

"Honestly, Loki. Each of you would excel in life if you weren't in this house anymore." That comment made everyone's hearts drop and Lynn Sr. almost dropping to the floor.

"Please! You can't take my children away!"

"Take us away?! Where would we even go?" Lexx demands.

"Well, there are many foster homes in the country that would take you in. Except not as a whole. The best I can do is the teens go to one home, and the younger boys go to another. And I know a foster home that will only take girls."

"WHAT?!" The siblings screech horrifically.

"You would scatter us?" Luke questions.

"We would never see each other again!" Loki adds.

"Why would ask if I'm singled out when you're signaling me out?" Linka asks, near tears. The twins hug her at the waist. They don't quite understand why they're about to be separated but they know when their sister is upset.

"I know it's tragic. But like I said, it's the best I could do." She reaches into her pocket and gives Loki her business card which he begrudgingly accepts. "Call me when you kids are in trouble."

"Please! Please, you can't do this!" Lynn Sr. begs.

Michelle turns around and opens the front door. "You have 48 hours to change my mind."

"Well, could you at least tell us who filed the complaint against us?" Levi asks.

"By law, I cannot give you that information." With that, Michelle closes the door and left the frightened, sniveling family behind.

* * *

The family gathered in the living room and explained the situation to Rita after she returned from her dental office job. Needless to say, she didn't handle the news very well.

"I can't-" She hiccups. "I can't believe I'm at the risk of losing my babies!" She wipes the freshly made tears from her face with the tissue she was holding before dropping it onto the floor with the numerous balled up tissues around the recliner. She takes another one from the box Linka was holding and blows her nose. "I thought something was wrong when you weren't answering my texts, Lynn, but I'd never imagined this!"

"If Brock thinks she's going to take me away, she's got another thing coming!" Lexx exclaims, shaking his fist.

"What gives her the right to do that anyway?" His twin comments.

"Every right, apparently. It's part of her job." Lane says. "How do I explain this? Remember Mr. Bubbles, the social worker Lilo and Nani met?"

"Yeah?" The twins say in unison.

"Brock has the same job. They inspect homes and take kids away from what they think are bad families. We're in the same boat as Lilo and Nani. Except we don't have an alien to vouch for us."

"But we're not a bad family! We're just crazy!" Lars comments. "I don't wanna lose you guys."

"And we're not going to," Linka states firmly. "Guys, don't forget Brock gave us 48 hours to change her mind. If we all do a complete 180 around here, we can prove to Detective Brock to let us stay." The family perks up at the idea.

"I'm willing to try anything," Rita says, wiping her face clean.

"The best way to convince someone is with a good meal." Lynn Sr. says.

"Good call, Dad. I'll invite her over for dinner." Loki says, retrieving the card that Brock gave her. He steps into the kitchen to make the call.

"When Loki gives us the word, we put Operation: New and Improved Louds into action."

* * *

Thankfully, Brock accepted their dinner invitation tomorrow night. The siblings all accumulate upstairs.

"Our individual rambunctious personalities are too much for people at once and that all starts with our interests," Loki explains. "If we're going to behave like model citizens, the first step is to have to hide everything that makes us who we are."

"Whoa, whoa." Lars intervenes. "Not _everything_ about us is problematic."

"Fine. We'll negotiate. Luke, your ax and speakers has to go. Do you know any classical music?"

"Gross! But yes."

"Lane can't have any gags or pranks in there," Linka says.

"Sure. No funny business. Does that include mime?"

"Yes. We aren't gonna be taken seriously if you dress as a mime."

"Nobody called me out on my fashion so I can keep my clothes and sewing machine," Loni adds.

"Ok, but I would get rid of your beginner's books and puzzles," Leif says. "You don't wanna come across as more of an idiot."

"Leif's, Levi's, and mine are obvious," Lynn says. "Lars and Leif, make sure your animals are out of sight. The only animals Brock should see are our main ones. Oh! And Lars, hide anything that alludes to death and sorrow."

"That's more than half of my possessions."

"Lexx, hide your Jeep too," Loki tells him.

"What? I didn't hear anyone call out Linka! I'll get rid of my Jeep if she hides her video games."

"Fine! Loki, just to be safe, you should probably cut your devices down to cell phone."

"Alright! This took longer than I thought! Take it all into the garage!" The siblings split up into their bedrooms then take several trips to the garage with their possessions.

* * *

Back downstairs, Rita gives assignments to everyone to make the house more presentable.

"What do I do, Rita?" Lynn Sr. asks her.

"You'll be doing the grocery shopping for dinner, of course. Oh!" Rita gives him plastic bags with the coat hangers sticking out of it. "These are our Sunday best. Take them to the dry cleaners."

"Ok then. I'll be back kids!" Lynn Sr carries the bags over to the front door. "A little help?"

"Lane, go help your father."

* * *

After Lynn Sr. left the house, everyone else went on to do their respective housework. Luke's vacuuming the carpets. Linka's washing dishes. Lynn and Lars are polishing the stairs and the rails. Levi and Leon are picking up any toys and such they find on the floors. Loni's mopping the tile floors. Lane's washing the windows. Loki's plastering noticeable cracks in the living room walls. Rita is polishing the wooden living room table. And finally, the twins are cleaning the bathroom.

"How did I get stuck with this job?" The prince complains.

"May I remind you that we're wanted dead or alive?" Luke yells at him from the bottom of the stairs.

"No one said anything about being dead!"

"Just do it!" The rockstar demands as he continues vacuuming the living room carpet. Upstairs, Lexx just growls and doubles up on plastic gloves. His twin, on the other hand, had already called dibs on the toilet.

The housework is a grueling process. Yet, between the twelve of them, they managed to get it all done in two and a half hours. Then they all crash around the sofa.

"Nobody touch the stairs! The paint needs a couple of hours to dry." Lynn tells them.

"Then how are we going to get down?!" Lexx demands.

Rita perks up, remembering her twins are still upstairs. She walks to the end of the stairs with her arms wide. "Leif."

"Alright!" Leif jumps off from the top stair and into his mother's arms. She sets him down next to her. "That was so much fun!"

She turns toward the stairs. "Lexx." She notices his frightened hesitation. "Lexx. I carried you for nine months. I held your hand to walk you to your first audition. I have not let you down yet."

Lexx nods, takes a deep breath, and jumps. Everyone applauds when Lexx lands safely in her arms.

"That was awesome, Mom!" Lynn cheers.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Lexx kisses her cheek.

"Next time, no one goes upstairs when the stairs are being polished."

Moments later, the door unlocks to reveal Lynn Sr. "Guys, help me unload the car."

* * *

Saturday afternoon finally comes. Rita finished setting up the, already dry now decked with a tablecloth, dining table and place the prepared food in place: corn on the cob, chicken, and salad.

"How are we doing, Lynn?"

Lynn Sr. comes with the mashed potatoes with gravy. "Got a ham in the oven. Other than that, we're solid." Both of them dressed in their formal wear.

The doorbell rings shortly causing Lynn Sr. to give out a shriek.

"Lynn! Keep your cool!" Rita whispers shout then fixes his collar. She goes over to the front door, takes a deep breath, and opens the door.

"Mrs. Brock! It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Rita." She sticks out her hand.

The detective shakes her hand. "I hope to say the same thing." Brock steps in the house. In the same power suit from yesterday but no sunglasses. "Kind of an odd request to invite me to dinner." She looks around at the obvious change in quality. "House looks nicer than yesterday."

"Thank you! We just did some home improvement."

"So, where are your kids?"

"You'll meet them."

Lynn Sr. takes out a whistle from his suit jacket and blows on it. The Loud children respond by marching like military soldiers down the stairs. In a single file line from oldest to youngest. And they were all dressed in the formal wear they once wore in the Easter Fools chapter. Once everyone had descended, Lynn Sr. blows again and they all turn sharply toward the adults in the doorway of the living room.

"Introduce yourselves." Lynn Sr. commands. Each time he blows the whistle, the kids, starting with Loki, steps forward in line to say their names and steps back. Their arms at a strong diagonal position across the body.

After Leon says his name, Brock has this to say.

"Well, that was kinda pointless cause I know everyone's names already. But I love the reference."

* * *

The family and their guest all situated themselves at the dining table. Lynn Sr., the adult closest to Brock, serves her first and everyone else serves their neighbor across from them before serving themselves. Brock raises an eyebrow at the system.

Soon the only noise is the silverware clanging against china and chewing. Leif looks down and is surprised to see his pet lizard by the dining room leg table. He quickly picks up the reptile and puts him in his suit jacket. Thankfully, no one noticed.

"Ironic. You guys are awfully quiet." Brock comments.

"Let me get her, I know what to do," Luke whispers to the family. He stands up and pulls out his violin. He walks over to the music stand they just so happened "Let's turn it up to eleven!" He boasts but stands erect and plays Beethoven's Violin Romance No. 2 in F Major.

"Wow. Impressive." Brock says.

"They are all full of surprises." Rita says. "So, Mrs. Brock, it is nice to meet you. What do like to do in your free time?"

Detective Brock finished chewing before replying. "I like to visit animal shelters, I do my hair and nails, and I spend time with my family, especially my little sister. But this evening is not about me, it's about your family." Brock says in a serious tone. Even Luke stops playing because he was becoming even more nervous.

"What do you do, Rita?"

"I'm a dental assistant, so long hours. So most of the time Lynn is home with them."

"Heh, most of the time I don't even know where they are. Eleven kids, am I right?" Every kid sucks in their breath and Rita elbows her husband.

"Regardless of the number of kids you have, you should-"

Before Detective Brock can even get a word out, Izzy crawls onto Brock's plate.

"Izzy!" His owner cries.

"AHH! GET IT OUT!" Brock flips the plate over. But Izzy survives and is crawling around the table, dodging everyone's attempts at grabbing him.

"I got him!" Linka has him in her grasp. He bites her finger causing Linka to fling him into Lynn Jr.'s face.

"My eye!" He holds it in pain.

"Sorry!"

"You stupid-" He grabs a chicken leg and throws it toward her. She ducks and it hits Lane who was to the left of her. He responds by throwing his drink in his face. The food ends up getting going in all kinds of directions, hitting the others, including Brock. While the three of them are in the zone and everyone else begging them to stop, the twins quarrel with each other.

"What the hell, Leif! We all put our stuff in the garage for a reason!"

"Don't lecture me! He was on the floor! What? You expect me to get up and leave without turning heads?"

"You're ruining everything!"

"Right. Like you're the perfect one."

That cause Lexx to tackle Leif. Leif ends up grabbing his corner of the tablecloth and bringing down plates of food and breaking several plates and cups.

Loki, Loni, and Mrs. Brock from the left side of the table go over to the right side to break up the fight. Loni then spots the lizard on Brock's shoulders. Acting without thinking, he grabs the nearest thing closest to him, which is Leon's half-filled baby bottle and throws it at her.

"Ow!" The bottle hits her right in the nose. The chaos stops after her cry.

"Just when I was lead to believe you guys can behave like role models, you pull these stunts!" Brock criticizes. She turns to the parents. "And you! You didn't do much to stop it."

Just when things were already looking grim, the smoke detector goes off.

"Oh my god! The ham!" Lynn Sr. runs over to the kitchen and all he sees is the black smoke billowing from the oven. He grabs an oven mitt and opens it. The ham had burst into flames in the oven. The father shrieks stepping back as the fire spreads out. He grabs a dishrag to fan out the flames but it catches on fire so he immediately drops it.

Rita carrying Leon, the kids, and the detective peer inside. "Oh my god!" They scream simultaneously.

"Call 911!" Brock was already on it. Lynn Sr. carefully runs toward them. "Everyone out through the front door!" In a panic, everyone escapes through the front door.

* * *

The firemen arrive at the scene momentarily and three men run inside with the hose while one stays behind to turn on the pump. The family and their guest are now standing in the front of their house in disarray as the black smoke rises from the window.

"Is everyone alright?" Rita asks her children. She receives a chorus of "yeahs".

Lynn Sr. turns to Detective Brock. "Are you alright, Mrs. Brock?"

"Yes. Mr. Loud, I can forgive what happened at dinner cause they're kids, haha. But I can't gloss over the fact that you directly endangered all eleven of your kids' lives."

Rita gives Leon to Loki and joins the argument. "But it was an accident!"

"Is it? Since yesterday, you two have proven to be nothing but incompetent parents!"

Rita allows tears to run freely from their eyes. "No! You're not taking them away!"

"You're making this harder than it needs to be."

She lunges while she's screaming and her husband grabs her by her arms. "You don't understand! They need us!"

"Is this what they need?!" Brock screams pointing at the smoke. "It seems clear to me that you need them more than they need you."

Brock breathes deeply and lowers her voice. "Rita, Lynn, I can tell you're trying. And I'm sure you both are good people, just not good parents. You need to consider what's best for the kids, even if it means the two of you are not in the picture." The children gasp when Rita and Lynn Sr. fall silent.

"Fire's out." One of the firefighters says as they all exit the house.

"I'll be back for the kids tomorrow morning. I'm sorry." Brock walks to her car. She leaves the Loud house after the firetruck is down the road.

The children walk up to their parents. "Mom, I'm really sorry." Leif says, Izzy on his shoulder. "I didn't want-"

"No, we're sorry, Leif." Rita answers, she bends down a caress his cheek. "I've always wanted a big family but maybe I was in over my head."

"Nothing else we could do?" Linka's voice cracks.

"Aw, Snow White." Lynn brings her daughter in for a hug and that initiates a family group hug. "Sometimes you try your hardest, and it's not good enough. What I'm getting at is, sometimes things have to change. Even if you don't agree with it but maybe… maybe it's for the better."

"In other words, start packing." Loki says, wiping his eyes.

* * *

The family spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up the kitchen and the living room area. Then the kids go upstairs to pack their suitcases; Levi packs Leon's baby things in a backpack and reusable bag. All of this, with shut mouths and silent tears.

Nightfall comes around and everyone is in their respective rooms. Or so we thought. Linka is awake and in the living room. Her insomnia and the silence in the night makes her even more scared for the future. The only source of light is a night light she possessed plugged into an outlet next to the desktop. It was usually for when she wanted to read comics late at night.

"You couldn't sleep either?" The white-haired girl looks up to see her oldest brother.

"Loki. No, and how could I when this is our last night together?" Linka stifles a cry. Loki joins her on the couch and pulls her in for a hug.

"Shh. I know, I know. Linka, considering that we'll be apart for a while, I want you to know I love you and I couldn't ask for a better little sister." Loki pulls back and kisses her forehead.

Linka smiles up at him. "I love you too, Loki."

"I'm gonna miss both of you," Lars says appearing next to them.

"Shit!" They both exclaim.

"I should probably apologize for doing that to you all the time."

"Actually, I'm gonna miss that," Linka says, ruffling his hair. "You are an awesome little brother."

"You'll be in charge of the younger kids, Lars. I know you won't disappoint."

Lars sits on the couch. "I know I preach about darkness all the time. But this is too grim, even for me."

Lynn descends the stairs. "I thought you were down here, Lars." He goes over and rests his head on the right armrest.

"I'm sorry for what happened at dinner." Linka tells him.

"Don't be. I'm sorry for overreacting. And for bullying you all those times. In fact, to all of you. I know I wasn't the most caring brother."

"Lynn, I never held that against you." Lars says.

"Yeah, you taught me how to toughen up." Linka says. Lynn got in the middle of his two younger siblings and pull in for a hug.

"Take care of yourselves."

The twins and Levi carrying Leon enter the scene. "Thank goodness other people are up." Lexx says.

"We couldn't sleep." Leif says.

"I've also suffered from insomnia," Levi replies.

"Join the club." Loki tells them. Leif settles in Loki's lap, Lexx in Linka's lap, Lynn lifts Levi onto the armrest, and Lars holds Leon.

"This is all so unfair!" Lexx exclaims while a tear falls freely from his right eye. "Bad enough I'm being taken away from my parents but half of my siblings!" He angrily wipes his eyes. Linka hugs the little prince tightly.

"I love all of you guys. We need all of you." Leif says sadly. He snorts up a loogie loudly.

"We love you guys too. But we've all met our match. Just promise you two won't get into trouble." Loki tells them.

"What's the point of getting into trouble if you're not there to bust us out?" Leif responds.

The last three siblings descend the stairs. "Oh wow, everybody's down here." Lane comments. Loni sits on the left armrest and Lane and Luke go to behind the couch and rest their arms on top of the cushions.

"Well, here we are." Levi comments, wiping his eyes under his glasses. Lynn has his arm around the little scientist.

"It wasn't ever supposed to be like this." Loni begins in a dark tone. "We were all supposed to grow up together, get into more crazy schemes. Then Loki goes to college in the city. I was supposed to graduate from Royal Woods High. I would take over watching you guys and see all of you achieve in your talents. And we finally get to see what kind of boy Leon would grow to be!"

"To be honest, I think Luke would take over Loki's role," Lexx says.

"Regardless!" Loni rebuts, frustration and anger in his eyes. "None of us deserves this! We had our whole lives together and it's gonna be gone tomorrow morning!" Loni says bitterly. The other siblings were speechless for a moment. Other than the "New Loni" fiasco, they have never seen Loni this mad before. Lane gingerly rubs his back in support.

"I wish we were given another chance. I know I take everything as a joke and I'm a real asshole with my pranks, but I wanna say now I love you all."

Loni exhales, calming himself down. "And I'm sorry if I ever did anything to hurt any of you. Especially you, Leif. I'm sorry about what happened yesterday."

"I forgive you. Us kids are gonna miss your sweet nature."

"And Lane's ability to make anyone smile." Lars says.

"Luke, you've been quiet since you got here." Linka tells him. Every head turns toward the musician.

"No words can express the heaviness I feel in my heart."

"Of course there isn't," Loki says. "Do what you do best."

Luke straightens his back and takes a deep breath.

_I wish you could_

_See the morning sun with me_

_Like we once did in memory_

_I wish you would_

_Forever be here with me_

_I'm waiting for this miracle to happen_

_I won't leave you behind_

_There is so much more I have yet to say_

His siblings, having heard this song from Luke before, joins in the chorus. None of them go falsetto like the song would call for. Their voices may be soft but the emotion is there just the same.

_Last Night, Good Night_

_Last Night, Goodbye_

_Even when my voice is gone_

_I'll always keep this melody_

Luke takes the solo again.

_Last Night, Good Night_

_Last Night, Goodbye_

_I'm drowned in thought over the day_

_When I will be so far away_

_So I will wish upon a star_

_That you can smile and move on_

_So long, Good Night_

"Normally, I'm- oh, screw it!" Levi exclaims before crying waterfalls.

Unbeknownst to all of them, their parents heard their singing and were watching them through the creak of their bedroom door.

"Oh, Lynn."

He holds her hand. "I know, honey. Let the kids have their moment."

* * *

Their biggest fear came at 9:00 am on Sunday morning. Along with two vans that will take the two groups of brothers to separate destinations.

"I'll personally take Linka to her home. The teens will ride in the navy van and the little boys in the black van." Brock explains. The children silently walk by her carrying their luggage (or coffins in Lars' case) and the parents with any carry-ons they have.

On the lawn, Linka hugs and kisses on the cheek each of her ten brothers. After she's done, steps back and let the younger brothers hug the teens goodbye.

"Here, Detective." Rita gives her a two-inch binder.

"What is this? It's heavy."

"Everything you need to know about taking care of our kids." Lynn Sr. answers. Brock opens it and sees typed pages of information. And on the sides were tabs of the names of each Loud kid.

"Yes," Rita answers. "Medical records, interests, encourage them always. Favorite foods and drinks, homework schedule. The tests Loki has to take to get into college. Please let the home he's placed in be in Detroit so it's less of a hassle for him."

"Lynn has some serious tennis elbow so I listed a cream for that. And he's having trouble academically so I listed a good tutor."

"Leon's special brand of baby formula. When he likes to have naps, to be fed. He hasn't had all of his shots yet, what he needs is all on his page. Levi's science conference video call dates so it's best not to disturb him when that happens."

"Lars has this special sunscreen because he burns very easily in the sun. Loni has special vitamins he has to take. I recommend putting it in his smoothies when he's not looking." Rita whispers to her that part to her. "Lexx has a lot of temper tantrums so I wrote some advice on what to do when that happens."

"Doctors say that Leif has an impressively strong immune system; he's the only one who hasn't gotten the chicken pox. That's also why he can dig into the garbage and not get sick. Please don't let him do that for long periods of time. Lane has his own clowning business and we printed his own schedule. We also printed Luke's band gigs schedule and he's also having trouble with history."

"And I don't want the home he's going into to be homophobic."

"Specifically, anywhere where he's discriminated against for being a bisexual."

Brock is left speechless. Every detail of their children's lives is in these pages. "I'll admit Mr. and Mrs. Loud. I'm very impressed. I'll be sure to report this." She turns toward the kids. "Ok guys! You wanna say good to your parents?"

"We already did before you came," Luke tells them.

"Alright then, into your own cars." The kids begrudgingly go to their respective vehicles before Lynn Sr. shouts "wait!" He runs up to Linka and pats his pants down.

"I remember grabbing it. Where- here it is!" He gives her daughter an inhaler. As mentioned in chapter 20.

"Dad, I haven't had an attack in four years."

"Well, a man can worry, can't he?"

"Thanks, but I don't think I'm gonna need it." Linka takes it back. Lynn Sr. then gives it to Brock.

"Please, hold onto it." Brock just nods. She cannot believe that Lynn Sr. kept this all these years just to be safe. Linka hugs her father tightly.

"I love you, Daddy." She whispers. She lets go and blows a kiss to her mother before getting in the backseat of Brock's car. Brock goes around to the driver's side, places the items on top of the car, unlocks the car and opens the door. But she couldn't bring herself to get inside. Her face softens as she has an epiphany. Maybe she did judge them too harshly.

"Mrs. Brock?" The white-haired one says in concern.

"I'm such a-" She stops before she lets out a curse word in front of the kid. "Linka, get out of the car." She shuts her door and gathers the binding and inhaler. "Boys! Come back here!"

The brothers stop loading their cars and come join their sister, parents, and detective on the lawn.

"Gather us together to tell us we're moving to another state?" Lexx says bitterly.

"Technically, your 48 hours aren't up yet. I want all of you to stay here with your parents."

The Louds gasp and smile brightly. They can breathe easy as a huge burden had been lifted off their shoulders. "Are you serious?" Loni cheers.

Lynn Sr. hugs the detective tightly and sobs. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"Relax, man!" She demands then he releases her.

"What made you change your mind?" Linka asks.

"I've been on the force for ten years. Ever since I graduated from college at twenty-three. I've seen horrible situations. Kids willingly leaving their bad homes to come with me. I've worked all these years to find better homes for children. I didn't want you guys to be my first mistake." She smiles warmly before giving the binder and inhaler back to Rita.

"We can't thank you enough."

"Don't mention it, I just wished I noticed how caring you guys are earlier. This isn't an abusive household, y'all are just crazy."

"Thank you." Lars says.

"Get your stuff from the cars, kids." The siblings gladly do so and spread out to their own respective cars. Then they rejoin their parents in front of their house.

"Don't make me come back here!" Brock says in a serious tone, but she winks. She then turns, goes into her car, and drives off. The other vans following.

"YES!" The family cheers excitedly and come together for one giant group hug. The siblings relax and feel so safe in their parents' warm embrace. The parents are crying tears of happiness. Not even Child Protective Services could break apart the love the Loud family had for each other.

* * *

Monday morning, Linka is back at Royal Woods Elementary on her way to the guidance office.

"Our story's not over yet, readers. That had to be the scariest experience that any of us had to go through. And I'm gonna make sure that it doesn't happen again. I have a hunch who placed the complaint against us."

She knocks on the door and enters when she hears a "come in!"

"Mrs. Watson, can I have a word with you?"

"Of course." She sets aside her coffee. "What is it?"

Linka has a seat and explains in great detail the emotional roller coaster of a weekend her family had with the CPS. All the while, Watson feels more and more guilt for putting them in that situation.

"Thankfully, Detective Brock changed her mind. I'm telling you about this because I know it was you who made the complaint. It had to be, you're new and you don't know any of us yet. I'm putting this out in the open, everything's fine at home."

"Linka, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I thought you guys were in trouble, I was thinking of your safety."

"That's ok. I'm just relieved everything's back to normal. That Brock character was kinda rude to my parents."

"I know my sister can be a bit hard-headed."

"Sister?"

Watson holds up a picture of her and Brock hugging each other at Watson's wedding about two years ago. Brock was the Maid of Honor.

"Of course I called her. Not only because she's with CPS, but she's always my go-to when things go wrong. Michelle is reliable like that. She helped me find this job, you know."

"I feel the same way about my brothers and parents." Linka hops off the chair. "Well, good talking to you, Mrs. Watson. Welcome to Royal Woods." She says warmly as she leaves.

"Thank you, Linka. And thanks for coming to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AlexGen gets credit for typing the dinner scene, the rest was me. Of course, they gave me ideas for where I was stuck. Luke's goodbye song is called Last Night, Good Night. A Vocaloid song by livetune ft. Hatsune Miku. I used rockleetist's English lyrics.


	22. Working Loud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the Drake and Josh episode "Movie Job". References to the "Shop Girl", "Driving Miss Hazy", and "Crimes of Fashion" episodes added. Thanks to Insane Master Writer Studio and sthompson1 from FF.net for their suggestions on how to improve this idea.

In the Louds' living room, Rita and Lynn Sr. are currently having an intervention with their firstborn child.

"Son, I usually shrug this off but not this time." Lynn Sr. states before presenting a bill to him. "Your cell phone bill is through the roof!"

Loki casually takes the bill for a closer look. "Oh please, how- oh shit." He softly swore when he saw the price. Compared to everyone else's charges, his alone must be three times as much.

"There's literally an explanation for all of this. I talk to my long-distance girlfriend every day. I keep my data on when I travel in case someone in the family texts me in an emergency. And I keep telling you to switch carriers cause this one is too expensive and-"

"Loki, enough!" Rita tells him. "We didn't call you in here to hear your excuses. We called to tell you we can't possibly pay your bill. We got other bills and expenses to take care of."

"So you expect me to pay this myself? I'm broke, Mom. How am I supposed to do this?"

"Do we have to spell it out for you? Find a job." Lynn Sr. says.

Loki's face molds into an exasperated expression. "I was afraid you say that. Dad, me working? I already carry the weight of my siblings on my shoulders around here and now you wanna add a job to my stress?"

"It doesn't have to be forever. A part-time job will suffice until you can pay this off."

Loki pinches the bridge of his nose and then agrees reluctantly.

"You'll be fine, Loki. Just think of how much you're helping us out and how you'll help the people you'll come across." Rita assures him.

* * *

Later, Loki sits crossed-legged on his bed with his laptop, searching online for part-time jobs for inexperienced teens.

"Because telling me to use my phone less would make too much sense," Loki says bitterly at the screen. "Oh, who am I kidding? I wouldn't listen to that anyway."

Loni walks into the bedroom, texting. He briefly looks up to greet his roommate. "Hey, man. Whatcha doing?" He says before he crashes on his bed.

"Looking for a job to pay for my stupid phone bill."

"Yeah, I overheard you with Mom and Dad. It's kinda sad how glued you are on your phone. You wouldn't have this problem if you paid more attention to people around you and your environment." Loni had the damn nerve to look back at his phone and keep texting while saying all of this.

He looks up again. "What are we talking about? Oh right! Well, I usually go to the mall when I have problems. I'm sure you'll find a job there! Like, tons of teens work there."

"Great idea, Loni. That's, totally out of character for you."

"Thanks." Loni then gets up and stretches. "I need one of my healthy smoothies. You want one?"

"Gross."

"Your loss." He turns to walk out but accidentally walks into the wall with a loud thud. "Ow! Loki, who moved the doorway?" He asks before walking out for real.

"And he's back." Loki comments before clearing his search bar and typing in "royal woods mall part-time jobs". Of course, he sees job openings for multiple stores as Loni predicted. He chooses to fill out the online application for a department store called Reiningers. As he's the most familiar.

* * *

Ok, so most of you reading should know how the job application process works. Let's say it took two weeks and in those weeks, Loki waited in-between times of getting the first phone call, the interview, and the training.

Currently, he's pinning his name tag onto his clothes as he stands next to his new manager, Mr. Carmichael. They had just finished a tour of the retail store.

"Ok, Loki. You'll be helping the recovery team bring out the racks of unwanted clothes from the fitting rooms and placing them back where they belong."

"No problem, Mr. Carmichael."

"Good man. And, welcome to the team again." He says walking away.

With that, Loki walks into the fitting room and grabs a rack and does his tasks. He rolls them over to one of the displays the store have for separate clothing brands. He takes multiple clothes from the rack at once and hangs them up in their respective displays. "This is literally too easy."

Well, we can't have that. So at that moment, his fashion-designing brother walks into the store along with his two friends from school and immediately spots his big blonde hair. He excuses himself from his friends and walks over to him.

"Loki?"

"Hey, Lons."

"What are you doing at Reiningers?"

"I work here, genius." He says as he continues puts away the clothes. "Didn't I mentioned I was applying here?"

"I probs wasn't paying attention, to be honest. But this is great! You working at my favorite store in the whole mall! After Blossomingdales, of course. Hey, do you get an employee discount?"

"Yeah, actually. Employees get a fifty percent discount on all merchandise."

"No freaking way! That's almost half off! Can I use your discount?"

"Sorry, bro. I can't extend it to other people."

"Aw, man! I could have saved a lot of money for Dad, cause I have his credit card."

Loki contemplates for a moment. "Maybe, just this once, I could use my discount to-"

"Loki, you're the best!" Loni cheers as he hands over his shopping list and credit card he borrowed from Lynn Sr. He turns and calls out for his friends. "Jackson! Matthew! Let's go!"

"But you owe me for this." Loki adds.

Then a mother and her preteen daughter walk up to Loki. "Excuse me, do you know where the Juniors department is?"

Loki doesn't remember that from the tour. "I'm sor-". He doesn't even get the second syllable out because Loni interrupts.

"It's on the second floor in front of the escalator. But might I suggest the Petite department? It has what the Juniors offer but is perfect for those 5'8 and under. It's to the right of Juniors."

"Thank you." The mother says before going in the direction of the escalator.

"Nice save." Loki admits.

"Thanks! See ya later!" Loni waves as he walks back to his friends.

* * *

Later that day, Loki trudges up the stairs and walks toward his bedroom door. He drops the shopping bags at his roommate's feet.

"Yes! Thanks, Loki!" Loni throws away the magazine he was reading and looks through the bags. "Where are the sneakers I listed?"

"Wasn't in stock." Loki replies as he falls back on his bed.

"But the second week of the month past already! Reiningers always receives their shipment from that sneakers' brand in the second week of the month. Maybe they sold out. Of course, they did! Their stuff is fire. Anyway, how did the first day go?"

"Ok, at first. Then I was sent to clean up the clearance aisle. That was painful."

"Those are always the worst looking areas. I always hang up the clothes neatly when I pick it up and decided I don't want it."

"Anyway, Mr. Carmichael announced that there's an opening for an assistant manager before I clocked out. It comes with a raise in wages so I'm going for that."

"You think you got a shot as a new hire?"

"Of course. It's literally anyone's game."

* * *

The next day, Loki has to work again, basically doing the same thing he did yesterday. But this time, he had to organize the unwanted clothes by brand first. He kept going back and forth with the organizing and the recovery.

Loki has an hour left in his shift when Loni meets up with him again.

"Hey, Loki."

"What are you doing back here again?"

"You didn't tell me you were having a sale today. And I was wondering if you like to make another donation?"

"No way." Loki says firmly. "Loni, just because I'm working doesn't mean I automatically have money right now. I get paid every two weeks. And I just bought you a shit ton of clothes for you yesterday! With the little money I had in my own savings account."

"It wasn't that many clothes." Loni says under his breath.

"The point is I cannot support like this every day! I got real financial troubles! Find your own way to make money!"

"Ugh! This is BS! You used your discount on me once and you already cut me off. How do you expect me to pay for new outfits?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you? Get a job." Loki tells him. Feeling Déjà Vu for having this conversation with Loni.

"Oh, there's that. But Loki, I don't know how to get a job."

"Of course you don't. Which is why I'm gonna help you."

"Really?" The platinum blonde asks hopefully.

"Sure. Just give me an hour to finish my shift and I'll come up with something."

"Ok! I'll be browsing if you need me." Loni walks away with that.

Loki returns to his work but with a new objective in mind. Well, here is his best bet. He already knew the store layout like the back of his hand. Plus, it will teach Loni independence and then he can afford his own clothes with his own discount.

"How are you doing, Loki?" Mr. Carmichael interrupts his thoughts as the manager did his usual rounds of the store.

"Fine, Mr. Carmichael." Loki walks up to him. "I have a question for you. Do you hire sixteen-year-olds?"

* * *

Loni causally walks around the department store. Peeking over to the women's section, he sees a girl about his age picking out a skirt. He saunters over to her.

"That skirt would look great on you. And bonus, it can double as a poncho."

The girl gasps. "You just changed my life! Thank you!"

Loni waves her goodbye and walks away. Then he spots a grown man looking through the men's suit racks frustratingly. Loni stands next to him and gingerly taps his shoulder.

"Sir, you alright?"

"Gah! Oh, I'm sorry. I've been so stressed lately. I got an important meeting tomorrow morning and I can't find anything."

"I would be happy to help you."

"I don't want to take up too much of your time, son."

"I wasn't doing anything anyway." Loni reassures him, already on the next rack over. "Now, what's your size?"

After some time of searching and trying on different suits, their objective has been completed.

"That's the one, Mr. Greene!" Loni tells him from the couch in the men's fitting room when Greene steps out.

"I think so, too. How can I ever thank you, Loni?"

"By impressing your boss at that meeting tomorrow." Loni stands and stretches. "I'm gonna leave but you go ahead and buy it." He then bids him goodbye and walks away.

"Thanks again, son!"

Loni thinks about going over to where the sunglasses and takes a shortcut through the sundresses section. He looks over to find a woman holding her baby girl in one arm and too many sundresses in one hand. She drops all the dresses. Before she bends down, Loni rushes to her aid.

"Let me get that for you."

"Thank you."

After he put away the last of the sundresses, he tells her "I can help you pick out a sundress for you. If you want."

"That's so sweet of you!"

"And you know what?" He bends down to her baby's level. "I think we can find a sundress for you too, Princess." The baby smile at Loni's soft tone. Loni smiles back and looks over the sundresses with the mother.

After trying on several dresses and processes of elimination, Loni walks the mother and daughter pair to the nearest checkout. In the end, The woman found three sundresses to her liking and Loni himself found a cute Disney Princess sundress for her daughter.

"Thank you so much, Loni! You saved me a whole lot of time!"

"You're welcome, Mrs. Jones. I have to meet up with my brother now. His shift ended ten minutes ago." He says, checking his watch. "Have fun at the beach, Mrs. Jones."

"Say bye, baby." Mrs. Jones coos, holding her arm and motioning it to wave at him. Loni chuckles and waves back. Loni goes and searches for his older brother, finding him by the store's entrance.

"Finally. What took so long?"

"I've just been around, helping people. Let's go."

"Excuse me!" An older man's voice called out to the two Loud brothers.

"Mr. Carmichael." Loki acknowledges. He sends a quick, knowing glance over to Loni. This could be it.

"Hi, I wanted to meet you." He speaks directly to the platinum blonde. "I'm the manager of Reiningers." He stretches his hand toward Loni which he gladly accepts.

"I'm Loni Loud. Loki's brother."

"I've been hearing nothing but positive things about you from customers. And your brother here said you were looking for a job. We could use another sales employee with great customer service skills."

Loki smiles to himself. This was easier than he thought. With Loni unknowingly securing an offer at Reiningers on his behalf.

"Great," Loni says. "Let me think about it, and get back to you with a list of names." Loki nudges him with his elbow and gestures to him.

"Oh! Did you mean me? I'll take it! Where do I sign?"

"Stop by my office to fill out the paperwork."

"I'll meet up with you later, Loki." He tells his brother before following Mr. Carmichael.

"You're welcome!" Loki calls back.

* * *

The next afternoon, Loki drives Vanzilla to the Royal Woods Mall with his new coworker in the passenger seat.

"I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am that we're working together!" Loni tells him.

"Yeah, it became apparent when you woke me up from my nap two hours before our shift."

"Sorry. This is like a big deal for me. I get to help people in a field I know better than anybody else."

"And you'll be getting paid for it and have your own discount. So no more handouts from me."

"Course. But, helping people shop is more important than shopping for yourself, you know?"

"That's genuine of you, as expected. You should give me some customer service tips. I'm trying to get noticed by Mr. Carmichael so I can get that assistant manager position."

"Or you let me give you advice on how to be a nicer, more open retail associate! Mr. Carmichael will be so impressed, he'll have to give you the assistant manager job!"

Loki fully faces him and raises an eyebrow when they're at a red light.

"Don't embarrass me like that, please."

* * *

Inside Reiningers, The brothers are stationed at the window display mannequins, dressing them.

"What I did yesterday was I walked up to a random customer and asked them if they needed my help. Being nice and looking out for their best interests helps them out in the long run." Loni explains.

"Well, if it got you the job…" Loki scans the area and sees a woman who looks like she can't decide between two blouses in the Petite department.

"I got this." Loki walks over to her. "Excuse me, ma'am. Can I help you find something?"

"Ah," The woman look relieved at the sight of him and Loki is glad to see that. But then she continued to speak.

"Je suis à la recherche d'un chemisier pour ma fille. Elle a un entretien d'embauche. Aussi, savez-vous où je peux trouver les jupes?"

The seventeen-year-old is a deer in headlights. "I…uh… excuse me!" He speeds walks back to his brother. "That was a mistake."

"What?"

"She only speaks French!"

"And you still left her hanging? There's gotta be someone in here who knows french." He suddenly gasps. "Wait a minute! Keep an eye on her!"

Loni sprints in the opposite direction. A few moments later he has another associate, maybe three years older than him, named Michelle at his tail. Michelle makes her way over to the woman with the blouses.

"Bonjour," Michelle greets. "Mon collègue Loni m'a dit que vous aviez besoin d'aide?"

The lady smiles brightly at Michelle's French and tells her predicament. Loni and Michelle lock eyes and give each a quick thumbs up.

"How did you know Michelle speaks French?" Loki asks him.

"One time I heard her speak French with a customer when I was shopping here. Turns out she minors in French at the Royal Woods Community College. It wasn't fair to just leave that woman on her own. Everyone should be helped, no matter what language."

* * *

Later, in the shoe department, Loki is assisting a teenage boy find new sneakers. Unfortunately, he's not making it easier for him.

"These shoes are uglier than the last pair! And they're uncomfortable!" The boy kicks off what is the fifth pair of sneakers Loki found for him. "I'm trying to flex on these streets! How am I supposed to achieve that when you keep handing me trash ass shoes?! Isn't there anything else, bro?"

Loki exhales through his nose. He's already done with him."Sorry, bro. But what we have on the floor is all we have."

"That's some bullshit!"

"Loki!" His younger brother calls out to him as he made his way over. "What happened to "I'll check in the back". We have one, you know? Tell you what, you start putting these shoes away and I'll find a pair of shoes for him. My man, what's your size?"

The teen tells his size and Loni goes behind the cashier desk. "Hey Finn, can you help me out?" He asks a different associate, this time two years older than him. He nods and follows Loni into the shoe inventory. Loki starts cleaning up. He almost feels bad for his brother; this customer is insufferable.

A few moments later, Loni and Finn come out. Finn goes back behind the desk and Loni goes over to the customer. "My co-worker Finn and I had a feeling you'll like these Jordans." He gives the box.

Loki stands by as he put on the sneakers. And before him, he witness the impossible: Loni got it right on the first try.

"Oh my god! These ones are fire!" The boy says as he does a test walk in them. "And they're comfy! Wait until my boys see this!" He quickly takes off his new shoes and boxes them. "Thanks for your help, man!" He reaches his hand toward Loni.

"Anytime." Loni shakes it. The customer is first to pay at the counter, as there was no line. Then goes about his day with his brand new shoes in his shopping bag.

"I thought he never leave." Finn comments. "Nice job, Loni."

"Well, you're the one who helped me pick them out." He then turns to his brother, still shocked at how Loni's interaction went by smoothly. "Bro, you def need to work on your people skills."

Loki growls at that remark. And to add salt to the wound, Mr. Carmichael was passing by.

* * *

Finally, Loni's and Loki's seven-hour shift was over. After they clocked out, Loni was walking with Michelle and Finn to the main entrance. With Loki trailing behind.

"This was a fun first day!" Loni tells them. "Thanks for helping me out today, guys."

"Hey, thanks for joining us." Michelle tells him. "About time we had a useful newbie."

"I heard that!" Loki exclaims.

"Oh. No offense, Loki." Of course she didn't mean it.

"Alright team," Mr. Carmichael says to his employees at the front door. "Great job with the recovery and sales today! Have a good night." Everyone leaves but Carmichael stops the Loud brothers in their tracks again.

"Loni, I wanted to personally tell you did an excellent job today. You go above and beyond for our customers. People are calling you the nicest associate we ever had."

"Really?"

"Yes. And Loki, thanks for telling me about your brother here."

"Of course. Cause that what I did best. Suggesting Loni should have this job." Loki says with a forced smile.

"Well, I'm happy to make other people happy, Mr. Carmichael." Loni adds.

"Someone's bucking for assistant manager." Loki audibly gasps but quickly covers his mouth. "Good night, boys." Their manager sends them off.

* * *

On the ride home, Loki couldn't help but glare at the road. Loni, however, was in his own little world. Reminiscing about his first day at his first job to notice.

"It feels so good to be called "the nice one" back at the mall again." Loni begins. "I'm like, beginning to doubt the nice guys finish last quote. You know, I think I would make a great assistant manager. Based on what Mr. Carmichael said."

Loki slams on the brakes hard at a red light. Loni lunges forward violently in his seat. He grasped onto his seat belt on instinct.

"Are you kidding me right now?!"

"What's wrong?"

"You know I've been chasing after that position since day one!"

"I didn't say I would be a better assistant manager than you or I'm gonna steal it from you. I'm just saying it's a cool idea."

"Oh, what you would know about assistant managing? One, you're an idiot. Two, you can't even lead Chris to the litter box. And three, it's unfair that I have been working for three days and never got noticed like that! But you work one day and you're told you have a shot?"

A car behind him honks after his rant. He just notices the light is green and drives.

Loni retaliates. "One, ouch. B, I can be a good leader if I wanted to, Loki! Hell, I've basically been shadowing you my whole life. So I think I know where to start as one. And 12, if you tried harder at your job, you wouldn't have to worry about competition for assistant manager! You said you wanted tips but you don't follow them."

Loki opens his mouth to snap back, then shuts it. He mentally admits that Loni's third claim was a valid one.

He pulls up of the driveway of Casa de Loud but they don't get out just yet.

"Ok," Loki begins. "I'll try harder. But from now on, stay out of my way."

"Fine!" Loni crosses his arms.

Loki opens the driver's door and gets up. Then turns back and see Loni hasn't moved an inch. He opens the driver's seat again and leans in.

"What are you doing?"

"Staying out of your way."

Loki rolls his eyes. "I meant only at work. We still live together." Loni groans, gets out, and shuts his door.

"You need to be more specific."

"Just get inside." Loki demands as he shuts his door and locks the car.

* * *

Another afternoon, another shift for the two blondes. This time, Loki and Loni were stationed at the formal dresses section to do put backs. Loki overhears a frantic conversation between three women, who all look like they're in their mid-twenties.

"Girls! This can't be just any dress!" The one in the middle says. "Tonight is the night! Brandon went to a jeweler with his mother a week ago, for God's sake! So this dress needs to make a grown man kneel."

"Well, you don't want to look like you're waiting for it either, Nikki." The woman on the right tells her, looking through racks.

"Chloe's right." The last one said. "Leave Brandon his pride. You need a dress that implies "bride", not screams it."

"I know, Zoey. But.. ugh!" Nikki screams, frustrated. "This is so much pressure!"

Loki smirks at their exchange. This is a perfect opportunity to make a sale. He takes out a dress that he was going to put back and rips the clearance sticker off its tag.

"What are you doing?" Loni asks in an accusing tone.

"Making a sale. Desperate girls make commissions so easy." He walks toward the trio.

"So uncool." Loni mutters but stays behind and watches.

"Excuse me?" He gets the attention of all three of them. "Have you seen this?" He holds up his dress. "We just got it in. It's perfect for an engagement dress."

The three friends share a knowing glance. "It is very pretty." Zoey takes the dress and holds it up to Nikki's frame. "Don't you think so, Chloe?"

"Of course. But it's all up to Nikki."

"I would totally buy it." His first successful sale, Loki mentally boasts himself. Then Nikki shoves the dress back into his chest. "If I didn't see this dress in your company's magazine last year!"

"It was? I mean, honest mistake, really." He tries to reconcile with them.

"Right. Like it was "honest mistake" that you tried to sell my friend last year's dress at this year's price." Chloe says.

"I may be in love, but I'm not stupid, kid." Nikki says.

Meanwhile, Loni is cringing at Loki's failed sale. "I know he told to stay away, but…" Loni makes his way over quickly to the scene and pulls his big brother to the side.

"Sorry, Miss. Our mistake." He says directly to Nikki then turns to his brother. "Loki, finish the put backs. Ignore my brother, he hasn't been well." He tells her, twirling his finger near his temple. Loki scoffs at that white lie and glares daggers at him.

"I would be happy to help you find an engagement dress. Dresses from this year, of course."

"That's, really generous of you." Nikki smiles at him.

"It's no problem. I take care of all my clienteles." Loni leads them away on their search.

After some time of trying on dresses and eliminating the ones not everyone agrees on. Then place them in an overflowing cart of discards. Nikki steps out with a red strapless dress that stops at her knees and is met with cheers and squeals.

"There you go, Nick!" Loni tells her.

"Oh my god! This one's perfect! And it's just my size! And I have the perfect pair of heels for this at home."

"And with Chloe doing your makeup and nails and me doing your hair, you'll be flawless!" Zoey cheers.

"Loni, thank you so much! You're the sweetest employee we've ever met!" Nikki goes over to hug him, along with her two friends.

"You're welcome." He says breathlessly. When they release him, he takes in a breath.

"Which is kind of weird." Zoey begins. "Because aren't you the same guy from the fight-"

"Anyways!" Loni screams suddenly. Then clears his throat and brings it down. "Nikki, I'm not gonna lie to you, this dress is pricey. But you can sign up to be a member and receive a rewards card that'll save you money. Just go to checkout and ask."

"Got it." Nikki answers.

"Great! I have to start putting these back." He grabs the cart of discarded dresses. "Good luck, Nikki!"

"Bye, Loni!" All three of them say in unison.

Loni pushes the cart back where his brother was organizing dresses. "I got more work for us. Those girls were really nice. Why are you looking me like that?

"I told you to stay out of my way!" Loki snaps.

"And let you embarrass yourself? She saw right through your lies. What was your plan B?"

"Have you noticed that I haven't made a single sale since you came around?"

"That was a problem before!"

They continue to argue over one another until their manager walks up to them from behind and clears his throat.

Both immediately shut up. "Hi, Mr. Carmichael." They say in unison.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No, no. Just a minor argument between brothers." Loki assures.

"Totally harmless." Loni adds.

"Anyway, I just saw a trio of girls purchasing an expensive dress and said you helped them, Loni."

"Oh yeah. Nikki really loved that dress but I warned her about the price. Hopefully, she took my advice and became a member."

"She did actually. It's like successful sale one after the another with you. I like your style, kid. In fact, how would you like to be promoted to assistant manager?"

"What?" The brothers exclaim simultaneously but with very different facial expressions respectively.

"I love to!" The platinum blonde responds, joyously.

"Fantastic! I'll have your new badge ready for you tomorrow." Carmichael leaves the two with that.

"Loni Loud, Assistant Manager." The very boy says with wonder. "Hey! That means I'm your boss! Guess I'm the big brother now!"

"Loni, you're still my little brother."

"Not in here, I ain't."

Loki wanted to scream. It's freaking unbelievable. His naïve, younger roommate is going to be his new boss? What sense does that sentence make?

* * *

The next morning, the associates line up before the new assistant manager as he reads their duties of the day off of a clipboard before the store opened.

"Ok, Michelle and Finn, you're both at registers downstairs. Lexus and Chris, registers upstairs. Diamond and Christina, shoe department. And the rest of you are doing the recovery, both upstairs and downstairs. Oh except Loki, you'll be putting the new 70% off stickers on the tags of the clothes in the clearance section. Alright! Let's make this another good day, guys! And make sure everything's in its place. Mr. Carmichael is doing inventory today."

Everyone spread out, except Loki. He roughly grabs Loni's arm and pulls him back.

"You can't station me in the clearance section by myself. It's huge! Putting stickers on tags will take all day."

"Hey, it is what it is. And as your assistant manager," he points to his new gold badge as emphasis, "you don't have a choice."

"Calm down with the ego, little bro. Let's not forget who helped you get this job. So don't rub your new position in my face!"

"I'm not touching you, first of all. I don't get you. You're the one who suggested I get a job. And when I get one and work my way up, you're jealous? Some big brother you are."

"And by "work", you mean by outshining me every chance you got, right? I needed this position more than you could!"

"Look, I know you wanted my spot, but to be honest, you would have been a bad assistant manager."

"Excuse me?"

"You were going after it for the wrong reason. The raise. I know you got your bill, but you took this job knowing you had to help people and you still put your money first. Every customer that walks in here is not another zero added to your paycheck. I wasn't even thinking about moving up until Mr. Carmichael told me I have what it takes. I still can't believe I got it. But I think the reason why is because I'm the other way around. I put other people's needs before my own. And helping other people get what they want makes me feel better than a paycheck or an employee discount could."

The unlocking of the main entrance brings an early end to the two's third argument in this chapter.

"Wow, you got me rambling." Loni says. "Chop chop! That clearance section isn't going to sticker itself. I'll be overseeing the jewelry section if you need me." He walks away but quickly turns around. "Oh yeah. Get the sticker gun from the laptop desk where we clock in."

* * *

Later that day, Loki is at his station using the sticker gun with much more force than needed as he monologues.

"Who does Loni think he is? I helped him get a job and how does he repay me? He becomes my boss! Then goes off on me saying, 'You're only in it for the money.'" He says that last line in a mocking imitation of Loni's voice. "Of course I am! I have a bill to pay!" He puts two stickers on a single tag during his rant but he doesn't care.

"He doesn't need that raise more than me. Hell, he doesn't need this job more than me! I'll be damned if I have to take orders from Loni for the rest of my time here."

He decides that he needs to do something. Something drastic, and fast.

"Ahem." Loki is face to face with an impatient-looking man. "If you're done talking to yourself, can you tell me where are the bathrooms?"

* * *

The eldest Loud goes into action during Loni's break. Which he announces walking past him.

"Hey, Loki. I'm going on my lunch break. Michelle, Finn, and I are meeting at the food court. Wanna come?"

"Uh, my lunch break is not for another two hours. But can I borrow a dollar from you so I can grab something from the vending machines till then?"

"Oh, sure." Loni takes out his wallet. "Uh, I don't think I have a dollar in here."

"Let me see that." Loki takes the wallet from him. Good, he was counting on Loni's dumbness to hand over his wallet. He sees his real objective: the key to the jeweler's case. Don't ask him why it isn't on a key chain. He wraps a dollar bill around the key and takes it out with his fist.

"Found one." He hands his brother back his wallet. His fist is tightly clenched, you couldn't see the dollar. "I told you it's the one with George Washington on it."

"Oh right! The first man on the moon." Loki mentally cringes at that remark. "See you in an hour."

"See ya, boss!"

"Hey! Glad you're coming around." Then Loni leaves the store.

Loki unfolds the crumpled-up dollar bill and lets the key falls into his hand. He walks over to the jeweler's section then hides behind a shelf for a quick peek of the perimeter. Loni's replacement isn't here yet and there are no customers around. Perfect. Yet, the stakes are still high. Especially since he's out in the open.

Loki sneaks behind the counter and opens the glass case full of necklaces, bracelets, rings, all that. He grabs a shiny, expensive looking necklace, it would be obvious to notice it was gone, and stuffs it in his cargo shorts pocket. He locks the case and speed walks out of there. No traces and no witnesses. It just happened to not be busy in that quadrant in the middle of the day.

Loki chuckles at that anomaly. "I love cartoon logic. Now I need a good place to hide it. And an excuse to put the key back in Loni's wallet." Luckily, he's got an hour to come up with something. He quickly walks to his section when he sees the other jewelers associate approaching.

* * *

The seventeen-year-old hid the necklace in a secluded place in the store before Loni walks in with his two new friends. He separates from them to talk to his brother.

"Hey, Loki. How you doing?"

"Fine. Oh, you can have your dollar back. I couldn't find anything in the vending machine."

Loni pulls out his wallet and opens it for him, indicating for him to drop it in. Again with the key enclosed inside the dollar bill, Loki sticks his whole fist in the wallet and places it gently at the bottom. So the key doesn't make that ding sound.

After Loni pockets his wallet, he casually goes back to his position. Loki predicts that the damage he caused should take full effect soon.

* * *

Back with Loni, about twenty minutes later, he is with a customer and just finished the checkout process of a purchase.

"You made the right choice with that bracelet, miss." He says after boxing said bracelet. "The sapphire really matches your eyes."

"Thank you. And thanks for your help." She gushes before taking her purchase and leaves.

Mr. Carmichael comes up to him and clears his throat. "Um, Loni?"

"Hi, Mr. Carmichael. How's the inventory going?"

"Not great. I'm not sure if you noticed but a necklace has gone missing. And your replacement wasn't around during the incident when you were on your break."

"That's awful!"

"I'm going to need you to come with me."

"Are we going on a scavenger hunt?"

* * *

Loki was going to the manager's office to ask how to refill the sticker gun thing. Then stop by the door when he heard Loni's voice.

"I didn't do anything! I swear!"

"Loni, you're the prime suspect. Theft of merchandise is an intolerable violation of our rules. It's sad, you were a great member of the team. I'm going to have to let you go."

Loki on the outside grins at that. Mission accomplished.

"Go where?"

Carmichael raises an eyebrow at him. "That means you're fired. Hand over your badge."

"But,"

"Badge!"

Loni silently gives up his badge and clipboard. And if this wasn't humiliating enough, Mr. Carmichael throws out this line.

"Why is it always the nice ones?"

Loni gets up and turns toward the door. He didn't want Carmichael to see the tears. When Loki hears his chair squeak, he takes several steps away from the door. He walks up to Loni in feign concern when he's outside.

"Bro, what's wrong?"

Loni grabs his shoulders. "Mr. Carmichael thinks I stole a necklace!"

"What? Why?"

"I don't know! Loki, I can't be here right now. I'll see you at home. I'm taking the bus!" Loni lets him go and leaves the store upset.

Loki goes into the manager's office. "Uh, Mr. Carmichael? I need a refill on the sticker gun."

"Oh, yes." He searches around his desk for the clearance stickers.

"So you fired my brother?"

"Yes. Don't take it personally, son."

"Oh no, sir. It's just business."

* * *

Loki drives home alone for the first time in two nights. He recaps on what happened during the rest of his shift. Mr. Carmichael didn't immediately give the assistant manager position to someone else. But with Loni gone, he has more elbow room to improve and be in the limelight.

Loki enters the house and sees Loni on the couch with his head in his hands with Linka consoling him. She's the only Loud sibling you can cry in front of and not get judged. Not counting Leon, because he's way too young to understand your sorrow.

Linka and Loki share a glance. "Yeah, I heard," Loki says. "I'll…I'll be upstairs if you need me."

Loki walks up the stairs but stops at the top when his sister begins to speak.

"I don't get it, Loni. Why would you be accused of stealing?"

The sixteen-year-old picks his head up. "The necklace was gone after I went on my break. So Mr. Carmichael thinks I took it before I went on my break or that I left the case unlocked. Either way, I was the last one behind the case before it disappeared. I don't understand either. The key was in my wallet the whole time."

 _Oo, if only he knew_ , Loki says in his head. But it's like not he's going to tell him what really happened. Loki takes another step then Loni speaks once more.

"And just when people were starting to see the real me again." He sniffles after that.

Loki leans in closer.

"What do you mean?" Linka asks.

"I'm talking about the fight I had with Stan and those guys. Linka, just because a new chapter opens up, doesn't mean people forget the old ones."

"That can be taken figuratively and literally." She lets out a slight chuckle.

"Yeah. Anyway, there was a video sharing around. Of me fighting those guys. And even though I befriended Stan and it's not a big deal as it was back then, I still get stares from a few people. In fact, when I visited Loki for the first time at Reiningers, it was also my first time being in the mall since the fight. Yeah, in the past, being apart from the mall for a long time wasn't a problem. And I remembered being stared at by teens. It was a very small amount, but it still got under my skin. Like they didn't expect me to come back after the incident."

Loni smiles slightly. "Working at Reiningers, and seeing that I made people's days, and helping them. It made me feel like my old self again at the mall; my second home. Customers called me the nicest associate they met. I felt so proud of myself, cause who else knows about clothes better than me?"

Loni's face falls sullen and lets the tears run down. "Well, that was fun while it lasted. Now I can add "thief" to my fake reputation."

Linka wraps her arms around his chest tightly. Loni instantly hugs back.

"Thanks, Snow White. At least I'm treated like I should here."

Loki quietly goes up the rest of the stairs. He closes the door behind him in his room. He walks over to the mirror on top of his dresser and stares at his guilty expression. He just groans and put his head down.

What has he done? No really, what acceptable excuse he can use for himself? Loki knew he would be sad, but he wasn't even thinking about Loni's past! Loni is not only a great customer service worker because of his good nature, but because he wants to be known only by his good nature again. And he had to ruin everything! And thinking deeper into it, if everything wasn't run by cartoon logic, he could have gotten Loni into legal trouble.

"I'm literally the stupidest Loud brother." Loki admits out loud, voice muffled by the wood.

* * *

Determined to clean up his mess, Loki drives an unamused Loni to the Royal Woods Mall.

"Loki, I can't believe you woke me up at 10:00 am to bring me here." His younger brother complains with his arms crossed.

In all his years, Loki never heard Loni so unenthusiastic about the mall. "It's important, I told you."

"Just tell me. Cause I really don't want to go back to Reiningers. Wait, did you get the assistant manager job and want to rub it in my face?"

"No." Loki parks Vanzilla then fully faces his brother. "Bro, I know you don't want to be in the place you were fired in. But trust me, it's important that you're here."

Loni just sighs in response and gets out of Vanzilla.

* * *

Loki opens the manager's door without so much as a knock. "Mr. Carmichael!"

Said man jolts at his desktop. "Loki? Loni?" He narrows his eyes in suspicion. "What's going on here?"

"Mr. Carmichael, please! You need to hire Loni back! He did nothing wrong."

"Loki, I get it. Brothers looking out for each other. It's sweet, but rules are-"

"No! I mean he literally did nothing wrong!" His outburst frightens the other two men. Loki takes in a deep breath and tells it straight.

"I sabotaged Loni's employment." He repents.

"You did what?" Mr. Carmichael questions.

Loni is left confused. "Sa-bo-tage?"

"Dude, I stole the necklace, hid it, and let you take the blame."

Loni gasps loudly. "How could you?!"

"Where did you hide it?" The manager asks.

Loki leads both of them to the store supply closet. He pushes a rack out of the way, opens it, and fishes the missing necklace out from the corner. He hands it over to Mr. Carmichael.

"You could hide a body in there and no one would notice."

Carmichael snatches it back. Loki looks between Carmichael's glare and Loni's betrayed expression.

"Mr. Carmichael, I literally have no excuse for what I did. I just wanted Loni gone. I'm sorry, especially to you, Loni. Please give him a second chance. He's like the most outgoing associate here. You would suffer more with him not being here than me."

"You're absolutely right, Loki." Mr. Carmichael turns to Loni next. "I owe you an apology, Loni. I should of never accuse you of stealing the necklace. So, if you like, you can work here again. But with a warning: you can't return to your assistant manager position. Some higher positions you can't get back after you've been cut off. The best I can offer is that you become a sales associate again and see what the future holds."

Loni hums in thought. "Assistant manager, not assistant manager." He shrugs and smiles. "I'll take it either way." They seal the deal by shaking hands.

"As for you, Loki. You're fired. For theft and framing a coworker."

"Nametag is already off, sir." Loki places the item in his ex-boss hand.

"Ok then. Loni, I believe I have your old associate name tag in my office."

"Um, could you hold that thought, sir? I have to talk to my brother." Loni grabs Loki's arm and moves them to another area of the store. A secluded corner by the men's sneakers.

"First off, thanks for getting my job back! It's like, the nicest thing you've done for me!"

"It's the least I can do."

"Or it's the nicest thing you _had_ to do for me. I still don't get why you would frame me."

"I was jealous, Lons. Jealous that you were the better associate and you got all the credit. But I didn't realize I had no right to be jealous after I stole the necklace. You were right, I was only in it for the money. I never cared for the customers; going as far as to try to swindle them. I was a lousy associate that way. You actually care for the people. Sure, I had reasonable intentions but yours were better. You're the nicest, most selfless person I know and deserve to be seen as such. You deserve this job."

Loni's cheeks begin to hurt from his huge grin. "Hug me, brother!" He quickly throws himself at him and wraps him up tight. Nearly knocking the wind out of his big brother.

"Oof! You need to stop watching those Drew and Jerry reruns." He comments but hugs back anyway.

When they pull away, Loni realizes something. "Wait. Now you're jobless. What will you do? What about your phone bill?"

"Don't worry, Loni. This is just a job. I'll find another one."

* * *

Sure enough, Loki did. Two days after his termination at Reiningers, he's now working at the local pizzeria/arcade, Gus's Games and Grub.

"This has been one hell of a week, readers. But at least Loni's happy at Reiningers. I'm just lucky Gus was hiring immediately, including temporary positions."

"Loud! Back to work! If you got time to lean, you got time to clean! The toilet in stall three is overflowing." Gus commands him in the background.

Loki's face falls. "Maybe I should have looked into babysitting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who caught the Dork Dairies/Legally Blonde: the Musical reference?


	23. The Twins of Evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another rewrite with a twist, the episode "House Music". Instead of Luke chapter, it's a twins chapter. And this is the first official songfic.

One morning, Linka gathered her brothers in the living room around a chart showcasing the annual Royal Woods Family Fun Fair.

"Guys, the Family Fun Fair is tonight and we got nothing for the talent show! And I was thinking, we need to do something bigger than our family band last time."

"How come we always do things at the last minute?" Lars asks.

"What's a better motivator than pressure?" Lynn responds. "Let's do our family trapeze act this time."

"Last time I said no, and this year I'm telling you no." Levi states.

"How about we all juggle bowling pins?" Lane suggests.

Linka shrugs. "Ok, that's not so bad-"

"On fire!"

"NO!" His siblings yell at him.

"Can we please think of something that we can all do that's safe?!" Linka demands.

"Well, we ain't singing one of your boy band songs!" Loki tells her and the other brothers agree with him. The white-haired girl just rolls her eyes at him, even if that was her initial idea.

"Before we this turn into another brawl," The little Einstein pulls out his phone. "We'll use a random selection generator. I've inputted our digital pictures into it which will shuffle them at rapid speed. Randomly stopping at the sibling whose idea we will use for the show."

"Levi, that's literally a filter on Swifty Pic." Loki comments. "And even that idea has been done before."

"I like the Disney one." Loni comments. "Turns out I'm Rapunzel."

"That was Sleeping Beauty. You of all people should know your dumb blondes."

"What you want me to say, I'm running out of ideas?" Levi retorts. "Fine! I am!" He presses the shuffle button and holds up his phone for all to see. Every sibling crosses their fingers and watches as their pictures flash quickly before them.

After ten seconds, it stops on the little prince.

"Well, would you look at that? It landed on a handsome fella." The very boy comments on cue while his siblings grimaced.

"Don't rub it in, bruh," Luke warns him. "So what Broadway musical you want us to perform? Alexander Hamilton? Tiny Shop of Terrors?"

"None of those!" Lexx stands on the coffee table. "Two songs. One story. A story of tragedy, evil rulers, sacrifice, and love. Lady and gentlemen, we're doing Singerloids' Servant and Daughter of Evil!"

"I heard of that," Lars says. "It's based on the mothy's Story of Evil. The songs are about twins; the girl is a selfish queen and the boy is her loyal servant."

"Exactly! But we'll have to make tweaks to fit us." Lexx jumps off the table and wraps his arm around his messy twin. "Isn't that right, my loyal servant?"

Leif, however, is taken back. "You want me to be the servant?"

"Well, who else? Especially with the part when-. You know what? I'll just show you guys. Come on!" The prince leads the party upstairs.

* * *

Lexx set up a laptop for his siblings to view the songs back to back online (an English cover of course). After their experience, the siblings take a moment to set it all in, shocked and a bit heartbroken.

"That's the saddest story I've ever heard," Linka says, wiping her eyes.

"The things the boy put himself through, all for his sister. It's unbelievable." Loki comments.

"I don't even blame the sister," Levi adds. "She was spoiled and raised to be a tyrant from day one. Never taught humility or morality. If she was real, she would be miserable."

"There's actually a third part where she sings about her regret, but that's beside the point. Are we doing this?" Lexx asks and is met with enthusiastic cheers.

"Awesome! Here, everyone takes one." Lexx hands out song sheets.

"Wow. You just had these ready to go, huh." Lynn comments but Lexx waves him off.

"Obviously, I'm going to be the "Son of Evil" and Leif is the servant. Even though there's only five main characters and Leif and I will be the only ones singing solos all the way through-"

"Wait, what!" Leif objects.

"We can find parts for all of you as cast and crew. As for characters, Loki, you'll be the red Son of Vengeance. Linka will be the Green Princess and Lynn will be the Blue Prince."

"EW!" Everyone exclaim, disgusted.

"The most I'll have you do is hug each other, jeez! And I'm gonna change it so that the king and the servant are also interested in the princess. Again, nothing creepy!"

"Well, if you need an orchestra. I'm your man." Luke speaks up.

"Me too." Lars says.

"As will I," Levi adds. When met with skeptical looks he answers, "I've dabbled in the xylophone."

"Loni and Lane, onstage you're part of the cast but offstage, you're my costume designer and props master."

"Oh, we so got this." Lane comments as he fist bumps Loni.

"Alright! Grab what you need and meet me in the backyard!" As everyone else leaves the twins' room, Leif stops Lexx.

"Dude, I can't sing by myself in front of people! You didn't even tell me I'll be doing that."

"Sure you can and I just did. Look, Leif, you're gonna do fine. I mean, you don't wanna let the family down right?" Lexx leaves with that while Leif looks down at his sheet music with an uneasy look on his face.

* * *

Once everyone relocated outside, Lexx used a stick to draw a big rectangle with two parallel lines going through it.

"Ok, people!" Lexx talks through his megaphone. "Remember these directions! Upstage, the box facing the tree! Downstage, the box facing the house! Center Stage! Right! Stage Left! Any questions?"

"Yeah, where's the stage?" Loni asks, confused.

"Oh, vey." Lexx mumbles to himself before speaking through the megaphone again. "I highly recommend writing your directions down on your music! Let's run the Son of Evil first!" He looks back at his pit, consisting of Lars on organ, Levi on flute, and Luke on an electric keyboard.

"Alright, guys. Just follow along with me. We can do this!" Luke reassures them.

At that moment, the parents enter.

"Lexx, what's with all the yelling? Are you reenacting "Broadway Behind Bars" again?" Lynn Sr. demands.

"No, Dad. We're just rehearsing our musical for the fair." Linka answers.

"Ooh, a family musical! So cute!" Rita squeals.

"Well, we have room for two more in the cast!" Lexx encourages. "Let's get to work!" Everyone except the servant cheers.

For about an hour and a half, the family rehearses Lexx's number. With the young king singing and giving directions. It went smoothly, well as smooth as directing twelve people went. But Lexx had no real complaints. His twin's run through will literally be a different story.

"Nice job, everybody! Let's do the Servant of Evil next!" Everyone steps outside the rectangle and the musicians switch instruments; Luke and Levi switch instruments, an acoustic guitar and a xylophone, respectively.

"Leif, ándale!"

Leif tried one more time to back out. "Lexx, I really, really think I shouldn't be doing this."

"Leif, think about it! The songs are about twins, you're my twin! It wouldn't make sense to have someone else. Whether you like it or not, you're going to be in this number!" Leif growls in response, with a hint of determination in his eyes.

"Orchestra, you start! There's no line to lead you in!" The musicians play the intro but when Leif begins, shit hits the fan.

" _OH MY HIGHNESS! MY KING_!" The plumber screeches, the kind that sends birds flying. The family covered their ears quickly.

"CUT!" Lexx screech through his megaphone. "What was that?!"

"Just a little warm-up," Leif smirks back.

Yet, the little plumber didn't stop at horrible singing. He missed directions, hid Lane's props, and even trip up his twin. Every minor inconvenience to ruin his chances. Everyone was getting annoyed with Leif but none no more so than the young king.

"CUT! CUT CUT CUT!"

"Heard you the first time, Shakespeare." Leif remarks

Lexx grabs him by the overall straps. "What's wrong with you?! You're wasting my time and everyone else's!"

Leif shoves him off. "Well, I didn't ask to be in your stupid musical!"

"No one did. It was selected at random, remember?" Levi says.

"But we're all doing our best here. Why aren't you?" Lane asks.

"Well, if anyone bothers to listen, you would know why!"

"Oh, I'm listening! I'm listening to whiny, selfish brat!"

"Of course, you would know what that sounds like."

That did it. Lexx tackles his twin and they started their own little fight cloud right then and there. Both grabbing, punching and scratching. Rita and Lynn Sr. stepped in to pull them off each other.

"Boys, enough!" Rita demands.

"You're right, mom. This ain't worth it! I quit!" Leif yells in his younger brother's face. He throws his copy of the music on the ground before storming back to the house.

"You can't quit! You're already fired!"

Leif opens the kitchen door but then turns back to Lexx. "You know you don't have to act like a Son of Evil, you already are one!" He slams the door behind him.

Lexx screams frustrated. "Worse than tech week! Can you believe him!"

Linka walks up next to him. "I'm not choosing sides, Lexx. But it sounded like there was a lot more to it than Leif not wanting to be here."

"You should talk to him." Loki tells him.

"After that episode?! It would be easier to tell Diamond to write an OC to fill in the role!"

"Ok, but what's more important? This musical or a brother's respect?" Loni adds.

Lexx pouts then his face softens when he looks back at the door in a somber manner. He sighs. "Fine. Let me… let me give you the stage directions, then I'll talk to him."

* * *

The little director does just that. Filling in for the position of the servant and writing the directions on the sheet music Leif left behind. After another hour, they completed their run through.

"Ok everyone, let's take a short break! Use this time to go over your directions. Musicians, keep practicing! Loni, start working on costume designs."

Lexx, meanwhile, went inside up to his room to talk to his co-star. Before he had the chance to open his door, he heard singing. Like, on-pitch, good-as-a-six-year-old can get, singing. Lexx opens the door a crack and sees his older brother crossed-legged on his bed, singing to Charlie on his lap.

_Even so, I will guard you and block out all the pain_

_I will dirty my hands so your smile remains_

"I knew you could sing." Lexx opens the door all the way and smirks. Both Leif and Charlie jump at the sudden intrusion.

"Oh, it's you. What are you doing here? Figured you already found an OC to replace me."

"Nah. I just wanted to talk." Lexx sits on his bed next to him.

"There's nothing to talk about. I don't want to be the servant."

"Yes, but you never explained why!"

Leif puts down Charlie and lets her run off. Allowing him to fully face his twin. "Why? You know I'm not good at that prissy-singy girly junk! It's not me! There could be other kids I know in the crowd! I couldn't do it! Also, I was scared. Scared of embarrassing myself and the family in front of everyone."

"So you were prideful and insecure about yourself?" Lexx sums up. "But bro, this isn't the first time you been on stage. Remember the rap at Linka's pageant?"

"Yeah, but that was only a couple of lines and everyone was standing next to me. This is a whole song I have to carry on my own. But you kept egging on how I'll be letting the family down or I have to do it cause I'm the twin, you didn't leave me much of a choice. I decided that the only way to get me out of here was to run things into the ground. So I did everything on purpose. Are you mad?"

Lexx pauses for a beat. "No, I'm not mad. The sabotage was a bit overboard but I do understand. I actually find the whole thing kind of funny. The king is supposed to be the prideful one." They share a light chuckle.

"Do you know what the main theme of your song is?" Lexx asks.

"Evil is not born, it's made?"

"Well, yes. But I was thinking of unconditional family love. Being there for your sibling no matter what he's done or even if you drift apart."

"So it's like the frozen Disney movie."

"Stronger, bro. Look, I've been doing a lot of talking today. And I'm sorry I've put you through a lot of pressure. So I'll give you a choice. If you want to be the servant and perform with us at the fair, that's great! But if you still have cold feet, we'll cut Servant of Evil and just do my song. It's your call."

"Really? You'll sacrifice half of your work for me?"

"Of course."

Lexx jumps off his bed and in his place puts Leif's sheet music.

"Thanks, Lexx."

"I'll see you tonight. If you want to." Lexx leaves the room and shuts the door behind him. He sees Loni heading toward his bedroom door with multiple rolls of fabric in his arms.

"Lexx, a little help here?" The little prince opens the door for Loni.

"Thanks." He grunts as he drops the items on his bed. "So should I ditch the servant's costume?"

"Hmm. Still make it. There's a 50/50 chance we'll have a servant tonight."

* * *

Time jumps to this evening's sunset. The family loaded up Vanzilla and headed downtown to the Family Fun Fair. This year it was held at the Royal Woods Community Theater and the empty surrounding area around it had all the rides, food, and games. The Louds went inside to check-in and then went backstage. Lexx looks back at Leif despondent when he noticed that Leif didn't enter at all.

Linka grabs her little brother's hand. "Don't worry Lexx, you did the right thing giving him a choice."

"I hope so." They both follow their family to change into their handmade costumes.

* * *

"Up next, performing their two-song musical, the Son and Servant of Evil. The La-oud Family!"

"Loud!" They all corrected.

"The Loud family!"

Lexx does a short vocal exercise before taking place center stage behind the drawn curtain.

" _Ah ha ha ha ha!"_

" _Now, kneel before me, peasants!"_

The curtain draws open as the musician Louds play the intro in the pit. It reveals Lexx seated upon a throne clad in his king costume. Complete with black pants and boots, a yellow dress shirt and robe, and a crown that's larger than his normal prince crown.

_Once upon a time in a land so far away_

_Was an evil kingdom that no person dared to face_

_Ruling with an iron fist and standing center stage_

_Was a noble young king only fourteen years of age_

He gets off his throne and walks toward downstage. Bragging about the "riches" bestowed upon him

_There wasn't anything his Highness couldn't have_

_With a boy just like him serving as his right-hand man_

Since Leif wasn't there with him, he gestured to himself when he sang that.

_Stable full of horses and his favorite Josephine_

At that line, Lane enters stage right and quickly gallops in front of him on that toy horse with a stick. King pets his mane as his older brother goes past him.

_He could buy the world no matter what the price may be_

He goes back on his throne. At the same time, a red-dressed Loki enters stage right. He bows before the King and clasps his hand together in a begging manner. Lexx looks at him with contempt.

_If there wasn't money for the tyrant left to spend_

_He'd take it from his loyal subjects to no end_

The red man reaches out to touch the King but he's hand is smacked away and he gestures for his guards (his parents) to take him away.

_Anyone opposing him was punished for their crime_

_All those who defy me are to die!_

" _Now, kneel before me peasants"_

The guards bow then drag the red man away. King gets up and dance for the chorus.

_Blooming ever-sweet, the evil flower reaps_

_Drowning in colors til it's all you can see_

_Pitiful as ever, they were growing by his side_

_Just to pave the road ahead, for their destiny to die_

Enter stage left was Linka, the Princess of Green. She twirled in a flowing green gown and tiara. She looked toward the king's way, catching his eye.

_Don't forget his Highness was like any other boy_

_Meeting a green princess has brought him a short-lived joy_

She made his way toward him and he bows. But she ignores him completely running toward the arms of Lynn, the Blue Prince, who entered stage right. Dressed in a blue tailcoat, black pants, and a crown.

_But it came to pass she was in love with someone else_

_It was the blue prince, heir to a kingdom full of wealth_

They walk off stage left together, and King looks angry. He goes downstage again.

_Anger and envy flurries in the King's vision_

" _If she don't want me, she'll face repercussions!"_

_To his minister, he gave a terrible command_

" _Go seek out the kingdom Green, destroy all of their land"_

Entering stage left, the Princess and her green people (Loni and Lane in green) at center stage. Again, the yellow guards entering from stage right, chase after them till they're offstage. Stabbing them with fake swords as King sings out to the audience.

_Quickly burning houses right before their very eyes_

_No more crying out, they murdered everyone on sight_

_News of how the innocent were dying in the streets_

_Never swayed his Highness in the least_

Waddling from stage right is Leon with a dicky. Carrying a plastic tea kettle and a teacup for King. To say the scene was just cute was an understatement.

" _It's 3 o'clock, tea time!"_

He drinks the imaginary tea. He then drops his cup and picks up his butler, dancing with him. Elated that he got his revenge on the Princess and the Kingdom of Green.

_Blooming ever-sweet, the evil flower reaps_

_Drowning in colors that'll drive you crazy_

_Beautiful as ever and still growing every day_

_But yet far too many thorns, keeping them all too far away_

During the instrumental, he gives the baby to Loni. And moves downstage right. Entering stage left is Loki as the Son of Vengeance. Now has Lynn's red breastplate and a sword of his own. He rallies Loni, Leon, and Lane for revolution. The Blue Prince joins them as well; the Son of Vengeance gives him an extra sword. His cause for revolution is more personal, avenging the loss of his "love".

_To overthrow his Majesty on high above_

_Taking to the streets, at last, they all had had enough_

_Leading from the front of such a violent mob, in red_

_Was a nobleman in armor, coming for his head_

_Angry from the many years of suffering in vain_

_Swallowing the kingdom's people in a wild rage_

The guards tried to fight them off but were weary. When they realized there's no reason to defend the king. They joined the revolution.

_Soldiers all too tired from a long and violent war_

_Didn't have the energy to even hold a sword_

The group run toward the king in slow motion, with the red man in the front

_Finally, they made it to the palace at the end_

_Servants didn't wait around and very quickly fled_

_How did the young king, someone powerful as he_

_Captured by the people he should lead_

" _How dare you, barbarians!"_

King spat that line in Son of Vengeance's face he was close enough to grab his arm. Leon's baby crib rolls in from stage right (pushed by Linka backstage). Son of Vengeance places the king in "jail". Everyone else made ready for the next scene as the spotlight was solely on King.

_Blooming ever-sweet, the evil flower reaps_

_Drowning in colors growing sad and weeping_

_Living in a paradise created by his mind_

_Aah everything will crumble in this fleeting dream of lies_

_Once upon a time in a land so far away_

_Was an evil kingdom that no person dared to face_

_Ruling with an iron fist and standing center stage_

_Was a noble young king only fourteen years of age_

_Knowing his beheading is at three this very eve_

_Listen to the sound because the bell will toll for thee_

_Once a wealthy tyrant, now a prisoner to die_

_What could he be thinking in his jail cell tonight?_

The Son of Vengeance grabs the king by the arms, picks him up from his cell and drags him to the "execution block". Which was literally a wooden block. The Blue Prince has the honor of chopping his head off with a fake ax.

_Walking to the gallows, hear the chiming of the end_

_Tis a better place they go than ever known ahead_

The Son of Vengeance holds the young king down while the crowd had their fists in the air, mouthing their curses and excited to get the execution on.

_Never laying eyes upon the people in the crowd_

_Whispering aloud their final sound_

" _It's 3 o'clock, tea time!"_

The king's "final words" before the ax went down and everything went dark. There was a beat before the music plays again and a dim light shines on Lexx, sitting up on the block.

_Blooming ever-sweet, the evil flower reaps_

_Drowning in colors til it's all you can see_

_History remembers, singing to this very day_

_How a certain son of evil lived in such a wicked way_

The lights went up as the audience applauded. The Loud cast all hold hands and take a bow. Lexx gestures to the pit toward Luke, Levi, and Lars. The three stand up and take a bow. The curtain is drawn again as the Loud cast celebrates backstage.

"That was awesome!" Loni cheers.

"Lexx, sweetheart! Great job!" Rita tells her son.

"Yeah, kiddo. You did amazing!" Lynn Sr. adds.

"Thanks, but it's too early to celebrate," Lexx says sadly. "Next is the Servant of Evil and Leif isn't here. I didn't even see him in the audience." His family's mood fell at the sudden reminder of the handyman's absence.

"He must have back out. I'll just tell the person in charge to go to the next person."

Just then, the double doors open and in comes who else? Clad in the fashion designer's servant costume: black pants and boots, a yellow dress shirt and over it a black tailcoat with a yellow bolo tie.

He approaches his family dramatically with his arms stretched to a T.

" _Here I stand_!" He sings.

"Leif!" They all joyfully run up and hug the young servant.

"Where have you been?" Lynn asks.

"Sorry I missed the first song. I was in the port-a-potty changing into this and going over my song. Then I got a corn dog. See, no crumbs on me."

"But are you sure you want to do this?" Linka asks.

"Sis, sometimes you have to swallow your pride and just go for it."

"But do you know your directions?" Lexx asks. Leif responded by pulling out the song sheet from his tailcoat and giving it to his twin.

"Thanks for writing everything down for me."

Lexx smiles brightly then turns to his cast. "Places for Servant of Evil!"

* * *

Word was given to the Loud orchestra that Servant of Evil is on. They switch instruments and play the classical intro as the curtain draws open. Here stands Leif center stage under a spotlight

_Oh your highness, my king, I will serve until I die_

_Fate had given us life, now the twins are cursed with spite_

_Even so, I will guard you and block out all the pain_

_I will dirty my hands so your smile remains_

King, at this point just a prince, comes up from behind and they act like they're playing together. Before falling into their positions, the twins were the closest of friends.

_From the day we came the world had charted out our lives_

_Holy bells had graced our birth with such a glorious chime_

From opposite sides, Lane and Loni cross each other carrying fake church bells

_By the powers greater than our tiny hands could fight_

_You were torn away from my side and had started your own life_

On the word "by", after the other two's arrival, the parents enter the same way as the bells. Now as the last king and his queen. Their father takes hold of the prince and their mother takes hold of Servant, ruining their fun. The twins reach out for each other as they're taken away to opposite ends of downstage.

_Even if the world were to send you their vice_

_If they curse your name as they gather and cry_

On the opposite ends, the parents both adjust the clothes on their twin. Symbolically preparing them for the future. The father brings out the throne again and leaves from his side of the stage as does the queen. The future tyrant sits on the throne but is disheartened.

_I will never stray and will stay by your side_

_So just smile on it will be alright_

Not until Servant walks up to him, taps him to get his attention, and bows. The now King, overjoyed at seeing his brother again, gets up from his throne and hugs him. Which the servant returns.

He pulls away and sings the chorus to him as a promise.

_Oh your highness, my king, I will serve until I die_

_Fate had given us life, now the twins are cursed with spite_

_Even so, I will guard you and block out all the pain_

_I will dirty my hands so your smile remains_

The King takes the throne with him as exits stage right. Servant slowly walks around the center stage and looks around, imitating a causal walk. From the same place King exited, the Princess walks up to him and softly collides with the servant. She falls to the ground and the servant gives her his hand.

_Wandering the streets of town a maiden caught my eye_

_In the country of the green, she turned with beautiful light_

He helps her up but he still holds her hand, singing about her.

_With a voice as gentle as the seraph's lullaby_

The Green Princess breaks contact first and waves goodbye. Sitting down by the teaser upstage left. The servant watches her leave.

_I could feel in my heart it was love at first sight_

His brother enters from stage right and walks up to his twin with a fake dagger in his hand. He holds it up to him but he looks away uneasy as he does. Even the King was unsure of the action at first.

_But her beauty strays from the will of my lord_

_He had deemed it so that the girl be no more_

The servant meets the princess and sits next to her.

_I will heed my call for that's what I live for_

He gives her a hug before "stabbing" her in the back. The Princess lies motionless as the servant gets up and walks away, crying as the spotlight on her fades.

_But my king tell me why these tears burn at my core_

While that was happening, a plastic table with a fake tea set was set up center stage and King was already seated. Servant stands by his brother and pours his tea for him.

_Oh your highness, my king, I will serve until I die_

_Fate had given us life, now the twins are cursed with spite_

" _Today's snack is brioche," I had laughed by your side_

_And you smiled so bright, just keep smiling my light_

The brothers smile to each other, enjoying themselves. During the instrumental, there are only three spotlights. Downstage left, the Blue Prince enters and finds the body of his "love". He hugs her in sorrow then looks out to the audience with a glint of anger in his eyes. Downstage right, the Son of Vengeance is on one knee, bowing to a green tombstone. Back to our brothers, the King invites his brother to sit down with him for tea. Servant, initially surprised at such a request, does so. When it comes time to sing again, the Servant gets up and the whole stage goes dark except for a single spotlight on him. Giving the other actors time to clear the stage.

_Soon now this kingdom will be torn across the wind_

_Strangled by the people who were crushed within its grip_

_If the masses call this retribution for your sins_

_I will challenge that God, who would ask for my twin_

While singing this, Servant takes off his tailcoat and tie. Now he looks just like his twin just without the accessories. The King runs up to him, scared of the revolution but his brother just hugs him and changes his accessories with him. Telling him his plan.

" _Come and quickly change your clothing and go in my place_

_I will stay behind and wait while you make your escape_

_Don't you worry, we look the same in every way_

_Not a single soul will know that you got away"_

The King, now wearing his brother's tailcoat, grabs his brother's arm and shakes his head in a desperate attempt to reconsider. His twin, now in the king's robe and crown and more concerned about his brother's life, pushes him toward the teaser upstage right. "Hidden" out of plain sight.

_And now I am the king and you're living on the run_

_Heaven pity the twins who were hated and were shunned_

The Son of Vengeance comes up to the "King" and holds his sword up to his throat. Then he carries him away; the "King" goes peacefully. The real King watches in despair from the shadows.

_If they say you're the devil a demon in the flesh_

_By my blood, I'm the same and will bear the fate you left_

Again, Leon's baby crib is onstage but now we know who's really in there. The spotlight is on him again.

_So long and faraway there was a kingdom grand_

_Lawless and despised by all those upon its land_

_Sitting atop it all and smiling with grace_

_Was the brother that I loved and who now I take the place_

The lights go up and the Son of Vengeance takes him to the same wooden block in front of the same crowd. But this time, "Servant" is in the crowd, pushing his way to the front. He sings different lines along with his brother.

_Even if the world were to send you their vice (Finally, the bells are announcing the time)_

_If they curse your name as they gather and cry (I can feel my heart break with each passing chime)_

_I will never stray and will stay by your side (With your eyes averted, you look to the sky)_

_So just smile somewhere in a better life (And the blade whistles down as you call out my line)_

The King forces himself to smile at the most loyal friend he could ever ask for. Knowing his brother wouldn't want his last memory of him to be of him crying. Servant smiles back and says his infamous line out loud

" _It's 3 o'clock, tea time"_

The stage goes black as Servant is killed. A single spotlight is on the King as he drops to his knees, hugging himself. Lexx even worked up some tears.

_Oh your highness, my king, I will serve until I die_

_Fate had given us life, now the twins are cursed with spite_

Servant walks around slowly under the spotlight behind his grieving brother.

_If someday we're reborn and are pardoned all of our crimes_

_Let us walk hand in hand to a world filled with light_

Servant hugs his brother from behind. King stops and without looking back, reaches around behind him and puts his hand on the Servant's arm. Light fades on the brothers.

The lights go up and the audience explodes with applause again. Some were standing up, others were wiping the tears from the eyes. The Loud cast comes back on stage and takes a bow together. And instead of traditionally gesturing to the orchestra again, the others pull the three onstage so they can all hold hands and take a bow together. Lexx pulls his twin in for a side hug and Leif responds by pulling him in a headlock in a playful manner and ruffling his hair.

* * *

Later that evening, the family leaves the theater, in their regular clothes, with Lynn Sr. carrying a silver trophy that's marked 2nd.

"I have to admit, that was really fun." Leif says. "I swear there were moments I thought I was gonna puke but I didn't!"

"We should have totally won first place if it hadn't been for that family trapeze act." Luke comments.

"Yeah. They brought the competition to new _heights_!" Lane jokes.

"I told you losers!" Lynn says as he shoves Levi next to him. The scientist punches him back in the arm.

"You know what? For once in my life, I don't care about winning." Lexx says. "I'm just so glad we got to do this. I'm so proud of everyone! Especially you, Leif."

Leif shrugs. "You know I got your back."

"Come on, gang. We got two hours of fun ahead of us before the fair closes!" Lynn Sr. reminds them. Everyone cheers then disperse. Leif playfully shoves his twin.

"Last one to the log ride gets his head chopped off!"

"You'll be losing more than a head with me!" Lexx shouts chasing after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I wrote this chapter because I love these songs and I wanted to introduce it to you all. What about it?


	24. Don’t Get Crushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The storyline is a request from djcomic2929 from FF.net. Also, based on the Proud Family episode "I Love You, Penny Proud" and Chowder's and Panini's relationship from, obviously Chowder.

Pink and red hearts as far as our heroine can see as she walks through the hallways of her elementary school. Students either exchanging gifts with friends or "special ones" or continuing on with their lives cause this holiday is of no concern of theirs whatsoever.

"Happy Valentine's Day, readers." Linka address when she reaches her locker. "Whatever you make of it, this is either the most romantic time of the year for you. Or the most cringeworthy. At school, it's a mixture of both; maybe leaning more toward the cringe side. I only tolerate it cause of two words: free chocolate." After that, she places a chocolate kiss in her mouth, humming in satisfaction.

Just as she had her hand on her handle, her best friend strolls up to her.

"Happy Valentine's, best friend!" Claudia hands her a bouquet of white roses.

"Claudia! Thank you so much!" She takes them and takes a whiff. "I love them, but you didn't have to spend money on me."

"Who said that? These are fresh picked from my moms' garden."

"Aww. But my Valentine's not as thoughtful." Linka takes out her gift from her backpack. It's a heart-shaped card with a sketch of the two of them she drew.

"I love yours too. You got some untapped talent on your art." They embrace for a short while before Claudia remembers something.

"Oh! Do me a favor and give this to Loki when he picks you up." She hands Linka a blue gift bag with tissue paper with in it. Linka reaches inside it and takes out a mini statue of her oldest brother, constructed out of legos.

"Took me two and a half hours."

"Impressive. But, Loki's in the city this morning with Bebe."

"Like _anything_ she could give is as thoughtful as this." The African-American girl scowls.

The rest of their group comes into sight with the local farm girl bringing them a heart shaped container. "Hiya ladies! Here's a little something for both of you to share."

Linka takes it ecstatic, assuming to be more chocolate. But on the contrary..

"Bacon?" The two were initially confused, but they help themselves to many slices after their first bite.

"Glad you like it. But Virginia, my pig, is the one to thank."

The girls, even Riley and Zara, gasp horrified at that statement. Linka and Claudia go into a coughing fit after.

Leah just laughs at this. "Just a little country humor."

After they all calm down, Riley smirks. "So, how many Valentines did you guys get from boys?" Linka rolls her eyes. Here we go again with this bullshit. One more cringey part of this holiday, girls showing off their valentines they received from the boys.

"Well, I did get these daisies from Chuckles." Zara brings out her bouquet. Then it squirts water in her face. She laughs it off.

"Tabby gave me this card." Leah holds up a card with a gun and a rose on the cover. "And the best part, it's a musical card." She opens it and an epic guitar riff and drums play. It's so loud, her friends jump slightly at the sound. Leah closes it up.

"Peter Pain gave me chocolates." Riley opens up her box half-full of assorted chocolates.

"You ate half already?" Zara asks.

"No, he gave it to me like this. And someone needs to tell him apology punches aren't a thing." Riley cringe, rubbing her arm. "What about you, Linka?"

"Nothing. And I prefer to keep it that way."

"Someone's jealous." Riley comments in a sing-song voice.

"No! More like someone who doesn't need silly little gestures from some boy to get her through the day. Right, Claud?"

Claudia smiles sheepishly. "Well, actually…" She takes out a black heart-shaped card. "Haiku wrote me a haiku. Say what you want about him, but he sure is sensitive."

"Hey, if it makes you happy." Linka turns around and puts in her locker combination. "As for me, it's gonna take a lot more than haikus, musical cards, or half-eaten chocolate to impress me."

As she opens it, a folded note falls at her feet.

"What's this?" Linka picks it up and opens it. It's a handwritten request in cursive.

_Go to the hallway by the gym. There's a surprise for you_

"What happened?" Leah asks.

"I don't know. But something's there for me in the gym hallway." She puts everything in her locker and closes it in dismay, nervous about the worst. "What did I do now?"

* * *

Linka and her friends go over to the corridor leading to the gym, there she meets a gaggle of students staring at the wall.

"What's going on?" She asks a male classmate in the back of the crowd.

"What's going on?" The boy repeats back to her. "You mean you're just now finding out?" Other students heard this and look back at the white-haired girl then part like the Red Sea for her to have a closer look.

"Oh, shit." The five friends say astonished.

Written in red spray paint on the wall is " _Happy Valentine's Day, My Love, Linka Loud_ ". In the same handwriting as in the note.

"Impressed now, Linka?" Zara asks.

"Yeah. And creeped out. And worried. Who would do this?"

"Oh don't act all innocent, Loud!" A demanding woman's voice enters the scene. Linka gulps and is face to face with her gym teacher, Coach Pacowski.

"You and your little friends in the principal's office NOW!"

"Ah, shit." The friends say in unison again, upset.

* * *

"And what do I see? Loud's name plastered all over the walls outside my gym! Like this day isn't already rough for me!" Ms. Pacowski explained to the principal, Wilma T. Huggins, standing next to her in her office. The girls are all seated in a row in front of her desk.

Huggins glares at the girl in question. "What do you have to say for yourself, Loud?"

"Principal Huggins, I'm sorry but I'm just as shocked as you! I have no idea who did it!"

"What about your associates here?"

"I didn't do it! And we were all with Linka when she first saw the graffiti." Claudia explains.

"Yeah! And even before that, I came in a little late because I was frying my Valentine's bacon." Leah tells her.

"Valentine's bacon?"

"I stay as far away from the gym when I could. Why would I graffiti the walls?" Zara defends.

"Why should I care? It wasn't _my_ name on the wall." Riley sneers.

"Are you seriously jealous right now?" Linka queries.

"Well, I get half a box of chocolate and you have someone committing vandalism for you!"

"Girl, you can have that! I just want out of here!"

"So none of you have no knowledge prior to the crime," Huggins concludes. "The only possible culprits who would go to such extremes for you are your little brothers, Loud!"

"Hey, leave my brothers out of this! That's not Lars's handwriting, the twins' can't write in cursive yet, and Levi wouldn't be caught dead in a situation where he's in trouble with the school. A non-chemical explosion situation."

"Ohh, my apologies. I guess I'll just let you all go then." The girls all look relive for a second. "NOT! Until someone comes clean, you're all getting in-school suspension!"

Everyone gasps and exclaims their complaints. "I don't know what that is." Leah says.

"Leah, we can't continue our classes! We won't have recess!" Claudia explains.

"No classes? Sounds like we got the best end of the deal." Zara says.

"She said no recess." Linka tells her.

"Oh, there's that. Wait a minute. If we're in school but we're not allowed in class, what are we going to do all day?"

* * *

Linka and her girls wind up in their boring school library, serving as library assistants.

"I had to ask." Zara says bitterly as she reorganizes a shelf. "You know this is how the school works around child labor laws."

Riley strolls up with a cart full of books. "If I wanted to do meaningless child labor, I would have worked at my mom's dress shop!"

"Shhh!" She is shushed by the librarian.

"Am I the only one who's looking at the bigger picture?" Claudia speaks up. "I.S.S means that we're banned from all the fun events at school. No field trips, dances, or clubs! And if we're missing classes, we'll be held back and forgotten by everyone just like Mark Mallock!"

"It's Marty Mallock." Leah corrects.

Linka, who was dusting, takes a peek out the window overlooking the playgrounds where recess was taking place. She grimaces at the sight for another reason though. "Guys, look at this."

The other four go to her and see that the perpetrator spray-painted " _I Love You, Linka Loud_ " all across the blacktop.

"Well, I'll give your admirer this: they love you and they don't care who knows it." Leah says.

"Then why won't they come clean? It isn't fair that we're serving their punishment!" Claudia retorts.

"You're right, Claud. And sitting here bitching isn't doing anything. We need to find the culprit ourselves!" Linka states.

"How are we going to do that?" Zara asks.

"What we know about this person? They're very open about their feelings. They're defacing the most public sectors of the school. I say we do a stakeout after school and see if we can catch them in the act."

"You really think that they would graffiti the school in broad daylight?" Claudia asks.

"Everything is based on cartoon logic. We've been screwing the rules."

"I still think it's too risky. If we're caught, we could get expelled. And I can't tell my meemaw I'm expelled!" Leah says.

"Yeah, and this person could be a psycho! There's already a bunch of red flags!" Zara says.

"It'll be five against one. But if you guys are too chicken to do it, you can live in the library. Claudia, you in?"

"Hell yeah! I'm not getting held back for anyone!"

The three gingers look at each other then around the library. Simultaneously, they agree reluctantly.

"But you're facing my meemaw if I get expelled." Leah declares.

* * *

Time skip to after hours where our girls are scattered around possible places of the school where the graffiti artist could tag next. Linka's by the auditorium, Claudia's behind some lockers near the front entrance, Riley's in front of the cafeteria, Leah's behind the school where the after school buses are parked, and Zara's scouting the hallways. They all keep in touch with one another with their phones through an app that allows five-way calls.

"Anything yet?" Their white-haired leader asks. She only hears negatory responses.

"Maybe you've overestimated them, Link." Leah says.

"Maybe. But I'm not-" Linka stops herself when she hears the sound of pressured air being released. "Who's line is that?"

On the other side of the school, Zara looks up and sees a figure, about the height of an average fifth grader. Dressed in all black with a hoodie pulled up and tighten over their face. They're using pink spray cans on a row of lockers. Zara, in a response to her fight or flight instinct, dives headfirst into a nearby trash can.

"Guys! The perp is in the fifth-grade hallway!" She whisper-shouts.

"We should have seen that coming." Linka comments.

"Run up on them, Zara!" Riley encourages.

"Hell no! I'm not catching them myself!"

"Meet up, girls!" Linka commands. They hang up and race to Zara's location. The lockers were tagged with Linka's name in the center of a pink heart.

"I'm just now feeling bad for the custodian." Claudia comments.

Linka's touches the art with her fingers. "Still wet. They're definitely still around."

"Where's Zara?" Leah asks. The little red-haired girl pops up from the trash can at the mention of her name.

"Is it safe?" She asks, worried.

"Yeah. Thanks for letting them get away." Riley sneers.

"Zara, what did you see? Any defining features?" Claudia asks.

Zara gets out of the trash can. "I couldn't see the face, they had a black hoodie on. But they are around Linka's height."

"So it's one of our classmates?" Leah concludes.

"A classmate that can't spell Riley Spokes?" The very girl says in a snarky manner.

The resounding sound of a paint can dropping has everyone's breath leaves their throat. Linka's the first to turn around and see Black Hoodie at the end of the hallway. They waste no time running in the opposite direction.

"Get 'em!" They all snap out of their shock and go into hot pursuit.

After awhile Leah suddenly says, "Gals, fall back!"

"Leah?" Linka questions.

"I wasn't the Top Chicken Chaser in the county for nothing!" The other girls oblige to her wishes and Leah pushes it into high gear. She's right behind the perp, making it the perfect moment for her to tackle Black Hoodie and roll around the floor with them. Her friends catch up with the two when Leah has them in a headlock.

"Good job, Leah!" Claudia cheers. Leah moves to grab an arm and Riley, closest to the kid, grabs the other arm. The kid keeps thrashing in their hold.

"Now let's see who you really are." The kid stretches their head back away from Linka's hold but she forcibly pulls them forward by the hood and unmasks this mystery.

"Boy Jordan?!" The five girls exclaim, baffled. Said boy glows red in embarrassment. A little author's note here, this is Girl Jordan's genderbend, not the actual character from the show.

"Linka," the dirty blond begins. "I can explain."

"Oh, I'd love to hear this."

"As would I." A new voice enters the scene. They all face their not amused gym coach; staying after because who cares? The girls holding Boy Jordan drop him and hold their hands in surrender.

All six of them got thrown in detention shortly after. Needless to say, it was an uncomfortable hour for all of them with the newly risen tension between Linka and her not-secret-anymore admirer.

* * *

The next morning at Royal Woods Elementary, Linka and co. are called into Huggins' office again. This time, Boy Jordan was in one of the chairs, clad in his regular yellow polo and blue jeans again.

"I just wanted to let you girls know that you're relieved of your I.S.S. Jordan here has confessed to the vandalism."

"What are you going to do with him?" Linka asks.

"I get the suspension. But it's out of school for a week." Jordan speaks up. "Linka, I'm really sorry I got you and your friends in trouble." The white-haired girl's heart clenches at that statement as she looks at him with pity.

"All's well that ends well." Claudia says. "See ya!" She turns around to leave but Linka stops her.

"Principal Huggins, please don't punish him!" Linka begs.

"What?!" The other five exclaim together. Her friends vexed and Jordan in confusion.

"He isn't a bad kid! He's just didn't know how to get his feelings out there correctly."

"Well Linka, you don't really have a say in this." Huggins tells her.

"But technically I'm the cause of all this. And I don't want to press charges, so please go easy on him!"

Huggins pause for a moment before answering. "Ok, Linka. Because you haven't made any offenses in the past and because you are not mad at Jordan, I won't suspend him. But he still needs to be punished. So I'll do no recess for three days. Starting today." Boy Jordan only nods.

"Three days?! He vandalized the school and he only receives no recess for three days!" Claudia calls out.

"That's not fair!" Riley adds. "We're all enslaved in I.S.S but Linka lets him get off easy."

"I want reparations!" Leah exclaims. "A get-out-of-gym pass, extra recess, a donkey! Something!"

"If you don't get out of my office right now, I'll give you something to complain about." The six kids practically run out of there like a bat out of hell. The girls and Jordan went in different directions but Linka discreetly separates herself from the group to follow him.

"Boy Jordan! Wait!" He stops to turn around and waits for her to catch up.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Why? I just wanted you to notice me." He confesses while grabbing his arm.

"But I see you every day. We're in the same class."

"Yeah, but we never really talked. The only time I interacted with you is in gym class."

"You are mean in dodgeball. Oh! Uh, no offense."

He cringes at the statement but didn't take offense. "Anyway, I knew you weren't a flowers and candy kind of girl. It was either go big or-"

"Go home." Linka finishes. Lynn basically hammered that lesson into her head.

"And I got the idea from growing up with the Disney Channel. Did I embarrass you?"

"No, I'm actually impressed! You vandalized the school for me, that took balls! But it wasn't right. I would have much rather you say it to my face instead of on a wall."

"Ok." He takes a deep breath and clasps her hand with both of his. "I loved you for as long as I remember. You're one of the coolest girls I know and I think you're really really cute. Be my girlfriend?"

Linka freezes and is tinted pink. She's really caught between a rock and a tight space. She knows she has no romantic feelings for him, but after everything he's done.

"I can't say no to you."

* * *

Linka opens the front door to her house and trudges inside. She goes straight to the kitchen where her parents were.

"Hey, Snow White!" Her father greets and holds out a tray of goods for her. "I made brownies! Triple fudge, just the way-". Linka didn't even let him finish, she just takes two and shoves them into her mouth at once. She needed something to take her mind off her nerves. She goes to the fridge for milk straight out of the carton.

"Linka!" Rita scowls.

"Sorry, Mom." She answers, despondent. She wipes the mouth of it with her blouse and shoves it back.

"Are you ok, Link?" The father ask. "You seem stressed. Something at school?"

"Yes. I'd tell you, but you're not gonna like it."

Rita chuckles. "Try us."

Linka shrugs and moves both of them to be seated in the dining room. There she tells them all of what happened; the graffiti, the I.S.S, who the admirer is, everything. Up to the encounter of said admirer this morning.

"So I asked why did he do it. And he said it was to get my attention. Then he confessed, and then…" she stops, nervous.

"What happened, Linka?" Rita asks.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes!" Linka shields herself from their impending wrath.

"Linka!" They both shout, appalled.

"What was I supposed to say? No? He did graffiti for me! I told the principal not to suspend him cause I felt sorry for him."

"Well, do you like him? Be honest." Lynn Sr. asks.

"No!"

"Then your excuses aren't acceptable! You never go into a relationship out of sympathy. You shouldn't be in one in the first place, you're only eleven."

Rita remained silent for the moment. Pondering something.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. But, could you please keep this between us. I don't want the boys to know about my new "boyfriend"."

The ground rumbled beneath them the second after Linka said that. A stampede is heard and all ten brothers enter the dining room, into her business.

"Boyfriend?!" They scream altogether.

"Say sike right now!" Luke demands.

"Where'd you guys even come from? I didn't hear you come in."

"Doesn't matter. But it's about time we appeared in the bloody chapter!" Luke answers back.

"Calm down, boys." Lynn Sr. tells them. "There's a kid in Linka's class that has a crush her."

"Pause." Lexx begins. "Is this the same kid that spray painted your name all over the walls at school?!"

"You're basically dating your stalker." Lars informs her.

"What the hell are you doing to attract these weirdos?" Lynn Jr. asks. "First it was the Robbie Dan punk and now Graffiti Pete!"

"Oh, wait. Does this count as cheating on Robbie Dan?" Loni genuinely asks.

"No! We're not together! And Jordan's not like that!"

"Oh, so his name's Jordan." Loki says then turns around. "I'm getting my golf club."

"Loki, wait!" Linka gets up from her seat but Rita beats her to the punch.

"Stand down, soldier." He obeys. Rita then tells Linka what she's been thinking.

"Linka, you should date Jordan."

"WHAT?! BOTH MOM!" Both Linka and the brothers screech.

"I agree with them." Lynn Sr. asks. "What mother says this?"

"Listen. What I learned from raising all of you is that children are fickle. And if you deprive them of what they desire, they aren't going to get over it. They're going to obsess over it ten times as much as before. Linka, Jordan doesn't love you. He, for lack of a better term, lusts after you. Let him have his little fantasy this week, and by next week he'll be over it."

"That is still terrible advice." Lynn Sr. tells her. "You're telling her to take him along for a ride. You should never enter a relationship with dishonesty."

"Exactly. And if he doesn't get over her?" Levi queries.

"No need to stress over this further. They'll only eleven."

The doorbell rings. Linka already knows who it is. "That's Jordan now. He wants to take me to the Burpin' Burger."

"Answer the door." Rita requests her to do. Linka does so despite her brothers glaring daggers at the door.

"Hey, Linka!" Boy Jordan greets. "Ready?"

Linka takes a deep breath to ease her nerves and takes his hand.

"Dang, what's your brothers' problem? Like, can I help you?" Jordan comments before closing the door behind them. That just infuriates the boys further.

"You guys heard that too, right?" Leif asks. "I know he doesn't think he's slick with that comment!"

"I hope you're right, Mom." Luke says. "Cause you got your daughter flirting with disaster."

"Give it a week, hon."

* * *

Time skips to the next week and Boy Jordan still hasn't let Linka go. He had come to her house every day this week; usually by surprise to go on dates with her. And when he isn't here, he called and texted her. It's like every waking minute of Linka's life right now is Boy Jordan, Boy Jordan, Boy Jordan.

That weekend, she called an emergency sibling meeting about her predicament.

"Guys, I'm stuck! It's been a week and he still loves me." Her phone chirps after she says that and Loki takes it from her.

"Ooo," He cringes at the notifications filled with romantic emojis. "Bebe and I aren't even this clingy anymore." He silents her phone and returns it afterward.

"I don't know what to do!"

"I do," Lane says. "Drop the boy like a bad habit! Kick him to the curb! Burn his letters and dance around the fire yelling, "happy days are here again"!"

"I can't do that! I don't wanna break his heart!"

"I could break something else to make him back off." Lynn says, baseball bat in hand.

"No!"

"And Mom will ground you for life if you do." Loni tells him.

"Well, if we ain't gonna off the kid, what are we gonna do? Cause I can't stand seeing my little sister unhappy for this long!"

"Mom said to wait for Jordan to break up with you." Lexx begins. "Nothing about dropping a couple of hints to make him do it."

"Lexx, that same plot has been used in hundreds of TV shows and it never works." Linka tells him.

"I have to go with Lexx on this one." Leif says. "It's time for drastic measures, big sis."

"Yeah, it's just diabolical enough to work." Lars adds. The other brothers agree with that and egg Linka on to go for it.

"Ok, ok!" She gives in. "Any suggestions on how to do it?"

"I got a few ideas." Loki smirks.

* * *

Later, Loki is in Vanzilla driving Linka and Jordan to the mall.

"I said we're capable of walking!" Jordan snaps at the driver from the first row of seats.

"And I said I insist!" The older blonde snaps back then take his voice down. "Relax, we're almost there."

"Whatever, just stay out of our way." Jordan demands, leaning back and crossing his arms. Linka raises an eyebrow at him when he says that form her place in the passenger seat. Loki grits his teeth in anger. He slams on the brake a little harder than he should when he parks in front of the mall's entrance.

"Finally!" Jordan exits the van without so much as a thank you.

"I hope this works, ungrateful little brat." Loki comments. "Ok, the plan is to give him a taste of his own medicine. _You_ will be the clingy, dependent one. I'm talking matching sweaters, make him pay for everything, carry your shit. Make him work like a mule and all while feigning innocence. We hate that."

Linka smirks and fist-bumps her brother.

* * *

"Uh, Linka? Is this really necessary?" Jordan asks the girls tightening her grip on her arm. He's referring to the matching red sweaters Linka bought especially for them. Jordan's say Hers and Linka's say His.

"Yes!" She squeals. "I've always wanted to go shopping with you! I need to update your wardrobe! Come on!" She pulls him toward some random department store. From there, she throws whatever clothes into his arms to carry.

"Linka, are you even looking at what your throwing towards me?" His legs shaking underneath him.

"No. But we'll know once we get into the fitting room." She walks ahead of him; he struggles to keep up. "Oh, you don't mind paying for what we get, right?" She asks in an innocent tone, batting her eyelashes.

"What?!" Jordan was so shocked by that request, he didn't see the clothes rack in front of him. He falls down flat and the cascade of clothes flying everywhere.

"Boy Jordan!" She drops to his side. "Are you ok?"

"Not really." He rips the shirt that was on his face in frustration. "We need to talk."

"Yes!" She pumps her fist, then quickly changes moods. "I mean, yes? What is it, hon? You don't want to break up, do you?"

"No!" He says to her surprise. "You know I love you too much to do that. However, I'm not that blind to call you out on your BS."

 _My BS?!_ Linka yells angrily in her head. _If he'd just take the goddamn hint!_

"Why are so stuck on changing me! I chose you because you not superficial like the other girls at our school! I didn't get a say in what clothes we'll get. And don't make me pay and carry your stuff. Not because I don't like it, but it makes you look weak. You don't want people to know that you need your man to do everything, right?"

"What, no! I wasn't trying to-"

"I know you weren't." He picks himself up. "Come on. Let's do this over. And you're paying for half. Because it's "always 50/50 in relationships"." He walks away with that.

"Damn it." Linka says when he's out of earshot.

"You can say that again." Loki strolls up next to her after blending in the background and witnessing the whole scene. "I never left."

"Do we have a Plan B?"

"Lynn's on the line for you." Loki gives Linka his iPhone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Linka. Stop by my dojo. Let's see if he's one of those boys with a fragile ego." The athlete explains.

* * *

Later in the day, Linka and Jordan were dropped off at Royal Woods local dojo.

"Linka, you never fail to surprise me." Jordan smirks, finally rid of that horrendous sweater. He follows her inside and is greeted by the sound of screaming from coaches and grunts from sparring partners. Not his ideal place for a date, but it is better than the mall.

"Hey, baby sis!" Lynn Jr. comes running up to them.

"Your brothers are like roaches. When one leaves, another one gets under my skin." Jordan whispers to his girlfriend. Linka waves him off and addresses her brother.

"So Lynn, is our ring ready?"

"Yep! You're all set for kickboxing."

"Wait what?" Jordan asks. But before he could say "what do you mean", training gloves were put on him and the eleven-year-olds are pushed into a ring.

"Oh didn't you know, Jordan?" Lynn says, standing outside the ring next to him. "Linka knows how to kickbox." The athlete rings the bell and Linka comes at him with a flying kick to the chest. He slams against the ropes.

"Yeah, my sister's tough. Takes after her big brother." He rubs his knuckles on his shirt smugly. "If you can't handle that, I totally understand. She'll be alright."

But instead of answering, Jordan stands up and takes a jab at her arm. Linka was caught by surprise then holds her arm in pain. Jordan takes this moment to do a roundhouse kick at behind the knees. Causing her to fall on her back.

Jordan laughs. Out of giddy, not malice. "Linka, this is so much fun! You have to teach me all that you know! We could be a kickass couple like Bonnie and Clyde."

Lynn steps onto the ring and helps his sister up. "That won't be necessary."

"Hey, Lynn. Let's spar!"

"Ha! Trust me, kid. This isn't what you want."

"Oh, I see you're scared." The eleven-year-old boy mocks. "Listen if I can take on your sister, I can fight you."

"So it's like that?"

"No, it's like this." Jordan pounds his fist into his glove. Lynn glares at him and goes to the other side of the ring. Leaning all the way back on the rubbery ropes and gripping them tightly, stretching them.

Linka stands next to him. "Lynn, don't! He's just a kid!"

"Who's about to be taught a man's lesson! And I can't get in trouble if I hurt him cause he wanted this." Lynn releases his grips on the ropes and comes flying after his opponent. Jordan stands his ground and readies his right hook.

* * *

A dissatisfied Linka and a pissed off Lynn with bandages on his head enter the living room where their brothers were chilling.

"How'd it go, guys? Did you damage his ego?" Loni asks.

"No! He thinks I'm cooler! And Lynn fighting with him didn't help anything either." Linka explains.

"One, he had it coming! And two, he caught me off guard! You saw him taking those cheap shots! Damn, I can't stand him!" Lynn's head throbs after his rant. He holds onto it in pain.

"No one can. Him accepting your rowdiness would be admirable if he was." Levi says.

The twins suddenly stand up and each takes hold of Linka's hand. "Chin up, Snow White. We're on the case." Lexx says.

"Let someone else do the breaking up for you." Leif adds on. They then drag her outside.

* * *

A few minutes later, the twins and Linka took the army green Jeep to Boy Jordan's house.

"That's it over there." Linka pointed out. "What do you two plan to do exactly."

"Leif, get the disguise from the trunk." Lexx commands. Leif gets out and does just that. Revealing a long trench coat, a fake mustache, and a fedora hat. Lexx puts on the latter two items and climbs on top of his twin's shoulders. The prince then drapes the coat around the two of them. Slightly passing off as a tall stranger.

"Ta-da!" Lexx shouts.

Linka cringes and facepalms. "Are you serious?!"

Leif peeks through the buttonhole. "Hey, it got us into that R-rated food movie."

"I told you to never talk about that! Linka, you keep out of sight. We'll handle Boy Jordan." Leif carries themselves to the front door while Lexx struggles to remain balanced. Linka rolls her eyes and drives the Jeep behind the white picket fence.

Lexx rings the doorbell and Jordan opens it. "Can I help you?" He asks skeptically.

"Hello, Jordan. I have a message from you from Linka Loud. She has moved." Lexx says, deepening his voice.

"Moved? I just went out with her. When did she move?"

"This afternoon. She has moved far away and cannot be your girlfriend."

Jordan was about to protest but spots a tuff of blonde hair in between the space of the bottom buttons. He smirks and plays along with this charade.

"Where did she move to? I wanna visit her."

"Uh Uh." Lexx stammers. "Down the street, to the next city…"

"Yes?"

"She's dead." Lexx decides. "Linka is dead." Jordan keeps a straight face. From a distance, Linka slams her head onto the wheel.

"Look at that caterpillar go." Jordan claims, looking down. The little plumber eagerly pokes his head out of the disguise and searches the ground, causing his twin to fall off.

"Where?!"

"Ahh!"

Realizing he lied, Leif scowls at himself for breaking the façade.

"You guys are so pathetic! All of you are!" Jordan laughs in their faces and closes the door on them. The twins stand up irked and pound at the door.

"Open this door right now and we'll see who's pathetic!" Leif threatens.

"Boys! Let's just go home." Their sister calls from a distance. Leif walks off first then Lexx blows a raspberry at the door before following.

* * *

The next morning, the family gathers for breakfast. Linka is notably despondent.

"Something the matter, Linka?" Rita asks.

"You know what it is, Mom. I'm now on day nine of dating Jordan. You said this would only last a week!"

"Really?" Rita asks. "I'm surprised it lasted that long but it could be worse."

"Oh, it is worse. He's rude and inconsiderate!" Luke says.

"He's the reason behind the bandages on my head!" Lynn exclaims.

"He hit you?!"

"Actually, we were sparring. But that's beside the point!"

The doorbell brings them out of their discussion. Lynn Sr. goes to it confused. "Who could be here this early?" He answers it and coming in running is Linka's little boyfriend. Not even acknowledging the father.

He runs into the dining room and stands next to Linka. "I got awesome news, Snow White!"

"Hey! You can't call her that! That's a family nickname!" Loni tells him.

"Anyway. My dad won two passes to Dairyland at his job's raffle and he gave them to me! We're going this afternoon!"

"Jordan, that's great!" Linka genuinely shouts enthusiastically. "But shouldn't an adult come with us or something?"

"Then it wouldn't be a date, now would it?"

"Jordan, Linka's got a point." Rita speaks up. "Your parents might trust you to be on your own but my baby needs a guardian."

"Yeah, either a brother or one of us. No offense, but I'm still not comfortable with my daughter going out alone with a boy." Lynn Sr. finishes.

"What are you suggesting? That you go?" Jordan queries.

"And us!" All ten boys shout.

"Can nobody count? I only got two passes!"

"Then you can save those for another day." Rita crosses her arms.

Jordan groans in an exaggerated fashion. Damn, this family can get on someone's nerves.

"Ok! Everyone goes! But the rest of you guys are paying for your own passes!"

* * *

Dairyland, the only amusement park in the world that can make milk fun. There were screams and laughter of joy, white rollercoasters and rides, and enough dairy-themed treats to satisfy. Everyone was having a grand time, except for our young couple. They were walking through the prize booths hand-in-hand. Her family had spilt up but they promised her to not stray too far.

"So what do you wanna do first?" Link asks.

"Ooh, I want that big Tippy the Cow doll!" Boy Jordan points to it. It's in a booth where the player had to shoot one of the moving cows attached to a conveyer belt down.

Linka gives five to the man behind the booth and grabs the suction cup dart gun. The conveyer belt under the little cows move unpredictably fast. Linka panics and starts shooting. She uses up all of them and misses each time.

"What was that?!" Boy Jordan scowls.

"Hey, if you think you could do better, be my guest."

"Fine!" Jordan puts down his own money and plays the game himself. Just like Linka, he misses his shot each time.

"Damn it!"

"I guess neither of us is good at this game. Let's go somewhere else."

"No! I'm getting that Tippy! Linka, give me another five!"

"How about "Linka please"?"

"How about "Linka now"!"

The little white-haired girl begrudgingly hands over another five to the man behind the booth. Jordan plays again, and just his luck, he knocks down a cow on the very last dart.

"A winner!" The man hands him the giant Tippy.

"Nice job." She compliments.

"I told you I could do it. And don't expect a thank you, I did this on my own." Jordan boasts. Linka raises an eyebrow at him annoyed.

The Loud parents join the scene. "Hi Linka, Jordan." Lynn Sr. greets. "You kids having fun."

"Yeah, a whole truckload of fun." Linka answers sarcastically.

"Well, I'm not. I'm bored with these booths." Boy Jordan says. "I wanna go on a roller coaster! I heard they updated the Milk Shaker."

"Yes and with new requirements. Kids need an adult to ride." Lynn Sr. explains.

"Would you ride with me, Mr. Loud?"

"Me? Sorry boy, I don't do roller coasters."

"Oh you chicken, Mr. Loud?" Jordan sneers.

"Chicken?"

"Isn't it shameful when an old man is more scared than an eleven-year-old?"

"What's wrong with you?" Linka backlashes at him. "That's my dad! And he said no!"

"No, it's ok, Linka." Lynn Sr. reassured his daughter before turn back to his offender. "I got your old man! We're going on that ride right now!" He grabs Jordan's hand and storms off with him with Rita and Linka following.

* * *

They go on line for the ride and with every conversation Lynn Sr. hears about the new and improved Milk Shaker from the other patrons, his confidence diminishes ounce by ounce.

"I heard they put 500 feet of new track on it! And two more loops! So now, we can get hit in the face with our own barf three times!"

"I heard that it's the fastest coaster in the park now!"

"I heard some old geezer rode it last week and he went into cardiac arrest afterward!"

The Loud patriarch was now trembling slightly. Jordan takes notice to push him over the edge more.

"Don't worry, Mr. Loud. If you can't do this, we can go on the baby bottle rides."

"Don't test me, boy! I said I wanted to do this!" It's finally their turn and they get into a car together.

"Poor Dad. I can't watch." Linka comments from the sidelines scared.

"I hope his blood pressure doesn't act up." Rita says, standing next to her.

After being buckled in and hearing the safety precautions. The ride takes off like a bullet shot out of a gun. It goes through the aforementioned three loops. Somebody puked three times and got hit in the face with it after each loop. The other people were screaming their heads off, including Boy Jordan and Lynn Sr. Joyously and in a high-pitch shriek respectfully. The ride suddenly slows down and Lynn Sr. was thanking the deities.

"Oh, don't thank God just yet!" Jordan tells him. They were slowing down because they were climbing up a hill. It accelerates again before dropping down again.

"AHHHHH!" The man girlishly screams again.

* * *

That evening, the less-than-stellar looking Louds enter their abode. Loki unlocked the front door and open it wide to let Rita carrying her sheet-white husband bridal style in. The rest of the brothers enter afterward.

Rita sets him down to lay him out on the couch. "There you go, honey. How are you feeling?" She's only meant with whimpers. When he stepped out of that coaster, his legs gave out on him and Linka and Rita had to carry him to a bench. He's been verbally unresponsive and frightened out of his mind for the remainder of the trip. Rita watched over him and insisted Linka to continue on with the trip while she does.

Levi comes up to his father and checks his vital signs. "Don't worry, mother. His pulse rate is stabilizing and he's not as white as before. He should be out of his vegetated state of shock."

Loni scoffs. "Dad wouldn't be a vegetable if it hadn't been for Jordan. And if I can point it out, you know it's serious!"

"For once, the man makes sense!" Lars adds. "None of us would have ever put Dad on that roller coaster!"

"Yeah, what a _cow-tastrophe!"_ Lane jokes. "But seriously, we couldn't even get Dad to go on other rides with us!"

"I'm sorry Mom, but your "wait until the infatuation wears off" idea literally sucks!" Loki exclaims. Leon blows a raspberry in his arms to emphasize that statement. Rita rubs her temple, tired. Maybe they're right; Jordan is less than tolerable than most kids Linka's age.

Linka and Jordan are just now walking in. Jordan was holding photos in his hands.

"Hey, Pops! Are you sure you don't want a souvenir of our ride?" Jordan holds up a picture of them screaming on the Milk Shaker. A picture before the disaster strike. "I think they captured your cowardly essence quite nicely."

Lynn Jr. suddenly grabs him by the collar. "Alright, punk! We have had enough of you and your damn mouth!"

Linka rips her brother away from him before he could throw a punch. "Fall back, Loud! I got this!"

She then turns her energy toward her so-called boyfriend. "I had it with you, Boy Jordan! It's over!"

"What's over?"

"We're over! Through! Finished! In other words, I'm not your girlfriend anymore!"

"After everything we've been through, you're gonna throw me out like that?"

"I'm glad you mentioned that. You see, I never had feelings for you, but I couldn't turn you down after you risk your behind vandalizing the school for me. That and I felt sorry for you. I stayed with you following my mom's advice of letting you have your little fantasy for a while and hoping you'd lose interest in me. Then I took my brothers' advice to drop hints so you break up with me! Now, I'm doing what I should have done about a week ago: being honest and ending it myself!"

From his spot on the couch, Lynn Sr. cracks a smile.

"You're not a good kid, Boy Jordan. You're rude, selfish, clueless, insensitive-"

"So are your brothers!"

"Don't interrupt me! That's where you're wrong. My brothers may be like that but they still love and respect me and our parents. They wouldn't allow me to be in a relationship where I'm not happy. What's your excuse for disrespecting them, my parents, and me! I'm sorry I dragged all of them into my drama. So you can go."

"Wow. You're the first person to ever tell me like it is. Linka, please! I'm sorry!" Jordan takes her hand in a way similar to when he confessed to her. "Give me another chance and I'll make it up to you all!"

Linka snatches her hand back. "Once you mess with my family, there is no second chance! And if you ever talk shit about my family or spray paint my name on a wall, I'll have Lars cast a plague on your house, biblical style. Now, get out."

"Fine." Jordan opens the door and stands outside. "But Linka, we'll always have Valentine's Day and Dairyland."

"I said piss off!" Linka slams the door in his face. She faces her proud brothers and her empathetic parents.

"Was that too honest?"

"You know, Linka?" Lynn Sr. speaks up for the first time that evening and sits up."I think he needed to hear every word of that."

Linka smiles and sits next to him. "Mom, I'm sorry your plan didn't work. But I couldn't go on with him."

"Oh, Snow White. You have nothing to apologize for." Rita reassures her warmly. "I'm sorry you been through so much."

"Well, Lynn did have a point. I don't know what I'm doing to attract weirdos."

Said boy wraps his arms around his little sister. "Link, you were never the problem." Everyone else gets caught up in the warm moment and joins them in a group family hug.

"Thanks, everyone." She smiles into their warm embrace.

* * *

Later that night, Linka was in her room, reading a comic.

"Readers, after all that drama, I'm gonna need a break from boys who aren't related to me."

A bark was heard from outside her door. Linka gets up and opens it to let in Charlie with a box in her mouth.

"Whatcha got there, girl?" Linka takes the box from her. It's addressed to her. Strange, she didn't order anything online recently. Her laptop pings, meaning she has an upcoming video call.

"Hey, Robbie Dan!" She greets when his face shows up.

"What's up, Lame-O? Did you get a package by any chance?"

"Yeah?" She holds it up.

"Oh good! You didn't open my Valentine's gift to you. I wanted to watch you open it."

" _You_ sent me a Valentine's gift? And this late?"

"Hey! I got the money after Valentine's Day and it was snail mail! Just open it."

Linka shrugs and opens it. A pie with pink frosting immediately splats in her face. Robbie Dan chortles while Linka scowls irritated.

"Oh, God!" He says, still laughing. "It cost 25 bucks and it was worth every penny!"

Linka scraps the frosting off her face. She stops and giggles quietly to herself. Her giggling grows and she's laughing alongside Robbie Dan.

"Oh come on! It's not a prank if you find it funny too!"

"Dude, after the week I had, I needed that laugh! I missed your petty ass!"

"You had a bad week?" He genuinely asks.

"Bad is one word to describe it." Linka says and she stays on the call with him retelling her Valentine's tribulations.

 _Ok. Maybe not all boys._ She thinks to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But seriously guys, don't get it fucked up. I don't hate the Jordan x Lincoln ship. The request was "Linka has an unwanted admirer in the form of Boy Jordan" and and I immediately thought of the Proud Family and Chowder, so I followed their format. I write these chapters to share with you all and because I love The Loud House. I would never want to disrespect any of my readers and I'm really sorry if you ever felt that way. If you don't like the chapter because of something else, that's fine. But don't attack me because it's not your usual Jordancoln story. Don't read too much into it, ironically.


	25. The Wonderful World of The Loud House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A loving parody of most of our childhoods and adulthoods.

Our Snow White trudges out of her converted bedroom, jaded. Not that she has anywhere to go during the current state of the world.

"Hey, readers. Welcome to day who-the-hell-is-keeping-track-now of the apocalypse. Welcome to day who-the-hell-is-keeping-track of the apocalypse. Everything's shut down. Everyone is required to stay home until further notice. To a kid, that's a great idea on paper. But it's _boring_ nowadays!"

The second-oldest brother heard her bellowing and enters the hallway in a bathrobe. "Linka, you could always do something for yourself. Take my example. I'm taking a self-health care day for my hair." He goes into the bathroom.

"Isn't this your third one this week?"

"Don't judge me. Try and be productive yourself instead of wondering when will your life resume?" Loni advises then he shuts the door.

"You know he's got a point." Linka jumps at the new voice. It's just Lynn doing pull-ups on a silver bar attached in between the door frame. "Take this time off to get ripped!"

"But you always exercise."

"But I got an extra six hours a day now that I'm not in school." He lets go and lands his hands and knees.

"Just think," he begins, straightening himself. "Once we get back to school and I'm back in the game, the crowds will cheer when they see my face. And my teammates will say, "this is where you're meant to be". Now if you'll excuse me, I have a record to beat for my full house sprint." He starts the timer on his phone and runs so fast by Linka, her hair sways behind her.

"Yeah, I'm not doing that." She sees that Loni left the door open to his bedroom. She lets herself in and wordlessly walks next to Loki talking to Bebe on FaceTime.

"You're right about one thing. These online classes ain't it." He now notices his sister and yelps impulsively.

"Linka! There's only one rule in this house: stay out-"

"Of your bedroom, I know, I know. I just got bored."

"Go play in traffic or something!"

"Even if I wanted to try that, there are no cars in the street, dumbass!"

Before Loki blows up again, Bebe speaks to Linka through the screen.

"Hey, Snow White!"

"Hi, Bebe! How you been?"

"My quarantine is about as fun as yours. I haven't seen my dad for days, the Mercado has gotten more hectic, and now I have to do online course work?! I can see why the Beast has a temper after 10 years of isolation. I'm getting pretty mad too!"

"Don't put yourself down like that, babe. Everyone knows you're the beauty in our relationship." Loki says.

"Aww, Loki-Bear." She coos. Linka chokes down her lunch after the loving exchange and takes her cue to leave. She knocks on the door across the hall.

"Hey guys," she lets herself in. "What are you- AH!" After she opened the door, a bucket full of pieces of food landed on top of her. The self-proclaimed King of Pranks laughs boisterously.

"Awesome! My Feast of Fools prank worked!" Lane boasts, removing the bucket from his sister's head.

"Feast of what?"

Lane plucks a piece of meat from her hair. "Dinner leftovers. A _feast_ landed on the _fool_! Get it? I'm gonna spend my quarantine updating my blog with new prank videos." He gestures to his camera recording in the corner.

Linka internally blames herself for not seeing this coming. Meanwhile, Luke is sitting at his keyboard, furiously erasing at sheet music.

"And what are you up to?"

"I've been wanting to write a ballad. But I'm wicked blocked." The rocker explains. "I can't find the voice for it!" He groans irritated and slams his head onto the keyboard.

"But you know your style of music. You don't need anything new."

"True. But there's always gonna be part of me that longs to go into the unknown."

Linka nods in understanding. "Well, tell me how that goes. I gotta go hose this shit off." She made sure she gives a side glare at Lane, which he grinned at, as she leaves.

* * *

Linka walks into the kitchen where her parents were already settled in.

"Hi, baby!" Rita greets. "What's with the-"

"Lane pranked me."

"Ah."

Linka reaches over the sink and grabs the little hose. She points at her face and sprays water all over herself.

"So what are you doing, Dad?"

"Like you don't know already. I've been trying new recipes I found online."

"And I've been helping." Rita comments. "So far, the new things are amazing!"

The oven dings and Lynn Sr. quickly put on his oven mitts to take out his latest creation. He shows the dish to his daughter.

"Here sweetheart, try a Spinach Puff." Linka cringed at the word spinach. Her mom was behind Lynn Sr. drawing a line on her neck with her finger.

"No thanks, Dad. I'm not hungry." He shrugs in response and sets it down on the island.

"Everything's amazing except for that." His mom whispers next to her. Just then, Lexx enters.

"Hey, Dad! Can you make me a smoothie?"

"Your usual poison?"

"Yep!" The little prince sits at the island in a relaxed manner as watches his father put bananas, strawberries, and milk in the blender.

"Lexx, you're taking this whole quarantine well." Linka tells him. She expected him to throw a tantrum about the situation.

"I never knew what a break from school and theater could do for me. I mean, I was upset about not being in theater at first. But then I started thinking, why should I worry? And if I'm bored, I can improvise."

* * *

With a smoothie of her own, Linka ventures to the living room. Where she's almost knocked over by the family dog running in between her legs. She's in hot pursuit of the little plumber boy holding a dog biscuit. He runs behind the couch, jumps on top of it before bouncing off and landing by the stairs.

"Just a little snack, girl." Leif attempts to reason with her. He jumps up and holds onto the stair railing as Charlie jumps and bites at him.

"Okay! Down girl!" He chuckles and squeezes in between the railing and sits on the stair. He breaks the biscuit in half and throws one half to the dog, who graciously catches in her mouth. Leif eats his half content and looks down at his weirded-out big sister.

"What? It was the last cheddar-bacon."

Linka shakes his head at him and notices their baby brother despondent in a kiddie pool.

"And what's wrong with Leon?"

Leif slides down the railing and lands next to her before explaining. "Oh, he wanted to go on the swing outside but I told him he couldn't and he started crying. So I inflated the kiddie pool to keep him occupied. At least, he stopped crying."

Leon wade in the water to get a full front view of the front door, he sighs sadly. Linka kneels next to him and strokes his tiny tuft of hair.

"It's ok, Leon. We'll get out there again."

"Don't act like we didn't need a break from the rat race." Both kids jump at the new, grim voice. Surprise surprise, it's Lars, with Levi behind him. Both carrying a stack of books.

"But it does feel like a curse has been placed upon the world," Lars adds on. "Like in how in this book, a dragon cursed a princess into a deep sleep and she was left alone in a tower."

"And I've been reading the works of Shakespeare," Levi says. "Care to join us, Linka?"

"I prefer my books with pictures."

"Well, some people use their imaginations for non-picture books." Lars says.

"No thanks, guys. I'm not that desperate to find something to do." She turns and walks up the stairs with that. But her little brothers' disapproving stares says otherwise.

"How come everyone but me has situated themselves into their quarantine?" She asks herself once she reaches the second floor. "Readers, I'm not asking for much. Just something interesting for me to do to get my mind off everything."

In the corner of the hallway, she sees a ball of white fur.

"Mary?"

Said bunny turns her head towards her but she remains in place.

"What are you doing out of your cage? Come on, let's get you back to Lane." She takes one step towards the animal and when she did, Mary quickly hops into Linka's room; she left her door open a crack.

"Mary!" She followed her into the room. No sign of the white rabbit.

Just a big, deep rabbit hole in the center of the room. She'll question the possibility about that later.

"Mary?" She leans her head down the hole. "Come on out! If anything happened to you, Lane will be heartbro- _keeeeen_!" She screams after she leaned in too far and fell in.

As she's falling, she feels like time has slowed down for her. It feels as if she's a leaf falling gently from a tree instead of plummeting to her death. She floats next to a table with a lamp. After turning on the switch, she finds that she's surrounded floating furniture. Linka passes by a mirror and her reflection is upside down and going in the opposite direction. She lands on a rocking chair and continues to go down in comfort.

"I take this over the elevator any day." She comments. She spots a brown satchel from an upside-down coat hanger and takes it. Before she can even flip open the flap, time caught with her and she plummets to the bottom. The chair breaks upon impact underneath her.

"Ow. Ow. Ow." She hisses standing up shakily. She looks up at a bright blue sky; no trace of the rabbit's hole. Her new environment is a fertile, green forest. And a couple of miles away is a lone tower.

"Curiouser and curiouser." She comments. Linka then calls out for Mary while walking around. The satchel is hanging around her shoulders.

"I don't get it. If she fell through that rabbit hole, then where is she?" She suddenly stops in her tracks. "Unless she's still in my room and I fell in that hole for no reason! Oh, I'm such an idiot! And I don't have my phone! What am I going to do?"

She looks back at the tower. Maybe there's someone inside who could help her. She jogs to it; upon closer inspection, Linka finds that there is no entry except for a big window at the top.

"Hello! Hello! Is anyone up there?" No answer.

Whether or not there are people in there, this could be the only shelter for miles. With that in mind, she climbs up the 40 foot home with her bare hands. "Man, I need to lose a few pounds." She comments as she pushes herself through the window and lands with a thud. Upon impact, the satchel flipped open by itself and the object inside falls out.

It's a shiny gold crown adorned with rubies, emeralds, and diamonds. It gives off a luminous glow in the sunlight.

She holds it up. "How did this get here?"

Without warning, she's experiences a hard blow to the head. Then she's snuff out like a light.

* * *

 _I can't move! Why can't I move!_ The white-haired girls internally panic when she comes to in a dark room with the only source of light was through an open little window above her. She's tied down to a chair from chest to ankles. The material tying her down is hanging all over the place.

"Wait, is this hair?"

"Struggling is pointless!" A male voice tells her in the shadows.

"Who are you?"

"I'm asking the questions here!" Her captor steps into the light and Linka had to shut her mouth from exclaiming. It's Loni: not in his usual attire, instead of wearing purple pants, a pink shirt opened at the top of his chest and an opened purple vest. He's wielding a frying pan. And above all, 70 feet of shiny, golden hair hang from his scalp.

"Who are you and how did you find me?" He demands in a menacing tone.

"Are- are you serious? It's me, Linka! Your sister."

"Now I know you're lying! I have never seen you before in my life. But Mother did say that people would try anything to steal my hair."

"Why would I want your hair? It shouldn't even be this long! Look, Loni-"

"Raphael. How are you gonna say you're related to me when you don't know my name?"

"Oh, so now you're Italian? Anyway, I fell down this rabbit hole and I landed here. I was looking for a white rabbit. I saw your tower and I climbed it. I even have the satchel I – wait. Wait! Where's my satchel?"

"You mean this?" Raphael holds it up with his other hand. "I gotta say, the crown is nice. Almost too nice to be in the possession of someone like you. You're a common thief, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not! I don't even know how the crown got in there! Please, you have to help me out! To get out of this forest! And help find the white rabbit! It belongs to our brother."

"Why should I help you?"

"Even if you don't believe I'm your sister, do you wanna see a little girl locked up?"

Raphael searches her face for any sign of lying, but the desperate look on her face says otherwise. Yet, she's crazy for not wanting a priceless jewel and raving about white rabbits. Then again, this may be his only chance of escaping the tower.

"Fine! I'll help you out!" He submits. "But only if you return me to my tower soon afterward. If you try anything, I will pan you!"

"Done!" Linka assures him and he smiles at that.

"Good. Now, follow my lead."

Moments later, the duo descends the tower using Raphael's hair like a vine.

"Ya-hooo!" Linka cheers as she slides down the hair. Raphael laughs alongside with her. He's carrying the satchel. The white-haired girl sticks the land when she reaches the bottom. But Raphael freezes, hovering above the ground. He's never walked on grass before. Gingerly, he places his bare foot down then the other. Chuckling at the feeling of the warm earth below him.

_Just smell the grass! The dirt! Just like I dreamed they'd be!_

He sings, taking in every moment

_Just feel that summer breeze - the way it's calling me_

_For like the first time ever, I'm completely free!_

He runs through the landscape, going faster and faster as his excitement grows.

_I could go running_

_And racing_

_And dancing_

_And chasing_

_And leaping_

_And bounding_

_Hair flying_

_Heart pounding_

_And splashing_

_And reeling_

_And finally feeling_

He sings the last line toward the sun.

_That's when my life begins!_

"I can't believe I did this!" He screams joyously. "But still, Mother would be so furious!" He adds on dreadfully.

"Blondie!" Linka whines.

"Right. I'm coming!" He follows her north. They begin their search for the white rabbit. Loni spots something white on a lily pad in a lake.

"Is that it?"

"Yes! I'll just swim to her and grab her." Before she makes one step, Raphael grabs her by the shoulder.

"Wait!" He takes some of his hair and wraps it around her waist. "As a lifeline." Even in a different world, her brothers still have her back. She steps into the water and wades her way to Mary.

"Nice bunny, hold still. Gotcha!" She triumphantly grabs her.

"Linka, watch out!" Raphael screams. A whirlpool appears next to her without warning. Linka yelps and tries to swim away while Raphael pulls on her lifeline. The current is stronger than both of them and soon after, it tears Linka loose from her lifeline and pulls her and Mary down with it.

"LINKA!"

"LONI!"

* * *

Deep in the abyss, Linka felt herself becoming weightless as she was sinking. She didn't feel her lungs crush under the water pressure. She is still screaming underwater, which made her more terrified. She finally felt the ocean floor underneath her. Unfortunately, Mary isn't next to her anymore.

"I can… I can breathe?" She questions. Next to her is a shiny vase. She screams at her reflection; she's a white-haired crab now!

"What?! How?!" She panics, snapping her claws. She looks around for some kind of answer. Our heroine is trapped in a small picturesque cave filled to the brim with books, culinary tools, paintings, toys. About every little trinket and gadget from the surface world.

"Someone's got a hoarding problem." That's not her concern now, as she sees light above the grotto. "Perfect." But then, she hears someone entering and quickly hides on a high shelf.

A merman in a blonde ponytail and a lavender tail enters with his tropical fish sidekick. The merman is carrying a bag, he takes out a fork and places it in the candle holder of a chandelier. He doesn't look like a doppelgänger of one of her brothers, at first glance. But then she saw those wide baby-blue eyes and associated them to her youngest brother.

"That _is_ Leon!" Linka starts to suspect if that whirlpool was a time portal because Leon is much older here; eleven years old like her. And he looks so downhearted.

"Avery, are you ok?" The fish asks him.

"I just don't see things the way my father does." The little merman answers. "He says that the human world is dangerous. But I don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things, could be bad?"

"Right! I mean, look at your collection! It's amazing! You have everything!"

"Sure. I got gadgets and gizmos aplenty. Whozits and whatzits galore. Thingamabobs? I got 20. But who cares? No big deal." He leans on a globe and looks up. "I want more." Linka leans in to hear.

_I want to be where the people are_

_I want to see_

_want to see 'em dancin'_

_Walkin' around on those_

"What do you call them?" His fish friend shown him his bottom fins. "Oh, feet."

_Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far_

_Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'_

_Strollin' along down a_

"What's that word again? _Street_." Avery sings as he swims up. A group of fish swims by him as he twirls around, looking up at the light.

_Up where they walk_

_Up where they run_

_Up where they stay all day in the sun_

_Wanderin' free_

_Wish I could be_

_Part of that world_

_What would I give_

_If I could live_

_Out of this prison?_

He floats down and stretches on the ocean floor.

_What would I pay_

_To spend a day_

_Warm on the sand?_

He sits up as he contemplates the possibility that humans could be fairer than his father.

_Betcha on land_

_They understand_

_Bet they don't reprimand their children_

_Bright and strong men_

_Sick of swimmin'_

_Ready to stand_

Avery swims up again, doing a back flip on the way.

_And ready to know what the people know_

_Ask 'em my questions_

_And get some answers_

_What's a fire and why does it_

_What's the word? Burn?_

_When's it my turn?_

_Wouldn't I love_

_Love to explore that shore above?_

_Out of the sea_

_Wish I could be_

_Part of that world_

Linka awes at the song, then she loses her footing (or whatever crabs have) and falls onto the ocean floor, taking some of the things with her. Catching the little merman and his fish's attention.

"Sebastiana!" Avery cries.

"Sebastiana? Oh! You're talking to me!"

"How'd you get here?"

"I have no idea. What is all this?" She asks, straightening herself out.

"It's um, my collection." He answers nervously.

"Does anyone know about this?"

"No! And please don't tell the king about this!" The fish pleads.

"Please, Sebastiana! He wouldn't understand!" Avery adds on.

"Not even your brothers?"

"Brothers? I don't have any brothers, I have sisters."

Linka sighs tiredly. "Ok, this may not make sense, but we're related. Your real name is Leon. We have nine other brothers and you're the youngest. I was just with one of them but he had extremely long hair and lived in a tower in a forest for some reason."

"Forest?" Avery and his fish repeats, baffled.

"That means-" Avery begins before his eyes grow wide with excitement. "You've been up to the surface!"

"Yes, but that's not the real issue here!"

He picks her up in his hands and smiles down at her. "Here I thought you were just a goody-two claws, but you're just as mischievous as me! You must know a lot about humans and their stuff, like-." A big shadow overcast the grotto stealing the merman's attention.

"Like what is that?" He swims up and out of the grotto with Linka and this fish at his tail.

At the surface, the three of them are speechless at the sight of the ship shooting off fireworks in every color. Avery is completely bewildered by it. He follows it with Linka pinching onto his tail with her claw. He climbs up a ladder on the side of the ship and peeks at the celebration through a small window. Sailors playing instruments, dancing, drinking without a worry about tomorrow. Linka scurries up his back and sets herself upon his shoulder.

"What you make of that, Sebastiana?"

"A sailor's birthday party?" Linka then sees Mary about her business beneath the dancing sailors. But how'd she went from under the sea into the ship is beyond her.

"Mary!"

"Who's Mary?"

"Her! The white rabbit!" She points at the fluffy creature.

"Aww, it's kinda cute."

"Avery, get me on board! I must catch that rabbit." The merman grabs the white-haired crab and, stretches his hand inside and releases her with no questions asked.

"Good luck." He says.

Linka nods at him then scurries up to Lane's bunny. But before she can get a word in edgewise in, disaster cuts the celebration. The ship is trapped in a raging hurricane. The rain and the winds torture everyone. The waves rise with a vengeance. The sailors do everything in their power to navigate the storm. Avery is shoved off the ladder by the winds into the water.

"Sebastiana!" He cries out.

Linka couldn't respond in time for she is thrown off in the opposite direction as Avery as the ship is rocked back and forth. Mary didn't go down with her.

* * *

This time, it's harder to breathe underwater. She holds her breath and swims back up. She takes a deep breath as soon as she did. No wonder she couldn't breathe underwater, she's human again.

Again she's in a new environment. She's in a river next to a castle underneath a midnight blue starry sky. Linka swims over to land and sits on the grass. She breathes deeply to let out a frustrated groan but instead, she sings "oohh" in an operatic, hypnotizing, soprano voice involuntary.

She slaps a hand over mouth. "Was that my voice?" After clearing her throat, she asks again. "Was that _my_ voice?" She waits a moment for it to happen again and sure enough, it does.

Linka quickly rises. "Someone's bound to hear me and help me out!" She cups her hands over her mouth and lets her new voice call out into the night.

However, only one person can hear her. An insecure ice king (no, not that one) King Ellis. He tosses and turns in his bed. He puts a pillow to his head to try and block out his siren's calls. Yet, he can't push down the feeling that the voice is telling him to venture out into the world. He rises from his bed and closes his bedroom door gently. He sings back to his siren.

_I can hear you, but I won't_

_Some look for trouble while others don't_

_There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day_

_And ignore your whispers, which I wish would go away, oh_

He walks down the hallway as the voice sings to him again. " _Oh_ " he sings back.

_You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear_

_And if I heard you,_ which I don't _, I'm spoken for, I fear_

_Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls_

_I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls_

_I've had my adventure, I don't need something new_

_I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you_

He goes out to the balcony and belts his voice out in the chorus. Finally, Linka sees him. "It's Luke! Luke! Down here!"

_Into the unknown_

_Into the unknown_

_Into the unknown_

Linka's siren voice calls out to him. He steps outside to the fields and Linka runs up to him. "Bro, I'm here!" She cries but he ignores her completely. He can't see her but he can only hear her siren voice.

_What do you want? 'Cause you've been keeping me awake_

_Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake?_

_Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me?_

He contemplates as he looks at his reflection in the water.

_Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be?_

_Every day's a little harder as I feel my power grow_

Ellis creates swirls of ice with his power in the air. Ice shoots off like a rocket pass to create other images. He follows them with Linka behind him.

_Don't you know there's part of me that longs to go_

_Into the unknown?_

_Into the unknown_

_Into the unknown_

Ellis is in awe of what his ice created. But as for Linka, she's knocked over when the reindeer gallop passes her. And shoved to the side when the two children are chasing each other. All the while, she's freezing.

"If I'm invisible to him, how come I can feel his ice powers?" She repeats the siren's song which is starting to annoy her.

In the bridge, he shoots ice magic into the sky after every line as Linka desperately tries to reason with him.

_Oh oh oh_

_Are you out there?_

"Yes!"

_Do you know me?_

"Luke!"

_Can you feel me?_

"Stop!"

_Can you show me?_

"Listen!"

Linka feels the siren's voice coming so she slaps her hand over her mouth. It overwhelms her through as she belts out and Ellis harmonizes with it. The ice he just released takes the shape of the spirits of the four elements. Which is not good for Linka. She somehow gets burned by the fire spirit. The water horse gallops under her and is taken on an unasked-for ride before being thrown off. She's scared to death by the giant rock trolls. And lastly, she's lifted up 2 feet by the air spirit then dropped carelessly.

"When is this song over?" She groans.

He chases the magic to the cliff where more of her ice extends it at the edge. It extinguishes after he made it.

_Where are you going?_

_Don't leave me alone_

_How do I follow you (Ah)_

_Into the unknown? (Oh, oh)_

After the last note, millions of ice crystals with symbols of the four elements surround him. Linka is hit in the head with a couple of crystals and is out cold.

* * *

"Phyllis! Phyllis! Get up!" Linka can faintly hear someone calling. Before she can even open her eyes, she feels someone muscular lifting her up then placing her on top of a rock. She properly gets a look at him. It's Lynn but dressed as an athletic Greek hero.

"One of the rocks from the slide must have hit your head pretty hard." He tells her.

She realizes that they're in a shadowed gouge with a crowd in the hundreds watching them. Her legs felt bent out of shape. She gasped cause her legs are those of a goat's with white fur! She felt two horns on the top of her head.

But that's the least of her worries.

A low growl came from the shadows. Causing the crowd to shake in the sandals. "Hercules!" One woman cried as a warning.

Two yellow eyes shine from the dark. "Oh, baaah!" Linka exclaimed in a goat's bleat.

A Hydra emerged challenging Hercules. It was a 50-foot serpent-like creature with an incredibly long neck, razor-sharp teeth, acidic blood, and toxic breath. Luckily, Hercules knew about that last factoid and ripped off a piece of his cape and tied it around his nose and mouth. It stalks toward him while Hercules puts his sword up. He jumps every time it tries to bite at him.

"You got this! Dance around it! Watch the teeth! Watch the teeth!" Linka pep-talks him. She and the crowd were just far enough so that the poisonous fumes wouldn't reach them.

The Hydra lunges its whole neck at Hercules and he responded by swinging his sword and slicing the head clean off. The crowd gave him golf applause and Linka was cheering "Alright! Alright! You're bad." But that celebration is very short-lived. In the neck stub, two more heads were produced. Our hero was baffled but swung his sword to cut off its head again and again. Hercules's jaw drops behind his mask when the once one-headed Hydra is now a ten-headed spawn of the underworld.

"Would you forget the head-slicing thing?!" Linka screams at him.

The crowd is terror-stricken when the Hydra picks the hero and squeezes him within its grasp. Hercules grunts through his teeth. As long as this thing has the power to regenerate, it's unbeatable. There's got to be a way to take that power away from it. He grins when he thinks of a strategy but he's gonna need assistance. With the little movement he can muster, he uses his sword to slit the wrist of the Hydra. It immediately howls in pain and drops him; Hercules jumps away from the acidic blood as it drips from its wrist.

He sprints to the satyress. "Phyllis! You have to help me!"

"Why?! You're the wonder boy!"

"Phyllis, there's literally no time to argue!" Hercules tells her his plan as the monster draws near to both of them. Hercules rips another piece of his cape to give to her before running toward the Hydra to distract it from attacking Phyllis.

After tying the cloth to her face, Linka runs in the opposite direction and gathers together wood and rocks and a separate pile of wooden stakes. She strikes a match and lights the pile of wood and rocks ablaze. Hercules mentioned that he carried his bows and arrows with him before the Hydra showed up but it was by the rock Linka once stood. Linka groans but runs back to her spot before to pick up the bow. It was then the ten-headed Hydra spotted her. She gulps in fear then sprints back to the bonfire.

"Get ready, Phyllis!" Hercules screams.

"You better be right!" Linka screams back, lighting a wooden stake on fire.

As the monster was charging at the white-haired satyress, Hercules sprints next to it, jump high in the air, and slices one of the heads off again. Once he did that, Linka aims and shoots off the flaming stake at the neck stub so no more heads can grow out of it. The demon screeches in pain at the burns but focused its energy at the mighty Hercules. That's just what Hercules wanted as he cuts off another head when it leaned down and Linka proceeds to cauterize the wound again. They continue this strategy until all ten heads are gone. The Hydra, severely injured by the first-degree burns, lost its power to grow heads. It falls to the earth with a monstrous thud, presumably dead.

Hercules, taking an extra precaution, uses his godlike strength to cause a massive rockslide by punching the gorge. Heavy boulders rain and crush the Hydra where it laid. Hercules running back a few feet to get out of the way. The crowd erupted in cheers. Linka runs back to the Lynn doppelgänger with the bow and arrows in hand. They both rip off their masks before embracing.

"Phyllis! Thank you! You were great!"

"Oh, please! I was just taking orders." They both high-five then Hercules gets the idea to take his arrows and dip them in the acidic blood under the pile of boulders.

"Why are you-"

"You never know when I'm going to need it."

The citizens make their way toward Hercules and lift him them up on their shoulders. Singing his praises as they carry them out of the gorge. And amidst the excitement, he sings for himself.

_I will beat the odds_

_I can go the distance_

_I will face the world_

_Fearless,_ _proud_ _and strong_

 _I will_ _please_ _the gods_

_I can go the distance_

_'Till I hear my hero's welcome_

_Right_ _where_ _I belong_

Linka can't join in the celebration though because that pesky white rabbit appeared behind the crowd.

"You!" She cries angrily. "I'm gonna nail your cottontail to the floor!" Mary yelps and hops away from her with Linka running behind her as fast as her new goat legs can carry her. Mary hops up onto a cliff and Linka absentmindedly lunges her whole body toward her to catch her. Mary moves out of the way but Linka falls.

* * *

Linka landed on a rooftop and regains her human legs on impact. Looking below, it's not an Ancient Greek-style city anymore. It's a bustling Middle-Eastern marketplace. Warm colors from the scenery popped under the scorching hot sun.

From the rooftop across from her, there's a very little Arab peasant boy carrying a loaf of bread. And if you were paying attention, you know he looks like Leif.

"Stop, thief!" He hears from behind him. Three guards come up from behind him with swords.

"All this for a loaf of bread?"

Linka watches as he jumps off the rooftop, bouncing off one roof tapestry to another diagonal before landing on his hands and knees on the sand below. He runs in the opposite direction but runs into one of the guards.

_Gotta keep_

_One jump ahead of the breadline_

The Leif doppelgänger dodges his sword and the guard opens up a barrel of fish instead. And just for fun, Leif takes away his sash so his pants would fall before running away.

_One swing ahead of the sword_

_I steal only what I can't afford_

And that's everything!

The peasant meets another guard at an unfinished building. Again, he ducks at his attempt to cut his head off. He sticks out his tongue then climbs up the construction to the top.

_One jump ahead of the lawmen_

_That's all, and that's no joke_

_These guys don't appreciate I'm broke_

He kicks a pile of barrels out of place when two more guards show up and they trample them temporarily.

_Riffraff!_

_Street rat!_

_Scoundrel!_

_Take that!_

The guards scream in rhythm to him as they throw fruit and weapons on the unarmed boy. He attempts to reason with them.

_Just a little snack, guys_

They were not hearing it through as they use their swords to break the foundation of the building

_Rip him open! Take it back, guys!_

Thankfully, the young thief purposefully fell off before the construction collapsed. He grabs onto a well-placed mini-pole sticking out from the side of a building, swings his whole body up and around before landing.

_I can take a hint, gotta face the facts_

_I could use a friend or two_

Unbeknownst to the peasant, a guard was sneaking up behind him, knife in hand.

"Leif!" Taking initiative, Linka jumps off her rooftop, grabs onto a clothing line in mid-air and uses it as a vine. She swings toward the duo and grabs the peasant in the nick of time. But, the guard throws his knife at the clothesline, breaking it. Linka throws the peasant boy through a nearby window so he wouldn't fall then she plummets. The clothes descend in a pile on top of her. She's covered in a bedsheet and it acts as a makeshift dress and hijab. Back with Leif's doppelgänger, he's in a room of harem girls who are all displeased at his entry.

_Who?_

_Oh, it's sad Aladdin's hit the bottom_

_He's become a one-man rise in crime_

An older woman stares at him in disgusts and swings her broom at him, which she misses.

_I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em_

_Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat_

_Tell you all about it when I got the time!_

Aladdin sings to them before exiting the same way he came in. He bounces off a roof tapestry before landing. Linka rides up to him in a horse and he gets on with no questions asked. The guards are still chasing the duo on foot.

_One jump ahead of the slowpokes_

_One skip ahead of my doom_

_Next time gonna use a nom de plume_

_One jump ahead of the hitmen_

_One hit ahead of the flock_

_I think I'll take a stroll around the block_

The peasant boy points to an ally way that's too small for the horse to fit through. The duo jumps off and runs through the ally as they reach the other side of town. Hearing citizens' cries of outrage towards them.

_Stop, thief!_

_Vandal!_

_Outrage!_

_Scandal!_

More guards meet them in front of a house and corner them.

_Let's not be too hasty_

A girl about the same age as Aladdin opens the door and fawns over him.

_Still, I think he's rather tasty!_

Linka laughs at the mildly disgusted look on his face. But it was just the distraction he needed to duck and roll away from the guards.

_Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat_

_Otherwise, we'd get along_

_Wrong!_

The guards all tackle him at once on "wrong!" But he escapes with Linka following. The two climb up a flight of stairs and onto a rooftop. They see guards coming up their way. They're only chance of escaping is to the rooftop across.

"The poles!" Aladdin cries. They each grab a long pole and back up a few feet.

"What are we-"

"Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

Linka hesitates before answering "Yes." This is a version of her little brother after all.

"THEN JUMP!" They both run to the edge and pole vaulted their way to the other rooftop.

"Nicely done." Aladdin compliments.

"Thanks."

But guards surprise them at that rooftop. The two engage them in a game of parkour, jumping from rooftop to rooftop with the heat behind them. Gotta love the determination of these guards!

_One jump ahead of the hoofbeats_

_(Vandal!)_

_One hop ahead of the hump_

_(Street rat!)_

_One trick ahead of disaster_

_(Scoundrel!)_

_They're quick, but I'm much faster_

_(Take that!)_

Aladdin takes a rug from the rooftop they're currently standing on and tells Linka to grab him from the waist behind him.

_Here goes, better throw my hand in_

_Wish me happy landin'_

_All I gotta do is jump!_

He puts the rug under both of them to use as a fake magic carpet as they jump off the roof together into another dark alley. During the fall, they use the rug as a makeshift parachute before roughly landing. They continue to lie still until they couldn't hear the guards' shouts.

Linka lets out a sigh of relief and sits up. "I wish you could have timed that fall better."

"I know, I know, but I never had a partner to do it with before. Saved the bread through." He holds it up triumphantly then breaking it in half.

"By the way, thank you. For helping me." He gives her half.

"Don't mention it." Linka says, accepting his offering. Before Aladdin could take a bit of his, he locks eyes with an orphan girl the same age as him and her baby brother. They were digging through the trash for their breakfast. Aladdin smiles sadly at them and makes their way towards them. He offers them his half of the bread which they take with thankfulness.

Linka smiles proudly at him when he makes his way back to her. "Come on, I know a place where we can lie low." He tells her. She follows him out but not before she gave up her bread to the orphan siblings.

Aladdin takes her to an abandoned building on the outskirts of town.

"You live here?"

"I live wherever I want. I come and go as I please. This may not be much but it's got a great view." He pulls the curtains and reveals a breathtaking view of his hometown and the palace.

"Awesome." She comments. "So, does that happen often?" Linka then asks. "You being chased by guards?"

"Every day. But no one understands that I'm just trying to survive. I've been called riff-raff, street rat, worthless." He grimaced at that last word. It tugs at Linka's heartstrings.

He sits down on the floor. "They don't see a poor boy or that's there so much more to me."

Linka sits down next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders. "I see that in you. And in the time that I've known you, you have proven yourself anything but worthless." Aladdin smiles at that and lays his head on her shoulders.

Some time as passed as indicated by the warm-colored sky. The two have long since passed out, still in that same position. A soft weight on Linka's leg stirs her awake. She gasps that the white rabbit is so close within her grasp again. She gently pushes the sleeping boy off of her, lays him down and tucks him in with a blanket that was beside him; though she feels the tiniest bit guilty for abandoning him.

She quickly grabs the rabbit by her body before she could have the chance to escape again. Snow White looks into its beady eyes and scowls.

"I have literally been everywhere looking for you!" She whispers-shouts. "I've fallen out of a tower, been in a hurricane, almost froze to death, fought a monster, and got chased by guards! Worst yet, I keep meeting my brothers, or doppelgängers, whatever! And they don't know who I am!" And she can't tell right now, but Mary's glare was matching hers.

She tip-toes toward the exit. "Lane better appreciate me for this! I am going home and I'm taking you with me!"

Unfortunately, during her rant, she forgot that she was on the top story of the building. When she stepped out, she fell ungracefully. She screams for her life, clinging onto Mary as the rabbit did to her.

They didn't crash on the hard ground as expected. Instead, the earth suddenly opens up in the shape of another rabbit's hole and both girls fall through.

* * *

On the other side, Linka's and Mary's bodies slams onto a golden balcony. "Are you OK, Mary?" Linka asks. Mary twitches her nose in response. No bruises on her anywhere.

Where she's laying down, small springs and a gear wheel are spread about. Looking down at the shiny ground, an orange pendulum clock stares down at her. She groans frustrated. "This has got to be my lamest transformation."

Linka stands up on her new little wooden clock legs. "And why a…clock… of…all things?" Her speech got slower as she was more amazed at the room. It's a ballroom; it looks like it was built entirely out of gold. The floors, the walls, the columns, everything was shimmering in the moonlight from the huge opened windows. There's another balcony the same as theirs across the room and the blue curtains on them compliment quite nicely. And the pièce de résistance, a substantial crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

"It's beautiful." She whispers. "I wonder who owes this?"

The doors of the ballroom open causing Linka to duck down. A couple walks in arm in arm, and a very strange looking couple at that. The woman is a Hispanic maiden in an elegant yellow ball gown and satin gloves. And her man was frankly, a monster: mane of a lion, beard and head of a buffalo, brow of a gorilla, tusks of a boar, body of a bear, and the legs and tail of a wolf. If all of that wasn't weird enough, he had yellow fur and in a blue tailcoat.

"I know that's Bebe, so that has to be…Loki? Man," she chuckles. "He's looked worst." Following the couple is a teapot's singing, who has the voice of her mother.

_Ever just the same_

_Ever a surprise_

_Ever as before and ever just as sure as the sun will rise_

Beauty gets them both into the dancing position while the Beast gulps nervously. She gives him a reassuring smile through and they glide together on the dance floor, with her leading.

_Tale as old as time_

_Tune as old as song_

_Bittersweet and strange_

_Finding you can change_

_Learning you were wrong_

Beast smiles, getting the hang of it. And with a boost of confidence, takes the lead. They look at each other lovingly, Beauty snuggles her head on his chest. Both completely unaware of the curious clock above.

"Well if that is Loki, he's gonna maul me if I interrupt this moment. No pun intended. Come on, Mary. Let's find a way down." She grabs onto her paw, but Mary refuses her. What, you think Linka was the only one tired of this wild goose chase?

"Mary!" She takes a step towards her, but the rabbit bares her claws as a warning. "Mary, relax! I know you're tired of running around. I am too! But fighting isn't gonna-". She's interrupted by Mary scratching her face, it didn't hurt because her face was made of glass, but she was taken back by it.

"You wanna be that way? Fine!" Linka gets into a scuffle with the rabbit. Linka is dodging Mary's claws and Linka is pulling on her ears and shoving her with her mini wooden hands.

All while the love song plays on. Yes, readers, the author is that much of an immature dick that she wrote in a clock wrestling a rabbit during one of the most romantic moments ever.

_Certain as the sun_

_Certain as the sun_

_Rising in the east_

_Tale as old as time_

_Song as old as rhyme_

_Beauty and the beast_

At some point, Mary jumps off the balcony's railing and onto the chandelier, landing on the top circle of candles. Linka wasn't afraid to follow her, especially after her time with the Aladdin Leif. She jumps off the railing toward the chandelier. She misses her original mark, although, and quickly grabs on a candle at the bottom circle. Linka breathes out a sigh of relief when the couple continues to be undisturbed. She climbs up to the rabbit, candle by candle.

On the ceiling, paintings of angels were looking down at the couple. Then they notice the strange clock and rabbit on the chandelier. Linka notices them and rudely replies "what the hell are you staring at?" They quickly advert their eyes from her, as if to say they don't want any trouble.

She's almost at the top but then, the ceiling cracks.

"Ah, shit."

_Tale as old as time_

_Song as old as rhyme_

_Beauty and the-_

"MASTER! LOOK OUT!" The teapot cries as the chandelier was coming down on them. On instinct, the beast pushes the girl down and they both roll out of the way. The chandelier smashes into a thousand pieces.

"Cogsworth?" They both exclaim, shocked.

Linka looks behind her then realizes that's her. "I can explain! The white rabbit climbed onto the chandelier and I followed!" She looks at the top but Mary's disappeared again!

"We don't own a rabbit! For God's sake Cogsworth, you could have killed us!" The Beast yells.

Annoyed at the babbling clock, Beauty takes her leave. "I'll be in my room. Ow, I think I got broken glass in my arm." She picks up her dress as she walks across the destruction.

"Sorry!" Linka screams after her and she comes face to face with a snarling beast. She chuckles nervously at that face before bolting out of there as fast as her little wooden legs could carry her. Needing a place to hide, she finds an opened closet door at the end of the corridor. She foolishly thinks that's her ticket home.

"This has to work! My room is a converted linen closet!" She prays. She goes inside and shuts the door.

* * *

In an ally, a garbage can shake and falls over. Linka struggles to stand in the pile of garbage.

"There goes my theory of closet doors leading to my room. Now, where am I?" She goes to scratch her head but as it turns out, her hand is now a paw. She looks down at her new four legs with snow-white fur. And if that didn't convince her, she involuntarily lets out a mewl.

"Great." She carefully walks on all fours, out of the ally and into the hustle and bustle of New York City. Just her damn luck to land in one of the most vibrant and busiest cities in the world. She's never been alone in the city before; even on trips to Great Lakes City, she had Loki, Robbie Dan, or a parent with her.

"This is gonna be like finding a needle in a haystack!" She groans but proceeds to enter the foot traffic. Already off the bat, she gets her tail stepped on and she screeches in pain. The guy curses at her when he scared her. Linka had to walk right on a couple's feet to get past them. She turns around but someone was walking toward her, blocking her path. She walks in the opposite direction but the same problem. Eventually, she says "screw it" and goes into the street. Only to run back onto the sidewalk when she hears several horns coming her way.

"How do people live here?"

A guy pushing a hot dog cart walks past her. And inside the cracked open compartment door, she sees a tuff of white fur.

"That's either Mary or mold on "NY's Best Hot Dogs". She jokes, reading the sign off the cart. She sneaks up to the cart anyway.

"Hot dogs! Step right up folks!" He says through his deep Italian accent and a cigar in his mouth. She opens the door a tiny bit and thankfully that is Mary, but she had her back turned.

"Hey!" The man scolds down at her. "Get out of here, cat! Scram!" He waves her off. Linka hisses at him and jumps up onto the cart. "Why you little-!" He grabs onto her to make her let go but she stuck her claws into it.

Across the street, a mongrel-terrier hybrid puppy missing his lateral incisors watches the scene in amusement from the top of a taxi. He had blonde fur all over and sandy-brown fur from the top of his head to his eyes, and a pink scarf around his neck.

"Well, looks like ol'Louie found himself a new friend." He says. "Perhaps it's time for old Dodger to turn this into a total cat-astrophe." He hops across the taxis and makes his way to them.

Louie eventually breaks Linka free and throws her at a trash can.

"Boy, you sure pick the wrong guy to take hot dogs from, kitten." The puppy calls her, despite him being younger. He's sitting on top of another trash can.

"Lexx?"

"Lexx? You must have me mistaken for another good looking pup. Name's Dodger. I've been watching you and you're in serious need of some guidance from a professional. What do you say we team up and convince ol'Louie into sharing some of his hot dogs?"

"I don't want no hot dogs! There's a rabbit in his cart and I've been hunting her down for the longest time."

"Huh. Now there's a sentence. Ok, how about I scratch your back, you scratch mine?"

"Promise?"

"Absitively posolutely. Now that man over there is a common enemy of the four-legged community: ol'Louie. Our mission is to liberate those all-beef franks and your rabbit from his cart."

"Ok, but what's the plan?"

"This." Dodger barks loudly at her, which spooks her and begins a classic dog-cat chase in Louie's direction. Linka climbs into Louie's shirt to hide. While he's distracted, Dodger steals a chain and wraps it around his neck. The cat struggles to escape Louie's sweaty shirt but frees herself through the shirt hole and follows Dodger into a construction site.

"I'll get you!" She hears behind her and hides inside a pipe.

"Excellent job, kitten!" Dodger congratulates her. "You got the city's rhythm."

"That was kinda fun. Ok, you got your franks, now what about my rabbit?"

"Your rabbit? Well, that sounds like a personal problem." Dodger says, walking away.

"But you promised!" Linka says, following him.

"Gee, I did, didn't I?" He says with false guilt.

"Hate to break it to ya, but our partnership is herewith dissolved." He steps onto a pipe that was being lifted by a crane. "Consider it a lesson in street savior-faire. See ya!" When the crane lowers the pipe, he jumps off it onto a backhoe loader, then jumps down on the ground.

"Get back here, you traitor!" She chases after him through the site. What was she expecting? It's Lexx, he was an untrustworthy backstabber straight outta their mother's womb!

"Come and get me, Snowdrop!" Dodger howls in a rhythmic tone. He proceeds to hop across the roofs of cars that are stuck in traffic. "But I'm warning you."

_One minute I'm in Central Park_

_Then I'm down on Delancey Street_

Linka hops from car to car as well. The last car she jumps on had the sunroof opened. She's the carelessly thrown out by the driver. Dodger lands on a concrete mixer truck. He walks across it while the mixer is turning without a problem.

_Said from the Bowery to St Mark's_

_Heh, there's a syncopated beat_

_Alright_

_Said whoo-hoo-whoo-hoo-hoo_

_I'm streetwise, I can improvise_

Linka catches up with him on the mixer. Unfortunately, she's not as skilled on the mixer and falls in the wet cement. Dodger looks down at her with a smug smirk on his face. He slides down the discharging system into the wet cement and swaggers across.

_Said whoo-hoo-whoo-hoo-hoo_

_I'm street smart, I've got New York City heart_

He stops in front of an open fire hydrant to clean himself off. All while there's a bounce in his step.

_Why should I worry?_

_Why should I care?_

_I may not have a dime_

_But I got street savoir-faire_

Dodger takes his paw off the water and lets Linka get blown away by the pressure of the water. He sings the next verse while walking through an air vent below him.

_Why should I worry?_

_Why should I care?_

_It's just bebop-ulation_

_And I got street savoir-faire_

_Mhm-mm_

He's nice and clean after that, but then there's Linka, looking like a white fuzzball.

_The rhythm of the city_

_Boy, once you get it down_

Linka spots the chain of franks from under the table of a street sunglasses vendor. She runs toward it with no hesitation. In actuality, Dodger is behind said vendor and pulls the chain once Linka gets close enough. It causes Linka to collide headfirst into the table. The sunglasses went airborne. A pair landed on Dodger and he saunters off.

_Said you can own this town_

_You can wear the crown_

_Why should I worry?_

_Why should I-_

In front of him, Linka puts a sharp paw to his chest to ultimately stop his singing. She's breathing heavily through her teeth.

"Uh, do you mind? You're throwing off my groove."

"Listen to me! I don't play games! I want to go home and I can't leave my rabbit here! Now you're gonna keep your promise, or so help me, I'll skin you alive!"

Dodger takes off the glasses. "Whoa! No need to resort to violence! Alright, I'll help you find that rabbit." He obliges.

Linka's anger melts away and she lets out a squeal. "Thank you!" Then she runs back in the direction of the hot dog stand.

Dodger blows hair out of his face, exasperated. "Women." He states then follows.

They both meet up at the corner where ol'Louie stood but he's gone.

"What the?!"

"Must be his third lunch break." The puppy causally comments.

"Now, what!"

"Well, don't look at me! You're the one-" He stops and looks behind Linka. "Uh, kitten? Is your rabbit white?"

"Yeah." Dodger turns her chin in his direction. Turns out Mary escaped the hot dog cart a while ago and now is just chilling under a mailbox.

"Mary!" She sprints off.

"Snowdrop, wait! Don't startle it!" Dodger warns her.

Mary from her spot sees the cat running towards her. Now she didn't know that was her owner's sister and in her mind, it looks like she's ready to attack. Mary crouches, waiting for the right moment to strike.

Linka lunges toward the mailbox when she's close enough. Mary responds by jumping at her and sinking her teeth into her leg. Linka bawls in pain; Mary's eyes widen as she knew that voice and releases her. But the damage was already done, Mary bit through her skin and her blood was gushing out. Linka is crying and mewling in pain.

"Snowdrop!" Dodger cries, running over to her. He was afraid that this was gonna happen. He growls at the rabbit, demanding her to back off. Mary obliges out of guilt. She would never do this on purpose, no matter how annoying Linka might be for chasing her. Dodger proceeds to take off his scarf and wraps it around the wound, Linka hisses at the sudden pressure. "Shh, shh, I'm here. You'll be ok."

The scene causes a small crowd of people to gather around her. Dodger growls at them too. "Get away! Don't touch her!" He screams though they can't understand him. Linka's pain engulfs and gets ready to succumb to darkness. She faintly hears Dodger's calling her "kitten" once more before passing out.

* * *

Linka walks up on the steps outside Notre-Dame. She's a human again and she's wearing a cape that's covering her face. She stands up but hisses in pain, that wound is still there on her calf. She ties the scarf around it tighter.

From a distance, there's cheering and singing. Curious, Linka clumsily picks herself up and follows it, walking like a cripple. Yet, she wonders why her back feels bent and why the vision in her right eye is blurry.

_Come one, come all!_

_Leave your loops and milking stools_

_Coop the hens and pen the mules_

As it turns out, it's a parade! With a choir leading the celebration. Linka manages to push her way to the front of the crowd.

_Come one, come all!_

_Close the churches and the schools_

_It's the day for breaking rules_

_Come and join the feast of ..._

"Fools!" A Lane doppelgänger finishes as he slides out on his knees from under the choir. The crowd cheers and throws confetti at him. This Lane is a Gypsy, he has on violet and yellow jester-like costume, fitted with a fuchsia mask and hat. He has an earring on his right ear and his hair is shoulder-length. He still has his buck-teeth and braces through.

"What is the Feast of Fools?" Linka asks out loud. Amidst the excitement, "Lane" hears her question and does a cartwheel towards her.

"Clopin will tell you!" He grabs her arm and leads her to the heart of the excitement and dances with her.

_Once a year we throw a party here in town_

_Once a year we turn all Paris upside down_

An acrobat dressed as a king appears. He then does a handstand and another one dressed as a clown stands himself up on his feet.

_Ev'ry man's a king and ev'ry king's a clown_

_Once again it's Topsy Turvy Day_

Clopin hands Linka a bouquet of balloons and she floats up. "Help!"

_It's the day the devil in us gets released_

Groups of misfits throw darts at Linka's balloons, popping them. She plummets to the ground in front of a puppet theater box. Clopin's the puppeteer and his puppet of the priest hits Linka on the head with a mini-bat.

_It's the day we mock the prig and shock the priest_

_Ev'rything is topsy turvy at the Feast of Fools!_

Clopin grabs Linka again and leads her on a run through the parade. Linka's trying her best to keep up. "Everybody!" He screams.

_Topsy turvy!_

On each syllable, the crowd throws four people into the air. Each doing an air split or a flip before being caught.

_Ev'rything is upsy daisy!_

_Topsy turvy!_

Flame dancers enter the scene. One does that trick where she swallows the flames and blows out the flames. Linka jumps back from it.

_Ev'ryone is acting crazy_

_Dross is gold and weeds are a bouquet_

_That's the way on Topsy Turvy Day_

Clopin and Linka join a kick line, Linka's the only one not kicking cause she can't stand on her bad leg alone. They pass by the band.

_Beat the drums and blow the trumpets_

_Topsy Turvy!_

_Join the bums and thieves and strumpets_

The groups Clopin mentions form three big circles in the town square with him and Linka dancing in the dead center. She's gotta admit, this is her most fun setting yet. And if hadn't been for the wound in her leg, she would have been jumping around. It honestly feels like a knife is slicing through her skin right now. She finds a discarded hanky and ties it top of the pink scarf. The extra padding is nice, but it does not improve her walking through.

_Streaming in from Chartres to Calais_

_Scurvy knaves are extra scurvy_

_On the sixth of "Januervy"_

_All because it's Topy Turvy Day!_

Just then, a gated carriage enters the scene. Out steps another Loki double, with a sinister stare plastered on his face. He takes his seat in his personalized tent. He despised going to this peasant festival every year, but he is a public official, he must attend. He's accompanied by an army of soldiers in black armor but the one in golden armor is their captain, another Lynn Jr. double.

"So there are more doubles that can live in other worlds. Interesting." Linka says.

They're just in time for a special surprise. The crowd turns their attention to Clopin on a small stage.

_Come one, come all!_

_Hurry, hurry, here's your chance_

_See the myst'ry and romance_

_Come one, come all_

_See the finest girl in France_

_Make an entrance to entrance_

_Dance la Esmeralda_

_Dance!_

Clopin throws a pink smoke bomb. He disappears in the smoke and Esmeralda replaces him.

"Claudia?!" Linka screams surprised then covers her mouth embarrassed. That is indeed a copy of her best friend. A Gypsy just like Clopin, dressed in a flowing silky crimson dress and bejeweled in gold. Behind her glasses are a fitting pair of emerald green eyes. She's hitting her tambourine and moving in a sensual manner. She gets her own verse.

_Flash of an ankle_

_Flip of a skirt_

_Feel them excite_

_Inflame and inspire_

_Come see me dance_

_Hey, what can it hurt_

_It's just a dance_

_To the rhythm of the tambourine_

Esmeralda throws her tambourine to Linka, which she accepts and bangs it to the beat. She takes out two scarfs and twirls them around.

"Look at that disgusting display." The Loki doppelgänger sneers.

"Yes, sir!" The captain says, amazed at the show.

The dancer jumps off the stage makes her way to the aforementioned men and throws her scarfs at them. She then turns back to the stage, Linka throws her tambourine back, and she ends her dance with a split. The crowd hollers and throws coins at her. Linka applauds too, her Claudia could never be this confident and flashy. Clopin stands on stage and sings again.

_Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for_

_Here it is, you know exactly what's in store_

_Now's the time we laugh until our sides get sore_

_Now's the time we crown_

"The King of Fools!" The crowd responds.

_So make a face that's horrible and frightening_

_Make a face as gruesome as a gargoyle's wing_

_For the face that's ugliest will be the King of Fools!_

_Why?_

_Topsy turvy!_

_Ugly folk, forget your shyness_

_Topsy turvy!_

_You could soon be called Your Highness!_

_Put your foulest features on display_

_Be the king of Topsy Turvy Day!_

The two Gypsies pick out masked men as their contestants. Esmeralda then reaches out for Linka.

"What are you doing?"

"Come on. Why not take advantage of what you got?" Linka doesn't understand what she means by that but allows her to pull her up on the stage.

One by one, Esmeralda takes off each of the contestant's mask and they make their best "monster" faces. The crowd rejects each of them through and they're booed off the stage. Once she gets to Linka, she takes off her cape and pulls on her cheeks. She gasps when she realizes it's not a mask. The whole parade is taken back.

"That's no mask! That's her face!" A woman shouts.

"She's hideous!" Another woman cries.

"It's the bell-ringer of Notre Dame!" A man answers.

"Archdeacon Frollo's pet!" Another man points at the Loki double and laughs. The archdeacon stands up surprised and angry at the discovery.

Now Linka's hopelessly confused. "What are you all shocked at? Is it the white hair? I'm fine, I was born with it."

"Girl, what? Hold on." Esmerelda hands her a compact mirror. Linka practically screams at her misshapen triangular reflection. She had a big nose and a huge wart growing on top of her right eye, which explains her vision problems. She pats her own back and finally realizes that she has a hunch. And her crippled walk didn't make her appearance any better. She truly was a monster. The white-haired girl drops the compact and cries in her hands.

Clopin steps in. "People! Weren't you listening! We asked for the ugliest face in Paris and we found her!" He puts a crown and robe on her. "Congratulations, uh-"

"Linka?"

"Linka! The Hunchback of Notre Dame! Our first Queen of Fools!" The crowd, Esmeralda, and Clopin carry her on their shoulders around the square. She's followed by laud and applause. The return of the excitement does make Linka feel a bit better about her appearance.

_Once a year we throw a party here in town_

_Hail to the queen!_

_Once a year we turn all Paris upside down_

_Oh, what a queen!_

_Once a year, the ugliest will wear a crown_

_We all adore_

_Once a year on Topsy Turvy Day_

_We've never had a queen before_

_And it's the day we do the things that we deplore_

_On the other three hundred and sixty-four_

_Once a year we love to drop in_

_Where the beer is never stoppin_

_For the chance to pop some popinjay_

_And here's a queen who puts the "top" in_

_Topsy Turvy Day!_

_Mad and crazy, upsy-daisy, Topsy Turvy Day!_

The crowd carries Linka back on the stage and explodes in cheers. Nearby, a soldier has a rotten tomato in his grasp.

"You think she's ugly now?" He asks the crowd. "Watch this!" He throws the fruit at her face. "Now that's ugly!"

Some laugh and follow his example. "Hail to the queen!" A man says before throwing another at her.

"Bon appétit, my lady!" A woman says before doing the same thing.

Linka furiously wipes her face. Her tears mixing with the tomato juice in her eyes. Esmeralda and the captain were taken back by the crowd's 180 too; they have never done this before at the Feast of Fools. But they never saw a creature like Linka either.

Linka attempts to escape the stage, but several men seize her and tie ropes around wrists. They pull her apart to hold her in place. The crowd continues to mock and throw rotten fruit at her; rocks were added to the mix. A rock hit where her wound is and she immediately drops down.

Among the crowd, she sees her brothers' doubles. "HELP!" But Clopin was laughing along with the crowd.

"Your Grace, permission to stop this cruelty?" The captain asks Frollo.

"Not just yet, Captain Phoebus. A lesson needs to be learned here."

Esmeralda decides enough is enough. "Stop it!" She runs toward the stage but Clopin grabs her.

"What are you doing?! If you stop this, they'll turn against us!"

"Let go of me!" She releases herself and runs onstage. " _Stop!_ " She yells at the crowd, causing everything to stand still. The rope people let go. Turning toward the hunchback, the kind Gypsy girl bends down and takes out a scarf to wipe her face. Linka flinches at her touch.

"Don't be afraid," Esmerelda whispers. Linka looks up at her like the helpless child that she is. "I'm sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen."

Linka flinches again when she takes out a knife. Esmeralda cuts the ropes from her wrists. "Run!" She begs her. Linka didn't need to be told twice as she exits the stage. The audience was very displeased by this.

"What have you done?!"

"The Gypsy whore ruined our fun!"

Before they have a chance to take their anger out on her, Clopin joins her onstage. "I told you!" He condemns her before throwing another pink smoke bomb. The crowd gasped as both Gypsies vanished into thin air.

"Witchcraft!" Frollo exclaims.

"There she is!" Someone pointed to the hunchback a couple of yards away. "Get her!" The crowd darts toward her. Phoebus was faster through; he stands in front of Linka and shields her from their grabs.

"Enough of this!" The archdeacon demands from the sides and the crowd goes quiet. He makes his way towards Linka but stops when he's a couple of feet next to her.

"We must show kindness to this … creature." He hesitated before saying "creature". Like he didn't know what to call her but didn't want to call her a person either. "Like how our Savior did when He healed the lepers. The celebration is over, return to your homes!"

"That was an order, not a suggestion!" Phoebus commands. He and the other soldiers escort the crowd out of the square. Linka wanted to ask why he didn't help her earlier but all that came from her mouth were sobs. Frollo makes no move to comfort her.

_See how it's cruel, see how it's wicked_

_See how I've sheltered you from having to go through this,_

_How could you do this, to me...?_

_Now, girl, you see you don't belong with normal men_

_You are happy when, you're in your sanct-u-ary_

He gestures towards Notre-Dame. Linka clumsily stands and hurries in the direction the cathedral, furiously wiping the tears away. Not because he told her, she's betting on the chance that she'll go into a different environment if she does.

 _Anywhere's better than here!_ She says in her head before entering.

* * *

Linka stands back erect before a scrumptious buffet. "I wonder who this is for?"

"Why, it's for you, dear Empress. We were just awaiting your arrival." A wrinkly-Rita lookalike with lavender skin tells her. She's wearing a long black dress. Next to her was a version of her father but with huge biceps and was wearing an apron over a short robe.

"Thank you!" She says graciously, taking a seat. "After what I've been through, this is just what I needed." But wait, she called her Empress. She looks at the shiny gold plate: a face full of makeup with no warts, and a crown symbolizing the rising sun on her head. She smooths out the red dress she had on. An upgrade from her previous stages.

"Kronk, get her Highness a drink." The purple woman commands.

"Right. _Riiight_." He repeats knowingly. He takes three glasses of wine on a tray over to a corner behind Linka. He laces one of the glasses with a poison. He walks over to Linka and places the spiked cup in front of her.

Linka sniffs the air. "Is something burning?"

"My spinach puffs!" He darts out of the dining room.

"Did he say "spinach puffs"?" She asks her mom's doppelgänger.

"Yup."

"Are they… are they any good?"

"I wouldn't count on it."

"Oh." They sit there in awkward silence until Kronk returns.

"Save them! Careful, they're still hot." He sets the puff on the table. Rita's doppelgänger clears her throat.

"Kronk, the Empress still needs her drink."

"Right. _Riiight_." He says in the same manner as before. Unfortunately, he couldn't remember which cup is laced, so he takes the whole tray to the corner. Which "Rita" facepalms at.

"Kronk, is it? Is everything ok?" Linka asks.

Kronk internally panics when he sees that the poison's vial is empty. "Oh, yeah! The drinks are on the uh, warm side." Quickly, he dumps out the water and flowers from a pot. He pours all three glasses into the pot, shakes it, and pours contaminated wine in each cup.

"Here you go!" He exclaims, bringing the tray to the table. He hands Linka a cup.

The older woman gets a cup. "A toast to the Empress! Long may you reign!" Linka helps herself after she said that. The wrinkly woman sees Kronk gesturing to the cup and drawing a line on his neck, so she dumps her drink in a nearby pot. Kronk pours his drink behind his head.

Linka chokes on her drink when she has a sudden epiphany. "Wait a minute!" Both adults freeze on the spot. "Is this wine? I'm underage!" Then her face falls on the table, presumably dead.

"Finally! Good work, Kronk! Now to get rid of the body!"

Linka picks herself up just as spontaneous as she fell. "Whew! I guess one cup couldn't kill me! But in all honesty, I do appreciate you guys doing all this for me. You wouldn't believe the time I've had." A round pair of ears grow on the side of her face. "Rita" looks at Kronk but he's just as confused as her.

"Uh, go on." She tells her. She side-glances Kronk and grabs two broccolis and hits one on top of the other like a hammer.

"Oh man, where do I start?" She shrinks in size. "Well, recently I was a hunchback and I was tortured in public." The bridge of her nose grows and white fur appears on her face. "Thankfully, a Gypsy girl who looked like my best friend saved me. Anyone else hot?" Her fangs become sharper.

Kronk is confused at the broccoli gestures. "Hit her on the head!" She says through her teeth.

"More broccoli?" He holds up the plate. The purple woman shakes her head and hits her fist on her hand.

"By the way, have you seen a white rabbit around?" That's the last thing she says before Kronk hits her over the head with the plate. Knocking her out for real.

"What?! A lion?! She's supposed to be dead!" The woman exclaims.

"Uh, the correct term is "lioness"."

"Let me see that vial!" He hands it to her and she examines it closely. "This isn't poison! This is an extract of a lion!" She throws the vial at his face, frustrated. And of all creatures, why a lion? The Empress could have mauled them if she was paying attention.

"In my defense, Yzma, your potions all look the same. You might wanna relabel some of them."

"Take her out of town and finish the job!"

"But Yzma, are we making the right choice.? You heard her giving thanks. It's like she's unaware of being a petty tyrant!"

Yzma grabs him by the collar and pulls him in close. "Remember what's waiting for us, Kronk! Power, riches, respect! And we can't have that if she's still alive!" She lets go of him.

"What about dessert?"

"I- well, I supposed there's time for dessert."

"And coffee?"

"Ok, a quick cup of coffee. THEN TAKE HER OUT OF TOWN AND FINISH THE JOB!" She demands, face blushing a darker purple.

-/-

Later, Lynn Sr.'s doppelgänger is carrying a burlap sack down the steps of the castle. All while humming his own theme music, off-key. Big, dumb, and tone-deaf? Thank God Linka was unconscious of this.

Speaking of which, the sack comes alive just when Kronk stops by the fountain connected to a river that flows out of the city. A hole is ripped open and the white lioness kitten plops out next to Kronk.

"Ow! What happened?"

"You want me to explain the sack or how I turned you into a lioness?"

"What?!" She looks down her paws to confirm it; a cat again! "Why would you-" She looks down at the river and puts two and two again.

"Oh! Your Majesty, I can explain…better!"

She looks at him in disgust before turning around and running down the last flights of stairs. She runs out of the city as fast as her three good legs can carry her, not paying mind to the turned heads she received.

"One more minute and I could have-! Why didn't I transport to another world when I was knocked out?"

Well, she does have a point. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.

* * *

Outside the Inca empire was a wide gorge in Kenya? "Whatever, I'm not in danger anymore." She says to no one then she walks around for any other animals.

"Hello! Can anyone hear me!" Then she hits herself on the head. "Idiot, I'm a lion!" She musters up her strength to let out a loud, childish roar. It resonates off the rocks in the gorge.

Suddenly, the ground trembles below her. She hears birds cry almost as a warning to her. The trembling increases in volume. To her right, a stampede of wildebeests in the thousands was running down the wall, leaving behind clouds of dust. Her face drops in absolute horror. She runs away from them when they reach the ground.

If only she knew that this stampede wasn't her fault, as indicated by the three hyenas chasing the wildebeests into the gorge.

Outside of the gorge was an adult male lion with a mane as black as midnight. Some of the hair covered his eyes. On his shoulder was a female African red-billed hornbill with brown feathers and oddly enough, glasses.

"Oh look, sire. The heard is on the move."

"Now?" The lion king asks confused.

Running up to him is the lion's younger brother. Also an adult here and in contrast to the other's dark mane, this one had a brown one. He wore glasses like the bird but underneath them, he had a noticeable scar on his right eye.

"Mufasa! Quick! Stampede in the gorge! Kimba is down there!"

"Kimba!" Fearful for their sister's life, Mufasa follows his brother to the gorge with the bird flying in tow. Back with the white lioness, the stampede inch closer and closer to her until she's right underneath them. She seeks temporary protection by climbing up a crooked leafless tree.

The 2 lions stop at on top of a rock overlooking the panic while the hornbill dives down in search of their sister. She and the lioness make eye contact through the dust and she flies to her.

"Get help!" The lioness cries.

"Your brother is on the way! Hold on!" She flies back.

"Hurry!" She grips the tree tighter with her claws.

"Zazu, where is she?" Mufasa exclaims when he sees her.

"There! On that tree!" Zazu points. A wildebeest bumps into Kimba's tree, uprooting it from the ground a bit. She screams terrified. On instinct, Mufasa jumps into the crowd and runs in the same direction toward Kimba.

"Scar, this is awful!" Zazu tells the other lion. "What to do?! Help! I'll go back for help! I'll go back-" Scar slaps the bird to the ground to shut her up. Effectively knocking her out.

Meanwhile, the Lars lion makes a sharp turn around when he passes the tree. A wildebeest runs him over, temporarily stunning him. Seconds after, Kimba's tree breaks from the force the stampede and she's sent flying in the air. Thankfully, Mufasa jumps up and catches her in his mouth then runs. The Levi lion watches on menacingly.

Mufasa jumps up and places Kimba on a rock above the stampede. Then he is swept away from the rock by the force of the stampede and thrown into the gorge again.

"LARS!" She fearfully searches below for any trace of him. Suddenly, the king leaps onto the side of the cliff, using his claws to stay in place. Linka sees him climbing up through the dust and travels up and around the rock to help him.

Levi's doppelgänger appears on top of the cliff and sees his brother struggling.

"Scar!" Mufasa cries desperately. "Brother, help me!"

Instead, his brother digs his claws into his paws. "Long live the king." Scar said in a slimy voice, looking into his dread-filled eyes. He throws him into his demise. The white-haired lioness appeared at the moment he fell. She could do nothing but hear his screams.

-/-

The herd had passed on, giving Linka the chance to find her brother in the gorge. She finds a motionless mass next to the broken tree. She gingerly walks toward it and makes it out to be Lars. She gently parts the mane from his eyes, they're both closed.

Not ready to assume the worse, she shakes him awake. "Lars? Lars, come on! It's-It's Linka! I'm right here, get up! Please." Her voice cracks on that plea as there is still no response.

"Help!" She calls out to the empty gorge. "Someone! Anybody! Help." She lets the tears fall freely. Doppelgänger or not, he still risked his life to save her. And the thought of any of her brothers died because of her…

Linka crawls up to the body and rests her head into the mane, crying into it. From the dust, Scar appears at the scene.

"Kimba." She turns around, immediately intimidated by the Levi double. "Our brother. What have you done?"

Linka stands up. "I-I was lost. And there were wildebeests! He saved me. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Of course. Of course." He pulls her in close and she clings to his leg. "I know you wouldn't do this on purpose. But the king is dead. And if it weren't for you, he'd still be alive." Scar's words are heavy on Linka as she lets the guilt consume her. In all her world-hopping, she had never been responsible for a tragedy such as this.

"Oh, what will our mother think?"

"What am I gonna do?"

"Run away, Kimba." Linka backs up frightened at that request. "Run away and never return." She does just that. With nothing left to lose, she does just that.

Shortly afterward, the three hyenas from the beginning chase after her, not knowing because Scar commanded them. Linka reaches a dead end, and the hyenas stalk closer to her, teeth bared. Baring her claws, she climbs up the wall and reaches the top. It's a long fall into a cactus pit, yet she doesn't have a choice. Linka dives into the pit, thorns picking at her but wound but she stifles her cries and keeps going. Out of the pit and out of the territory.

The hyenas stop at the top of the cliff and see her running off. Now how a wounded lioness kitten was able to outrun them was beyond them. But they figured that she's as good as dead out there any, and they didn't want to go into the cactus pit, so they let her go.

* * *

Linka didn't find Timon and Pumbaa; instead, she reaches a dark forest. And from her heightened state of mind, the forest appeared scarier than it is. She passes by a cave and a group of bloodthirsty bats swarms her. She runs in the opposite direction and gets tangled up in some vines. They seamlessly wrap around her neck; she screams and uses her claws to break free.

She stumbles into a dead tree. It's branch-like hands grab at her, Linka trashes in their hold then runs away. Then she falls into a pit of water and snapping driftwood alligators. Linka swims to shore away from them and sprints away. She faces a monster in the shape of a dead tree, she screams at it and runs away. The night is getting darker, the wind howls, she hears wolves and bats nearby yet there is no way out!

The white lioness reaches the heart of the forest, where she's met with more fearsome faces. They surround her, they all have hungry, creepily yellow eyes. They inch closer and closer to her. Powerless, our heroine releases a blood-curdling scream before collapsing on the dirt.

She lets out all her confusion, stress, and pain into uncontrollable sobs. The faces disappear, leaving Linka alone in the night. Alone with the white rabbit, that is. Mary carefully crawls up to the lioness and rubs her nose against her head. Yet, Linka is too distraught to even acknowledge the reason why her old life is gone.

"I just want to go home." She chokes out. Mary instantly feels remorse for her.

Just then, a siren sings for the crying girl. " _Linka Loud_." It's as gentle as the seraph's lullaby. Yet, unlike Linka's siren song from before, this one has a malicious undertone to it. From a couple of miles away, a ball of lime green light forms out of thin air.

" _Linka Loud. Linka Loud_." The omnipresent voice cries.

Said girl stops crying and picks her head up slowly. Her eyes match the green of the light she's focusing on. A flash of light surrounds her and transforms her back into her normal human self, back to the orange blouse and blue skirt.

" _Linka Loud_." The white-haired girl silently walks toward the light. Walking normally as if her bite wound isn't there. Mary pulls on her sock with her teeth to halt her, but she remains in her trance.

" _Linka Loud_." The voice sings louder. She takes another step, causing a piece of her sock to rip off and walk faster. Seeing the girl in danger, the faces from before reappears. As it turns out, they're harmless woodland critters. They step out of the shadows and surround the girl. Owls pull at her hair. A deer grabs the back of her collar with its teeth. Raccoons grab her hands. Squirrels and chipmunks jump up and down and birds chirp to get her attention. Nothing works.

She finally reaches the green light. Blindly shoving the animals away from her. Before her eyes, it transforms into a lime green luminescent spinning wheel.

"Touch the spindle." A deep male voice echoes in her mind. "Touch it I say!" She obeys, pricking her finger.

As soon as she does that, another flash of light occurs. Taking the place of the wheel stands an evil wingless fairy; another Lars doppelgänger. With horns on top of his head and the same bangs covering his eyes. He's dressed in a black and purple robe and is carrying a scepter.

"You disgusting vermin!" He spits at Mary. "What made you think you could have stopped me?! Maleficent! Master of all Evil! Well, you can have your owner back!" He moves his robe out of the way to reveal a lifeless Linka.

Maleficent laughs in a sinister manner as he transforms himself into green fire. Mary watches as it travels itself westward to a castle on a high mountain, leaving burning grasslands in its path. The woodland critters weep over Linka's body, no one harder than Mary.

During their sorrow, the dawn breaks. Mary looks up and sees a shining white castle with a tower eastbound. She thumps her foot against the ground rapidly to get the others' attention. She points toward the tower. Catching on, the owls lift Linka by the arms and carry her to the crouching deer's back. Squirrels get on the deer's back to balance her. The deer gently lifts himself up and carries Linka to the castle with all the animals following.

Mary, feeling responsible for bringing Linka into this mess, heads West alone for some answers.

* * *

Mary arrives and uses her claws to climb herself up the stone wall and pulls herself through the nearest window.

At first, she made it through without being noticed. Then she hears "Stop!" One of Maleficent's goblin-minions sees her and starts running towards her. He's a wizard to some degree and the only one at that. With his wand, shoots lightning at the rabbit. She dodges his attack, and giving no warning, runs up to him, jumps at his neck and bites it. He yelps in pain and shakes her off, but Mary doesn't let go until he falls. Mary spits out his blood on his body when he does.

Thinking that it would do her some good (plus it would be stupid if she didn't take it), Mary picks up the discarded wand with her mouth and goes on her way.

None of the other goblins were aware of the recent death for they were all celebrating the downfall of Linka in Maleficent's throne room.

"It's a shame that our noble guest couldn't join us for the celebration." The evil fairy says aloud. "I'll see how he's doing in the dungeon." He gets up and leaves.

Curious, Mary falls into the castle and gingerly follows him. She ducks and hides in every nook and cranny as she does. Maleficent goes down to the lowest level of his castle where there's only a door. He unlocks it then closes it slowly behind him. Mary rushes in as its closing and hides in a corner.

On a bench chained to the wall is a Robbie Dan doppelgänger. Wearing a brown tunic over a black shirt, brown pants, a red cape, and black riding boots. He glares daggers at his visitor.

"Oh come now, Prince Philip. Why so desolate?"

"Why have you brought me here?"

"It's all part of the fairy tale." His scepter creates images. It first shows Linka on a bed with the animals from before keeping watch. "Behold the castle to the East. And in the highest tower is Princess Aurora, sleeping in peace. Though she is unsure of where or when she hopes that she'll return to her old life as Linka Loud again."

His scepter creates a slideshow of her previous adventures. "She's lived quite the adventure, hasn't she? From fighting a Hydra to New York City."

"The seasons change. But a hundred years is a day to the girl in the repose stage." A future image of Philip, old and depressed, leaving Maleficent's castle on his horse. "And the gates of the dungeon part. And our prince is free to go to his sweetheart. A lionhearted young boy, straight and tall, to wake her up with an act of selfless sacrifice." He states sarcastically.

"And prove that true love conquers all!" Hearing enough of his taunting, Philip lunges forward at him, despite being restrained. Maleficent laughs at his antics. Mary growls quietly at the sinister creature.

"I swear to you, Maleficent! When I get out of here, I'll kill you!"

"Oh, I'm sure you would, my boy. But that's ages away. Pleasant dreams." He turns and leaves the dungeon, locking the door behind it.

Mary hops out of the shadows in front of Philip. "What? A rabbit?" The rabbit puts a paw on her mouth to shush him. Then she uses her teeth to bite off the shackles on his wrists and ankles.

Philip stands up. "You came to help me?" Mary nods. "You know, under different circumstances, being saved by a bunny would bruise my ego." Mary just rolls her eyes.

He takes one step towards the door but Mary steps in front of him. Knowing the road ahead is treacherous, Mary waves the wand and grants him the Shield of Faith and the silver Sword of the Spirit.

Philip stares at the weapons amazed than he pauses and shoots a perplexing look at Mary. "Wait, where did you get that wand?"

Mary headbutts him in the shin as if to tell him to stop asking questions. "Ow! Alright! Let's go! My horse is outside!" Mary then uses the wand to zap the lock away. She jumps on his shoulder and they escape. They travel up a flight of stairs but along the way, they run into a goblin patrolling the stairs. He screeches and sounds the alarm. Robbie Dan's doppelgänger cuts his cry for help short by stabbing it in the throat.

Our heroes continue upward. Soon after, a party of minions comes rushing down the stairs, weapons in hand. They turn around and run toward an open window. The prince protects himself from his blows with his shield. He swings his sword and limbs and blood start flying every which way. He jumps out of the window with Mary in tow. Mary uses the wand to lift above the ground when they were just about to plummet and places them down gently. Philip hears his horse whinnies to his right and runs to him. He's chained to the ground.

Goblins from on top of the west wall throw boulders on him. The horse neighs loudly as a warning. Mary gasps and uses the wand to transform the rocks to confetti.

Goblins from on top of the east wall shoot flaming arrows him. Philip immediately raises his shield but the arrows are now flowers raining down.

"That's a very plot convenient wand, isn't it?" Philip comments. He then breaks the chain off his horse with his sword. He pulls himself and the rabbit on top of it and they ride off. But the minions aren't done with them yet for above the castle's exit, pots of molted lead are poured out. Philip keeps a straight face, knowing he's protected. An iron umbrella appears over the three of them and they safely get through the gates.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Maleficent demands, coming out of his tower. He gasps when he sees the prince and the rabbit escaping. "No!" The drawbridge is pulling up as they are leaving. Mary is frightful of the outcome, but the horse jumps over the edge successfully and gallops East.

With his magic, the evil fairy waves his scepter and creates a dark cloud over his head. "A forest of thorns shall be his tomb! Borne through the skies on a fog of doom!" He sends the spell to the East castle. From it, lightning strikes the earth and thick bushes of prickly thorns block the road.

The three of them are dumbfounded by the new barrier. The horse stops in front of the thorns just in time. Philip swings his sword around to cut the branches. Mary uses the wand to make the thorns disappear below so that path is wider for the horse. Philip's cape gets hooked on some thorns, causing him to choke and forcing him to discard it. They finally make a clear path to the castle.

"No! It cannot be!" The Lars doppelgänger transforms himself into green fire again and travels East. Like a bomb, he explodes on impact in front of the prince. Maleficent stands before him with flames behind him.

"What was it you said? That you'll kill me once you are free? Let's see how you will deal with me now, O Prince! And all of the powers of Hell!" With a thunderous boom and green and purple smoke and flames surrounding him, his final transformation is revealed to be a 70-foot black, fire-breathing dragon.

Needless to say, the boy and the rabbit are scared shitless. Remember when this chapter was about Linka and her world-hopping? This guy was introduced a couple of pages ago and he has to face a dragon?!

Nevertheless, Philip commands the horse to charge. The dragon breathes fire, throwing him and the rabbit off the horse. He breathes fire again at the boy, but Mary jumps up and takes the hit for him, leaving her stunned and dropping the wand.

"Rabbit!" Philip exclaims, concerned. He growls at the dragon. When it lunges toward him, he slits the bridge of his nose. He screeches in pain, giving him time to climb up to the edge of a cliff. Maleficent meets him there and snaps his teeth at him, he swings his sword at him rapidly demanding that he get back. Green flames dance and grow below him.

With another fireball, Maleficent blasts the weapons out of Philip's hands. They fall into the pit.

Maleficent chuckles darkly. "Poor boy, no one can save you!" He sneers.

The boy braces himself for impact. Suddenly, he hears another man tell off the dragon.

"That's what you think, you overgrown lizard!"

From above, Raphael swoops into the scene by his hair and snatches the Latino boy up.

"What?!" The dragon exclaims as Raphael swings them around the flames and lands them both safely on the ground.

"I'm so glad I left my tower!" He boasts. "Where's Linka?"

"Back there in that white tower! We have to save the rabbit too!" He points to the thick layers of thorns.

"I'm on it! But someone has to distract that lizard!" He whistles for backup. From the heavens, Hercules flies in on his pegasus. The creature gets just close enough for Hercules to make his shot. He readies his bow and shoots an acidic arrow into the arm of the dragon. Maleficent panics when his arm becomes paralyzed. The Greek god smirks at this and shoots another arrow into his other arm.

"That's how we do it on Olympus!"

A cloud of pink smoke appears behind the dragon. From it is Clopin running up to him and climbing up his scaly back. The dragon feels his weight and attempts to shake it off. While holding onto a scale, the Gypsy takes out a ridiculously long chain of hankies from his collar. He throws it to Hercules, who grabs one end and wraps it around the long neck. Then he throws it back to Clopin, who pulls back both ends to hold him in place. He digs his feet into the dragon's wings.

"Steady, boy! Down!" Clopin commands as it thrashes and howls around.

Leaving his mouth unhinged gave the perfect opportunity for someone else to throw a flying object into his mouth. The dragon chokes on it.

"Spinach puffs! Get them while they're hot!" Kronk declares as he flies with Aladdin and Yzma on Aladdin's magic carpet. A real one this time. Kronk throws another one into his mouth.

Aladdin brings them up close to the side of his face. And with his sword, he swings and slices his right ear clean off.

"Is that all you got, you cowardly snake?!" He exclaims. Yzma takes a potion out from her chest and drinks it all. She transforms into an adult lioness and jumps off the carpet onto the dragon's head.

"If anyone is gonna kill that girl, it's gonna be me!" She then bites off a chunk of his left ear. The dragons howl in pain again but Kronk keeps throwing puffs into his mouth to choke it.

From below, Scar, Beast, and Dodger run through the thorn bushes and up the cliff. They stop and stand in front of the dragon.

"Not if I get to her first!" Scar yells as a rebuttal. "Beast! Dodger! Go for the legs!" They each give their war cries and charge at the legs. They bite chunks off the scaly skin off and scratch and claw. Leaving the legs a bruised, bloody mess. Maleficent's stance has gone wobbly; he has had enough of this nonsense.

Forcing the food in his throat out, he screeches angrily and shakes the three animals off his leg. They fall on the ground below the cliff. The tremblings cause Yzma and Clopin to fall off the dragon. Luckily, Hercules caught them on his pegasus.

"I'm out of Spinach puffs!" Kronk panics.

"Kronk, this is no time to panic!" Aladdin scolds. The two on the carpet barely fly out of the way of Maleficent's fireball. "Start panicking!"

Once they heard that, everyone on the battle field gets out of range of Maleficent's firepower. During all this, Raphael and Philip crawl through the thorns to find the white rabbit. Raphael sees her first and reaches out for her. Her fur is too hot to touch, so he wraps his hair around her.

"I found her! Pull back!" He commands the other boy and they both crawl out of the thorn pit. As he moves back, Raphael finds the wand and picks it up.

"She's barely breathing!" The young prince exclaims. He looks up and sees the other doppelgängers dodging fireballs. "And as long he's breathing, we're all gonna end up like her!"

"We have a plan for that!" The blonde looks off into the horizon. "And here they come now!"

Coming toward the battle is a giant tidal wave. It extinguishes the green flames below them as it moves. Swimming and controlling the wave from the inside was the little merman, his father's golden trident in his grasp. And surfing on top of the wave on his solid ice board was Ellis.

"Not exactly how I pictured the human world." Avery comments.

"It's a bigger mess than this, dude!" Ellis tells him.

"What kept you?!" The Beast yells.

"You try controlling a giant wave out of the ocean with your father's trident that you have never touched before!" Avery yells back.

The pair move up to the dragon. Ellis jumps off his board and into the air. Avery concentrates on him and suspends him in the air with a golden ray from the trident. Ellis gathers up a flurry of ice and blasts it into Maleficent's face. He freezes the dragon's mouth, sealing it shut. Avery moves his trident and returns him on the top of the wave. The ice king creates an frozen sheet below his feet so he stands perfectly on the water.

"Ok, whoever has a plan, do it now. Cause I don't know how long that ice will last!"

Raphael hears his warning and wraps more of his hair around the charred bunny.

"What are you doing?" Philip questions.

"Just watch." Raphael takes a breath and sings. And despite the pressure around him, he keeps his voice soothing and calm. Philip takes a step back as he watches as his hair glows a bright yellow, from root to tip. And not just Philip, everyone is speechless.

_Flower, gleam, and glow_

_Let your power shine_

_Make the clock reverse_

_Bring back what once was mine_

_Heal what has been hurt_

_Change the Fates' design_

_Save what has been lost_

_Bring back what once was mine_

_What once was mine_

Raphael unwraps his hair from the rabbit, Mary rises to her feet, good as new. She sees the dragon and frantically looks around for something.

"Is this what you want?" Raphael hands her the wand from before. Mary takes it back and grants Philip a new Sword of the Spirit. This one is sharper and brighter than the last one. Mary makes a throwing motion with her arm. The Robbie Dan doppelgänger nods in understanding.

"Someone get his attention! Merman, bring me close to him!"

Raphael takes out his frying pan and throws it like a frisbee at the creature. It hits him on the neck and he abruptly turns his head. "He did it!" He cries, pointing at Philip and getting out of range.

Avery uses the same magic he used on Ellis and carries him a few feet in front of the dragon. The dragon is so furious to see him that his eyes glow red with hate. He tries his flaming breath again, causing the ice to crack and melt away.

But before his mouth becomes free again, Philip readies his weapon. "Now, Sword of the Spirit, fly swift and sure! That evil die and good endure!" He says before hurling the sword; it's a direct hit at the dragon's heart. Maleficent wails horrifically at the impact. Avery moves his trident so Philip would move out of the way of Maleficent's fall. He drops below with a monstrous thud and there he lies, bleeding out.

Everyone else rejoices and regroup on the bridge. Avery sets Philip down and shrinks the wave to his size to be among them. Ellis jumps down when he does. Kronk hands Yzma another potion for her to drink and she's back into a human.

"That was awesome, Prince Charming!" Clopin tells him.

"It's Philip. And yeah, I just did that! But wait, if you had the wand Blondie, why didn't you make me a sword yourself?" Mary headbutts him in the shin again.

"Ow! I know, I know! Stop asking questions." He picks up the rabbit and hugs her as his way of showing thanks.

"So, where's the girl?" Aladdin asks.

"Up in that tower." Raphael points to it.

"Well, let's save ourselves the trip." Ellis sends a gale of ice to the tower. It goes inside through the window and carries out the sleeping maiden. Ellis pulls back his hands, the wind follows the motion and lays her out in the center of the group. Upon closer inspection, all the color have been drained from her face.

Mary leaves Robbie Dan's arms and onto Linka's chest. She is overwhelmed by guilt again and lets her tears spill on her body. Then, the color in Linka returns as she takes her first breath. "Mary?" She whispers.

"Wait, what happened? Aren't you supposed to kiss her?" Raphael asks Philip.

"Nope. Maleficent said an act of selfless sacrifice will wake her up. And I think helping me along on my journey and getting fried in the process, all to help me save Linka, counts as such an act. And give yourselves some credit, guys. You all came from God-knows-where and teamed up against a motherfucking dragon. Admit it, you guys care for her too, even you two." He points to the lion and the purple lady.

"Don't get used to it." They say in unison.

"Is that true?" Linka asks, sitting up.

"We were worried about you, kitten, er- Linka," Dodger says. "It's weird to see you as a human." Half of them agree.

"And I love you guys." Linka says. Mary licks her face happily. "Haha, I love you, too, Mary!"

"Now, wake up, Linka." The Beast tells her.

"What?"

"Linka! Wake up!"

* * *

"Wake up, Linka! Wake up!" Loki tells his sister, shaking her.

Linka jolts up awake, disrupting the rabbit on her chest. "Mary! You're OK!" She hugs the rabbit close to her chest. She takes a good look around, she's back in her living room on her couch. There's no bite wound on her leg. She's surrounded by her brothers, all back to normal. She looks at the TV, her laptop was plugged into the TV by the HDMI cable and Disney+ was on display.

"I'm home!" She cries happily.

"What do you mean, "you're home"?" Lynn asks. "You've been sleeping like a bum since this morning. You have a bed, you know."

"Don't you remember? This was after you asked us how we've been doing in our quarantine." Loni adds.

"And it's hard to watch TV here cause you toss and turn and snore!" Lexx complains.

"Then what about Mary?" Linka asks.

"She escaped her cage this morning," Lane explains. "I was looking for her then I found her on your chest so I left you two be." Linka hugs her a little tighter.

"I understand, but guys! My dream was wild! We were living out Disney stories and you guys, Claudia, Robbie Dan, Bebe, and Mom and Dad were in it! And I was chasing Mary all over the place! Then you all team up and killed Lars the dragon!"

"Well, thank you for that comforting thought." The goth says sarcastically.

"Kids! Dinner!" Lynn Sr. calls out. "Wait till you try my Spinach puffs!"

"Did he say Spinach puffs?" Levi asks.

"Are they any good?" Luke wonders.

"I wouldn't count on it." Linka animatedly jumps off the couch, still carrying Mary. "Come on, I'll tell you all about my dream at the table." She leaves with that. The ten brothers look at each other confused at her chipper attitude. Yet, they would be lying if they said they weren't curious. They follow their sister to the dining table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Every child is born blessed with a vivid imagination. But just as a muscle grows flabby with disuse, so the bright imagination of a child pales in later years if he ceases to exercise it.” Walt Disney
> 
> Ah, Disney, you-big-cooperation-who-doesn't-feel-like-it-has-to-try-anymore-but-I-keep-giving-money-to-you-because-you-have-childhood-and-teenhood-by-the-balls, you keep me entertained during this pandemic. If any of you wanted to make fan art out of any of my chapters, it's this one I want to see the most as an illustration.
> 
> Leave a comment telling me which is your favorite! My personal favorites were Lynn's and Lane's. Because that's how Hercules defeated the Hydra (not with Phil of course) in the myth and I was following the Hunchback stage musical (which is very good), respectively. Stay safe and stay home!


	26. No Spoilers (Genderbent)

One morning, the brothers and both of their parents were gathered in the eldest brothers' room for a special family meeting. Their sister and daughter were left out on purpose and two of the brothers were missing.

Speaking of one of the absent brothers, Lane enters the room. "Ok, are we all here?"

"Yep." Loki answers. "Is Loni occupied?"

"Definitely. I gave him an impossible task."

Meanwhile, in the level below them, Loni chides a lazy Cliff. "For the last time! Sit! Shake! Rollover! Oh, do something than just lay on your belly!"

Cliff absentmindedly turns and lies on his back.

"Ok. Progress."

Back upstairs, Loki bangs on his shoe like a gavel. "I call this meeting to order!"

"We tried throwing surprise parties in this house before, readers," Lars explains. "But they all failed and we all know why."

"Quit beating around the bush, Lars. Tell them the truth." Lynn Jr. says.

* * *

_Lynn peeked out the window and saw their oldest brother approaching. "Everyone hide!" The other siblings did just that in the living room. Except for Loni, he was crouched by the door in a party hat._

" _Loni, what are you doing?" Loki asked._

" _Shh, I'm hiding for your surprise party."_

_Everyone else groaned at the spoiler._

* * *

_Levi was with his siblings in the kitchen holding a party invitation. He looked rather irritated._

" _Siblings, I am perplexed as to why I have just received an invitation to my own surprise birthday party."_

" _Oh, I sent that. I wanted to make sure you would come." Loni confessed._

_Everyone else did a facepalm at their clueless brother._

* * *

" _Luke, should I wear the pink or blue tie for your surprise party?" Loni asked, holding up the two ties._

" _Really?!" Luke asked, annoyed._

 _Lane jumped in. "I_ pink _you just_ blue _the surprise! Haha, get it? But seriously, what the hell?"_

* * *

"This year we want to throw a surprise party for Linka. And as much as we love him, we have to keep him out of the plan." Lars finishes.

"We realize this would make more sense if this was done on the "anniversary", but, _c'est la vie._ " Lane adds.

By Loki, there's stand with a bunch of cue cards with illustrations of everyone's specific jobs. "Ok guys, a quick rundown. I'll do the cleaning. Lexx and Lynn are on food. Leif will do decorations. Luke and Lane will handle the entertainment. And Mom and Dad will get Linka out of the house."

"You didn't say my name," Lars said.

"You have the most important job of all," Loki showed a caricature of Loni with a caption that said, "make Lars do it".

"Keep Loni ignorant of the whole operation. If he's coming out way, yell the code word. Let's make it, "Judas".

"Sigh, it sounds like I'm getting the short end of the stick. And why Judas?"

"You know, he's the guy who sold Jesus out. And we don't want Loni to sell us out? Oh, never mind! Just remember it!"

"Boys, is it really wise to leave Loni out?" Their mother asks. "He may be a loose lip, but his creativity is unmatched."

"Oh, and we're not?" Lexx questions. "This is all for Linka, Mommy. Sometimes, you gotta sacrifice one child for the other."

"You know honey, he's right." Lynn Sr. says. "That's why we used Lexx's money to buy Leif's animal food."

"What?!" Everyone laughs at his screeching.

"Just kidding, son."

Just then, Loni comes in causing everyone to scream. And Loki to kick his presentation down. Loni screams too.

"Is this how we're saying hello now? I like it. Don't mind me, I figured some treats would motivate Cliff into doing tricks. Leif?" Leif takes a bag of doggy treats from his pocket and throws it at him. Loni catches it with ease.

"Thanks. Oh! While I have you guys, it's Linka's birthday today! I figured we throw her one of our famous surprise parties! I have some ideas I've been meaning to tell you."

"Uh, you know how humble Linka is. She probably doesn't even want a party." Loki lies. "I say keep it low-key." Everyone else agrees with him.

"Kinda selfish don't you think? Making today about you."

"What? No. I said keep it low-key."

"I know your name."

"No! I meant low-key as in keeping it under the radar-!" Loki groans in exasperation and looks towards the young Goth. With a face that says "I'm about to kill him if you don't intervene".

Lars does just that. "Loni! I have some urgent fashion questions to ask you." While Lars was talking to Loni, everyone sneaks out the door.

"Little brother, _all_ fashion questions are urgent."

* * *

Downstairs, the parents do their part of the plan.

"Ok, boys!" Lynn Sr. says all subtlety has been thrown out the door. "I'm taking your mother and sister shopping because shopping is cool!" Linka looks at them confused but they just shrug. Lynn Sr. winks to them before closing.

"Someone remind me to give Dad private acting lessons." Lexx comments.

* * *

Upstairs, Loni lays out a plaid fabric in front of Lars.

"And this is plaid."

"Uh-huh. And what's this smooth red fabric?" He holds it up to him.

"That's silk. And it was a bitch to get that, too. In fact, it was part of my idea for Linka's party. I should tell the other about it." Loni takes the fabric from Lars and heads towards the door. Lars panics and stands in front of the door.

"Wait! I have another question. What was up with the skirt over jeans trend?"

"I'm glad you ask, bro. Let me tell what a hot mess it was." Loni grabs him and sits him down on his bed.

"I need to hydrate before we start." With that, Loni leaves the room.

"JUDE! No. JUDY!" Lars panics. "What was that name?"

Leif, who was in the living room, jumps and rips the streamers off the ceiling. He lets the brown ballon he had just blown up whiz around, letting out air. The deflated balloon falls next to a blushing Loni.

"Sorry, Leif. Must have been that breakfast burrito." He says before entering the kitchen. Where the caterers were preparing their meals. An extra spicy sub and a surgery cake, respectively.

"Hey, guys." Loni greets. Lynn and Lexx scream and dispose of the evidence quickly. Lynn stuffs his sub into his mouth and Lexx sits on the cake.

"Oh yeah, I forgot our new greeting! Ahh!" He goes into the fridge and grabs a bottle of water. Lynn swallows his sub and pants; he's gonna feel that one later.

"Wait, Lexx! Your cake chair reminded me of something! I had this cake sculpture idea for Linka's birthday. It looks like-"

"You heard what Loki said, we're keeping it low- under the radar," Lynn says catching himself.

Lars rushes into the scene. "JUDAS!" The prince and the athlete roll their eyes at him.

"No, I'm Loni."

* * *

Sometime later, Loni's room was completely covered in different designed fabrics.

"And that's that!" Loni says joyfully.

"Gee, are you sure?" Lars says sarcastically.

"I never finished my training lesson with Cliff." Loni gets up to leave but Lars stops him.

"Wait! You know how you're always looking for a tux model? Well, I'm up for it." The Goth says through a forced smile.

Loni gladly takes him up on that offer. Later, Lars is in a colorful outfit of his brother's design. He could hear his pride shatter into millions of pieces.

"I'll get my brothers this later," Lars says grimly.

"What was that?"

"I mean, I think we need to redesign the blazer." He says with a nervous grin.

Across the hall, Luke and Lane emerged from their shared room carrying their respective instruments and gag props.

Loki comes from the bathroom in a cleaning outfit. "Keep it down, you guys. Loni will hear you."

The entertainment nods and tiptoes their way towards the stairs. Unfortunately, one of Lane's props falls from his grasp and Luke didn't notice it before it was too late. He tripped over said prop, causing him to drop his drum kit.

Loni, concerned about the commotion, asks about it.

"Probably just the neighbors." Lars answers but Loni decides to investigate anyway. Lars is right on his tail. "Judas! Judas!"

Luke and Lane hide their equipment and stand as casually as possible as Loni walks by. Lars runs up to them.

"Luke, you gotta-!" Lars slips on one of his cymbals and screams (in a monotone voice) all the way down the stairs.

"Judas." He says groggily. On cue, Leif pops his balloons and hides the streamers. He and Levi help their big brother up.

"Lars, you need to get your proverbial act together." Levi tells him.

"Yeah, we'll never finish if we have to keep starting over." Leif adds.

"Well, excuse me. But Linka usually causes distractions." That's when he realize, he needs to think like Linka in this situation.

Loki and Loni join the scene. "Lars, are you ok? You should never jump down a flight of stairs without a pair of parachute pants." He notices the discarded balloons on Leif's hat and brushes it off of him.

"Leif, those popped balloons on your head reminded me of the decorations I should have bought for Linka's birthday."

"To repeat: we're keeping it under the radar." Levi says.

The lightbulb goes off in Lars's head. "No Levi, let the man go. In fact, we need a card for Linka too. Uhh, a unicorn! A Japanese one, in Tokyo! That says "happy birthday from your 10 brothers" Oh, and it has to be a musical card!"

"Awesome! But where would I find such a card?"

"The Hazeltucky Party Outlet!"

"Damn. That's like three bus rides away. But anything for Snow White is worth the trip. Later!" He leaves with that.

"Good thinking, spooky!" Leif holds Lars in a playful headlock.

"It's what Link would have done."

"Ok, boys. We've lost some time but we can still make this happen!" Loki encourages them. "Back to work!"

* * *

With Loni out of the house, the party planning should be going smoothly, right. Not exactly. Things slowly went into a downward spiral.

It first begins with Leif running out of decorations. "Now what? I know! My emergency stash of ABC gum!"

Leif goes over to the banister where he has collected his colorful pieces of chewed gum. He picks out a piece, chews it, and blows out a gross balloon. He notices he was missing streamers as well. So he uses his emergency stash of toilet paper as a substitute.

In the kitchen, the caterers taste-test their creations. Lynn chews on a slice of the sandwich then becomes a dragon for a moment. That is, sparks of flames shoot out from the mouth of his scarlet red face. He runs over to the sink and sprays water into his mouth using the dishwasher hose.

"Still not hot enough." He decides after he recovers. He proceeds to dump a jar of jalapeños on the sandwich.

Lexx scoops some frosting from his cake and tastes it. He gets a sugar rush so bad, his eyes change into multiple colors. He jumps off his chair and runs like hell all while wailing like a banshee.

After his lap around the house, he says, "still not sweet enough." He then dumps an entire bag of sugar onto the cake.

* * *

Later, the brothers finish with their plans and gather in the "decorated" living room. They're waiting for the guests to arrive. They assumed Linka's school friends would make an appearance.

The doorbell rings and Levi goes over and answers it. "The guests have arrived." He opens the door to not eleven-year-old girls, but a middle-aged, repulsive, cranky woman. Who's munching on a bag of chips like it's nobody's business. This is Flip, owner and founder of their local gas station/mini-mart Flip's Food & Fuel. Her only redeeming quality was that she sells Flippees, the Louds' favorite frozen beverage.

"How do you do! Flip has a policy of never showing up empty-handed, so here!" She hands Levi a rotting milk carton.

"Expired milk? Your kindness is too much." He says sarcastically.

"You're welcome." She says, catching the sarcasm but not caring. Then she lets out a burp that would put all the Loud brothers' burps to shame. "Where's the grub?" She asks, making her way into the living room.

Next enters Ms. Grouse. "Someone turn on the boob tube." She sits down on the couch and turns it on herself. Without anyone telling her to do so. "Oo, color. Fancy."

Loki pulls Levi aside. "Ok. First of all, two people? All you can find is two people? Second, _why_ these two? Where's Claudia? And those ginger chicks?"

"I couldn't get in touch with them. So I looked into my algorithm, and the other people Linka encounters the most are our cantankerous neighbor and the owner of our local convenience store."

"Wow, by that logic you should have invited her goddamn teacher." He comments in an annoyed tone. "Just because she _encounters_ them, doesn't mean she _likes_ them."

"Well, tell Leif just because she uses toilet paper doesn't mean it's a suitable party decoration!"

Leif intervenes. "Hey! In my defense, I ran out of my brown balloons."

"And that's a good excuse?" Lynn scolds. "This whole place literally reminds me of shit."

Lane joins in after sliding down the banister. "Hey guys, I have some great jokes for the party. Listen. Boy, my sister's so pale that playing hide and seek with her in the winter is easy. All she has to do lie in the snow and she'd disappear! She'd be walking down the street and people be like "Marie Antoinette's alive!" "

"You wanna roast the girl on her own birthday?" Loki scolds.

"Don't worry, bro," Luke says from his place in the corner. With his Logan V80 plugged into the mini amp. "My jams will rock this joint like a hurricane!"

He plays a riff on his guitar and wails on the top of his lungs. Lexx, previously helping himself to his diabetes-causing cake, puts an end to it by unplugging the guitar.

"Linka's gonna hate that! It'll make her ears bleed!"

"Right after she drops dead from eating your cake!"

Meanwhile, Flip tries a piece of Lynn's sandwich. She immediately tears up and screams at the burning sensation. Desperate to wash out the taste, she drinks the expired milk she brought. Before spitting it out.

"Lynn, what the hell?" Lars tells his roommate. "You're gonna burn off Linka's taste buds!"

"Don't criticize my job when you can barely do yours!"

This leads to a huge argument with all of the brothers. Until Loki whistles at them to stop before it gets physical. "Enough! We're missing the elephant in the room. This party literally sucks."

"You're right," Leif says sadly.

"There's not much to be desired." Levi states.

"It's like we don't know our own sister." Lane says and the others agree.

"I don't get it. Our first completed surprise party and it's a total disaster." Lynn says. "Where did we go wrong?"

"Are we missing something?" Luke wonders.

"Yeah, a decent sports package!" Grouse chides.

The wheels start turning in Lars' head. "Gasp! It's Loni! He may ruin the surprises but he's the only one of us who knows how to make a memorable party."

"He's right. Leave it to the nicest of us to actually think about people's wants." Lexx says.

"And he was hinting that he had ideas for the parties." Lars adds.

"We need him back here right now!" Loki pulls out his phone and dials Loni's number.

* * *

At the party outlet, Loni is browsing through different party cards. He opens one at the same time his phone rings.

"A musical card!" He opens it again at another ringtone.

"Doesn't really scream happy birthday." He puts it back. "But it be perfect for my ringtone."

He looks across the way and sees a display of decorations. He's specifically looking at castle-shaped banners that you pin to the walls.

"Now, _that_ I need." His phone rings again and this time he answers.

"Hi, Loni!"

"Claudia! How are your moms with the food?"

"Great! But about the dress you sent…"

"Trust me, it will make sense."

* * *

"He's not answering!" Loki says.

"Well, get the molasses out of your ass and get in the car!" Lynn says. And they all race outside. Levi turns to the lousy guests.

"Sorry, ladies. The soirée has concluded."

Grouse shrugs and leaves. Flip on the other hand sacks up the whole buffet table, including the sandwich that burned her mouth. She also had a policy of never _leaving_ a party empty-handed.

* * *

Hours later into the evening, the remaining downhearted Loud brothers drive down their street after their fruitless journey.

"We're officially the worse brothers ever! We screwed up everything for two siblings!" Lexx whines.

"We couldn't find Loni and we have nothing to give Linka." Leif says.

Loki raises an eyebrow at the anomaly parked in front of their house. "Except maybe a party rentals truck?"

"Huh?" Everyone else says confused. They look out the windows and lo and behold, Loki wasn't lying. Loki parks in the driveway and everyone's ears perk up at the indistinct chatter from the own backyard. They investigate and to say they are blown away from the sight is an understatement.

It was a Disney-themed party. The backyard looked like to the inside of a castle, with the fences were decorated with the castle-theme banners from earlier. At one end of the backyard, there was a castle-shaped bounce house. At the other end, there was a climbing wall that represented Ariel's Grotto with a swimming pool below it. Near the door to their right was a face painting station. Speakers were blasting iconic Disney songs. The tables were decorated pertaining to different characters; specifically the ones from the last chapter.

The best part was the guests. Of course, you can't have a Disney party without it being a costume party.

And at the center of it all, was Loni. Holding a clipboard, overseeing the finishing touches. And dressed as a genderbend Rapunzel. With purple pants, a pink blouse under an opened vest. And to top it all off (literally), a golden wig that pooled at his feet.

"Looking good so far." He goes over to the buffet, or as it's called the Feast of Fools. "Everything set, queens?" He's talking to the McBride parents, Holly is the Evil Queen and Harriet is the Red Queen.

"Yes! I just finished the caramel "poisoned" apples!" The Evil Queen says. "Try the grey stuff on the cake, it's delicious!" Loni scoops the grey frosting from the three-tier cake and tastes it. He hums in satisfaction.

"I'm so glad we agree to cater! I can't wait till Linka arrives!" Harriet says, giddy.

"Claudia! Looking good!" Loni tells her. Claudia was draped in a silky red dress and twirls around with ribbons in her hand. She imitating the titillating dance, but gets flustered.

"I told you I can't dance! And why am I dressed so skimpy?"

"Ask your best friend! Trust me, you're doing great!"

Nearby, the three gingers were by the gift table. Leah was Jessie, Riley was Merida, and Zara was Anna.

"I can't believe you forgot to give Linka a present." The cowgirl rebukes Riley.

"That's Riley, always the procrastinator." Zara comments.

"I'm sorry! But Loni called me last minute! This dress isn't even a real costume! Just something I found in my closet! And about the gift, I'll just do what I did at my cousin's." She grabs a random gift and reads the tag.

"From Gram-Gram." She takes out a pen and writes "and Riley". Her friends shake their heads at her stunt.

Speaking of Gram-Gram, she's on a ladder hanging up a banner and instead of the usual _Happy Birthday_ it reads, _Dreams Do Come True_.

"A little higher, Gram-Gram!" Loni tells her.

"Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, sweetheart!" His maternal grandmother answers and hangs it straight then comes down the ladder.

The remaining Loud brothers snap out of their state of shock and finally confront their dressed up brother. "Dude, what is all this?" Luke asks.

"There you guys are! I was wondering when you'd be back. And this is all I've planned for Linka's party. I've decided that maybe we should go high-key. Doesn't Linka totally deserve it?"

"Of course, but you got catering and a whole bounce house! When did you plan this?" Lane asks.

"Months ago. You see, after Linka told us about the dream she had last chapter, I had the biggest epiphany ever. How come hot dogs come in packages of ten but hot dog buns come in packages of eight?" His brothers look at him incredulously.

"After that I had another epiphany. Her dream would be the perfect party theme. Since that time I've been planning this party in my head and sketching costume ideas for our family. I looked up the best party rental companies that I could afford. And I asked the McBrides to cater for us. Some costumes I designed myself, like Claudia's Esmeralda dress, Gram-Gram's Fairy Godmother costume, and anyone who was a Genderbend of a character," he gestures to himself.

"But then I got lazy and just bought the rest of the costumes. I wanted to let you in on it today but you guys cut me off at every chance."

"You kept a secret from us for that long?" Levi asks.

"You used your own money to buy us costumes?" Lexx asks.

"You let me clean the toilet even through we're having this outside?" Loki fumes.

"Well, there's more to my head than just air, you know. And I got that card you wanted! There was a whole display of crazy anime cards!" He holds up the card of an anime unicorn in Tokyo that says "Happy Birthday from Your 10 Brothers". The details are to a T. "And it's a musical card, too!"

Leif takes it from him opens it up. "It's in Japanese! How is she gonna understand this?"

Lexx takes it from him. "The translation in the card. _Blessings for your birthday. Blessings for your every day. Keep on facing forward till the very end of each day._ " He sings in time of the song.

"And little surprise for you guys, I've invited some of our friends." Loni gestures. The Loud Brothers really examined the crowd. They all split in different directions when they saw familiar faces. Loni didn't hold back; he brought in their friends from the elementary, middle, and high schools to join in the festivities.

"Babe!" Loki and Luke simultaneously shout with joy when they saw their respective sweethearts. They both run into the arms of a Hades and a Princess Belle, respectively.

"Why didn't you call?" Luke asks.

"I wanted to surprise you." Sam says, giving him a peck on the cheek.

"I've got enough of those for one day."

"I wouldn't have missed Linka's party for the world. And when's there gonna be another time where we'll be in couples' costumes?" Bebe affectionately brings her boyfriend's hand to her face.

Robbie Dan was not amused. "Out of all the characters in the Disney cannon, why am I a dime a dozen prince?"

Bebe bends down and fixes up his Prince Phillip costume. "Cause that's how Linka sees you, you're her prince. And there are no Hispanic princes."

"That's not my fault!"

"At least you are a prince!" Lexx calls out. "If I remember correctly, I was a dog!"

"Speaking of which, guys! Your costumes are in your rooms!" Loni intervenes.

* * *

The parents and Linka arrive to an empty house. "It's awfully quiet." Linka raises an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart." Lynn Sr. tells her. "Why don't you go up to room while your mother and I go to ours non-suspiciously." Rita facepalm at his horrible acting. Linka shakes her head and retreats upstairs. The parents rush to their rooms to change into their costumes Loni had laid out for them.

"Hello?! Guys?!" She cries to no one. "I know my brothers could be jerks, but abandoning me on my birthday?" She trudges to her bedroom where she finds Mary in a red petticoat waiting for her.

"Aww, Mary! You look cute!" She scratches her ears. She looks at the black cloak on the bed with a note that reads: _Wear me. Then come into the backyard._

"Is this your present to me?" She teases. She unzips it and frowns at the dress.

"Oh, hell no."

* * *

Later, she opens the door in the kitchen that leads to the backyard, annoyed.

"Ok, who's idea was it to put me in a maid's dress!" She commands, dressed in a light blue dress and white apron. With a black hairband on her head. Mary in her right arm. "What kind of-"

"SURPRISE!" The fully costumed attendees and the Loud parents screamed. Each family member was the character they were starring in in their mini story in Linka's dream.

Those who were animals wore a onesie of their character, like Lexx and Levi. Leon had a mermaid's tail over his diaper. Loki's costume was that of a mascot, in the shape of the Beast. Loni's design of Maleficent is a black vest tuxedo with a matching cape that’s purple on the inside and a scepter and horns. As for the Fifth Spirit, sky blue pants and white blouse covered with plastic crystals the colors of the elements.

Linka shout with joy and as a reflux, uses both her hands to cover her mouth. Dropping Mary in the process, she survived though.

"Oh my God!"

"Happy Birthday, Snow White!" Loni goes up to her and hug her. "Or should I say, Alice?"

She goes into the crowd and look at her brothers. "Guys, look at you! These costumes are amazing! You're exactly how I'd imagined!"

"Don't forget your best friend!" As Claudia twirls, her dress goes up. She comes up to Linka and wraps her arms and ribbons around her.

"And you got me a dancer!" She teases. "But where's the pole?"

The Gypsy jester, Lane, blows a kiss. "Goodnight, everybody!" Meaning the readers.

"And is that a bounce house?" Linka points to it.

"Yep, and a climbing wall." Loni answers. "But still I wonder if this is enough?"

"Enough?! This is everything I've dreamed and more! You guys are the best brothers ever!"

"Actually, all credit goes to Loni." Lars says. "He made this happened. We tried to do one without him and it was an disaster."

"What do you mean you tried to do one without me?" Loni asks, confused.

"Yeah, truth be told, Loni. You always spoil the surprise of a party." Lynn confesses. "We tried to keep you out of it but we didn't realize that you're the only one thoughtful enough to go the distance for one person. Uh, pun intended."

Loki takes off his Beast head. "In fact, from now on, you're our official party planner!" He christens him.

"Yes!" He pumps his fist in the air excitedly. "Thanks, you guys!"

"Touching, dudes." Luke says. "NOW LET'S RAGE!" He takes the glitter cannon that was strapped to his back and sets off a firework of white glitter into the sky. This was his makeshift "ice".

Loni turns on the stereos with a remote and the rave officially begun. Because nothing says a Disney-themed party than bumping to techno music. They may be happy now, but just imagine the bill for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The Disney chapter was definitely my favorite of the one-shots in this series. Leave a comment telling me your favorite.  
> 8/18/20: Next time I’m gonna do a ”back to school” chapter where the siblings are all aged one year. It’s all about them navigating a literal new chapter of their lives, especially Loki, he’s going off to college. If you have any ideas, please comment!


End file.
